The Sun in the Clouds

It was dawn when they left. Yuji was with his men leading the charge. He was grateful that by following Mirk’s instructions he had been afforded the opportunity of a first kill before venturing out with the party. It had happened three days after his return to the vanguard, a large boar of unearthly size had come close to the outpost where the inner vanguard regularly met and regrouped. Killing it had been surprisingly easier to do then he had thought it would be. Although he felt guilty being the one to have done it, he comforted himself in the fact that it would have gored him to death if it had been provided the chance. Three more times the opportunity had come up and been taken, each time it had been a little easier to rationalize.

“You have no friends in this group.” Mirk had pronounced the solemn fact as they stepped out with Lord Till’s men to begin the forward advance.

“I have you and that’s enough. After all, you’re as good as a thousand troops.”

As he and his men divided, he began to wonder if it would be as easy to kill one of them. He had no doubt his actions would be automatic, but how he would feel afterwards, he wasn’t sure.

Lord Dain’s men would be following along with elven escort party. Lady Menodora was safely tucked within an ornate, well-fortified carriage pulled by two huge, pale grey Percheron stallions. He wouldn’t have much to do with them along the way, something that became more apparent as the day went on, making the envoy’s concerns seem that much more out of place.

Yuji’s nerves were bare. He could feel them fraying as he traveled down that peaceful road, despite Sindacilla’s easy gait, sword at his side, and arrows strapped to her saddle. He was lucky that his mother insisted on he and his siblings taking kyūdō. Despite it having been several years, it made the adjustment to this body easier. With all that said, Yuji never wished for a gun more in his life.

He hadn’t been able to rule out who it was among his own men that was working against him. In the end he was forced into taking them all along, figuring whoever it was would have followed anyway.

The first week out of the three they would be traveling went off without incidence. Mirk would sleep while he rode so he could keep watch over Yuji through the night, not that sleeping was easy. The Vanguard would rejoin the wider party just after night fell, keeping to the outside of the camp.

It was arduous, the days felt long and the nights sleepless. Yuji found resting impossible, his mind buzzing with thousands of thoughts every time he attempted to close his eyes. He wanted to laugh at his own paranoia, knowing lack of sleep was making and would make it worse, but with little ability to control it.

“Sir Hildebald is coming.” Mirk was sitting beside him at the edge of the camp.

“Lord Till, the main escort party has sent for you.”

Yuji looked up at him with disinterest. “Did they say what they wanted?”

“Apparently the Centauri Seren wishes to have audience with you.”

“Do you think she knows she sets you apart when she shows you special attention? I suppose she has said as much before, but she seems to have little appreciation for it.” The mongoose was watching the goings on in the camp with attention, his ears taking sound from all directions.

Yuji gave him a prod and then extended his arm letting Mirk climb onto his shoulder. “Thank you for letting me know, you should get some rest while you can, day breaks early.”

Six hundred of Lord Dain’s soldiers formed a protective circular barrier around the escorts from the capital. Their harsh metal frames and brown leather clad bodies standing out against the center of soft white chiffon fabric. Yuji passed them all without looking at them, while Mirk maintained a perceptive vigilance. Eyes were on them the whole way. Judgement. Hatred. Envy. When they arrived at the center Yuji couldn’t help a smile.

It’s like sucking through the sour coating to get to the soft inside. Too bad they taste just as bad as each other.

The emissary was the one to greet him. His tall lean figure, elegant in his tight traveling apparel and flowing cloak. “If you will be so good as to follow me my lord, I will take you to my lady.”

Yuji gave a nod of assent marveling how this high-ranking official would assume the job of a maid under the right circumstances.

“Do you think he intends to listen in on your conversation with the Centauri Seren?” Mirk inquired watching the back of the elves’ head with primal intentions.

Yuji smiled booping Mirk on the nose. The creature looked at him stunned by his actions. It was almost funny to think that a little while ago Mirk would have scolded him for doing something so outlandish.

When did I start relying on him so much? Maybe from the beginning, I don’t know.

A tent had been erected in the very core of the camp the silken sheers layered so thoroughly it was difficult to perceive the body of the one who sat beneath.

The envoy stopped here looking into its folds. “My lady Centauri Seren, the guests you’ve requested have arrived.”

“You may let them in.”

The curtains were pulled back by an elf with the aid of a long silver rod with a braided hook at one end.

