Chapter 7: The Knights

After working the fields for the year’s harvest, Alli felt different after a day of no work. It was off putting to say the least. Days on end of habitual tying made her fingers quite dexterous albeit somewhat calloused. There were a few markings where she had cut herself with the knife, to her mom’s horror. It was healing nicely though.

The problem wasn’t about scars, it was about the lack of distractions again. She had tried getting work at a grain mill but the Head Miller was adamant on not accepting children. Alli would spend the days instead either in her room, pondering the world, or taking a walk outside, exploring the outskirts of Irsfeld, the village.

It was on one of these outings that she decided to relax on a nearby hill, overlooking the town with all of its pastures. What used to be a vibrant mix of yellows, browns, and greens, were now quite muted. Ghosts of their previous selves, one could say. Alli smiled at that, a little phantom of her own.

“Uh…hey?” While she wasn’t totally aware, for some reason, Alli was surprised to find herself completely relaxed. She turned around to see a boy around her age, shuffling his feet and shyly looking onwards.

“Hello.” She replies, unsure of what else to say. A small hope within her wanted him to come sit down, but such thoughts weren’t sustainable.

“Can I…sit down with you?” Alli was more surprised by the request than the initial jumpscare. She gestured to the spot next to her and tried not to look stressed out. “You’re…Alli, right?”

“Yeah.” Short answers are probably the best thing right now, she concluded. “You?”

“Oh, sorry about that. My name is Gillan.” He laughed heartedly and stuck out his hand. Alli shook it with the grace of a newborn deer.

“No offense, but why?” It was safe to say Alli was very confused.

“Why come sit next to you?” She nodded. He smiled back, a little more confident than earlier. “I’ve always heard rumors about this strange girl. It’s always interested me, I guess. I live kind of on the other side, right there. I’m guessing that isn’t where you live, because I’ve been trying to find you for a while now. That sounds kind of weird, hehe…sorry.”

“Uh, no, it’s okay. Really.” She put up a small smile, but her eyes started flickering around, taking stock of her situation. If there was one thing she knew how to do, it was running and hiding.

“Okay, if you say so.” His cheeks seemed redder than usual and he wasn’t glancing her way. This made looking around without looking suspicious much easier. “I’ve just…wanted someone to talk to I guess. When I heard about how you kind of ignore everybody, even working the fields with your dad, I kind of thought, that’s someone who knows how to talk.”

“What do you mean by that?” His confession sounded very personal and had piqued her interest.

“I’ve heard people talk, but they only seem to talk about boring things or mean things. I don’t know. I guess when I heard about you, I just had this feeling that you and I could talk and it would be interesting or meaningful, in some way.” Gillan’s expression turned very serious for a second, his eyes were still very much pointed downwards. “Sorry if I sound weird, other people find me weird too.”

“Oh. Well, I guess we could talk.” Alli wasn’t sure what to make of the boy, but he seemed nice enough.

“Have you ever thought of revenge?” The words seemed to blurt out of him, like they’d been suppressed behind many thoughts.

Revenge. Alli rolled the word around in her head. She knew what it meant and of course she’s thought about it, but ultimately, what would it do? Would it change the status quo, your feelings of disillusionment and anger and hurt? Would it take her off her lonely island? Alli looked up at the boy and saw that his eyes had a hardness that wasn’t there before.

“Yes, many times.” Alli started off slowly. “But I choose not to.”

“Why?” He turned his head and for the first time since he sat down, he looked her dead in the eyes.

“What would it do?” She asked simply and decided to look back at the view before her.

“Everything!” He yelled, throwing his arms up in the air.

“And yet, nothing ultimately happens.”

“...what do you do instead, then? How do you deal with it?” His voice wavered, and it sounded fragile. She didn’t have a hard time picturing the tears in his eyes.

“I look at the world, like I’m doing now. The grain might be gone, but it still has beauty.” Another smile played on her lips, recalling all those nights she would slip away and lie on Yashinori’s roof, watching the stars. All the books she journeyed through, each scene meticulously crafted in her mind. Every beautiful sunset that graced her small island.

“Doesn’t it hurt though? Doesn’t it hurt so bad that you want to do something about it?”

Her mind immediately flashbacked to her tumbling off the cliff and seeing Yashinori and Kousei’s terrified faces as they tried to grab her. “I tried doing something once. I regret it, not because it ended badly for me, but because it hurt those around me. People who didn’t deserve it.” She giggled a little self-deprecatingly. “I can’t tell you how to live your life nor should you allow others tell you what to do. Just, maybe stop and smell the roses every once in a while.”

With that, she stood up and brushed off any dirt. Alli waved a small goodbye, completely ignoring the confused ‘what are roses?’ and walked back down the hill. She felt a lot better now, relaxed even. Her smile turned a little strained when a thought bubbled up unwillingly.

She played with the idea every step on the way back. Turned it every which way, agonizing over each detail, wondering if she even should. When her house finally came into view, she tried unsuccessfully to calm her panicked breaths. She wasn’t sure when it happened, but tears sprung into her eyes, but she struggled on. Face her fears, brave, strong, determined to do what’s right. A small laugh bubbled up and before she knew it, she had her arms wrapped around her mom’s waist.

“Eh?” Alli didn’t dare look up, her heartbeat racing faster and faster than it had ever been. “Alli!? Is that…oh Alli.”

