Unease and Hostility

The first thing my eyes met with was the drabby ceiling of the academy’s infirmary. The cream colored ceiling with all the intricate designs reminding me that I must have passed out after using magic.

I could smell the antiseptic and medicines through the curtain divider. Herbs boiling in the background as I looked over to my side, Estel leaning on his hand as he sat there on a green, striped, single person couch. He was fast asleep with a book in his lap. His chest rising and falling in a beautiful rhythm as he took in deep breaths in his sleep. Gods… As terrifying this world could be, I always felt a sense of gratification knowing Estel was alive yet another day.

But, the worry about what has been happening struck fear in me. He could have died in the forest if it wasn’t for the sudden magic I brought up. We both could have died that night.

I slowly sat up, the shuffling of me doing so woke up the sleeping Estel, and he blinked a few times before looking at me, relieved, and something else in his gaze.

“Rosaria…” His voice almost sounded husky from him waking up, and it sent delightful shivers down my spine hearing his autumn like whispers call out my name.

I tried to smile, though my chest still felt tight. I needed to get my emotions in control right now. My heart thrummed as he charmingly rubbed his eye. “You were here all night?”

He nodded slowly, rubbing the sleep from his mismatched eyes. “I wasn't about to leave you… Especially after what happened. You shouldn’t even be sitting up. That magic… it wasn’t normal.”

The air thickened between us. I could tell he had so many questions about using Luz, but I didn’t know the answers myself. How could I ever give him a satisfying answer? His voice was softer this time, not accusing, just careful. “Rosaria, how did you even use a saintess’s magic?”

Panic spiked in me. The memory of light spilling from me, bright enough to blind, still burned behind my eyes. “I… I don’t know. Everything was moving so fast. The creatures attacking you. The thought of losing someone dear to me… Maybe... Maybe it was just desperation..?” My laugh came out hollow, but I tried to mask it as best I could. “I doubt I could do it again if I wanted.”

His gaze lingered, weighing me in that quiet way it always did. He leaned back on the couch, but his eyes didn’t leave mine. I could tell he was mulling over the facts. “You’ve changed since the boat accident. You fight harder, speak your mind more often. Now you cast something that should be impossible for someone that isn’t even a saint. I keep asking myself… Why? Why are you forcing yourself into this path?”

The words scraped against my heart. Why? Because it was for him. Because I could not bear to watch him be Historia’s shadow again, to watch him break and die like in the book. Because he was everything to me. He was all I had left, especially in a world where Sylvia and Amanda weren’t even by my side anymore to tell me things were okay. Because, despite everything I told myself to keep going and keep Estel alive, it was terrifying to be all by myself, faking and pretending to be some fictional character in a book. To continue living her life despite having only a few similarities I could cling onto to keep going as Rosaria. And to not expose myself fully as someone else.

I swallowed the truth down. I would be too dangerous, and too soon to tell him the fact that I’m not this world's ‘Rosaria’. Maybe, I wouldn’t be able to tell him at all. “Maybe because I was tired of being left behind,” I said, softer than I intended. “Maybe I was jealous… of you and Historia. You two have always been close. I only ever wanted to know you the same way.”

His expression shifted, just slightly. A faint crease between his brows, like he wasn’t sure what to make of my words. For a moment, I thought I had said too much. But then his lips tugged into the smallest of smiles. “You never had to be jealous. You were always beside us too. You just always stayed behind us. But, you were always there, quietly observing.”

God, how was I supposed to control myself when he said things like that? Why did he have to say something like that? My cheeks burned, and I quickly turned my gaze the other way, only to realize how foolish it was since the curtain divider kept me from distracting myself with anything else. Stupid Rose, those words are for Rosaria, not you. “Maybe. Still… I want to stand beside you now. Not just behind you and Historia, but side by side. Like… equals.”

He went quiet, studying me in that way that always made me feel like he was peeling back my walls one by one. Finally, he said, almost reluctantly, “Then let me keep you safe, just as you did back in the forest. I have your back if you have mine, okay?”

