Uda - Abyss (3)

“You can look me in the eyes if you want. I think you’re exhausted, aren’t you?” Lera asked, nodding with feigned sympathy.

“No,” Uda lied.

She immediately bit her tongue and Lera’s icy eyes flashed. Then the Exorcist smiled and slowly rose. Setting the goblet back on the table, she walked toward Uda with the apple still in hand. Uda was on the verge of apologizing, about to confess that she’d lied and promise not to do it again.

NO. I won’t give in.

Lera stopped in front of her and ran a finger along Uda’s chin, then down between her breasts and to her stomach. Uda had to suppress a shudder and forced herself not to recoil in disgust. Lera continued downward, then slowly traced her finger back up and stepped so close their faces were less than a foot apart. Her floral perfume maddened Uda, who forced herself to stare directly into the Exorcist’s blue irises.

Suddenly, Lera grabbed the backpack straps and yanked them tight.

“If you’re not tired, you possessed bitch, then I’ll make sure you are. No need to take off the stones anymore. Maybe Exorcist Immesh will allow it, though you probably won’t be that lucky. And even if he does, he’ll punish you with something worse…” Lera whispered.

A searing heat stabbed Uda’s chest.

She tried to suppress a scream but could not. Steam rose into her face and she smelled burning flesh. When she looked down, Lera’s hand was glowing reddish-white. After what felt like an eternity of searing pain, Lera finally let go, looking down with a satisfied smile. Uda followed her gaze and sobbed in despair, which earned her another dreadful smile from Lera. The two straps of the backpack had melted together. She had no idea how she’d ever separate them again without cutting them apart. The backpack was connected to her now in the same way the horrid net of glowing stones had been.

“Please, no…” she breathed, biting down hard in desperation.

Even with the awful weight hanging from her, she tried to stay upright.

“Ah, very good. I think you’re starting to understand. You’re beginning to grasp what we do to Nightmares like you, those who’ve nested inside the minds of innocents. You think you can haunt us? That’s a mistake…” Lera whispered.

She leaned in close and hissed, “I’m the one who haunts you. Just like all my brothers and sisters, from the lowest recruits to the High Exorcists. Make no mistake — you’ll be begging far more than you just did, and I won’t grant you release. You and your kind have plagued our land for so long we don’t even remember when we first had to retreat behind the shields. How long we lived there — like caged, fucking animals ready for the slaughter. I’ll show you what that feels like. Oh, I’ve waited so long to imprison a Possessed. The last one we met woke up. Took nearly thirty of my Hunters down with him…”

Lera’s voice shook; her eyes bored into Uda’s as if they could smother her with hatred.

A faint scent of alcohol had mingled with the flowery perfume. Her lips pressed into a thin line. She inhaled deeply, closed her eyes, then put her fake smile back on and raised the apple.

“Are you hungry?” she asked.

YES, please, FUCK, YES! Uda screamed inwardly, but she couldn’t say it.

The hatred in Lera’s words still rang in Uda’s head. Her back muscles spasmed under the pack’s weight.

“I… yes,” Uda murmured weakly, stifling a tear as her stomach growled.

All that existed now was the apple. So juicy.

Lera held it close to her face, the fruit almost brushing the tip of Uda’s nose.

“You want this apple, little possessed bitch?” Lera asked slowly, savoring the moment.

“Yes, please… can I have it…” Uda whispered. Her voice gave out.

“Then apologize to the poor girl you’re hiding inside. I can see the scars you left on her face before. I can barely imagine it — just arrived, and already overwhelmed and swallowed by darkness, like in some…” Lera shook her head in disgust and spat into her face.

“The name Nightmare suits you perfectly, doesn’t it? So say it. Apologize, even if she probably can’t hear you anymore. The only reason you’ll ever be destroyed is to wake her up, so she can return and get a second, a better, real chance. But since she’s probably not really here anymore, it doesn’t matter how long I make her wait. For her, it must be eternal darkness and pain…” Lera hissed, her voice dropping.

This time her eyes welled up and she had to swallow several times to keep speaking. She drew in a deep breath, put her mask of friendliness back on, and walked quickly to the silver carafe. Pouring herself another cup of wine, she sat back and drained the goblet in large gulps.