“Sniff…I’m sorry. I don’t…hic…I don’t know anymore.” She barely could get a sentence out before she started sobbing. She felt arms rise on either side of her and she instinctively flinched and clutched tighter, but was pleasantly surprised to feel a soft, warm hug.

“Oh, Alli.” Her mom sighed, but there was a note of happiness. She stroked Alli’s hair with such tenderness that she could only cry even harder. “You know, I’ve always thought about why you hated me. Well, hated might be too strong of a word. Feared, you feared me, or perhaps, you feared something else and I was just a stand in. Do you want some water?”

“Hmm.” Alli nodded pitifully.

“Come here, my sweet Alli.” Her mom guided her to a water reservoir out back before handing her a filled cup. She sipped at it slowly, dragging it out as long as possible, never looking up. “You know, I’ve heard a story. It comes from a tribe up Vador. The Cycle they call it, where life itself just exists within a Cycle the deities of this world maintain. And then another tribe, near to the Guardians of the Cycle, they are called the Eternal Searchers. One of these Searchers found evidence that this Cycle can be interrupted by outside forces, by other worlds. And then I had a thought, one that might explain your intense fear of me, or perhaps, a fear of your previous mother.”

Alli stiffened up. She could feel her throat tightening up and her breathing became even more erratic than it already was. Her cheeks were sticky and her linen shirt drenched. What happened to her courage, her determination? She laughed inwardly at herself, perhaps dad was wrong. Perhaps it was just another ironic name, dictating how her life plays out.

“My dear sweet sweet Alli.” Her mom hugged her again, this time with soft comforting noises. “You have nothing to worry about, in fact, it makes me feel relieved. I finally understand what you’ve been suffering with. A parent never, well, usually never wants to see their child suffer. I don’t want to see you suffer, Alli. Never. Please believe me on that and maybe,” she lifted her chin in order to look into her eyes, “maybe we could be friends?”

Alli nodded mutely, but a smile started tugging at her lips, a genuine smile borne of happiness.

“Yay!” Her mom laughed boisterously, shocking Alli out of her misery for a second. “Come with me, let’s see if I can help your throat for a second. It’s always a bit unpleasant, you know, to cry nonstop.” Her mom hummed a little tune as she happily moseyed to a cabinet with all kinds of random plants. Alli had always wondered what it was and looked on with fascination as her mom pulled out all sorts of seemingly random things. She then mixed it together in a fresh cup of water. Afterwards she then presented the cup back to Alli with a big smile. “A good ol’ fresh cup of energy and happiness. This is my most sold concoction, you know.”

“Sold?” Alli tentatively took a sniff. It smelled kind of good. “Concoction?”

“Oh, I supposed you wouldn’t know.” Her mom did a dramatic pose. “What a failure of a mother I am, to not have taught my daughter the ways of potion making!” She smiled warmly at Alli’s sudden giggling, surprising both. “My dear Alli, let’s begin anew, shall we?”

As the winter months passed by, Alli learned all sorts of things from her mom. Cooking, cleaning, how to deal with stubborn dad, potion making, and even how to interact with customers. She never did get enough courage to interact with female customers though. It all changed one day, a gloomy gray day.

“Madam, madam!” A stout boy came rushing into the house, fear etched into his face. “The rumors, they were true! Kingdom knights have come for the Willful! You must hide!”

Her dad, who was woodcarving, immediately jumped up and grabbed a spear normally used for scaring away large mammals. He then grabbed Alli’s wrist and her mom by the shoulder and herded them to her parents room. He ignored their protests and swept away the rug, revealing a small hatch in the floor. “Go down. The boy is right, you should hide.”

“And then what!” Her mom planted her feet and pushed away her dad. “Do I hide for the rest of my life, because the Kingdom has spies everywhere! Should I then give up the craft of potion making? You know that that’s not possible, it’s my very Will that drives it.”

“Then what should I do!?” Her dad roared back. Alli squeaked in fear and bolted behind the bed, staring wide eyed at her parents. She’d never seen them fight before and her dad looked kind of scary holding the spear like that. His fists clenched and unclenched the shaft until finally, he let out a breath and his eyes turned pleading. “I can’t…I just can’t let you go.”

“I’m sure we’ll be able to talk to them. The Kingdom isn’t unreasonable. We’ll just explain that my Will isn’t harmful in any way to the king.” Her mom’s voice was cool, collected, but even Alli could see the strain and fear in her stiff posture.

“You know that won’t work.”

“But we can’t just hide and condemn our Alli to a life on the run!”

“But if we don’t then she’ll have to live without a mother, one she had just gotten to love.”

A silence fell between them. The tension was so thick, Alli was afraid to move a muscle in case it snapped. Outside, she could hear some loud voices, yelling, screaming, orders being issued. Too many things were happening, overloading whatever capabilities she had functioning. She could only watch with wide, scared eyes.

“I’m going. Not for me, but for Alli.” Her mom decided eventually, breaking the silence.

Her dad took a sharp breath. “Fine. I’m coming with you then. Alli, stay here.”

She nodded dumbly and watched as the two left the house. Through the open door before it closed, she saw around ten men, dressed in shining full plates atop large horses, larger than the ones used to plow the fields. Behind them rode a large cart that looked to have bars, but the door closed before she could make sure.

She waited for what felt like forever and it was only until night fell that she finally knew. They weren’t coming back. She was later told that Gillan had found her, crying in her sleep in her parents bed.