Chapter 13:

Belonging

High School Raindrops


   “I can’t believe it’s almost here.”

“I know, right? It feels like forever ago that it was announced.”

The girls all came around the corner of the courtyard. Hao Hao tried to hide behind a planter, but they spotted her anyhow. Mae asked her, “Hey Hao Hao! Done over there? Want to join us to class?”

Actually, she didn’t want to. Ever since they started talking about this party, she’d been doing her best to avoid them. She looked to the sky. The sunlight they had the other day was long gone, replaced by the normal dreariness and fog that held this area. Even so, she could tell by the brightness that it was about time to get going, so it was hard to refuse their invitation. She got up and walked along behind them. Hoping that they wouldn’t notice how quiet she’d gone.

“I still can’t believe it’s actually happening. We’ve never had anything like it at the school,” Joy said.

“Never?” Alice asked.

“Never.”

They were talking about the dance that was to take place tomorrow night. It was a party primarily for the pixies, but the students were all talking and giggling about the whole thing like it was prom night.

Sumi hung her head on Emily’s shoulder and asked, “Do you have someone to go with?”

“No. Why would you think I did?”

“It’s just that, you and Daichi talk a lot.”

“Ah! I mean, we do talk, but we’re not dating.”

“But, you could be?”

“We’re just friends.” Emily insisted. Sumi giggled like a little girl and Emily moved ahead of them all. Straight into the classroom where Daichi already stood. Planning out a lesson for healthy eating and dieting. Sumi made googly eyes at Emily. She stared away.

The other girls grouped around Alice’s desk and talked about other aspects of the dance. Alice asked them all, “What are we going to wear, though?”

“I know,” Joy complained, “I’ve been asking Jim about it, but he’s been really evasive about the whole thing.”

“It won’t be much of a dance without pretty dresses.”

“If Jim had told us all about this sooner, I could have offered to make everyone outfits. As is, I only have just enough time to finish my own,” Mae said.

“That’s too much anyway. We don’t all need something new. I have something perfectly nice at home.” Emily said.

“Well, that isn’t happening,” Joy said, defeated. “Guess we’re stuck with the uniforms.”

“I do have a room full of already finished clothes. If anyone wants to look,” Mae said.

“It’s a dance. Not a costume party,” Cleo said.

“Excuse me?”

She sounded insulted, but after a few moments everything was normal again. Well, normal as in everyone was overly excited. Hao Hao was usually fine with being with them all, but today, and the topic, were really getting to her. She wished she could tune them out. If only she had headphone like Kirai, or the sort of confidence that allowed Cleo to leave and go to her own desk at the other side of the room.

Taeyang entered the room and took some of their attention, and with the arrival of Kirai they moved to their own desks. With everyone here, it was time for class to begin. Emily and Daichi took turns talking to the class, and it was Emily’s turn. She came to the front. Hao Hao was finally going to get that moment of peace, but then a familiar hooded figure came through the door.

“Hey Emily. Mind if I come in and make a little announcement before your lesson?” Jim asked.

“Oh, sure.”

Emily went to her desk and Jim came in. At the front of the room, facing them all, he said, “Hey everyone. I just wanted to say that your pleas have been heard. I’m heading out, and everyone can have one thing from their closets back home.”

“Wait, really?” Sumi asked.

“Yes. Not anything new though. I’m not made of money.”

“How will you get them? I don’t know if my parents would agree to you grabbing something,” Taeyang said.

“I have my ways.” was all he would say on the topic. The others weren’t concerned with how he was getting them anyway. They were too busy discussing what they were going to get; even Emily and Daichi were whispering about it. Mae raised her hand.

“Yes Mae?” Jim asked.

“I already have a dress made. Can I ask for something else?”

“Sure.”

Mae looked incredibly happy. Hao Hao could see Alice turning towards her, and she looked over at Kirai. She wished they could talk for a moment, so that she didn’t have to talk to anyone else. He certainly didn’t seem preoccupied with it like everyone else. His headphones were in and he was busy reading a history book. She was too shy to try to tear him away from it. She turned back to Alice.

“What will you be wearing?”

Hao Hao had no answer for her. “Oh, I don’t know yet.” She said, but the truth was that she wasn’t sure she was even planning to attend. For the rest of the day, she kept her head low, facing the ground. Waiting for this nightmare to end.

“So, just let me know by tonight. I’ll be heading out in the early morning.” Jim said, finally leaving them to get on with the lesson.

Most everyone left as soon as the lesson ended. An outfit already picked out, they headed straight for Jim’s office. Excitement radiated the hall as well as soul sight. Basically, every spirit seemed to be on overdrive. Color was painting every single wall in sight, Kurai played music louder than ever, and even the calmer spirits like Suki, Purity and Sunny (Taeyang’s spirit) were bobbing around boisterously.

Hao Hao walked slowly, so as to separate herself from all of them. The only one beside her now was her own. Shui bobbed quietly as ever.

