Ray - Warmth (2)

“What… what is a world change?” Ray asked weakly, focusing on the smell of the grass and the tickle of the stalks against her hands, trying to distract herself.

Eri was silent for a while, then continued, grateful perhaps for the chance to speak of something else.

“It’s something not even the other Sages know about. I’ve been... all over, Sparky, everywhere. So many strange and wonderful places, and there was only one location where people spoke of such a thing. A world change is an event that changes something fundamental in the Dream, almost as if it alters the nature of a realm itself. When I first heard it, I didn’t believe it; it sounded too contradictory, too absurd. I am more open-minded now. And when I saw the Sun — your Sun — when I noticed it changing people, that’s when I knew: this was a world change. What it will bring remains to be seen. Whether it’s good or bad…”

Ray looked to her remaining companions, now even more determined. “We should keep going. To the Radiant Monastery. I need to finally learn to control this better. I don’t want to be responsible for my light hurting the people I care about again. I want to fight the darkness that’s coming, so it will be good in the end.”

“What do you mean by that, Sparky?”

“That thing this Let spoke of, that monster from another realm — I don’t like it. It feels like… I can sense something similar too. A darkness drawing closer. It’s only at the edge of my awareness; maybe it is my own fear, my own uncertainty. Yet everything that happened in Glune makes me afraid something really might have been drawn here from somewhere else. Probably from a realm that’s fallen much deeper into darkness already than ours…”

Ray thought about what Eri and the others had told her.

When the last light fades, Let said… I’ll stop it. I’ll reverse it. In the end, the darkness itself will vanish. I’ll make it happen somehow. I’ll protect the people from it, so Glune never happens again; so people never have to fear the eternal night, the defeat of the Sun, the breaking of the moon, the fading of the stars…

“Is it possible? For monsters to come over from another realm?” she asked.

“Perhaps. Who can say?” Eri replied, more uneasiness in his voice than she would have liked.

“I see.” She closed her eyes for a moment, the halo calming her. She took a breath and looked at him, asking the thing she had been afraid of to speak about. “Eri? When will people stop awakening around me?”

Her eyes found his, and he made an effort not to look away.

“When you’ve fully surrendered to your light, then maybe you’ll have the strength to protect those who want to protect you, and others too,” the Pilgrim said thoughtfully.

“You don’t need to protect us,” Olver commented.

“Yeah, we’re used to a lot. We’re not easy to take down,” Sars agreed.

The two men nodded with conviction, and Ray felt a little better. Still, she could hardly believe Demoa was gone too.

“How long to the Radiant Monastery? How long until I can finally learn to keep my inner powers in check?” Ray asked, looking up the slope nearby.

“Not far, two or three days.”

Ray sighed and pulled herself to her feet.

“Then let’s go. I don’t want to risk a single heartbeat without training. Who knows what else might break out of me…” she said dryly.

Eri nodded, and they mounted the muldis, Ray riding in front of Olver on his beast. It was weirldy comforting to have him behind her, although it also reminded her of those last frantic moments with Elga. It took focus not to sink back into grief for Demoa or Elga; she managed by turning to the Light inside her. The radiant halo gave her renewed confidence and strengthened her resolve to bring good to the world.

They didn’t talk much during the next part of the journey. Ray could tell they were all still wrestling with what had happened, and she was almost glad she hadn’t been conscious for the tension and the escape itself. The air had lost some of its floral scent, and Ray found herself missing the meadows they’d crossed back when she had first left Dio behind.

What would have happened if he had come along? Could he have helped me, or would he have sacrificed himself too, like Demoa? If he were here now, would he find some way to cheer me up? Yes — I think he would. I hope you’re doing better than I am right now…

The trees grew sparser as Dio's warmth inside her grew fainter with each step. Rolling rock formations broke through the ground, bordered by small yellow, cross-shaped plants that gave the terrain an unusual flair. The Sun still hovered high above them, warming and sometimes blinding them; Ray couldn’t even begin to guess how far away it really was.