“Oh… how I wish I could be there when Exorcist Immesh gets his hands on you. They say he has very different kinds of pleasure when it comes to the Possessed, especially those in such… tempting bodies. He’s a disgusting little swamp-snake, revolting. Still, he belongs to the Revealers. And who knows… maybe you’ll enjoy it a little? You’re a Seductress, right? Maybe even possessed by a Lust, considering your mental and physical fortifications. Then intimacy must be your thing, using it to get what you want. Too bad the only thing waiting for you is perhaps a slightly bigger cage, not a heart you can crush in your filthy hands…”

Uda felt sick. She couldn’t tell whether it was the stench of alcohol, the burning hunger in her stomach, or Lera’s words that made her want to vomit.

“Anyway… KNEEL BEFORE ME! Or by the Goddess, you’ll really get to know me! Kneel and apologize! Maybe then you’ll get your apple!” Lera barked, slurring.

She pointed to the ground in front of her.

Horrified, Uda scrambled to her knees.

“I’m sorry, Uda… you’re trapped because of me. I’m sorry I took away your chance to explore the Dream, to form bonds with others… I’m a Nightmare, a Lust, and I’ve stolen and destroyed the potential of the girl whose body I’ve taken… Please, Exorcist, please… I’m hungry…” Uda whimpered.

Half her breakdown was performance; the other half was real. Admitting she had brought herself here voluntarily — something Lera would never understand — reminded her of why she was here. As she cried those pitiful words, Uda felt something pulse near her, something deeply comforting for a moment.

Probably the Sky Stone. Ah, those colors… There’s always hope.

She looked up at Lera, who still held the apple.

“Maybe you’d rather have something to drink first? You did really well… I’m proud of you. Good girl,” Lera said cheerfully, nodding toward the goblet.

She was clearly drunk, and Uda feared more hatred would spill out, so she nodded quickly.

YES! Finally, something to drink…!

Her lips felt cracked and her throat raw. Saliva filled her mouth. She looked at the golden goblet.

“I don’t know… do you really want it?” Lera asked.

“Yes, please… I’m so thirsty…” Uda said.

“But you don’t have to drink anything, you don’t have to eat. It’s only a little pleasure. You could get by without it,” Lera mused mockingly.

No, please! PLEASE! Uda screamed inwardly.

With a sigh, Lera stood and walked to the carafe. She refilled the goblet, stepped in front of Uda, smiled, then spat into the liquid several times.

Uda’s face twisted in disgust, but she needed something to drink. The thirst…

“Mouth open. Head back. Eyes shut. Enjoy it, you possessed piece of filth,” Lera commanded, holding the goblet over Uda’s head.

Uda obeyed quickly, nearly losing her balance under the backpack’s weight. She waited eagerly. Nothing happened.

Please, please… Just let me drink, you fucking bitch, Uda begged silently, keeping her mouth open.

She knew Lera would do something vile; still, nothing.

Saliva threatened to spill from the corners of her mouth and she swallowed. Her knees ached and she felt her body falling apart. Her feet and palms were torn open, her legs nearly numb from kneeling so long, and her back throbbed beneath the stones. With eyes closed, her other senses overwhelmed her.

A splashing sound made her jolt and her lids flew open in alarm. Lera was pouring the wine out, right onto the ground, where it soaked into the brown grass.

Uda cried out. She could not hold back the tears and broke into uncontrollable sobs. She tried to focus on the Sky Stone, but this time it gave no comfort.

“Why are you crying? Because I’m so generous? Then drink. And go ahead, eat a little dirt with it. Hurry, or it’ll be gone. NOW,” Lera barked, pointing to the spot on the tent floor where the last puddle of wine vanished into the earth.

Uda barely registered what she did as she lunged for the puddle, frantically scraping the liquid into her mouth with her hands. She clawed at the dirt and managed to save only a few drops.

No… she thought, sobbing, and collapsed onto the hard ground.

The stones on her back pressed into her chest, forcing the air from her lungs.

“Still hungry?” Lera asked with a crooked grin, as if nothing had happened.

Her voice barely reached Uda. All she felt was the emptiness in her stomach and the wreckage of her body. Her black hair clung to her face, tangled and matted with tears and sweat.

“Yes… please, yes… hungry… please… apple…” she gasped, looking up at Lera.

The Exorcist pressed her lips together and gestured at the apple with mock curiosity.

“This one? You want this one? How hungry are you? Convince me and I’ll give it to you. No tricks this time. I’m already bored with you anyway,” Lera yawned.

