Drinking For Courage and Profit

Kyle stumbled out of the bar long after the sun had set, still drunk off his mind. Both Peasant Kyle and Office Kyle were stumbling around in his brain, making less sense than usual.

He was struggling to stay upright, managing to put one foot in front of the other until he heard a soft sniffling. Slowly he made his way towards it, finding a familiar face sitting on a bench and crying into a lilac handkerchief.

“Kari?” His speech was a bit slurred, but it was enough to make the elvish princess nearly jump out of her seat.

“S-Sir Kyle,” she sniffed. “F-Forgive me, I w-was having a moment of weakness.”

Kyle shook his head, slumping onto the bench next to her. “Tell me ‘bout it.”

Kari took a deep breath and sighed. “I was thinking about all of the things you and Fiona had told me about Prince Demerius. I am set to be wed to him, but I wonder if…” She trailed off.

In his drunken state, Kyle wasn’t following but he followed. “I wanna ask some’fin. Yer… a princess. He’s uh… a prince. S’there a reason you’re marrying him? ‘Cuz it doesn’t sound like you’ve met ‘fore.”

“…” Kari wasn’t sure how he’d gotten to where she was trying to get to but wouldn’t question it. “I am the youngest of my family,” she explained. “I was not to be in a position to inherit my family’s titles, and human nobles often seek spouses to improve their station. Elvish wives are impressive to your people.”

Kyle grimaced. “He’s the only one getting anything out of it? That’s…. bad,” Without a thought in his head, he asked, “Why would you marry him then?”

Kari looked at him, intrigued.

“I mean, you’re a veeeeeeery lovely lady n’ I know nobles don’t get a say much, but you shouldn’t marry for reasons like pleasin’ your family.” He hiccupped.

Kari blushed. “S-Sir Kyle… I…” She leaned in towards him.

Kyle’s inebriation chose that moment to cash in all of the beers he’d been drinking in the past few hours, and Kyle’s body could no longer pay that debt. He fell onto the ground, fast asleep.

“…Oh, Sir Kyle… We were so close to it being like my book...”

----

Kari struggled to bring Kyle back to the room they’d rented at the tavern, only finding Abagail and Fiona once she’d finally gotten him through the door. They’d had to push together multiple beds for whenever Fiona decided to sleep – the oni was currently on her knees to avoid hitting the ceiling. It was otherwise a fine enough room for the price. 

Both women were a little buzzed, but each could tell something was up when they saw Kyle slumped on Kari's shoulder. “Is he alright?” asked Fiona.

“He will be fine in the morning,” Kari answered as she put Kyle onto the bed. “He is simply very, very drunk. It would be a waste of healing magic to make him sober.”

Fiona looked at Kyle, then to Abagail. “So is the rule we only do it when he overloads himself with magic?”

Abagail cackled. “Oh, I’m not passing up this chance.” She pulled out her wand. With a simple wave Kyle’s last brown tunic tore itself to pieces and revealed his toned upper body.

“…Oh goodness gracious yes.” Fiona groaned. “I don’t care what you all say, yes please.”

Kari couldn’t help but steal a look for herself, if only for a moment. “Does this mean we can put him in more appealing clothes?”

Abagail couldn’t stop cackling, still looking without a care. “Finally! Kari and I picked out some more fashionable clothes for him to wear. It'll make him look respectable."

Fiona was fine with him going shirtless, but she wasn’t the one calling the shots on this operation. “Not that I don’t appreciate it, but why bother buying him new clothes? He still works the fields.”

“He’s a peasant who has a ring of power and an amulet of wisdom,” Abagail reminded Fiona. “He's being taught by a seasoned witch and an oni. If he’s as smart as we know he is, he won’t stay a peasant. Good thing we’re in town – we can get more clothes if he pulls it off.”

Kari poked his bare chest, quickly looking away. “What do we do now?”

Fiona put her arm around Kari. “Let’s show you how to have a good time.”

----

With Kyle out like a rock and lying on the bed, the women decided to enjoy themselves. While it was late, they managed to buy out whatever sweets were left from the bakery and some bottles of wine from the bar.

The three wandered through the streets, Fiona staring at the ‘cookie’ before passing it to Kari. “This has ‘chocolate chips’.”

Kari eyed the baked good carefully before taking a bite and moaning in delight – before recoiling in horror at what she’d just done.

Abagail and Fiona were rolling on the floor laughing.

“T-That’s not funny!”

“It’s hilarious,” Abagail howled. “It’s like you’ve never had chocolate before.”

Kari didn’t reply, just looking sheepishly.

Abagail leaned in. “Shut up, really? No chocolate where you come from?”

“None.”

Fiona was amazed. “I lived in mountains and forests and even I’ve had chocolate! You’ve missed out!” She ate her own cookie with a smile. “How did I lead a less sheltered life than you?”

“When you live in a royal court,” said Kari, “there can be constraints on one’s behavior and diet.” She plucked a slice of chocolate cake from their collection of sweets and giggled mid-bite.

“See? We wouldn’t steer you wrong when it comes to the good stuff.” Abagail smiled. “The marketplace might still be open if we hurry. What do you think?”

Fiona gave a thumbs up. “I think this night’s just getting started! Come on, let’s see what other fun stuff we can get up to!”