It asked her, “Why don’t you want to go?” It wasn’t accusatory, but Hao Hao almost felt like it was.

“I just… I don’t know.”

“You’ve been nervous about it for a while now.” Shui said. “I know you don’t like parties, but you usually don’t mind your friends, and they’re the only people that’ll be there.”

“I know.”

“Maybe… are you worried it’ll be loud? We could ask Kirai if he has spare headphones.”

Hao Hao shook her head. “That isn’t it.” Shui bobbed its head curiously. She sighed, “I just. I don’t have anything to wear. Everyone was talking about what they were going to wear, and I don’t have anything.”

“Oh.” Shui said, suddenly understanding. Hao Hao’s closet back home was all things her parents picked out for her. Overly nice for the occasion, and even if they weren’t she still wouldn’t want to wear them.

“What do I do?”

“Maybe you could ask Jim to make an exception?”

Hao Hao shook her head. “He already helped buy the seeds for the garden.”

“Right.” Shui and her continued to think about it. Hao Hao felt more dread than actual thought, but the sentiment that she should try to funnel her nervousness into something productive was there. Shui said, “Maybe we could ask Mae to make you something?”

She shook her head again. “Mae is busy, and plus, anyway… I… I’ll probably be the only girl without a dress. I’d stand out.”

“Ah. So that’s really what it is.”

Hao Hao let her eyes fall to the floor again. What was she to do? She wanted to be able to talk with everyone normally again, but she wasn’t sure how she could with this party, and she wasn’t sure if she actually could after either. They’d all ask her why she wasn’t there. That thought started her spiral of bad thoughts all over again.

‘Alright, alright. Calm,” Shui said. The two of them practiced breathing exercises until she was calm again. “We aren’t getting anywhere this way. Maybe we could talk to someone else?”

“I don’t know if I should dampen people’s moods with my problems.”

“They’ll be more sad when you don’t come. At least if you say something, they’ll know why.”

Shui spoke the truth. She knew it, but talking to most of her friends sounded hard still. “Maybe I could talk to Kirai.” She thought of him because he wasn’t so excited about the party as everyone else, and he was probably alone too.

They went towards the exit. She wasn’t even looking in soul sight, but she spotted one of Mae’s spirits by the door. When it saw her, it flew right through the wall.

“Is it just me, or was Mae’s spirit avoiding you?”

That’s what it looked like to Hao Hao. She asked, “Why though?”

“I don’t know. Should we check?”

Hao Hao shook her head. “She probably just doesn’t want disturbed. I’d rather go forward.”

“Alright then.”

Shui followed her lead outside, but she quickly stopped and turned back. Everyone was outside, smiling and talking happily while they took care of the garden. Kirai was there, of course. She sighed.

“We can try again later.” Shui said.

Right. She sighed and tried to comfort herself, but truthfully, her thoughts swirled within her like a storm. She hated talking to people. She’d been getting better recently, but it only occurred to her now that it was all external. She didn’t mind helping people with their problems, sharing about herself if it was to help them, but sharing her own worries? That was hard. That was something she was entirely out of practice with.

She rushed forward so fast that she wasn’t looking. She ran right into someone walking out of a club room. Clothes were splattered all over the floor. Shui disappeared.

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry Hao Hao. I wasn’t even looking.”

Mae sounded entirely distraught, quickly picking everything up off the floor. Hao Hao was surprised that Mae wasn’t outside with the others. She was about to ask, but she was caught off guard by the outfit that fell next to her. Something she wouldn’t have expected to find in Mae’s collection; a pair of overalls. Patch hearts and flowers all over it. Covered in sequins to make it shine.

“What is this?” Hao Hao asked.

Mae looked up, and her eyes fell on it, and she sighed. “That was supposed to be a surprise,” She said.

“A surprise?”

“Yeah. At first I was trying to make everyone a pair so that we could all be matching while we were gardening, but it occurred to me that not everyone would like that, so then I was like ‘what am I going to do with this one?’ and I realized that you might appreciate it the most.”

“It’s… it’s for me?”

“Yeah, and then I thought it would look so cute to wear tomorrow if I added a little dazzle to it, so that’s what I did, but I… well, I was thinking about adding more to it before showing it to you, but now, you know.”

Hao Hao looked it over. Admiring the detail in it; Mae really did put a lot of love into anything she made.

“Well? Is it too little? Too much?” Mae asked.

“It’s… it’s perfect.” Hao Hao said.

“Really?”

“Yes. I… you’re really giving this to me?”

“Yes.”

She could feel tears in her eyes as she said, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” And she smiled wide. She said, “I’ve never had anyone cry over one of my outfits.”

Hao Hao laughed. She didn’t have to be worried about the party anymore at all. The relief she felt was almost indescribable. She didn’t have to hide anymore; she could talk freely with them all. She didn’t need to worry about this causing tension or starting anything much bigger than she could handle.

When both girls calmed down, they decided to join the others in the garden club.

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