A disturbed State of Mind characterized by Incoherence

No doubt about it, she too is infected. How? Doesn't really matter anymore, now does it?

That sad, understanding smile of hers practically guts me. Eleanor must have told her what I found out about the disease. Only those healthy enough even have a shot at survival. And anyone could tell with but a single look at her that she won't make it.

She's made her peace already. That tranquillity of hers at this entire situation makes me nauseous. This isn’t something I can fix, is it?

"Since when?"

There are certainly better ways to phrase that question, but my mind simply runs blank.

"I was still fine yesterday..."

I might have around three days at best before the fever takes her. But she must've been infected a fair bit longer already. Eleanor has been with her the past week; is she still alright? Am I?

My lungs obviously hurt, and I have a constant slight cough, but no blood so far. Just the regular toll of working in the mines. I feel lightheaded and dizzy as well, but that's due to the lack of sleep, at least I think so. I'll just assume for now that I am still fine. There's no changing the fact if I am not anyway...

Eleanor is sleeping soundly across the tent; she moved quite a bit in her sleep, it seems. I'll have to give her a check-up later. But we need to leave, at least for now. I lift her up onto my back. I manage surprisingly well; I must've gotten stronger lately.

"Five more minutes~"

She mumbles in her sleep. I turn toward the exit.

“I’ll be back in the morning, Mother. I’ll figure it out. I promise...”

I can simply tell she doesn't believe these words. I can't blame her, for neither do I.

"Isayah?"

I glance back, a lump forming in my throat.

"I love you."

I turn away and leave quickly, for I do not want her to see the tears overflowing from my eyes.

The chillingly cool night-time air greets me, the slums dead silent except for a stray cough or two. I am not out often at this time, for there's not really any reason to be. The only sources of light are torches nested up above on the wall and the moon and stars in the sky.

I'll take us back to the cave for now; we can continue sleeping there, after a good scrub at least. But what am I going to do tomorrow? We can isolate Rinah in our tent right there; nobody except us would ever enter anyway.

But how can I fix this? Can I even fix this? God...

Eleanor shifts faintly against my back.

"Isayah? Why are you kidnapping me?"

Her quiet, drowsy voice barely reaches my ear.

"If I were kidnapping you, you wouldn't be this comfortable right now, trust me."

She chuckles softly and holds on to me tightly. Her warmth contrasts against the coldness of this seemingly everlasting night in more than just one way.

"Do you want me to put you down?"

She clings to me even tighter, saying nothing. An answer in itself really, no need to question it further. Now then, to tell her the awful news...

"Mother's coughing blood."

Deathly silence. I don't need to speak further, after all. She too has worked her butt off the last week to fight the spread of this illness. She too knows the odds of surviving it.

The rest of the way she clings to me in silence. When we arrive, we gather what little bedding we can grab and lie down together. She holds me without a word.

Thankfully, she will be the only one that will ever see me sob this pathetically.

With the coming dawn Loren finds us down here, hidden away from this cruel world in my favourite corner. I must look terrible right now, terrible enough that whatever snarky remark he had readied as his greeting never makes it past his throat.

Eleanor is kind enough to explain on my behalf. Seeing his face drop like that is almost reassuring in some weird way; he cares greatly for Rinah as well.

"I can take care of everything here; you two go be with her."

He too has already written her off as dead. It's the only rational conclusion, really. One I've reached as well. But I don't want that! I don't want that at all!

One thing after another. I'll go see her today and go from there. Grabbing our makeshift masks and cleaning utensils, Eleanor and I make our way back there once more.

We find a feverish Rinah, nestled between blankets on the ground. She's progressing faster than I anticipated. Did she lie to me about when the first symptoms occurred, or is her body simply so terribly frail? Again, it matters little.

Her eyes are glazed; she's sweaty all over. Her breath unsteady, her entire body trembling. I need to lessen her fever if I am to gain even just a little bit more time. Expending a fair bit of our precious water, I ready a cold wrap to place on her forehead.

As I close in on her, a glint of recognition flickers across her eyes.

"Stay away from me!"

She slaps my hand aside and scrambles backward on all fours until she’s pressed into the far corner of the tent.

What?

She looks at me with abject terror, like I was coming to kill her. Or worse...

"Please don't hurt me."

That's the phrase she repeatedly mutters while gnawing at the fingernail of her right thumb. Her frenzied eyes remain transfixed on me.

It takes only the slightest motion from me for her to flinch like an abused child, covering her head with her arms, closing her eyes and closing herself off from the world.

Eleanor rushes to her side, and Rinah instantly collapses into her arms, sobbing into her stomach. So she's fine with her, but not with me? I need to leave, both for her and my sake.

"Please finish up without me, Eleanor; I'll be waiting outside..."

