On the Issues of Monster Segregation

The three of us, Rin, Sharlotte, and I, huddled around the Seraph feather.

It didn’t look like much. Just a single, radiant quill, the color of a bluebird, swaying in a breeze that wasn’t there. Supposedly a relic from a Seraph themselves. The kind of artifact that, in legends, let mortals reach the Heavens. It looked like the world’s most overpriced writing pen.

Rin’s magical runes of analysis glowed faintly over the relic. “Authenticity verified. The mana signature is genuine. You can trust the Demon Lord’s gift.”

“That’s what you said about those ‘infallible anti-slip floor tiles’ we bought from the Orc merchant. And then an adventurer slipped on a Slime Girl and got married to her by accident!”

“That was a cultural misunderstanding!” Rin snapped, face bright red.

“I still say it was entrapment,” I muttered.

Sharlotte clasped her hands together like a choir girl, wings rustling. “Enough! The Demon Lord entrusted us with this. We’ll only get one chance.”

The feather’s glow pulsed, like it was agreeing.

I bobbed, preparing myself mentally. “Right. One chance. No pressure. Just a divine elevator ride to Heaven itself, where we have to convince literal Angels to bathe with Demon-kin or we fail our Second Labor, and I never get my Human body back. Totally casual.”

“Master, you’re dramatizing. Treat it like a client pitch. Be polite. Be generous. Do not attempt to upsell anything before the opening line.”

“Clients don’t usually have smite beams and a ban list longer than Sharlotte’s love confessions.”

“Hey!!”

“Sorry, sorry. Let’s get this over with.”

We touched the feather together.

There was no sense of rising, no wings sprouting from our backs, no golden staircase winding into clouds.

SNAP!

The world inverted like someone flipped a light switch.

In the blink of an eye, we were standing in a wooded forest, except that the ground wasn’t ground. It was grass, and roots, and little puffs of white cloud holding it all aloft like cushions.

Every breath tasted like mint tea with honey. We weren’t at our Spa anymore.

The feather burned in Sharlotte’s hand like a candle wick running out, a blue, cold fire eating it away. A time limit?

“Wait, this is it?! Where’s my epic cutscene?! No wings?! No holy choir singing my praises?!”

Rin sniffed the air. “Aw, I admit I kinda wanted to sprout wings.”

“No way that would happen. Our bodies are still down below,” Sharlotte said confidently.

“Eh? Our bodies didn’t ascend? But I can still feel everything perfectly.”

“That’s because…” Sharlotte frowned. “Our souls and consciousness ascended.”

“Then why am I still in Dungeon Core form??”

“No idea. Don’t ask me these confusing questions!”

“It’s your fault for raising the concerning topic!” I wailed. “This means I’m getting too accustomed to this rock body! If my soul thinks I’m a rock, my Human body is doomed! What if I respawn as a pebble?!”

Far, far away, back at the Spa…

“Hey, Sir Kazuki– Eeeeeek!!” The Lucky Bunny screamed.

She had just discovered our three lifeless bodies slumped on the tatami floor like rag dolls.

Clients crowded around. “Are they dead?!”

“Is this a new relaxation course?!”

“Quick, poke them with a ladle!”

“Don’t shake me!!” Sharlotte’s unconscious body yelped as her soul protested from Heaven.

I buried my Core face in metaphorical hands. “We are going to be sued so hard…”

“Let’s move before our corpses back home get reported as a health hazard.”

Sharlotte puffed out her chest. “Then follow me! This is my territory!”

“Right, right. Our native guide.”

We started walking. The forest thinned, and ahead of us rose something out of a storybook: a massive trunk of a tree that seemed to pierce the sky itself, so wide that entire cities were carved into its bark. Golden sap waterfalls glowed in the distance, pouring down into rivers of light. Angels floated lazily on cushions of cloud, drifting between houses shaped like feathers and statues of radiant saints.

It was disgustingly perfect.

Rin’s mouth actually fell open. “It’s… beautiful.”

I, meanwhile, hissed like a teapot. “What’s with the golden sap waterfalls?! That’s literally gilded maple syrup! We could bottle that and sell it for 50 Gold a cup!!”

“Master, don’t embarrass us,” Rin begged.

“No, this is important market research! Look at those spa pools! They’re floating on clouds! That’s my [Ability: Float] but with better branding! They even have free harp music!”

We passed under a glowing archway of wings. Angels bowed politely, letting us through without so much as a smite.

“They recognize me,” Sharlotte whispered, then added quickly: “Not because I’m important! Just because… I may have skipped my angelic duties to nap once. Or twice. Or a decade.”

“Ah. So we’re following a banished Angel tour guide. Excellent.”

Heaven’s Resort was more like a five-star luxury amusement park designed by perfectionists. Floating pools, golden mineral saunas, cafes that brewed sunlight into tea, and gardens where every flower glowed faintly with holy magic.

Everywhere I looked, I saw ideas to steal.

