Chapter 8 - The Hairline Breath

One late afternoon, I came out from the kitchen and got a light lunch for Asami. It was a smoked ham turkey sandwich, some chips and fruit punch.

Asami was sitting on the chair gazing up at the ceiling then slowly closing his eyes, listening to the noises inside the house as I brought him his lunch. I placed the try with his food so that he can grab it anytime he feels to eat or get hungry. When I looked at his face… he seemed in pain… Hangover maybe?

“I don’t think you're okay,” I said to him with a worried voice.

“I’ll bring you a Tylenol and eat something first to relieve your hangover.” I try to hide my concerned face.

“I don't have a hangover or any headache.” Asami replied.

“This is not the first time I’m like this so don't bother.”

He sounded cold but not repulsive, something bothering him to be look so solemn I wonder what it is.

It is just that I’m not in the mood right now. Besides, something similar happened to me years ago and I don’t want to talk about it too. I’m sorry.” Asami added when I was about to leave his study room.

“Okay.” I said, then looking at him again before I closed the door. I felt antsy as I saw his face with a mournful expression. Even though I want to give him comfort or give him my ears and shoulder to lean on. I… I wish— I could but I couldn’t.

Because I knew somewhere before he came back here. He lives most of his time outside the country. It’s impossible he has no girlfriend there and I’m not his boyfriend to begin with, not even a best friend.

At that moment before I completely shut the door, Asami grabbed my hand…. Then he said….

“Stay here next to me and I want you to be with me....” Asami pulled me from the door, pushed me— to sit down next to him— he suddenly put his head onto my shoulder.

I was already palpitating because I can’t explain these feelings as we both sat together, not to mention Asami put his head on his shoulder.

Oh my god! Jesus, my heart is jumping out of me. Please stop jumping like an idiot! Stop heart, relax… I remind myself we are just sitting, nothing more.

Asami’s head already on my shoulder when I glance at him; I mesmerize on his long eyelashes, his pointed nose that I want to bite, and his lips that pulls me in, wanting to kiss right now.

Then I felt he was giggling. When I turned my head he smiled at me… seeing me flustered and found out that I was uneasy, he acted a little bit childish.

Asami lay down completely on my legs and said…

“Can you lend me your lap? I’ll take a nap for a moment because my neck hurts.” he looked at me, not waiting for my answer, he lay his head on.

“A-ah, U-umm, O-okay.... B-but I still have something to do. I will wake you up later.” I felt my face was hot and red, stammering when I replied to him.

I did not move even an inch, I’m like a statue stone and hesitated to move.

What if I disturb Asami who was lying on my lap. I want to touch Asami's hair and gently stroke it while staring at his beautiful face.My eyes goes down to him who was sleeping, I guess.

“I think it feels good if someone strokes my hair. It puts me to sleep,” Asami said suddenly, his voice low as he lay sprawled across my legs, looking straight up at me.

My breath jammed in my throat. His head was heavy against me, his hair brushing warm against my thigh. My cheeks burned hot, and I was sure the red had climbed all the way to my ears.

Why would he say something like that? Why would he—

I fumbled for words, but nothing came. My lips parted, then closed again, my chest tightening with every heartbeat thudding too loud in my ears.

Asami’s lips curved into that mischievous smile. “What’s wrong? You’re looking down at me like I’ve just confessed a crime. Did I say something scandalous?”

Then he laughed. A bright, unrestrained sound that shook through me where his head rested on my lap.
“Hahaha! I’m sorry, I really am sorry,” he said, though the glint in his eyes betrayed him. He wasn’t sorry at all.

I swallowed hard. His laughter vibrated against me, heat seeping through my clothes into my skin, leaving me pinned—helpless.

Does he know? Does he feel what this does to me? Or is this all just another joke to him?

I clenched the throw pillow in my hands, pressing it down lightly against his head in mock-annoyance.

“Don’t behave like a child. If you’re tired, then just… take your nap already.”

The words came sharper than I intended, but it was the only shield I had.

His hair shifted against my lap as he tilted his head, his eyes half-lidded but still watching me closely. Too close. His presence pressed in on me, making the air feel heavy, difficult to breathe.

“You say that,” he murmured, voice softer now, teasing around the edges, “but you don’t push me away.”

Asami stayed stretched out across my lap, far too comfortable, his head pressing lightly against me as if my thigh were his pillow. His thumb kept twiddling near his chest, the nervous motion distracting. He didn’t speak. Just stared at me like he was weighing words he wasn’t ready to share.

My throat tightened. I wanted to look anywhere but into those eyes, but he left me no escape. The study room felt suddenly too small, too warm, every sound swallowed up by the silence between us.

I couldn’t take it. The silence, the weight, the way he kept looking at me— it made the study room feel stifling. My fingers twitched against the fabric of the pillow still beneath his head. Should I push him off? But if I did, would that make it worse? Obvious?