It hurts to force the words out. I think Eleanor wanted to say something to me, but I'm already gone by the time she finds the words.

I sit down on the hot sandy ground, right across from the entrance to the tent. Waiting for Eleanor to finish.

It takes but a few minutes until she emerges from the tent; she must've hurried. She offers me her hand, pulling me up again.

"She has calmed down and has fallen asleep again."

She won’t meet my eyes; I must look out of sorts right now. Sorry Eleanor, this isn't your fault. I at least try to soften my features.

“Before we head into the mines today, there’s someone I need to visit at the market. She might be able to help us…”

I try to give her a smile. She clearly isn't buying it. I can't blame her, for neither am I.

Our path towards the market is largely marred with silence.

"She didn't want to hurt you, you know? She's just... out of sorts right now. The fever is taking its toll on her mind."

I know Eleanor, I know. Mother is clearly delirious. Her fever twisting me into a cruel shadow of the one she despises most, my father. While I've gotten most of my features from her, she of all people would know what I've inherited from him. Of course she'd recoil in fear. Of course she'd be scared of me. It's all only logical, really. I understand all of it...

But why then does my chest still ache this much? Why do these tears begin to well up in my eyes?

I need to remain calm and try to fix this. Push these unnecessary feelings away; bury them deep until another day.

Redhead did give me those medicinal herbs once that clearly helped; maybe I can strike a deal with her. They must have something that can cure her on the outside.

Entering the market, I barely even glance at the poor fools currently being disciplined at the obelisk. I shoot straight towards the building.

Spotting the woman I am looking for is an easy exercise, for she is the only one with red hair here after all. I move towards the leftmost counter, where she currently sits.

"State your business."

Matter of fact, just like always. She doesn’t even glance up from her ledger. It reminds me of a certain someone else...

"Medicine. I require medicine."

She raises a brow.

"You and everyone else."

She abruptly closes her ledger, straightens herself and actually looks at me. She appears to be lost in thought, her eyes wandering across the room. From me to Eleanor to one of her guards, and finally settling back on me.

"While we do possess a cure in our apothecary for the crimson cough, the very same disease that seems to be running rampant in here, I am not at liberty to distribute it to slaves."

So it's called the crimson cough, and the humans are clearly aware of it. Before I can even get a word in, however, she continues.

"No matter how much you might pay. Even if I consider your past cooperation."

She's getting a kick out of this; I just know it. Her mocking smile does piss me off a fair bit, but that's neither here nor there anymore. This is nothing but a dead end...

"Thank you for your time."

I leave it at that. Nothing further to be gained here.

"But of course."

She returns to her ledger. Though that smile doesn't vanish from her face. Seems like my misery just made her day...

As I near the doorway, a chill runs down my spine. I think her guard is staring daggers into my back right now. By now I am smart enough to not look directly at them. Did I offend him in another way?

Thankfully, he doesn't follow us outside. I sigh. What a disaster. What the hell do I do now?

Eleanor, the sweet angel that she is, takes my hand.

"We'll figure it out together."

Yeah, somehow. I'll think of something. I have to think of something. Might as well earn money while I do so.

Grabbing our tools on the way down, we descend into this musky pit again, just like any other day before.

Pacing myself was a skill I had to acquire; it wasn't something that came naturally to me. But with this urgency I feel, I simply can't. Even if it's just mining salt, doing something, anything really, might just ease this guilt. This feeling of helplessness, gnawing at my mind.

Using a hammer and chisel, I break small chunks of salt into even smaller chunks of salt. A simple task that keeps my hands busy. Perfect for thinking, really.

So what are my options now?

Redhead was basically taunting me with the information about where they keep the medicine. She must be aware of what Jesha told me on our trip outside. I know where the apothecary is. If I manage to incite the rebellion right now, there might be a way to get it in time.

But this plague has left us weak and exhausted; I see little chance of us actually taking on the entire city garrison in our miserable state. And once that genie's out of the bottle, it most certainly won't go back in. We only get one shot at this after all.

I've thought about creating an antibiotic of my own, but once again, I know painfully little about the intricacies of such a process. The first one of the old world was synthesised out of some mould as far as I know.

If I threw all morals and caution to the wind, I would most certainly have a large number of deathly ill elves that will die anyway if nothing's done.

But even if I stooped so low as to use them as guinea pigs, I simply wouldn't have enough time to make something both effective and safe for Mother's consumption.

"Isayah! Your hand's bleeding again."

In my stupor I once again hurt myself. Great!

Just as Eleanor begins to address this careless wound of my own making, I spot that guard from earlier travelling down the pit, the very same I thought was staring at me.

Why would one of the cushy guards, those that only have to guard the accountants, venture down into this hell? Did he lose a bet or something?

He must be looking for something. Or someone...