“Please… I’m so hungry… I just want a little of that juicy taste… please…” Uda moaned, close to giving up, close to retreating into herself where that vile ring of filthy light would continue to drive her mad.

“Hmm. Let’s test that. See how hungry you really are. Kill two birds with one stone,” Lera mused. “There are still bits of that Nightmare stuck to my boots… not an apple, but technically edible, I think. And my boots do need cleaning. Lick them. If they’re spotless, maybe you’ll get the apple.”

She set the goblet down again.

Uda had not noticed the refill. She stared at the boot shoved toward her. Crusty, grimy bits clung to it and it reeked.

No. You’re not doing this. You don’t have to eat. You don’t have to… she told herself.

Slowly, she reached out and lowered her face to the boot.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

“I didn’t say you could use your hand. Your tongue will do just fine. As a Seductress, I’m sure you’re good at that…” Lera sneered.

“SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, YOU DRUNK, FUCKING BITCH! LICK THAT SHIT OFF YOURSELF AND CHOKE ON IT, YOU FILTHY SHIT! THAT WON’T BRING BACK THE ONES WHO DIED BECAUSE OF YOUR DAMNED INCOMPETENCE!” Uda screamed with everything she had left.

She pushed herself upright and spat right between Lera’s eyes.

For a moment there was total silence. Lera was too drunk to react quickly; she just stared back in stunned disbelief.

Uda was barely holding herself up, on the verge of collapsing, unable to process what she’d done. Part of her wanted to take it back, cursing herself. Another part felt overwhelming relief.

I am still myself. I will not…

Lera’s face turned white and her eyes bulged. A second later the whip lashed across Uda’s face, knocking her to the ground. She lay gasping as the necklace flared to life, flooding her with waves of nausea; she vomited the little that remained in her stomach.

Someone stormed into the tent behind her, probably Kelwin, rushing to his mistress like the animal he was after hearing Uda’s scream.

“You… I should’ve… you… I…” Lera stammered, eyes burning, mouth twisted with hatred as the chain around Uda’s neck tightened and began to choke her.

“I’ll… you’ve gone… too far… you dare…” she managed.

Desperate, Uda clawed at the band crushing her throat, knowing there was nothing she could do. She struggled for breath.

Is this the end? Did I abandon Nia? Did my stupidity bring me here? Maybe next time I’ll be luckier. Maybe I’ll find Nia again. Or Orfet… Yes. Or Vid, or Weet… Or all the others, whose names I never even asked…

The world blurred and Uda braced herself. She did not regret it.

I did not break…

Suddenly she could breathe again, ragged and wheezing. Lera looked completely unhinged and Uda knew nothing could save her now.

“Kelwin… take her outside. I’ll begin cultivation, then we’ll move on. Strip off those filthy clothes. I want her crawling on all fours like the animal she is. Exorcist Immesh should get some ideas when he sees her and what he can do wi—”

Then came the abyss.

Deep. Terrible. Endless.

It flooded into Uda, sending boundless terror into her soul. Nothing she had ever sensed compared to it. It felt as if the core of her being were being torn apart, swallowed by infinite emptiness. Her thoughts unraveled and vanished into the vast nothingness invading and spreading inside her.

Uda was not sure whether, in that bottomless abyss that shattered her mind and pulled everything into its depths, there was something after all.

Was it rage? Hatred? Despair?

A flicker of joy?

No. Only yawning emptiness. Only the end.

As the abyss pushed her inward like a raging current, she could no longer tell where she ended and the void began. It was as if she had become part of it, her consciousness merging with never-ending darkness. And somehow it felt almost peaceful.

Then, as suddenly as it had arrived, the abyss began to recede.

Next to her, Lera had collapsed to the ground with a panicked scream, vomiting onto the floor. Uda turned her head with the last of her strength toward the tent entrance and saw Kelwin clutching his forehead, his eyes darting in confusion, his mouth forming soundless words. Screams echoed beyond the tent walls.

“Exorcist… what was that? What caused that? Was it close? Was… was that a Nightmare? I’ve never—” Kelwin finally stammered, voice low and shaking.

“Neither have I. Never. I think it was not close, yet I do not even know where it was. Very far? It felt like I was touched by something primal… ancient…” Lera whispered.

Her lips trembled and a single tear rolled down her cheek.