Chapter 29:

22. Shame

Heart Dream - How I Got To Chase My Dreams and Myself In Another World!


So, you and Isabella went to get some firewood, and Caoilainn came to me and said:
- "Aren't you ashamed?" - I didn't understand her:
- "Of what?" - she pouted and her hands were behind her back:
- "The way you have been treating Richard!" - to which I replied:
- "Well, I see... nothing wrong it?" - she got angrier:
- "Look at the way you shame him at each battle and never talk to him and treat him as a bum! Do you think that is acceptable?" - she talked really quickly. I said:
- "No, he deserves that, he strives to do only the bare minimum."
- "Come on, Mazanlold, after all you've done yesterday and all that he has done? Haven't you got any honor, any guts?" - I was puzzled:
- "Yesterday? But I did nothing yesterday!" - this is when things went downhill:
- "Nothing!? Do you mean you really don't remember?"
- "No" - I said. She facepalmed. She breathed. And then continued:
- "So, yesterday" - she sighed - "you were fighting on a ring, god knows why... and you faced Richard and for some reason you not only defeated him, but you also were going to strike him after he was knocked down." - she paused - "it really seemed like you were going to straight up kill him." - she hesitated - "that's when me and Isabella arrived, I called you and skeletons started attacking us. And the worst of all, you were attacked by four skeletons and was knocked down." - she looked straight into my eyes - "Can you guess who saved your ass? Richard. Richard! The one you shame so much saved your life. Are you now going to say you don't remember any of this?"
- "I I" - I hesitated and then physically and psychologically fell - "so, that that was real..." - I sighed - "I was hoping it was a bad dream or a nightmare. My memory is fuzzy. I remember fighting, I remember drinking something and feeling stronger and refreshed" - I hesitated - "and angry. I felt really mad. And when I saw Richard, I felt afraid and angry, really angry and I went with all my might. I I..." - I hesitated again - "I don't know why I went so hard and after this I don't remember anything really..." - I breathed and looked into the ground. Caoilainn took her time to absorb that and say:
- "So, that is tragic." - she was reflecting - "it is possible that the drinks influenced you somehow" - she paused - "but this is kind of inexcusable isn't it? You bullied him for days, then you went to" - she hesitated - "to maybe kill him and then he saved you. And yet you bullied him. I... I cannot accept that" - she was moving around.
- "You are correct. This is shameful, and there are no excuses. I know I deserve punishment, but I also know there is no way to amend what I've done."
- "Yeah, there is no way to amend, however there is no way back either." - she touched her chin - "Regardless, you ought to apologize. Apologize and change your ways."
- "But we don't know if Richard will accept my apologies" - I sighed - "Well, I don't think I would."
- "Maybe he won't. Maybe you cannot amend this. However it is your duty to apologize. It is the honorable thing to go. Moreover, you can act differently from now on. Not only with him, but you can be better. The past may be unchangeable, but the present if there for you to prove your honor." - she looked down - "don't be stuck into shame, but stand up and go on." - and as she said that you arrived and we pretended nothing happened.

***

- "And that's what happened, Richard" - Mazanlold continued - "I am here trying to apologize for all of this. For bullying you, and specially for what happened yesterday. I know it is inexcusable, but this is all I can do now." - Mazanlold bowed.
- "I don't really know what to say" - said Richard - "I must admit I was really angry at you, specially yesterday. I kind of feel conflicted however." - Richard supported his head with his hand - "I also felt ashamed. When you called me out the first time, exactly here, I felt really ashamed" - he hesitated - "and a bit envious. I looked at you, how you excelled at fighting and then how Caoilainn and Isabella are amazing at what they do. I... I felt ashamed and envious. I've never before in my life did really good at anything, neither did I really dedicate to something like you three. So, I felt like that" - he paused and thought - "and besides that, I never fought back to your bullying. Even though I felt horrible and angry at times, I also felt ashamed and deserving, so I kept silent." - they stayed silent for a while. Richard resumed looking to the outside. Then, Mazanlold climbed the fence and looked at the same direction. He said:
- "You see, that still worries me in a way. This journey requires dedication to its fullest, so I can't help but get really bothered if someone doesn't think that way." - he looked at Richard, then again at the horizon. Richard said:
- "Yeah, I understand. I feel afraid actually. Afraid of not being enough, of not having what it takes for this journey. " - Richard sighed - "but I wish to go on. Even if I always failed to excel, I've always went on with the options I had. This is my trump card, this is my bet." - he looked at Mazanlold - "this and my trust in you. You three are amazing on your own and have been proving you are worthy of trust."
- "Trust? After all I've done? After yesterday?"
- "Yes, I guess that sounds strange." - he moved his hands around - "but even if it took Caoilainn's help, it takes a man to stand up and apologize, specially to someone they despise in a way, specially when the mistake is that big. Of course I don't need to speak about Caoilainn and Isabella, I would be hard pressed to find any proof they didn't deserve any trust." - he stopped to think - "But yes, Mazanlold, I think I can trust you."
- "You are one of a kind aren't ya?" - Mazanlold started - "I guess I have to apologize again" - he let a small laugh - "I was wrong about you Richard. I cannot say you are perfect or that I subscribe to your way of living" - he looked straight at Richard - "But you have proven you are a good man. A man worthy of trust. And a man that recognizes his issues and stands up to them." - he took a breath before continuing - "You see, I have a hard time trusting people. I still may not trust you completely, even after that. But, believe, I will do my best, you have more than proved yourself." - Richard felt emotional and took a while to say:
- "Thank you, I guess. it's hard to absorb all that, but I think between apologies and gratitude, we are ready for a fresh start." - Mazanlold let a honest laugh:
- "You see, this thing of 'feelings' is really tough! These girls are better than us in that matter!"
- "They sure are!" - Richard also laughed a bit.
- "So, we may have our difficulties, but let's make this a fresh start." - Mazanlold thought for a bit - "You are not a fledgling any more, you are a peuco"
- "Peuco? You mean the hawk?"
- "Exactly! It's a kind of hawk who works together. That's a word I only use with the ones I consider close enough to trust. I've heard this from my father" - he looked up sorrowfully for a moment. Then he resumed - "and once I called Isabella that. She is quite the warrior."
- "That's an honor." - Richard bowed - "Thank you teacher."
- "Please don't be so formal!" - Mazanlold put his hand on Richard's shoulder - "time for a fresh start, peuco?"
- "Let us do that, peuco" - they made a strong, long handshake and left the fence. They reapproached the pit and shortly, the girls returned.

Solerite
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