Uda - Churchlight (1)

The circle burned in Uda’s thoughts and wouldn’t let her step outside herself to understand what was happening to her. Only when the terrible symbol finally blurred and she opened her eyes in a daze was she able to see anything at all. She still felt nauseous and could barely move. Around her neck, she felt the pressure of stones that clung to her skin like slimy worms, gripping her tightly and nearly making her retch again.

Uda could hardly move; her body felt limp and useless. She was lying on something hard that rocked without end. Only after a while did she realize she was on the bed of a cart rattling along a bumpy road. The sun above her stood nearly at its zenith, burning into her eyes.

Soon Uda spotted Nia, who was lying not far from her, twitching in pain and looking at her with trembling lips and wide, panicked eyes. Between them sat Aspirant Kelwin, who paid them no attention. He seemed in a trance, and a distant glow enveloped the wound in his eye. Uda saw his eyeball had slowly begun to regrow.

“Help… me…” Nia gasped.

Uda wanted to answer, but she couldn’t. When she tried to form words, she had to gag and shook violently.

These shitty stones. I hate them. I hate them and this filthy light, Uda muttered inwardly.

She tried to respond to Nia once more, though only felt her own lips starting to tremble. When Nia realized Uda was just as helpless as she was, she closed her eyes in resignation and let out a gasp as her body spasmed again.

Get up! Uda ordered herself, though it did no good.

She couldn’t even move her toes without nearly losing her mind from disgust. The blue sky above her mocked her with a hint of freedom. In desperation, Uda tried to retreat inward, to dive into the protective darkness that had always surrounded her, yet all she could see was the glowing circle the chain pressed relentlessly into her thoughts.

Uda realized there was nothing she hated more than that burning ring, and she tried to scream, however only a dry groan escaped her lips.

Time crawled forward in agonizing slowness as the sun began its descent. Now and then, Uda could see treetops overhead forming a patchy canopy above the cart. Sometimes she heard distant voices or felt the cart tilt slightly as they reached uneven terrain. The steady sound of hooves on cobblestones accompanied them, but the rhythm was so monotonous that she barely noticed it.

A faint sweet scent kept rising to her nose, and she soon realized it was coming from Kelwin.

What will happen to us? Why haven’t we been woken up? Why leave us trapped in this half-trance? What do they plan to do with us?

The coldness with which Lera and Kelwin had treated Nia unsettled Uda deeply.

Maybe they can be reasoned with? Maybe there’s a way to free them from the darkness? she tried to convince herself.

But it was ridiculous. She had seen the ice in Lera’s eyes and the way she treated Orfet, even though he stood on the side of Light.

What had happened to make the world around her so cruel and raw? Had the monsters destroyed so much that kindness had drained from people’s hearts? Or did that only apply to Lera and Kelwin? They had called the monsters “Nightmares,” and Uda found the name terrifyingly fitting, even though she herself had never been afraid of them. Slowly, Uda lost herself in her thoughts, though her nausea kept yanking her back.

“Should I end this? I could do it…” Kelwin smiled at her.

At first, Uda wasn’t sure if she was hallucinating, yet when she focused, she saw the young man clearly, looking down at her with a crooked grin. She wanted to answer, and once again her lips only trembled, while she had to gag.

“You don’t want to talk? Too bad…” he sighed.

Uda wavered between trying to say something again and wanting to spit in his face. She would have loved to do the latter, but she didn’t want to escalate things further. She had to remember it wasn’t only about her, it was about Nia too.

With an exaggerated smile, Kelwin leaned down until his face was right in front of hers. He smelled like flowers, and with his sharp chin and short beard, he was actually quite attractive. Yet his closeness made her mouth fill with a foul taste, and she retched again.

“Oh, you’re really giving it your all, aren’t you? That’s good. The more will there is, the more I get to break. Exorcist Lera will appreciate that. I don’t think anyone hates you Possessed as much as she does.” He looked her over thoughtfully. “I didn’t expect you to look so… normal. You’re actually very attractive. What a shame, if your existence didn’t disgust me so much…”

He laughed, filthy and low. Uda wanted to beg him to ease Nia’s pain, not her own, but again her lips just trembled, and the sickness in her stomach paralyzed her tongue.

“Still trying? You’re still trying? My goddess!” Kelwin looked almost impressed, then shook his head in disgust.