“Cloud Hammocks?! Holy Juice Bars! They have a choir that sings your name while you get a massage. Rin, take notes!!”

At the heart of the resort stood a vast temple carved into the trunk of the Holy Tree. There, an Angel Father awaited us. White robes trailing, halo burning brighter than any lamp, wings folded like curtains of light.

He smiled serenely. “Welcome, travelers. Why have you come to the Empyrean Free City?”

I puffed myself up. “To invite you to our Spa, naturally! Demon-kin, Angel, Human, Monster, all species are welcome! Equality through bathing!”

The Angels murmured, and the Father raised his hand. “That, Dungeon Core, is where we differ. The Sky-kin promote separation, not unity. For separation keeps the peace.”

“Segregation?! That’s medieval nonsense!”

“It is ancient wisdom. We separate those who differ, so they may not clash. Good from evil. Safe from danger. In peace, each kind stays among their own.”

“That’s... That’s just labeling people like cattle!!” I flared. “What’s next, separating adventurers by shoe size?! You lack vision. You stopped at ‘the world is good enough,’ but cannot dream of a better world. I’ll show you a better world! A world where interspecies bathhouses thrive! A world of communal towels and shared shampoos!”

“This, Dungeon Core Kazuki… we cannot do.”

Fine. If philosophy wouldn’t sway them, then economics would.

I slapped my fin on the floor. “We’ve gotten out of debt. My vaults are full again. In other words… I’ll pay you off!”

The Angels murmured again.

The priest tilted his head. “I see your actions in the world below. Why is it always about Gold with you?”

“Because Gold is the universal solvent!! How much for Heaven’s cooperation? 1,000 Gold? 10,000 Gold? Season passes to our Spa? This one-time offer hasn’t been available since opening day!”

“That is very kind.” The priest bowed. “Thank you for your gift.”

“Gahaha! I knew you couldn’t say no to... What’s this necklace for?”

He pressed a rosary into my rocky hand. “A return present. The Holy One always says to treat generosity with respect.”

“No, no! You’re supposed to use the passes!!”

“The Holy One always says to accept gifts with respect. We do not need to resort to using them.”

I shook. “This Angel is a sophist!! Dam-- it!” A line of bright light crossed my lips at the naughty word. “WHAT?! I can’t even cuss?! How f--king clean is this place?!”

“Master, calm down!!” Rin hissed.

“Very well! You drive a hard bargain. I’ll give you an offer I’ll never make in another million years… One– khhh– one percent stake in our Spa company!!”

“Master, they have no reason to buy something they see no point in owning!” Rin cried.

“Strange, usually if a problem can’t be solved with money, it can be solved with more money!!”

“You’re the strange one!”

“What is a stake?” the priest asked mildly. “Why are we talking about meals?”

“Sharlotte. Explain stakes to them.”

Sharlotte looked miserable. “It’s… when you buy part of something so you can call it yours.”

The priest smiled. “But we own everything collectively. The Light teaches us to share everything. The same as Gold, why would we need it?”

I recoiled like I’d been slapped. “Something’s wrong with this place! You people are too NICE! All your earthly desires have been washed away!! And, AND, what the hell did Sharlotte do so bad to get banished?!”

Sharlotte screamed. “Don’t bring me into this!!”

The Seraph feather burned lower, blue fire eating its stem. Our time in Heaven was running out.

I huddled the trio together. “Okay. Bribery’s out. Philosophy’s out. Gold’s out. These people are pure beyond reason. What do we do?”

Rin bit her lip. “Master… you’ve always had a talent for turning defects into advantages. These Angels’ purity… isn’t that a defect, too?”

My steam shot upward. “YES!! That’s it!! These people are too pure! That’s the problem and the solution! No gacha game ever sold purity! They sell vices! We’ll tempt them with the Seven Deadly Sins!!”

“Hey, what about my credit?!” Rin shouted.

Wrath… might be too dangerous. Sloth? They practically already have it here. But Pride…

The Seraph feather burned lower. The Angels watched serenely, halos glowing.

I turned to my companions. “Alright, team. We’ll try to reason with them one last time. If that doesn’t work, we’ll pull out an unstoppable weapon.”

“Unstoppable weapon?”

“You, Rin.”

I proceeded to whisper the plan I was envisioning in secret.

“No way! But Master, why do I have to do this?”

“Present the problem and present the solution. It's business 101. In fact, the richest communications company where I came from does this yearly! You’re with me. Sharlotte, try not to faint. We’ll try changing them with reason. If not, it’s time to corrupt Heaven! I’ll show them all that’s unholy and holy! I’ll show them... a numinous experience!!"

Sharlotte looked horrified. “Are you seriously saying we need to corrupt Heaven to save the Spa?!”

“Yes!!” I roared. “We’ll sell them sin like our day-passes!! Gahaha!”

The Seraph feather burned lower, its flame shrinking, time running out.

I grinned in madness. This was it. Their one flaw. Their Achilles’ halo. We’d tempt Heaven itself!!