To Be or Not To Be

My eyes couldn’t stop looking at him. Estel Misfortuna. My heart couldn’t be any more annoying, reminding me just how much I had loved him through the pages. Unfortunately for me, the professor came in and we all had to sit down. Darren went to the front with Historia, and I quietly took my seat, next to Estel on the far left of the classroom, next to all the bookshelves.

My palms felt clammy from sweat, my heart not calming down the slightest, knowing I was sitting next to him. God… Oh gods above, he’s so much more handsome in person than the illustrations Amor had made of him. Oh hells, this is any fangirl's dream to meet their favorite fictional character! My head was spinning, warmth fluttering in my chest. I was actually sitting next to Estel.. He on the other hand was more preoccupied with trying to finish the chapter of the book he was reading as Professor Griswald got his bearings ready for class.

The rather jolly professor's red hair and brown eyes showed a hint of distress as he rummaged through his magical bag, trying to find the book for today's lesson. Once the professor took out a book, Estel closed his own, and I knew I had to focus on the lesson.

“Good morning students. I’m sure you are all excited to learn about the woes and wonders of Shakespeare. I hope you all remembered to read Hamlet over the course of the past two weeks. If not, be sure to when we take the test next week. Miss Drewitt, I hope you were able to catch up after the incident. I will allow you an extension if you need one.” he said.

I shook my head. “No, I am caught up, Professor. I can take the test and follow discussions with everyone else.”

Shakespeare mentioned in a Fantasy novel? Well, I do remember Amor mentioning she loved Shakespeare and implementing ideas from his works into her novels. Still, I didn’t expect him to be an actual person in the book’s universe itself. It kind of feels silly knowing that...

“Very well then Miss Drewitt. The offer will still be available if you ever so choose to take advantage of it. Now everyone, take out your books as we review the last half of the novel. Starting from where Ophelia meets with Hamlet. Would anyone like to explain what Hamlet meant to Ophelia when he told her to ‘Get thee to a nunnery’? This will be one of the extra credit questions on the test due to its various interpretations.”

Darren raised his hand, and The Professor pointed at him with his piece of chalk. “Yes, Prince Darren?”

He stood up, clearing his throat before speaking. “Get thee to a nunnery’ most likely means a brothel. He’s insulting Ophelia, calling her a tavern wench, trying to make her despise him so she’ll stay away.”

“Correct. That is one of the many interpretations that this scene has. There is also thought that a nunnery also meant a monastery. With that in mind, anyone else would like to give their own interpretations as to why Hamlet would tell Ophelia to get thee to a nunnery?"

Estel just sat there, quiet as a wounded mouse,mulling his answer. Meanwhile Historia’s smile widened at Darren’s words as he sat back down. My blood boiled. I remembered how Amor had written Estel, all his brilliance tucked away in silence… But seeing it in person made it unbearable. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Estel was supposed to shine. To be seen. And instead, he was fading into the background while Darren basked in smug glory. Because no one wants to make royalty look bad.

I wanted to stay quiet. I was supposed to play the dutiful Rosaria, keep my head down, and watch as the love of my life ruined himself. But my chest ached with the unfairness of it all. My hand twitched, hesitation gnawed at me. What if I said something wrong? What if I ruined Rosaria’s reputation even faster?

But then I remembered: if I never tried, Estel would only keep disappearing, just like Edward. And if I couldn’t even speak up about Shakespeare, then how could I ever hope to save him from the tragedy I knew was coming?

Before I could talk myself out of it, I raised my hand. Maybe… just maybe… I could change things. Professor Griswald noticed me, pointing his chalk at me. “Yes? Rosaria. Any other opinion on what you believe Hamlet means with his words?”

I took a deep breath, steeling myself as I prepared my response. I guess taking Shakespeare classes because of Amor’s influences really was a good thing after all. “Since you mentioned that a nunnery could also mean a Monastery or a refuge Professor, I believe he could have also meant for Ophelia to look for salvation.”

I could feel everyone's eyes on me in class, many surprised that I decided to add in my own input after Darren just did. No one wanted to add on or even question the Prince’s answers in fear of retaliation in the future. I on the other hand was too furious to care at the moment.

“Since a nunnery could mean a monastery, I thought maybe Hamlet was telling Ophelia to look for salvation. Or maybe it was his way of protecting her, warning her to escape all the madness in Elsinore. Of course, it could also be crueler, accusing her of being unfaithful as he said the letters weren’t his, and telling her to repent. Either way, he’s pushing her away, even if it’s to save her.”

