The Ballad of Back and Zap

"You won't get away with your heinous plan!" Back shouted, readying his dagger. "Come quietly or die, Ellw Thought Scribe!"

Haruto threw up his hands, holding the woolermelon in one and Yggdrasil in the other. "Whoa! I thought we were good now!"

"You may have everyone else under your mind spell, but you can't fool me!" Back said, swinging for the throat.

"Hold on a second!"

Haruto changed to Stick Hero, dropping his hands to block the attack with Yggdrasil. Music filled the street as Electric Graveyard blared around them. Back's eyes darted back and forth looking for the source as he pressed his weight into Haruto.

"You've used your magic to put music in my head!" Back said, continuing to convince himself. "I will stop you here."

Back stepped forward, moving Haruto to the side. With a loud frrpt, his feet left the ground, propelling him forward. Haruto's feet skid across the ground as he crashes into the thick brick wall, with Back keeping the pressure on.

"Wait a second!" Aki cried. "Haruto has been released by the king himself."

"Don't worry. I'll get him to release you from his spell." He replied.

"Haruto, he's a..." The System began to laugh hysterically. "H-he's a... He farts! That's his job!"

"I noticed!" Haruto said as another frrpt sounded, throwing him through the wall.

The people inside took a step away as he rolled to the middle of the room. Haruto stumbled to his feet, running through the rooms. Back walked through the hole, apologizing to the people inside, before running after him.

Haruto burst through the entrance of the building with Back right behind. He took off down the street, pushing his way through a small crowd of people. He rapidly rubbed the woolermelon across his body, shocking people as he ran through.

Back jumped and bounced from the walls, meeting Haruto on the other side. Haruto swung Yggdrasil, but Back stepped into it and grabbed his arm. He twisted Haruto's wrist, and Yggdrasil dropped to the cobblestone street with a clack.

Back brought his dagger forward, only to be blocked by Yggdrasil, using its autonomous movement to save its master. Haruto continued to rub the woolermelon vigorously against his body as he struggled with his foe. The static built, and finally it came. He saw the barest sign of the notification and switched to it immediately. New Job Acquired: Static Generator.

"What are you doing?" Back asked.

"I'm learning magic!" Haruto said, reaching out to poke Back in the chest with a finger.

The static discharge left Haruto like a taser. Empowered by the job systems bug, a minor zap of static becomes a stun gun. To any outside observer, in this world, or his, this would look like magic.

Back was pushed away as the electricity flowed into him. He felt a numbness in his hands as he shook the arcing electricity from his fingertips. He looked back at Haruto in confusion. A Thought Scribe would never use elemental magic.

"Thanks, partner." Haruto said to Yggdrasil, shooting it a smile. "You can take a break for this one. I can't just rely on you and Stick Hero for everything. Let me become a bit more worthy of you, yeah?"

Yggdrasil hesitated for a moment. It wanted to be there for Haruto. That's what it was born for, just a day before. Yet, this sentient stick understood what he meant. It was something that Haruto had to do. Haruto raised his hand, and Yggdrasil floated to the side, slapping his palm in their own form of a high five.

"You aren't using your staff?" Back couldn't comprehend an Ellw throwing aside his staff.

"It isn't a staff. It's a holy sword." Haruto said with a smug smile. "Apparently, this world isn't going to let up on me. I need to prove to myself that I can pull my weight."

"You aren't making sense." Back said, scanning the area.

If he wasn't an Ellw, he could end this foe with his fireball technique. The situation didn't allow for it, though. There were too many people around for him to let loose. He would have to rely on hand-to-hand combat mixed with direct, pressurized wind.

He wasn't proficient in martial arts, but he had watched enough isekai fight scenes of his senpais to try. He also knew from his time here that he could take a beating if this went poorly. The plan was to attack with Static Generator and defend with Human Punching Bag.

Haruto ran at him, static building with every move. Back met him with a frrpt, and he rocketed forward, spinning to kick Haruto in the face as he flew past. He changed to Human Punching Bag just before the impact occurred, blunting it as planned, but the static was lost.

Back spun to his feet, throwing a knife. Haruto switches to Static Generator and holds up the woolermelon to catch the knife. Back ran forward, grabbing the knife and splitting the woolermelon in half.

Haruto followed Back's lead, stepping into the swing and grabbing his arm. The static discharged into his bicep, and it threatened to go limp as he tossed the knife to his other hand. Haruto pushed him back as another swing came for his neck. He dodged the blade, but another kick came behind it. He changed jobs once again to defend, and it landed squarely on Haruto's side, sending him staggering back.

In Haruto's mind, Back moved similarly to Kael, minus the reflection. Haruto switched jobs again, giving chase as Back changed direction with a frrpt. Haruto instinctively reached out his hand in the shape of a pincer as Back twisted to aim his cannon at Haruto. The static built, and time seemed to slow as both of them realized the horror that was about to unfold.

Back traveled through the air, his legs spread. Haruto was charged with electricity, his hand poised to receive. Back's crotch squeezed in perfectly, cradled in Haruto's cupped hand. The light flashed, sending a 50,000-volt, sub-milliamp discharge straight into his manly bits.

The muscles locked, and Back could no longer control his body. The momentum carried, giving Haruto a face full of "Back." They both fell to the ground, with Back sitting on top of him. Unconscious, Back sat up straight for a moment before the pendulum swung. He fell backwards, slamming his head into Haruto's manly bits in unintentional retaliation.

The wind left Haruto's lungs, and his stomach churned. He grabbed Back's haunches and pushed him away, removing his butt from his face. His head was swimming as he tried to regain his senses. He struggled to remove the man from his person, and the floodgate released.

The lack of muscular control had let it loose. First it was a dribble and then a downpour. The warmth spread from Back's pants to Haruto's chest. Haruto mustered his strength to push Back off of him and stood up. The music seemed to wind down in embarrassment at this ending.

Aki and the System had been watching from nearby. Aki held Yggdrasil above her head and waved as they approached. The System snickered at the wet yellow mark that stained Haruto's tattered shirt.

"That did look like magic. It really worked like you said it would!" Aki said, praising him for his fake magic.

"I think there were a few unexpected surprises that came with it. What do you think?" The System chuckled.

"It's a learning experience!" Haruto shouted.

"That was sad, is what it was." The group looked up to the voice. Turn sat on the roof of a building nearby, looking down at them before turning his attention elsewhere. "And why didn't you stop him?"

Homer the Toothpick Spitter and Lorein the Swordmaster were leaning against a wall watching. Homer spoke. "We were watching him. Don't get your knickers in a twist."

"You were watching as long as we were!" Lorein countered.

Turn jumped down, slinging Back over his shoulder. "I'm a ninja. I'm supposed to watch."

"Yeah, sure. Get on out of here if you're going to criticize." Homer spat.

"We're still on for drinks later?" Turn asked.

"You know it!" Homer smiled and walked away with Lorein.

Turn looked at Haruto, adjusting Back so he doesn't touch the wet spot. "I'll explain everything to him when he wakes up. See you."

Turn walked away in the direction of the castle. The warm spot on Haruto's chest went cold quickly, and he grimaced at the smell. He couldn't believe how bad his luck was.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Aki asked sweetly.

"I need a shower..." Haruto said sadly.