The warmth in his voice made my heart churn. I wanted to reach out, to hold his hand, to tell him I would never leave if it meant staying by his side. But instead, I only nodded. My unspoken words would have to remain silent for yet another day. I knew he still loved Historia, and it would be hard to change that thought. But, god how I wish I could tell him everything. How much he meant to me not just as a character anymore, but as something so much more.

The door creaked open then, and the moment broke as soon as the curtain divider was drawn. Historia and Darren stepped in, both looking far too composed for people who had faced monsters just nights ago. Historia’s eyes softened when they landed on Estel first, then me.

“You’re awake,” she said, voice lilting. “We worried you might not recover quickly after the strain you put yourself through. Especially with it being your first expedition and all. I know it’s a bit terrifying being in the front lines for people unfamiliar to the creatures.”

A subtle jab. Gentle, wrapped in sweetness… but it pricked all the same. I opened my mouth to reply, but Estel spoke first, his tone sharper than I had ever heard him use with her. “Rosaria carried her weight on the frontlines. You shouldn’t undermine her. She really saved me from getting hurt near the end of the expedition. I think she has proven she's more than capable than we thought. You should stop trying to undermine her efforts, Historia.”

Historia blinked, her composure flickering for a fraction of a second. Darren chuckled, breaking the tension. “Chill, Estel. No one is questioning her effort. Don’t get dramatic. You know we’re just worried Rosaria might be a bit shaken seeing the creatures for the first time. I know I did when I first had to take them down.”

But I noticed it. The smallest twitch at the corner of Historia’s lips. Estel had never scolded her before. And for the first time, I thought maybe, just maybe, things could shift. Historia’s smile returned, smooth and flawless, but I caught the way her silver eyes lingered on Estel just a second too long. As if she had filed the moment away for later. Whether that be for good or bad, only time would tell.

Estel didn’t argue further, but I saw the faint tension in his jaw, the way his fingers tapped once against his knee before going quiet, not even refuting Darren. He had stood up for me, and that should have been enough… But the ache in my chest only deepened. Because even if he saw me now, truly saw me, I knew where his heart still rested. With the girl who only looked at him when it suited her. With the girl who had always been written as his light.

And me? I was just pretending. Pretending to be someone strong enough, worthy enough, when all I wanted was for him to look at me the same way he looked at her. I felt the parallels between Estel and Edward intermingle with one another again, just as it had when I leafed through the pages.

Another person I cared for, only looking at another person that wasn’t me. And I left in the darkness to mourn my feelings.

The silence felt like it lasted an eternity, until Historia tilted her head with that pristine grace of hers. “I apologize again, Rosaria. Perhaps my words came out cruel. I only want you to be careful. You mean a lot to all of us.”

It was the kind of apology that sounded perfect… on the surface. Polished, sweet, and harmless. But it felt practiced, calculated… Something about the way she said “all of us” felt too deliberate, like she wanted Estel and Darren to hear it more than me.

I swallowed down my irritation and suspicions, forcing myself to nod. “It’s okay Historia. We’re friends after all.”

She smiled, serene as ever. “Good. Then let’s all look forward to the school’s mandatory break. The Headmaster announced it this morning, though I doubt you heard. Everyone’s being sent home to recover after the expedition. It will be good for us all to rest.”

Darren stretched his arms above his head, grinning. “Finally. A chance to breathe without monsters nipping at our heels. I’ll take sleeping in my own bed over reading a textbook and dealing with monsters any day.”

Even Estel allowed a small huff of amusement, shaking his head as he smiled at Darren’s carefree attitude. But I only stared at Historia, my mind twisting. A break? Convenient, after everything that happened. The academy rarely has breaks for students after expeditions. Before I could dwell on it further, the infirmary door opened again, louder this time.

