Goals of the Philosopher [Part 1]

The resting period that Vapula wanted us to take should be ending in a few days. At least, I think he wanted us to rest... Nevertheless, we all definitely needed some time to ourselves; last week was way too stressful for any sane person to manage. The bombardment of physical and mental challenges was undoubtedly exhausting. We just kept to our own devices and the only time we really saw each other was at dinner. Which is perfectly normal. There is a good chance we’ll be spending a lot of time together in the future anyhow. All thanks to Vapula’s grand plan that he so clearly envisions.

Overall, the past few days have been quite uneventful. The most interesting thing that I've been doing was studying and watching my arm recover. The medicine in this world is amazing too. My arm is almost completely healed! The reason for that, likely has something to do with Mana. I think my next thing I want to try and study is medicine. Knowing how to heal people will be a great asset to the Guild. If I can’t be useful in the offense, maybe I can be supportive in defense by healing my team. I recall that Quen mentioned that she studied medicine, as well as Vahaemarr and Írui.

I would have normally talked to Quen about the topics I have stuck in my head, but uhh. Things… have been a little awkward, between us the past couple of days. I don’t know why, but I guess one could say that I’ve been avoiding her, to some extent. I haven’t been doing our morning stretches with her, I haven’t been talking to her a lot at dinner. I’ve just been distant; I feel bad for doing so. I should just apologize to her for avoiding her.

On a similar note, I think it’s important to mention some personal facts about myself. I identify as female; I use she/her pronouns. My sexual orientation is homosexual; I am exclusively attracted to the same sex. Why am I mentioning this? Because growing up, not only did I look different, I always felt different too.

I always knew that I liked girls. I knew that from a very early age; even before my life started to go to hell, when things were good. The unfortunate thing is that I quickly learned that many others believed that it was wrong, so I kept it a secret. I could never openly express myself and say the things that I just said. I had to keep it bottled inside for years, but others still always suspected my queerness. I’m sure one can guess what happened to the people that bothered me.

I'm just incredibly delighted that I can still express this side of me in this world. I will say too, that I am truly glad to see that no one has really paid too much attention to who anyone is attracted to. I wonder why that is? Possibly because there are so many species and most people could be bisexual. It could just be social norms as well, who's to say. There are a lot of fine details about this world that I don't know about.

Regardless, it would be nice if my old world was more like that. For instance, it wasn’t until I started university when I could even ponder the notion of exploring this side of me. I’ll never forget the day when I came out to my Stanford friends. I, surprisingly, cried with joyful tears as soon as they embraced me with love and acceptance. I could cry just thinking about it. I miss them more than anything: it almost hurts.

But there is nothing I can do about that. I must continue to focus on the people around me and their futures. That being said, my main objective is what I’ve been studying, questions I have to ask Vapula.

⧫⧫⧫

I’ve completed my interview questions for Vapula. I made my way to his study room; much more prepared than I was last time. I now know his abilities. I know what agitates him. I even know to some extent what brings him form of joy.

Again, I stand here, questioning how I should knock.

“... Enter.”

I still felt a pinch in my stomach when I walked in his room. Consistently dark, as always. It looks a little more organized than the last time I was here. Possibly because of the attack, when some of the invaders got into his room and made a mess, so he cleaned it.

“I’d like to ask some questions.”

“... Very well.” Vapula took a moment to finish what he was doing, then leaned back into his chair with his hands loosely clenched.

“Thank you. I will begin my question in a moment.” I sat on one of the couches that faced his desk, also placing my notebooks on the tea table in front of it. I brought some notebooks, so that I could write as we talked. Doing all of this with, more or less, one arm.

“My first question: What was the real reason you wanted to form a contract with me?”

This was the question that was at the back of my mind forever since our first meeting.

“Like I said when it was first formed: to take any necessary precautions.”

There is more behind that story. You are not the type of person to make it that simple.

“And why would you need to take these precautions?” I asked.

“... Fine. The main reason is because for a split moment, you reminded me of someone.” He sighed.

“Who is it?” I quickly followed with.

“There is a likelihood that you will meet them in the near future. Just know for now, that this is the someone that stole everything from me.”

Oh how interesting that statement was. That was fear in his eyes and he was definitely frightened of me. I wonder what that person did to him; it had to have been extremely impressive. I almost hope that I will meet this person. This is a good way to start the conversation. He’s already getting agitated. There is a chance I might have to end this early.

“Thank you… Next question.” I said as I wrote some information into my notes.

“Who attacked us, and why?”

“They were simple bounty hunters. Trying to get some funds for beer money.” He scoffed.

“Who placed the bounty, then?”

“Hard to say… It could have been one individual, it could have been several, and it could have been any of the 72 Infernalior…” Leaning back in his chair to take a deep sigh while looking to the side before he continued, likely because what he is about to say annoys him to some degree.

“Senseless attacks are quite common, unfortunately. As I’m sure you’ve come to realize this, with that whole debacle you and Valaquendë witnessed several days ago.” He made a circular gesture with his hand, as if to signify his disappointment with someone he had high hopes for.

“I have made that observation, so then I assume that you don’t know who caused that attack?”

“Not in the slightest, I of course have an idea. But nothing worth divulging.”

Hmm… Leaning over the table, adjusting my sling arm, I had written some ideas down in my notes. He was answering questions that I wasn’t planning on asking, because I didn’t believe they were relevant. This turns out to be true. Given the fact of knowing that the explosion was nothing more than a reckless attempt on another Infernalior just to get ahead. Really makes things more complicated and a challenge to anticipate… His personage does carry a lot of infamy. I should consider that a fair amount of Infernalior know of his true potential, while many others don’t. I would be wise to trust his instinct and only be alarmed if he is.