Warning: Forced Recollection

The library felt off. The air hung unusually muggy. It felt difficult to breath. Fog rendered windows opaque. Zenobia sat at a light wood desk with a laptop screen glowing over her pasty complexion. The buttons felt like goo. Thunder rumbled without lightning’s accompaniment. The half-finished presentation glared at her from the screen. Notes for the student council debate covered her books. Girl’s dodgeball league schedules smothered the notes. On the other side of her laptop, an open algebra text offered the mind-bending complexity of numbers mixed with variables. A list of rules she needed to commit to memory accused her of ignoring it.

The library spun. Tears dampened Zenobia’s cheeks. Wiping them away splashed water over her papers. But this felt wrong, she’d never cried in front of anyone. Only that one time in front of Lilly before she died.

A presence formed behind her. Zenobia glanced back to see Lilly. Her friend stood calmly with an advanced algebra text behind her arms. She offered that passive smile and clueless expression. The spinning halted. Lilly had always been an enigma, really smart yet passively naïve when it came to dealing with people. She was so tall, almost stately, and had the capacity to be influential if she’d just improve her posture open up a little bit. And yet, when it was just the two of them, Lilly always became warm.

“I was thinking we could study together,” Lilly said, “Is that okay? I know you’re really busy right now. But if you ever want to just talk, I’m here.”

A hand reached out to Lilly’s wrist and loosely tugged it, “They dumped the entire presentation on me. Zach can just get away with it because he doesn’t care about the grade. He’s actively sabotaging the project just so my grade is taken down! Now I don’t have time to study for the math test. I’m stuck on factoring. I can’t talk to anyone about Zach because I’ll just look like a Karen before the student council election,” she pressed her fingers against the bridge of her nose while taking frantically deep breaths, “And you know about that game I have tomorrow. Well, I’m not feeling good at all. It’s bad. It hurts. I don’t want to play but I have to play. I’m so tired... I’m so tired I just can’t do all this anymore!”

The hand pulled back. Zenobia returned to her screen. She’d never complained like this to anybody. It wasn’t like her. Lilly would never talk to her again. She’d given away her weakness in one stupid moment and- A warmth pressed against her back. Arms wrapped her over her shoulder. Warm forehead pressed into the back of her neck. Lilly wrapped her in a hug.

“You don’t have to do it alone. Let me take over the group project, you’ve already done enough for two people. I can handle the third. I’ll tutor Zach for the math test and be really nice so he does his part in the presentation. If that doesn’t work, we can plead to the Mr. Horrick. I’ll tutor you double because you always do your best and I end up understanding everything a little better when we finish.”

She slid back while giving Zenobia’s shoulders a gentle squeeze.

Zenobia wiped her eyes. They felt incredibly watery. Everything felt watery. Even the desk looked murky as if the laptop floated, “You’d do that for me?”

Lilly nodded, “Of course, you’re always defending me when I get singled out. You’ve helped me get through several gym classes. And you’re always there when I have a question about any other subject. We’re best friends, that’s what we do,” An Algebra book opened over the desk, “Now let’s forget about that stupid presentation that’s stressing you out and practice factoring. I’m having trouble with it myself, so yeah, lots of fun.”

A harsh violet haze overwhelmed the library. It became the hall. Zenobia found herself stopping before being visible. The felt cold and damp. Drops of salty water dripped from the ceiling as rain pelted the building. The entrance to the library beckoned.

-----

Two classmates sat at a table behind the social studies and history shelves that held the big atlases. They spoke loudly. Zen remembered being able to hear them outside the library. Chairs shuffled as they were pushed back.

“So, what do you think of Zen running for student council?”

“Zen works kind of hard.”

She couldn’t help smiling a little, satisfied with herself. She really did work harder than anyone though. Kind of hard didn’t begin to describe it.

“No, she’s a total pain. She thinks she can boss everyone around just because she has a bunch of people eating out of her hand. She flatters all the teachers. It’s so gross. You should hear the tone of her voice change whenever she talks to one. ‘Yes sir, I’m perfect, let me dooooo it for you.’”

She wasn’t like that at all. Just because she had good manners and respected her teachers didn’t mean she was a brown noser. Just because she took school seriously didn’t mean she had to be mocked behind her back.

The other laughed, “She’s super popular with everybody though.”

“Okay, so when she’s with the nerds. She’s suddenly all nerdy. And when she’s with the jocks, she’s all athletic. And when she’s with the fashionable girls, she’s all about fashion but oh so humble about it. Zen is a mop. She just soaks everyone else’s aura to blend in and be popular. One hundred percent fake person.”

No! No that wasn’t right at all. They needed to shut up. Zenobia felt her legs shake, “I’m not a mop. I’m not fake!”

Zenobia peered into the library to glare at the girls but they didn’t see her. She saw Lilly though. Her best friend stood behind the shelves soaking it all in while holding her algebra book.

You love that, don’t you Lilly, you probably feel so vindicated.

“She’s going to be student council president for sure. I don’t think you can beat her.”

“Yeah, thanks to her lackey.”

Lackey? She had a lackey? Who?

Lilly stood there grasping her algebra book without saying anything. Why was she looking at the carpet? Sometimes it was hard to tell what her whole deal was.

“Who do you mean? Lilly?”

“Yes, her,” a prolonged groan followed that made Zenobia cringe, “If I had someone who followed me around like a lost puppy every day and did all my homework, I’d probably be good at everything too.”

The group project! How did she know about the group project!? What had Lilly said?

“I don’t think Zen would ever not do her own work. Lilly is more like her own personal math tutor. You can bet that’s the main reason Zen even puts up with her.”

How did she know about the group project? What had Lilly said? She needed to bring it up? Lilly was right there listening to all of it and doing nothing. They were going to study right now and she was going to get answers.

Pale lips barely moved as she whispered, “I put up with her.”

I put up with her? Is that how you feel Lilly. You traitor. No, it couldn’t be. She couldn’t lose her best friend, not like this. She had to hear it directly.

“Yeah, and now she’s stealing Zak right out from under Lilly’s nose. It’s really too bad she’s too quiet and shy to assert herself. Zak obviously likes her more than Zen.”

Zenobia felt like her heart stop beating. Then it beat too quickly. She vomited in the hall, but nothing more than salty water came out. That hadn’t happened though. She didn’t remember throwing up. Not only all of this, but Zak too. Did Lilly actually hate her?

“Zenobia! I order you to flee!” yelled a familiar voice.

She stiffened and looked up and down the halls, but the conversation continued.

“Well, Lilly is kind of cute I guess, but she’s too shy to come out of Zen’s shadow. I mean, it was entirely obvious that today Zen showed Lilly who the real boss is.”

“Yeah, they’ll probably be like that forever.”

“Why can’t you be more like Lilly for me?”

“Don’t let him dig!”

“As if I would ever be a slave to your ego. Well, I got the notes for the social studies project saved so let’s go get a burger. I’m starving.”

Chairs shifted. They were leaving. Zenobia ran down the hall and ducked into a doorway. She felt dizzy, sweaty, and was hyperventilating. She needed some time to recover before she confronted her ‘best friend.’

“I still haven’t gotten an invite to Shirley’s birthday party.”

Ugh, Shirley, if there was ever an obnoxious person she couldn’t stand, it was Shirley. How was she so popular? Zenobia melted into the floor.

“You’re still not holding it together get out! for that?”