“Rosaria!” Baron Drewitt’s voice boomed as he swept inside, Baroness Drewitt close behind with her skirts brushing the polished floor along with Harry and Allen who were both taller than I remembered, their eyes sharp with worry.

The sudden arrival made the quietness dissipate with rushing footsteps and shuffling feet. Estel immediately rose from his seat, bowing his head just enough to show respect, his tone even but not stiff. “Baron. Baroness.”

The Baron’s sharp eyes softened faintly as they landed on him. “Estel, you’ve been a good friend to Rosaria. No need for formalities, besides you’re the one of a higher rank.”

Baroness Drewitt nodded. “We heard you were the one making sure our little Rosaria was well during the expedition.”

Estel shyly rubbed the back of his neck, a small tint to the tip of his ears. “It’s what any friend would do. Though truthfully, it was Rosaria who saved me.”

For a second, the Baron looked between us, thoughtful, before he gave a single nod. “Then I owe you my thanks for making sure she was in one piece through and through.”

Darren stepped forward next, ever the prince. “Baron and Baroness Drewitt. You have raised a daughter of strong will. I heard she had a lot of courage in her first expedition.. Well.. a lot more than I did in mine..”

The Baron chuckled, though the worry never left his face. “High praise coming from the prince himself. Thank you for being her peer and friend.”

Then Baroness Drewitt’s gaze drifted to Historia. “And you, dear Historia. Thank you letting us know about what happened, and for looking after our Rosaria all these years. She has always spoken of you fondly. You and Estel have always been our daughters best of friends.”

Historia’s silver eyes gleamed as she dipped into a perfect curtsey. “It is no burden at all, Baroness. Rosaria is dear and near to me.”

If anyone else had heard, they would have been charmed. But her words scraped against me, that same sweetness that always made me have doubt. She called my parents here? All previous incarnations of Historia linger in my mind from how calculating she was, and this one has slowly been letting her venom out.

One by one, Estel, Historia and Darren excused themselves in order to not make my family feel awkward. Estel lingered a moment longer, offering me the faintest nod, as though to silently reassure me before following Darren out the door.

Historia followed them last. She looked at my parents, then at me as she stood by the door. And then, shielded by my family’s backs, her lips curled into a smirk and her eyebrows quirked. Brief. Sharp. A private warning only I could see. My blood went cold.

The moment vanished when she slipped gracefully out the door, leaving me with the echo of her false sweetness. No… This Historia was definitely no different than all the other ones. This one was just a bit more calculating when she decided to show it… damnit…

Mother rushed forward, cupping my face. “Rosaria, look at you all pale and thin. You look ghostly. You have been putting your life at risk far too much lately.”

“I…” My voice faltered. “I’m fine, Mother. Truly. Nightfall Academy has been good for me. I love it here. Please, don’t worry.”

Allen frowned, his voice tinged with frustration. “You nearly died thrice now. Once on the boat, now in the forest and not to mention….” he paused, as if the first situation they kept ambiguous was practically taboo. “How many more times before we lose you for real?”

“Allen!” The Baroness hissed, hitting Allen with her fan.

Harry crossed his arms, sharper. “No mother. If it were up to me, I would have Rosaria pulled from the academy immediately. Father, we cannot keep allowing this.”

Baron Drewitt raised a hand, quieting them. His gaze was steady on me, heavy with both care and calculation. “You should come home for the break. Rest, and regain your strength. The academy has already dismissed classes for now. It is time you spent some time back home.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but the look in his eyes made my throat close. Even though he suggested going back, I could tell the worry in his voice. My hands twisted in my lap, the words spilling weakly. How could I refuse such kind people? Compared to my previous parents… “Yes, Father.”

Harry and Allen exchanged glances, relief flickering between them. Baroness Drewitt stroked my hair gently. “It’s settled then. You’ll rest at the estate. You went through so much Rosaria. I can’t imagine how frightening it must have been going from healing patients in clinics and making potions, to being in the dark woods facing those monsters. You’ve been very brave, sweetheart.”

