- Dungeon Crawling! -

 Akai led Taro by the hand through the halls. They were running towards the intruders. The oni opted to do a flyby explanation during their dispatch.

“These back halls are not usually seen from the ‘outside’.” She’d exposit

Taro noticed notches and ports along the walls. These had to be viewports into the dungeon itself. A way for its inhabitants to stalk the would-be victims of their maw. Akai continued.

“Worry not, Shion placed magic in these halls specifically so that intruders can’t see into, or hear through the walls. To them, it looks like a regular wall.”

“Ohhh, how nifty!” Taro was amazed by the inner workings.

“Hehe!” Akai giggled proudly. “That’s our master for you!”

Taro was endeared by how Akai, from mentioning Shion, was beaming. They were undoubtedly close.

“Ah. They’re here.”

The pair stopped. Akai leaned towards a port and motioned Taro to follow suit. They both look through the window.

There Taro saw his first adventurers in this world. It was a two person party.

A woman stood in the middle of the room in a ridiculous pose, legs splayed while leaning on her staff. She wore mage’s robes, however it appeared to be two sizes too small for her, the skirt hiked up so high they were closer to spats. She had bright glittering blonde hair to her shoulders. Had some make-shift boots made into high heels. Nails polished and elongated, no doubt intended for battle prowess.

“Iyyaa!!!~ Dae-vid!! A monster!!” The woman shrieked at a slime across the room facing a different direction from her entirely.

“HUH?!” A burly man reciprocated. He appeared to have more hair gel than brains sitting atop his shoulders. David, or more affectionately pronounced Dae-vid, wore a large leather breastplate, equipped with various pouches and dark pants with thick boots. A large sword hung from his back which he brandished as he got in between the near three meter gap between the walking landmine and the small teal terror.

“Don’t worry baby! I’ll protect… YOU!!!!”

“(That line did not deserve a dramatic pause!)” Taro thought to himself angrily.

The slime tilted its head towards the flamboyant pair. Its attention was unavoidably drawn to the loudest things in the room.

“Ohh!! DAY-VEE! You’re sooo strong!!” The woman exclaimed!

“*Hahh… *Hahhh I can tell! This one is is going to be TOUGH! STAY BACK!” David gripped his sword with both hands.

“(WHY ARE YOU ALREADY OUT OF BREATH?!)” Taro was banging his head against the wall.

“Eh?! T-Taro?!” Akai said worried.

With great heft, David lunged towards the hapless slime and took a great swing at him.

*Fueh!

The slime made a cute death sound from the burly man’s attack. The force of which split the poor creature in twine.

“Huuu!! Daaiii veed!! You protected me!” The shrill woman cheered.

“Baby… Look into my eyes…” The man held the woman by the hip.

“Y-Yes… Deevee…” Glassy eyed the woman coyly squirmed.

“(HOW HAVE YOU SAID DAVID IN FOUR DIFFERENT WAY AND ALL OF THEM WRONG!!)”

“I’ll never abandon you…” David said leaning in.

“W-Wow…” Akai said next to Taro entranced, somehow redder than she usually is.

“... Akai, head up to the next room.” A voice from behind ordered,

It was Shion's.

“Y-Yes Shion!” Akai promptly said, ripping her sight from the love birds. Akai shuffled her way past Taro but stopped before leaving.

“Taro!”

“Ah! Yeah?...”

“I’m up! So watch and learn ok?!” She beamed proudly.

“O-Okay…”

Akai grabbed a loose stalagmite and lifted it over her shoulder as she left.

Taro started to get up, but Shion came over, her chin rested on Taro’s head. Her arms draped over his shoulders.

“I want you to watch this, Taro.” Shion said, “See what I see.”

The view to the next room was visible from their port. Taro saw Akai take up position in the center of the room.

She’d took a firm sumo stance and braced herself. The duo finally arrived.

They took stock of Akai. The mage wordlessly fired a fireball at oni.

“(Huh? What happened to her bubbly attitude just now?)”

“Whoa!” Akai exclaimed as she narrowly dodged the fireball. When she landed she stole a peak at the port hole where Taro would be. She grinned and gave a wry wink for the viewing audience.

“Take this! My ultimate attack!” Akai exclaimed!

She lifted the large stalagmite well above her head! Before slamming the enormous thing down at the couple! The tank deftly avoided the attack. While the woman fell off balance from her ridiculous heels.

“Wow!” Thought Taro, ”She’s the real deal!”

Shion’s expression remained stern.

The burly man revved up for a follow up attack! Akai appeared ready however, she moves to block but-

“Huh?” She said suddenly.

Akai couldn’t lift the stalagmite. “Huh? Huh?!”

The makeshift club was stuck fast into the ground.

“Gyahhh!” She yelped as David made the decisive slash.

Akai laid on the floor splayed out like a swatted fly. The couple then glibly walked away and into the next room. A disappointed sigh was made by Shion as they left.

In the next room no monsters were present. Only an obvious wooden door in the middle of the room.

“Be careful babe!” The man shouted, “That’s a trap… DOOR!”

“Ouhh! You’re soo smart! Daveyy!!” Cooed the woman.

They walked by the trap door without issue. Taro looked at Shion with a puzzled look. Shion could only close her eyes defeatedly.