“It seems as if we’re descending into the earth. I am not a fan of the obstacles toward our evacuation. But I also cannot consent to giving in to this elf’s wish for us to bend to his will.”

Unable to respond to Mirk, Yuji went through stepping within the boundary of the fabric. She sat like a pearl at its far side. There was no platform or throne, only a thin veil draped over her head to obscure her visage. Her brilliance had grown since the farewell ceremony. The condensed light compressed to her skin. She sat on one of many cushions spread across the carpet that protected against the dark earth, looking like a peony in the many folds of her gown.

“You came, I’m so pleased.” She directed him to where she wished him to sit, it was nearer than he would have sat when visiting her in her previous abode. He hesitated considering that they might be misconstrued by the escort party, but upon her subtle insistence he decided to give in and took the seat she indicated.

Through sheer force of will he allowed himself to indulge her with a smile. “You sent for me, my lady.”

“Yes. I have wanted to speak with you since that day. What seems weeks ago, it seems now. There was just no time or privacy to do so. I apologize for sending for you at such an inconvenient time. I fear when we reach the capital my power over my own choices will fade, and what I don’t know must come will prevent me from seeing you like this again.”

Her eyelashes were thick argent threads, thicker than he had imagined them to be previously, they highlighted her eyes and brought out the sorrow he hadn’t seen in them until that day not long ago.

“Before I begin, please tell me, have you been well?”

The void palpated in his chest. “Well enough.”

Lady Menodora sat silent for a long while, eyes on him, seeming to consider very carefully what she should say. “You know despite being the Centauri Seren I know little more than my duties and the etiquette in which I am supposed to conduct myself. Everything I receive and have received has been chosen very carefully for me. Before I assumed this position, I was but a child, I knew little of the world and the ways it could hurt those who lived within it.”

She took a long breath, her frail chest rising and falling with the effort it created. “You were very unhappy when you left me that day. I had thought at first that it was because I spoke of things I shouldn’t have and reminded you of, your mother Lady Ordelia. You seemed to change a little then, but you were still open to me, talking with me. I was befuddled over the matter for quite some time, I knew I had done something, but I couldn’t put my finger on just what it had been. Yet, when I considered it thoroughly, you seemed to become disturbed after we discussed the ornament.”

“I think you may be misconstruing the situation. I’m not upset at all.”

“Forgive me if I don’t believe you. Because of how I must live I don’t feel comfortable with many people. Everyone wants something. Everyone smiles, is afraid, and unsure of how to behave in front of me. I am the Centauri Seren, the Lady Menodora. I will bring wonder and prosperity to Eventide. It is my destiny. It has been fated. And so, no one treats me as I once was. I live in a lonely world. There was only one person who was honest with me fully,” she smiled softly, “Lord Till. I appreciated him because he didn’t put on airs. He was who he was. Unapologetically so. Though he referred to me by my title I was never under an illusion that he cared for or liked me. In fact, he was quite short in the way he would speak with me. When I was with him, I felt like I had before I was the Centauri Seren. I felt a person of my own.”

Tears gathered on her thick lashes. “I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry. I didn’t mean to… I didn’t know when I spoke to you.”

“She knows, Yuji. She sees through you.” Mirk’s voice was a whisper, small and vague, touching a part of his mind he could hardly reach.

No, it’s impossible.

“I didn’t mean to subvert fate. I would never have stolen from you in the way I have.” Her sincerity had increased, voice growing more gentle.

“You’ve done nothing wrong. I am the same as I’ve always been.”

“Don’t say that. It’s not true. I know it’s not true. Do you know how I know?”

Don’t say it.

Yuji didn’t want to look at her, he wanted to leave her tent and go away, far away. To anywhere else other then there. He wanted to run from this life, from its responsibilities and go back to that place out of reach. He burned with longing for it. For his mom and dad. For his siblings. For the world and the life he had once known and underappreciated and had made himself. He had known before he was told that this would be it, but even still. Even still he held on to hope that maybe… maybe he could go back.

Her fingers felt so warm as they wrapped around his, he had thought for some reason they would feel cold. He wanted to pull away from her, rip his hands out of hers. Yuji didn’t want to be there. Because if she knew the truth, it was just more proof, more evidence that this world was real.

“Because the pain I saw in your eyes was what I have felt every day as the Centauri Seren. And because Lord Till was like a stormy day, and you, whoever you are, you’re like the sun, the bright blazing sun.”