Chapter 8 – Gold Coins, Melons and a Laptop from the Heavens

I was officially irritated.

Not the polite kind of irritation where you just sigh and move on—no, this was the deep, simmering, why-is-my-life-like-this variety.
For the last few days my house had quietly turned into a five-star freeloaders’ resort. Between the queen, Lucy, Lily, Urara and now a duke and his pretty daughter, my pantry had been emptied faster than a dragon sniffing out treasure.

And the system—my ever-smug invisible partner—wouldn’t even let me sell so much as a bread crumb.

If I could, I’d hawk everything. The jars of imported jam, the bags of premium coffee beans, even the polished spoons. I’d set up a little roadside stall: “Royal-Approved Snacks! Half Price for Nobles!” and watch the gold roll in.

But no.

“System regulations,” it had announced in my head once, like a lawyer delivering a death sentence. “Household goods are non-transferable assets.”

Non-transferable my foot. My cupboards were groaning with enough food to host a kingdom-wide buffet and I was the only one not making a single coin from it.

Worse, none of these people ever paid. Not that I’d asked—but still!

Maybe they thought I was rich. Maybe the endless trays of food made them think I had some hidden fortune. Perhaps in their heads I was secretly bathing in gold coins every night like a human treasury.

Rich? Hah. Rich my foot.

If they only knew that the system gave me these supplies like some cosmic supermarket but locked the cash register so tight I couldn’t even sell a single tomato.

I rubbed my forehead. One day I’d end up in jail for something ridiculous—“illegal over-feeding of nobles,” maybe. The newspapers would call me the Melon Criminal and the queen would probably send me a thank-you card.

“Back to the topic,” I muttered, forcing my attention back to the room.

I clapped my hands sharply. “Sir, sir! Both of you sit down. And you, Your Majesty—don’t scare them. If I don’t get this case, no melon for you.”

I tried to sound as stern as possible, though it came out like an annoyed cat.

The queen, to my eternal surprise, snapped to attention. “Ahh, sorry dear,” she said sweetly, and in a single graceful motion plopped into the nearest chair, hands folded like a schoolgirl awaiting inspection. “I will be an obedient lady for you.”

My left eyebrow twitched. The most powerful woman in the country—my queen—just called herself an obedient lady. For me. The universe clearly enjoyed its private jokes.

“Urara, Lily—sit down too,” I ordered, waving them over. “You’re all my assistants. Better you listen as well. Might help me out later.”

They came without protest and sank into the sofa with matching sighs of contentment, including Lucy too.

That sofa had become the kingdom’s secret treasure. Royal courts might have gold and silver, but apparently none of their chairs had system quality cushioning. They looked like cats discovering a sunbeam, and I almost felt proud—almost.

I turned toward the duke and his daughter to begin the questioning—only to find them staring at me as if I’d just announced myself as the hidden emperor of the realm.

Their eyes were wide, jaws slightly open. Shock wasn’t even the right word. They looked like a pair of owls trying to understand why the mice were saluting me.

I cleared my throat. “Hahahah… sir, would you like some coffee?”

Lucy caught my pointed look and immediately dashed to the coffee machine. Good soldier, that one.

Within two minutes she was back with two steaming cups, which I handed to my guests.

They took cautious sips—and the transformation was instant.

The duke blinked, then took a longer drink. Kiara’s green eyes sparkled as if someone had hung tiny lanterns in them.

They had never tasted coffee before. Poor souls.

The duke leaned forward, eyes alight. “Remarkable! May I perhaps… invest in this beverage? Buy a share of the trade?”

I fought the urge to laugh. If only he knew. “Ah, sadly I can’t sell it,” I said with a mournful shrug. “Special supply. But you’re welcome to come to my house for coffee anytime.”

Kiara cradled the cup like a precious jewel, her smile so bright I briefly wondered if the coffee might propose to her.

Finally, the room settled. The tension melted like butter on hot bread.

I straightened, adopting my best detective pose. “Now then, Duke, tell me exactly what you want from me.”

His voice grew serious, the weight of his worry suddenly filling the air. “I wish to know who is trying to harm my daughter, and why.”

He reached into his cloak and produced a small pouch. “I can give you five gold coins for it.”

Five. Gold. Coins.

Inside my head I was already performing an elaborate victory dance involving fireworks and possibly a conga line. Outwardly, I merely nodded. “That is acceptable.”