I cleared my throat. “If you’ve got something to say, just say it already.”

His mouth curved—not his usual wide grin, but something quieter, softer. I hated that it made my chest tighten.

“You’re so bossy, you know that?” he murmured, eyes half-lidded but fixed on me.

My heart skipped. “S-shut up. You’re the one making a mess of things, lying here like—like I’m some futon.”

He chuckled. The sound vibrated against my leg, and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from reacting. Why does even his laugh feel like it’s inside me?

“You make a pretty good futon,” he said lazily. “Firm enough to hold me, soft enough that I don’t mind staying like this all night.”

“All night?!” The words escaped louder than I meant, bouncing off the bookshelves. I instantly regretted it when his smile deepened, playful again.

“Oh? Did I hear panic in that voice, Ichinose?” He tilted his head slightly, hair brushing against my thigh. The strands tickled, sending a shiver through me I tried to ignore.

“Or maybe… excitement?” he added.

I shoved the throw pillow harder beneath his head, pretending I was annoyed. “You’re impossible. Just close your eyes and nap already.”

“Mmm. Only if you stroke my hair,” he said, half-laughing.

His teasing words sank deep. Always kind— concerned. I didn’t want him to say things like that. It made it too hard to breathe. I glared down at him, trying to summon irritation.

“If you don’t stop talking nonsense, I really will call the maids in here.”

He grinned wider. “Ah, but then they’ll see me lying on your lap like this. What would they think, hmm?”

Blood rushed hot into my ears. Damn it, he’s right. “Y-you—!”

“Cute,” he interrupted. “That’s what they’d think. That you’re cute when you’re flustered.”

I froze. My breath caught, lodged in my throat. He had to be joking again.

“You think too highly of yourself,” I muttered, forcing myself to look away, at the stack of books on the coffee table. “No one’s thinking that.”

But even as I said it, I could feel his gaze burning up at me. Steady. Maybe too steady. Like he was peeling me apart layer by layer.

The room seemed to shrink around us. The smell of old paper and polished wood mingled with the faint warmth of his cologne. I hadn’t noticed it until now, but it was there—soft, distracting, clinging to me because he was pressed so close.

My pulse hammered faster. This is ridiculous. Why am I reacting like this? It’s just Asami being Asami. He always teases me. I always laughed. So why does it feel different this time?

His hand lifted lazily, brushing the fabric of my sleeve.

Just a light touch, nothing more—but it sent a spark racing up my arm. I nearly flinched.

“Asami—”

“Yes?” His voice was low, smooth. Too smooth, damn. He didn’t move his head from my lap, didn’t look away.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. My throat had gone dry.

He smirked faintly, watching me struggle. “That’s what I thought.”

“Y-you’re unbearable.” It was all I could manage, my voice cracking halfway.

“Maybe. But you don’t push me away.”

The air between us grew tense, stretched thin. I should’ve shoved him off. I should’ve stood and walked out. But I didn’t. I stayed. And worse—I let him stay that way.

He shifted slightly, turning more onto his side so his face angled closer to my stomach. The motion forced me to straighten my back, my whole body got tightened. My hand hovered awkwardly in the air, not sure where to rest, not sure if I dared touch him at all.

His eyes flicked up, catching mine. For a moment, everything stopped. My chest, my thoughts, even the faint ticking of the clock on the wall—it all blurred out until there was only him. His head in my lap. His gaze tethering me in place. His breath, warm, too close.

“Asami—” I tried again, but softer this time. His name slipped from me like a plea.

He shifted again, inching upward, just enough that the distance between us shrank. My breath stuttered as his face drew closer, closer, until his forehead brushed against my stomach and I could feel the heat of him everywhere.

Then he tilted his head back, slow, deliberate. My heart lurched into my throat. His face was rising toward mine, impossibly so close.

His lips were almost—

I held my breath. Frozen. Waiting.

But he stopped. A hair’s breadth away. So close I could feel the ghost of his breath against my mouth, the faintest brush of heat. My lips tingled, aching with the nearness, but he didn’t close the gap.

Instead, his eyes flicked up, locking with mine. That teasing smile curved his lips again—playful, daring.

“See?” he whispered.

“You didn’t stop me,” and Asami added.

My whole body trembled. I wanted to speak, to deny, to push him away. But the words wouldn’t come. The space between us crackled, heavy with everything unspoken, everything I couldn’t admit.

Then, just as suddenly, he leaned back onto my lap, eyes closing as if nothing had happened at all. “Mm. Comfortable. Don’t move, okay?”

I let out a shaky breath I didn’t realize I was holding, my chest tight, my lips burning from the almost that never happened.

The clock ticked on. The study stayed silent.

But inside me, nothing was calm. Nothing at all.

To be continued….