They rode for the rest of the day, climbing more hills and crossing clear waters that bubbled in little streams from underground springs, bringing them fresh water. The Dream felt more inviting than before, almost as if it were still changing. Had she done that? Was this what Elga had paid for with her existence?

As dusk settled, her mood darkened and gloomier thoughts struck at the fortress in her mind. She could feel them battering the walls; she resisted. While Olver drove the muldi over wave-like rock formations, with Eri and Sars following, Ray found herself swallowing repeatedly. The disappearance of the Sun over the horizon made her strangely uneasy, and suddenly she could understand why people had been afraid and why they had panicked and attacked her. It was a dull, heavy burden watching the celestial body sink.

What if it doesn’t come back one night? What if eternal darkness really is waiting for me — for us — and one night it will seize the world? A world ruled by dark currents of cold abnormalities, like in that other realm Let visited on his astral journey where he heard the warning. That’s a truly disturbing thought, Ray realized, shivering.

Yet when the Sun was gone and the moon rose, bright and silver, a perfect disk, another avatar of the radiant circle, she knew her fear had been excessive. The Light would always protect her because it was a part of her. With that thought, it was easier to hold fast against the dark and against fear.

They made camp on the crest of a hill so covered in rocky formations that Sars had trouble finding enough firewood. Eri snorted when the hunter returned with the few branches he had managed to scrounge, and he lit them quickly, staring into the crackling flames.

Ray sat down beside him and stayed silent, glancing at him from the side. What was he thinking?

“Eri, how long have you been wandering, and why?”

He didn’t look up; he kept watching the red flames and orange sparks rising and snapping into the air.

“A long time. My reasons are none of your business, Sparky, sorry. Let’s say that ever since I first heard of the possibility of a world change, I wanted to make sure it would bring something good. I became obsessed, in a way, so I wandered — joined the tests for the newly arrived — looking for the right person. Until I found you,” he said at last.

“But you didn’t even know if this would be good. After all, my Light has only ever caused harm, like…” Ray began, then broke off. She stared into the dancing sparks.

“I spoke with you, Sparky. That was enough. I don’t think you’re someone who wants to hurt people, and I can’t imagine someone like you could truly harm the world with something that comes from yourself,” Eri said.

“You weren’t sure?” Ray pressed, looking at him.

“No. I guess I had hope. Hope in the Light you shone with, the fire burning in your heart. Hope in the symbol you saw, which somehow brought me clarity and stirred thoughts that had been simmering under the surface of my mind for too long. No one had managed that in ages. Yes, hope, even for a grouch like me,” Eri said with a grim chuckle, prodding the coals with his staff.

Ray didn’t know whether to be relieved he had trusted her or disturbed he had let it all happen out of hope and faith in the Light.

She leaned back and looked up. The stars stretched endlessly above, shining; some seemed to pulse as they accompanied the moon on its journey across the firmament. The sight eased her, almost as if the sky itself were speaking encouragement.

Up there it feels so endless, as if there are no limits, only possibilities, Ray thought. I wonder what Dio is doing right now. Is he sitting somewhere, looking up too? Meditating? Picking a fight with someone? Making new friends? Is he still waiting for me? Oh, I hope I see him again soon…

Ray almost felt as if she were cultivating and on the trail of new mysteries. She lay there for a long time while the moon climbed higher; some of the others meditated or cultivated, and one kept watch. They hadn’t noticed dangerous animals on their journey, Olver had said, which didn’t mean none were out there. Also, Glune was still not that far away.

Then, when the moon was almost at its zenith, Sars hissed from beside the dying embers.

“Hey, something’s coming!” he whispered, gripping his spear.

Ray narrowed her eyes but saw nothing.

Or wasn’t that the sound of hoofbeats?

Even in the bright moonlight she couldn’t make anything out. Should she try to light up the hill, use her Lucidity to create something that would give them a better view? She reached for the circle within her and felt its immense power, then hesitated.

What if I let out too much? What if I vaporize this whole hilltop and them along with it? Then I’d be alone in the night.

Ray shivered. Could she risk it? Darkness was in her, and doubts were rising. What if she accidentally released some of it into the world?

No, that wasn’t possible… and yet…