But even as I nodded, my mind burned. Historia had called them. She had brought them here. And that smirk, hidden behind their backs, lingered in my mind like a thorn. Something told me things were going to change when we got back from break, and it wouldn’t be for the better…

By the time the sun was setting, my student apartment looked like a storm had swept through it. Harry and Allen had taken it upon themselves to start packing, and apparently their definition of packing was “take everything Rosaria owns and shove it into a suitcase.” I get the suitcase was enchanted with a pocket dimension, but even they had their own limits to what could fit in it. Much more so since they didn’t even bother folding my clothes as they shoved it in there.

“Really?” I groaned, standing up and pulling out some of the dresses that were spilling out. I pulled out one of the thicker ones and started hitting both doting idiots with it. “Do you two plan on carrying my entire wardrobe back to the estate? I don’t need this much.”

Allen shot me a look over his shoulder, ducking with each slap of my dress. And yet, as strong and tall as he was, he still acted like a poor victim that couldn't dodge his sister's attacks. “Ow! Ow! You’re not lifting a finger, Rose. After everything that happened, you’re lucky we’re letting you sit there at all.”

“I’m not made of glass.” I rolled my eyes, though a small part of me melted at the way they fussed. It was worlds away from the cold neglect of my other family, and I hated how guilty it made me feel for even thinking that. I put the dress down and flopped on the pristine couch I rarely had time to use as a student.

Harry stuffed another cloak into the suitcase and snapped it shut with a grin. “You say that, but last time you nearly drowned. And the time before that-”

“Don’t.” Allen pointed at him sharply, heat creeping up my neck. “Don’t you dare bring it up.”

Harry muttered something about everyone hiding stuff from me as he lifted the heavy trunk as if it weighed nothing. “See this? You’d collapse under this thing. Leave it to us.”

I threw at him, though it bounced off his back harmlessly as they carted my belongings out of the apartment. “I hate you both.”

“No you don’t,” Harry called over his shoulder.

By the time we reached the front of the academy, the car waited with its glossy black paint catching the late sun. It looked almost out of place against the stone walls and sprawling gates of Nightfall Academy, like a piece of another era awkwardly shoved into the present… Or I guess, two pieces of my old world’s past meshing into an awkward reality. Then again, ‘His Amour’ had a bit more modern technology… The boys loaded my things into the trunk with ease, slamming it shut before ushering me into the backseat like I was porcelain.

Baron Drewitt was seated behind the wheel, his expression still carrying the faint edge of worry he had worn since they were in the infirmary. Baroness Drewitt smoothed her skirts as she climbed in beside him, offering me a gentle smile before the engine rumbled to life.

I leaned back against the seat, letting out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. The academy gates loomed ahead, tall and wrought with iron, the last marker before we disappeared into the world outside. My eyes drifted, almost unconsciously, and then froze.

She was there.

Historia stood at the gates, her pale hair gleaming like a beacon against the dark iron, her figure poised and perfect as always. But it wasn’t the elegance that rooted me to the spot. It was her smile.

It wasn’t warm. And it certainly wasn’t sweet. It stretched across her face in a way that was almost inhuman, sharp and gleaming and terrifying in its stillness. A smile that felt like it could hollow someone out if they stared too long. Like the creatures Estel and I had faced. A smile… that wasn’t meant for anyone but me.

The car jolted forward, the gates opening, and her figure slipped from sight as quickly as it appeared. Still, the image burned in my mind, searing itself into me like a brand. When I looked at her as we passed, it was almost terrifying how gentle she looked as she waved, as if the horrendous Cheshire like smile was never there to begin with.

No one else saw it. Not my brothers as they bickered next to me. Not The Baron or Baroness as they discussed dinner plans back at the estate. Only me.

And for the first time, I wondered if Historia had stopped pretending entirely. Wondering what would await me, and everyone else at the academy on our return…