Chapter 57

It was late when I finally closed the door to our room behind me. Our arrival had looked exactly as I had expected: long, pompous and tiresome, but I had somehow gotten used to it by now, and it had become nothing more than a routine.

Aki had had enough of all the attention, and rather than stay with us as we met with Tarion and other commanders, she took Chaya's hand and pulled her down the hallway to ‘explore the castle’. I felt a bit envious seeing them go, but I knew I couldn’t afford such freedom. Not now, when the war was so close. Troops were arriving daily, and it appeared that everyone who was able to would fight for their Goddess. I felt my chest tightening at the thought. I knew that no matter how careful we were, some of them would never go back home, even if we won…

So I’d stayed until late listening to the news from lands I didn't even know existed… Vasta… Elam… N’gur. Even if I didn’t know anything about them, thanks to the letters Karim had sent and the brave couriers that carried them, they had learned about my call and answered it with force, sending their support and troops. How many of them would never come back…

I stepped over to the bed. Aki and Chaya were already asleep, and I smiled at their peaceful faces. Selene closed the door behind her and came over to me, and I put my arm around her.

“They cannot come with us”, I said quietly.

“I know…”

She sighed, leaning her head on my shoulder.

“We’ll tell them before we leave. We still have time.”

I sat down on the bed, and she sat next to me.

“It will be okay…”, she whispered.

“How do you know…?”

She took my hand in hers.

“Don’t think about it too much, Rina”

I knew she was right, but it was easier said than done. What if some of my friends... I shivered. I knew I was helpless to prevent it. But what if? No. I pushed those thoughts away. I had to believe…for them… for…

“Rina…?”

She looked at me.

“It’s okay...”

She gently squeezed my hand, and tears rolled down my cheeks.

“What if.. What if I lose you…? What if..?”, I whispered.

She pulled me close.

“I.. I need to be strong… I need to believe… What if…”, I sobbed quietly in her arms.

“It’s okay. You don’t need to be strong all the time”, she said softly, rubbing my back. ”Not when there are only the two of us….”

I leaned into her, allowing myself to accept her care, and she combed my hair with her fingers.

“Let’s rest…”, she whispered.

I crawled into bed, and she lied next to me, pulling me close.