“I’ll admit, I’m curious. What shadows lie inside you? What were you planning? You said you wanted to stab all the others, the people who somehow stood with you against the Tide. I just can’t believe there are people with that much darkness inside them…”

Kelwin's face contorted and he stared at Uda. His now newly regrown eye was a little lighter than the other, giving him a strangely uncanny look. Suddenly he grabbed her by the hair and yanked her face closer to his, wrinkling his nose.

Uda cried out as pain shot across her scalp.

“I’m going to make you an offer. I’ll let you speak to me. However from now on, you’ll follow a few rules, or you’ll regret it. You will only speak when I or Exorcist Lera ask you something, no one else. You won’t look anyone in the eyes, and you’ll only answer exactly what you’re asked. Understood?”

Kelwin spoke slowly, as if reciting something he had memorized.

Uda did her best to give a small nod, and somehow, she managed it.

“Good little bitch,” Kelwin whispered.

He gave her a short look, and at last the nausea began to fade, slowly enough that Uda could start to move again. She let out a breath of relief. The sick feeling had dulled to a background hum.

“Thank you,” she gasped.

Kelwin’s face twisted into a mask of hatred, and he slapped her hard across the face with his right hand while his left continued to grip her hair. At the same time, the nausea surged back into Uda’s mind with full force, threatening to overwhelm her. She wanted to clench her teeth, but a sharp cry escaped her, and she recoiled under the force of the blow. Dazed, she wondered whether it was the chain or Kelwin that had made her talents stop protecting her body. In the distance, she heard Nia sobbing. Uda felt blood running down her chin.

“You filthy bitch! Weren’t you listening? You only speak when Exorcist Lera or I ask you something. Did I ask you anything? I won’t let you play me for a fool!” he hissed.

Shaking, Uda shut her eyes.

SHIT! DAMN IT, FUCK!

She bit her lip and swallowed the tears. She would not give him the satisfaction.

“So, once more. I hope this time you keep that tongue in check,” Kelwin sneered, and once again the nausea faded.

Uda stared only at his chin and waited, avoiding his eyes. She could still taste the blood on her lips, and she clenched her jaw. With a grimace of disgust, Kelwin reached his hand out toward her, and Uda had to summon every ounce of willpower not to bite his fingers. Something vile approached her, like a twisted gust of air she desperately wanted to fight back against. It felt like a needle piercing her face, followed by a distant, rotten warmth spreading across her lower lip. Soon the bleeding stopped.

“Impressive. You didn’t even cry out. When Lera fixed your little companion’s ribs earlier, she screamed like she was being impaled. Either you’ve got insane self-control, or you’ve already sunk so far there’s nothing left of the woman you once were,” Kelwin mocked.

Uda said nothing. She kept staring at his chin, resisting the urge to lash out at him again. Kelwin let go of her, and Uda dropped roughly to the floor of the wagon.

“What is your goal?” he asked, leaning over her.

“I want to protect Nia,” Uda said, glancing over at the young woman, who had withdrawn deep into herself to escape the pain.

Kelwin’s filthy laughter rang in Uda’s ears.

“And what do you really want?” he asked once more.

His voice was quieter now, which only made it sound more dangerous.

“I want to protect Nia. She’s not well, and she’s—”

She didn’t get any further as Kelwin kicked her in the stomach. She doubled over, a hoarse scream escaping her. Her belly burned, and she wanted to throw herself at him, tear him from the wagon. But she couldn’t.

“I see. You’re still not getting it. Then we’ll just have to keep convincing you that lying to us isn’t worth it. Possessed ones don’t protect anyone. So shut the fuck up with your shitty stories and do not take me for an idiot!”

“How could I not, considering how you…” Uda growled, though could not say more.

The next moment, it felt like someone was stuffing a bucket full of squirming, slimy insects into her mouth, and she nearly passed out from the revulsion.

“You wretched little bitch! I only wanted to talk to you! But now I will teach you to control that heretic tongue of yours! Even if I have to make you lick the dirt off the floor!” Kelwin bellowed, kicking her in the stomach again.

She hardly felt it. The circle had started glowing in her mind once more, binding her to it. Uda couldn’t form a clear thought anymore, drifting in a current of disgust and fading pain.

When she finally came back to herself, it was evening, and the sun had disappeared.

Kelwin was gone, and in his place sat Lera. Unlike her Aspirant, she wasn’t sitting on the wagon floor. She throned upon a white velvet cushion, legs elegantly crossed. Her ice-blue eyes fixed on Uda like a predator’s, and her face was chiseled like stone as she began to speak in a gentle voice that was too sweet.