The final room only contained a pedestal with a small chest sat atop it. The clueless couple sauntered over to claim their riches. With the hilt of the brute’s sword he bumped the chest open. A small pile of gold coins and a necklace filled the contents of the container.

“Tch…” The brute clicked his tongue, “This is a cheap dungeon eh?”

“So true… Well at least we finished it fast enough that we can get some drinks after this fufu...” giggled the woman.

The brute tried to pull the box from the stand but it appeared stuck.

“What the-? It’s stuck!”

Taro looked up to see Shion’s pained expression. She didn’t want to part with her treasures so pathetically.

After a good tug, the box relented and the couple left to continue their date. Shion let out a long sigh.

…

Shion and Taro left the unseen halls and walked the floors of the dungeon. Shion took the time to resurrect each of its slain inhabitants. They appeared mostly unharmed, if only initially disoriented from the shock of un-life.

“Buwahh!!” Exclaimed Akai as she woke from death. She quickly re-composed herself upon seeing Taro.

“Ahem…” Akai said as cool as she could muster, “So… How was that?”

“(How was what?)” Taro thought?

“We lost, again.” Shion said wistfully.

“Ah…” The oni replied sadly.

Taro was mostly taken aback by the sheer incompetence of the dungeon. It was really not very well made at all.

“It’s a wonder how you manage to defeat any intruders at all. Ah-” Taro made his inner thought known despite his desire to do otherwise.

“W-Well…” Shion started.

“It couldn’t be helped! ”Akai interrupted ”My weapon got stuck!”

“Because you wanted to show off with that big weapon! Here’s an idea! You ever think about… Letting go of the thing when it got stuck?!” Taro interrupted.

“Ah-,” Akai made a face like she ate something sour

“Now, now... ” Shion tried to comfort the watery eyed oni.

“And you!” Taro pointed at the lord, “What was that trap door?”

“Eh?...” She said confused

“Who’d get tricked by that?! A suspicious wooden floor panel in the middle of a room? Even Bonnie and Clyde figured it out immediately!"

“B-Bunnie?...Cly?” Akai said confused,

“Sorry! Human reference!” He retorted.

Shion bit her lower lip in a pained expression…

“You’re right.” She had a serious face, “We don’t have the means to defend ourselves. No adventurers have perished in these halls for 5 years.”

Taro was surprised at the frankness of her voice

“We don’t have enough resources to make more traps or troops, in turn we cannot gather resources but instead lose more every time an adventurer invades… But then what can we do? This is our home.”

He saw a slime at Shion’s feet. He had a bit of a nick from being split in two. The little guy had a worried expression and was shaking a bit.

Taro started to feel bad about his outburst.

Looking at the slime though he was reminded of the hardy couple. How the woman would make all these bow legged poses to get the Dae-Vee to pay attention to her. Her heels.

“... I have an idea.” Taro proclaimed.

The boy gathered Shion and Akai into the room in which the slime was slain.

“This is the room.” He decided. “We set up this room for traps.”

“Huh?” Akai asked, confused.

“But like I said! We don’t -” Shion protested

“Have the materials I got it,” Taro interrupted, ”But what’s the cheapest form of a trap do you think?”

The girls thought about it for a bit, but taro was too impatient to wait.

“A hole.”

“!” They both lit up.

“I noticed that this room is square, and more importantly symmetrical. We set up a checker board pattern. Like tic tac toe. Directly in front of the entrance will be a hole. Followed by the right most column, middle row, so on and so forth. We plant stalagmites at the bottom of each hole." He continued ,

“ I noticed those adventurers , while albeit strong, were clumsy. They were more busy looking good for each other than watching their step.”

“And what if they could just jump to the center most platform?” Shion inquired.

“Heheh... That’s the ticket” Taro said with a mischievous grin. ”You have the one trap door correct?”

“Ah!” Akai’s metaphorical lightbulb lit up!

“Exactly! We make the dimensions exactly as large as that trap door on the center platform!” Taro excitedly explained, ”Those thinking they can make a straight hop across simply will find that the platform itself to be a trap door!”

“Ouhh!” Both girls clapped in unison.

“I call it; False hope - unrealized! Gehehehe!”

“Well your naming sense could use some work, but that’s really clever! Hahaha!” Akai wrapped around Taro. “As expected from my junior! Hahaha!”

“(I don’t recall learning about this from you?!)”

“...” Shion simply smiled silently at Taro. “...ank you…”

“Huh? Did you say something?” Taro asked,

“N-Nothing! I am weary from reviving everyone. I need to rest. There are some shovels by the unseen walls from past adventurers,”

Shion walked away to rest.

“(How ungrateful! At least I have her blessing.)”Taro thought to himself.

At once Akai and Taro got to work on this new plan. For taro it’s a bit of an overstatement. Akai did most of the work with her oni strength.

By the end of the day it was done.

“Haah… finally it’s over!” Akai falling over in fatigue.

“Yeah… man I’m beat…” Taro concurred.

After a brief rest Taro looked over his work. “(A marvel of engineering )” he thought to himself.

“Ah I better go see Shion and tell her it’s done.” Taro declared,

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Akai said still lying down, “Ah be careful there Taro, the rock there is a bit loose there,”

*Crack!*

Before he knew it Taro was falling down the stalagmite filled hole. Akai screamed after him