Chapter 1

“--Is that you? Oh, My Little Princess! You’ve grown so big!”

“Woah, is that you, Dad? I thought you moved away!”

“...For a bit. I came to visit after so long. I missed my kid. Where’s your mother?”

“She went grocery shopping. She won’t be back for a while.”

“I see. How about we go for a ride then? For old times sake.”

“...Sure! Let me get my bag!”

The crunch of snow will always be far more inviting than the crush of grass.

For the past fifteen days, I’ve been wandering this forest. The snow blankets the terrain like a never-melting sheet. It feels cold, bites with cold, but the sensation is numb to brown skin. As if my body was only registering the initial feeling, only to toss it away. A strange nerve throb replicated in kicking a rock, only for the pain to swiftly mute itself as if I didn’t exist.

Still, I leave steps in the snow on bare feet, and not a hint of frostbite has harmed the toes.

I move despite the oddness circling my chest in disbelief. My shadow is still present, but my breath remains absent in the face of the freezing air.

I am dead.

That is why I no longer feel the beat in my heart, nor the pulse on my wrists when checked.

I do not feel real. I do not feel like a ghost.

I do not understand what I am feeling.

Lost?

I keep moving because if I stop, then I truly will be dead, won’t I? Dead things do not move.

They also do not breathe. Do not experience pain.

I have to keep going. Go as instinct called, because even in death, I believe the soul persists.

It is nighttime. The forest is quiet, too quiet.

Mom, I think, brown fingers trailing to my wrists and rubbing at the cold skin. I hid them under clothes in the closet. The memory is easy to suppress with all the snow. Please get home quickly. They’ll need you.

I must’ve been foolish.

My foot slipped on black ice.

I don’t feel a rush of fear when gravity grabs hold with a cackled snap of branches. There was only the ease of acceptance as I fell off a slope, then off a cliff. Even as I descend, I can feel the shine of the moon. I can see the many trees ahead and below as wind screamed in my face.

I reached out to the impossible moon, distant, knowing, and regretful.

I don’t think I can come back so please…Live and grow happily.

The fall is quick, but the water at the bottom, a shiny lake, is greedy.

I cannot see, absolutely cannot swim. The water is heavy and ready to suffocate with a chilling rush.

“Oh, Nostalgic World of Mine…You’ve truly brought me a sacrificial soul, didn't you?”

Like a whip, I am thrown out of the water and onto the snow with a powdery gust. I do not bother trying to get up, the drip of water is maddening against the frost.

“Yet it stays grounded like a weed. How curious.”

The voice was unfamiliar, pitched and whimsical.

“You. Wandering Star. What is your biggest desire? I sense longing from you. As well as a scream that never quite died out.”

Brown fingers twitch and dig into the snow. I do not turn from the frost, speaking into the muffled white, my voice is a mockery of what it once was. Hoarse and quiet.

“I want to be physically strong. An insane amount of strength to protect those dear to me, and still be able to protect myself all the same. What’s the point of helping others if it results in losing your place in their life?” I bury my face further into the snow, keeping my eyes shut. “I was frail, and so I broke. I broke and left everyone behind. What kind of big sister am I to let it happen?”

A terrible, terrible one that’s what.

“Oh, how wonderfully tragic. Yes, you’ll do. I’ll grant you power, Otherworlder, Wandering Star. How would you like to do a job for me?”

A job, this No-Name, voice says. It’s ridonkulus.

“I have a…Flock in need of a Shepherd. The inhabitants of this world have been punished for ancestral wrongs. However, they’ve become horrendously greedy for what they have lost. I desire to keep my treasures healthy and free.”

What kind of greed incurs the wrath of some disembodied voice?

“This job gives you something to hoard. Something to protect. I will grant you strength, because you are one of the few who can grasp what it means to lose everything for the sake of one.”

“Two,” I mumble. “I had two.” Younger and brash. Quiet and calculating.

“Two,” Is the repeating reply, smooth and playful. “Then I will give you two assistants.”

The air shifted, heavy and in warning; it springs my form to sitting up.

I whirled to face the arrival.

It’s a gigantic wolf with an air of importance. A wolf with silver scales, and slitted eyes. A creature who looked like a wolf in form, but the texture did not match, the scales on the mammal body did not make sense. The claws glittered, shiny and larger than any canine. The tail was a mockery of fur, hundreds of scales blooming like a fresh fern.

“Step Forth, Wandering Star, for my blessing only comes once every millenia.” The wolf’s tail gave a light wag. “Accepting this gift means to accept a similar responsibility of your past. Take the step. I urge it.”

“What are you?” I murmured, finally standing up, still drenched, but approaching the mythical being with nothing more than an ire for dripping water. I allowed myself to sink to my knees in front of the watchful gaze.

“Your Benefactor.”

A wet nose pushed against my forehead, and the world didn’t seem important.

Light flared and darkness twisted, covering my eyes from the burn of fluttering stardust crossed with snow.

The gentle wave of moonlight was the only relief pleasing enough to recover my bearings. The lack of feeling I previously had faded to a strong buzz. It was difficult to keep still, but I found myself stricken at the appearance of…What?

Someone is offering me a hand…?

“I live to serve, may your efforts result in success, Great Shepherd.” Declared a familiar, young but stern voice.

A grip of panic exerted itself on my core. I raised a hand to the newcomer’s head, to the black fluffy ears, and the sharp eyes. Nothing but patience reigned in his smile. The skin, shape, face are the same. Clear, narrowed, an air of boredom. The hair is a different shade, a vibrant mauve sheen to the matching fluff-ears. He wears a simple dark cloak.

I’ll have to give him a name. It had to be something precious.

Even as I inspected around his ears, then the more animalistic eyes, this doppelganger was patient, the slightest pout on his lips.

Ebony, I think, and with the twitch of a fluffy ear; I realize he heard my quiet declaration.

“A Shepherd and her loyal guards. Made of my creation, they know everything you need to take action. We will meet again, Shepherd…”

Hunters, plural?

A gentle weight tugged on my sleeve. It is only then, do I realize I am now wearing a thick robe of mint.

I turned to another familiar face, but his eyes were unseeing. Firm lips pursed into a thin line, this was another ‘Guard’, with the face of my other younger sibling. Soft snow-alike hair, matching fluffy ears, blending with the white background. His eyes were a tint darker, the dark green jacket covering the skin. This was someone I did not expect to face again. And yet, I can tell from how his eyes fail to follow me, that…

…What a cruel Wolf–Whatever they were. The mythical being was already gone, not an indent left in the snow.

“Are you still full of hurt?” The second doppelganger whispered, with a voice so nostalgic. I bit my lip and did not answer. “It’s alright. From now on, your goals are our wishes. We will support you in any way we can.” The sincerity felt natural and seamless, eerily close to personality.

Ivory, I promised the name, and Ivory perked up with a slow blink.

I pulled both boys in, because to me, they had the faces of my bratty siblings who I fondly smothered with affection. My arms tug them close, allowing me to hide my face in their backs. Ebony shifted, likely for comfort, but I can feel Ivory huddle closer, possibly cold. I know little about animal behaviors but I can tell the two were listening for danger while in the moment. An eerie parallel to the past.

This time, I won’t leave them.

This time, I won’t fail them.

This time…I won’t let anyone squash me.

(I can feel Ebony and Ivory embrace me back. Their grips are gentle but unyielding. For now, in this moment of grief, it’s enough.)

My heart began to beat again, and this new life began to unfold.