The road to Elms wood hopefully I can meet a cute elf girl

I didn’t want to wake up.

Not after finally getting my first real night of sleep in… forever.

But apparently, Lyssa had declared war.

“Ren! Up. Now.”

Something smacked me across the face. Not a slipper this time, but a parchment scroll.

“Wha—?!”

“Supplies list,” she said flatly, arms crossed, hair glowing faintly with divine aura. Not magical power — just divine smugness with some attitude.Seriously when did she start getting this bossy she’s acting more like a wife than a Divine neet. “I made sure Naomi packed the food, I checked the medicine bag, and Luffy got his new harness. You’re the only one still sleeping.”

I groaned and pulled the blanket over my head. “Five more minutes won’t kill—”

My blanket vanished.

I sat up, glaring. “Who—?!”

Luffy sat in the doorway with it clenched in his teeth, tail wagging like he’d just solved world hunger.

Traitor.

“Good boy!” Naomi clapped. “See? Even Luffy wants you to get up, Ren!”

I fell back onto the futon. “Et tu, doggo…?”

By the time I stumbled downstairs, the table looked like an adventurer’s shop exploded. Rations, camping gear, potions, rope. Naomi was humming while tying ribbons around the food packs.

“…Why ribbons?” I asked.

“So they look cute!” she said, as if it was obvious.

“Because monsters will definitely admire the presentation before killing us,” Lyssa muttered.

I leaned on the table. “You know, you guys really didn’t need me for any of this. I should just stay home and nap.”

“Fine by me,” Lyssa said instantly.

Naomi puffed her cheeks. “Don’t say that, Lyssa! Ren’s job is… is…” She tapped her chin. “Morale support!”

“That’s not a real job,” Lyssa said.

“It is if Ren believes in it!” Naomi shot back.

Luffy barked once, like he agreed. Or maybe he just wanted breakfast.

We hitched up our new cart outside courtesy of Vanni. A sturdy wooden carriage, courtesy of Elira’s “apology package.” Nothing flashy, but Naomi gasped dramatically anyway.

“She’s beautiful! I’ll name her Princess Marshmallow III!”

I squinted at the horse. “She looks more like a Steve.”

“No, Choco,” Lyssa corrected firmly. “Her name is Choco.”

“Choco? What’s next, Caramel the battlehorse?”

“She’s brown,” Lyssa said. “Don’t overthink it.”

Naomi patted the mule’s neck with stars in her eyes. “Princess Marshmallow Choco Steve the Third!”

“…That’s a war crime of a name,” I muttered.

The horse brayed. Probably in agreement.

“Alright, is everyone ready for our trip? Let’s get this over with. I really want to come home and nap!”

“Ren, have you forgotten that you’re one of the heroes? Napping isn’t what your here for” lyssa said

“Hey I quit being a hero after how they treated us when we landed here, now I just want to be rich and enjoy my life here with Luffy and maybe go on nice walks and eat some good steak”

“That actually sounds nice, I’ll join you on that life Ren” Naomi said, I can always count on her to back up my stupidity and selfishness

“Well whatever if that’s your goal then let’s get this over with so we can get the gold ren” lyssa said

“Sure sure Your divine neet highness, you sure have gotten bossy lately”

Lyssa ignored me and jumped in the wagon. Naomi and Luffy followed after her and I sat upfront to drive, well would it be considered driving in this world? I mean this is a horse and a carriage not a car.

Then with that our small adventurer party of idiots headed towards elmswood!

The road out of town was quiet. Too quiet. Which was supposed to be a good thing, since the Elven Barrier kept monsters away, but it left me on edge.

Naomi leaned over the cart, grinning. “It’s so peaceful! Like a picnic trip!”

“Yeah,” I muttered. “Like the kind of picnic where everyone gets murdered in a horror movie.”

“Don’t jinx it,” Lyssa said without looking up from the scroll, which she carried like it was her own child.

Luffy barked and pranced ahead like he owned the road, tail wagging like he was some kind of adventurer mascot. Kids we passed on the road even waved at him.

I grinned. “He’s becoming a celebrity.”

Lyssa smirked. “Careful. He’ll demand fan girls before you do.”

“…Wait, are you saying I already have some?” I leaned closer. “Lyssa, are you secretly admitting you’re—”

She jabbed her staff into my ribs. “Finish that sentence and I’ll bury you in this road.”

“Violent women are my type,” I whispered.

She smacked me harder.

Naomi giggled behind us. “Ren, if you flirt with Lyssa too much, I’ll get jealous.”

I turned to her. “Really? Jealous of what? My irresistible charm?”

“No,” she said sweetly. “Jealous of Lyssa getting to hit you first.”

“Et tu, Naomi…?”

Even Luffy barked, like he was laughing at me.

We stopped at a stream for lunch. Naomi laid out sandwiches tied with even more ribbons, Luffy stole half of them, and Lyssa carved protective runes in the dirt. I leaned against the wheel, staring up at the sky.

Naomi sat beside me, swinging her legs. “So, Captain, what’s our plan after we get rich delivering paper?”

“Easy,” I said, pointing to myself. “Upgrade my wardrobe. Buy a legendary tamer’s outfit. Something with a cape, maybe.”

Lyssa snorted. “You’d trip on it.”

“Then I’ll get two. One for me, one for Luffy. Matching hero outfits.”

Naomi gasped. “Matching outfits?! That’s adorable!”

Luffy barked proudly, tail thumping.

Lyssa pinched the bridge of her nose. “I can’t believe my divine punishment was being stuck with idiots…”

But her cheeks were a little pink. Just a little.

For the first time, the journey almost felt… normal. Laughing, joking, traveling under a bright sky.

But sometimes, when I looked past the trees, I swore I saw it. That shimmer in the air — the Elven Barrier.

And sometimes… it flickered. Just for a second.

I tried to laugh it off. But deep down, I couldn’t shake it. If I think about it my luck is usually pretty bad. Maybe I used to break mirrors for a hobby in my previous life or something. I just felt off and I couldn’t shake the feeling of something bad happening. I hope I was just being paranoid.

I really do hope that this was going to be the peaceful mailman job Elira promised.

“ Aww man I really hope I get to meet some cute elf girl with blonde hair and big boobs”