I could see faces become surprised, even Professor Griswald and the other students seemed amazed. Historia’s smile wavered for just a breath, then returned softer than before, too soft. Darren’s eyes narrowed slightly, his princely mask slipping for only a second before he straightened in his seat.

The Professor blinked a few times and coughed, getting his composure back. “That was excellently said, Miss Drewitt. Now, onto the interpretation of The Mouse Trap play. The most obvious symbolism of the play is….”

I sat down and took a breath, relieved that I had answered the question. I peered over and noticed Estel was looking at me, surprised still. Did I do something too out of character for Rosaria? As panic overcame me again, his expressions softened, and let out a small laugh.

“That’s… actually a fair interpretation,” Estel said softly, his tone careful, almost like he was turning the idea over in his mind as he spoke. “Hamlet’s cruelty wasn’t always straightforward. Sometimes the harshest words are meant to drive people away for their own good. Since when were you so well versed in Hamlet, Rosaria?”

The moment Estel spoke, my stomach did a somersault. I barely registered that he was looking at me, with his red eyes unreadable, though not unkind. For a moment, it felt like the class disappeared, just the two of us suspended in the quiet between words.

His voice was warm but airy, like every word carried a secret breeze only he could command. Gentle, yet with a depth that lingered in your chest long after he fell quiet. It reminded me so much of Marius Whitford’s voice. The same kind of tone he gave my favorite samurai from the game Impact of the Traveler. That hushed calm that made even the most mundane words of his sound like spoken poetry. Hearing it here, from Estel’s lips, was overwhelming. Too overwhelming.

“O-oh. I- its…. Nothing really.” I said, becoming a stuttering mess. I could feel a strong rush of heat sear my cheeks. “I just happened to know a bit about the play this time around.”

His soft gaze lingered on me, and I felt more and more embarrassed the longer he did. “You don’t usually speak up. In fact, you always have been quite the quiet one of the group. It’s quite refreshing.”

I could die happy hearing his words. The character I have admired for so long, complimenting me. “You should talk as well, Estel.” I said back, “I know you have a lot of thoughts about his works. Don’t be shy like me, and share your thoughts.”

“.. Now can anyone explain why Ophelia becoming mad is an interesting turning point in the play?” Professor Griswald said, snapping both our attentions towards the front of the class.

I could tell from Estel’s expression he really wanted to speak up, but was still hesitating. “Go on Estel,’ I said. “Don’t be afraid to share what you know.”

He pondered for a beat, looking around to see if anyone else would reply, but it seemed frankly, no one was interested in answering. Is this world only so the main characters can stand out? That's… kind of depressing. He looked over at me again, and I nodded, urging him to answer before Darren or even Historia decided to answer. Finally, he raised his hand.

“Yes, Mister Misfortuna?” the Professor said,

“Ophelia becoming mad is considered an irony, as it was Hamlet who was the one portrayed as mad. It also shows that while Hamlet is called mad, he is not perceived as mad. If he were, His mother Gertrude would have reacted the same way she reacted to Ophelia, and avoided him. It is also to note that Hamlet does not get told he is outright out of his mind, while Ophelia does. It begs the question how people judge and perceive madness, and the bias towards fake madness and true madness.”

“Excellent answer. You are quite right about how Hamlet gets called mad, but no one really takes him seriously in actually being mad. Whereas Ophelia is taken very seriously in her madness, garnering pity while Hamlet gains none…”

The bell tower rang, signaling the end of class. “That is all for now students. Remember to take a study guide on your way out for the exam next week. I expect everyone to get A’s based on everyone's response today.” Professor Griswald said.

Everyone slowly got their bearings, as I went to get a copy of the study guide for Estel and I, handing him one.

“Why, thank you Rosaria.” he said, making my heart thump once more. “You know... I feel we both experienced new and exciting things today. I never would have thought many others in our class would agree with my interpretations of Shakespeare’s works.”

I couldn't help but feel a sense of humility coming from Estel, and it made my heart swell. “Estel… you should have more confidence in yourself. I know what kind of person you are, and how smart you are.”

I wanted to say more. To tell him just how fantastic he is. Hope much kinder and humble he is compared to Darren, whom he compares himself to a lot. He’s way more competent than Darren could even dream to be. But I know why he did it. He didn’t want to get on Darren’s bad side. He wanted Historia to choose between the two who she loved. He was always more of a passive person, and it hurts knowing what happens to him.

At the same time, I knew if I told him all the wonderful things in the world, he would only deny them and shrug them off, claiming he wasn’t good enough. I had to slowly make him realize it himself. For the one I wanted to protect in this world I found myself in, I would lay everything for him. I won’t let him meet his demise. Not a third time, and certainly not on my watch.