Finally! My first real payment.

“Okay, Mister Duke,” I said, trying to keep my grin from splitting my face, “but one last question before we begin.”

“Yes?”

“How did you hear my name? And don’t say the fliers or posters I distributed in town—you don’t strike me as a man who believes in them. You probably don’t even have time to glance at village bulletin boards. So how did you get my address and my name?”

The duke’s lips curved in a faint smile. “Bravo,” he said quietly. “I truly came to the right person.”

He leaned back, gaze steady. “Now I am sure you are the one who sent Silver to prison. I know you were behind it. That is why I came to you. And now, seeing the royal court itself at your side…” He gestured toward the queen and her casually obedient posture. “…please, please save my daughter’s life.”

My bravado faltered.

A murder attempt. That was no lost-cat case. I was supposed to track missing objects, solve small mysteries—fun mysteries. Not this.

Last time the system had practically carried me across the finish line. Could I really count on that again? My brain wasn’t exactly on par with Sherlock Holmes; it was more “Sherlock-tries-coffee-for-the-first-time.”

As if summoned by my anxiety, the familiar blue glow flashed in my mind.

Ding!

Ah, here came the devil.

“ACCEPT NEW MISSION: FIND THE SUSPECT WHO WANTS TO HURT KIARA.”

“REWARD: LAPTOP WITH INTERNET (with condition).”

Wait. What condition?

I scowled inwardly. “Alright, what’s the catch?”

The system’s voice was cheerfully unhelpful.
“You cannot chat or talk with anyone on Earth. No direct connection. You may only view what is happening there or use internet features through my magical email and many IDs.”

Too reserved. Of course.

Still… a laptop with internet? That was like handing a starving man a banquet—then telling him he couldn’t talk to the chef.

Worth it? Probably. But how was I supposed to save myself if someone came swinging?

“System,” I hissed mentally, “how about giving me some skills? Maybe a sword? A protective bubble? Anything?”

Silence.

I checked my revolver. Four bullets left. Not exactly comforting.

Then the system chimed again.

“SIDE MISSION: GO TO KIARA’S LIBRARY AND FIND CLUE.”

“REWARD: GOD CHEF COOKING SKILL.”

…Cooking skill.

I stared at the invisible text.
“What? I want guns and bullets! Bulletproof armor! Grenades! At least an iron magic stick! What am I supposed to do, fight an enemy with cooking? Throw a dragon-egg omelet at them?”

The system, as usual, offered no reply.

I rubbed my face. Fine. Whatever. Maybe I’d knock someone unconscious with a frying pan.

I straightened and faced the duke. “Okay, Mister Duke. I accept your case.”

Relief flooded his features. He rose, his daughter following. “Thank you. Here—one gold as an advance token. Whatever the result, you need not return it.”

The weight of that single coin in my hand felt heavier than any crown. My first real earning. I might have teared up if not for my professional image.

After a few more polite exchanges with the queen and the others, the duke and Kiara finally departed. Kiara, notably, drank two more cups of coffee before leaving, her eyes glowing like someone who’d just discovered a new religion.

The door clicked shut.

The queen turned toward me with a teasing smile. “So, what are you going to do, dear?”

“Ahhh,” I groaned. “Don’t say it in that… seductive way, Your Majesty. But I think the case should start from the library. Everything happened there first.”

I couldn’t exactly tell them the system had ordered it.

“Come on, Lily and Urara—we have a job to do.”

The two of them were already on their feet, faces bright with curiosity.

“Lucy,” I said, “you go and find out exactly what the duke told those guards.”

Lucy gave a crisp nod. “Understood.”

“And—” I began.

“You need not worry, dear, about me,” the queen interrupted smoothly, eyes dancing. “I know what to do.”

I blinked. “Nah, I mean—don’t touch my melon. You already ate your portion.”

Her face crumpled into a mock-crying expression. “That’s cruel, dear!”

“Then give me money.”

“That’s not my money,” she protested, fluttering her lashes with the innocence of a fox in the chicken coop. “It belongs to the country. I have nothing. But once you become king you can have it all.”

King. Me. Right.

I stood there, staring at the queen as she reached for the last slice of melon anyway, and wondered how my life had turned into this.

Detective, accidental royal confidant, and now apparently future king?

And still broke.

What a life.