The verdict doesn't love our soul

Laila

«Bloody hell, there’s absolutely nothing to do here!»I snort, sprawled out on the ceiling. Søren has done nothing but train and breathe like a gorilla for hours. “Look — I can see you’re ignoring my complaints!”

Slowly I lower myself from the ceiling until I’m lying on my side beside him. «Aren’t you tired yet?» I ask with a little smile. I trail a finger down his back. «Ugh, gross — you’re soaked» I wipe my finger on the floor.

«Stop talking nonsense, Laila.» he replies without stopping. His breath grows heavier; I think I can even see his temples throbbing beneath his hair. «I don’t feel like joking, so please, be quiet.»

“How dull!” I flop onto my stomach and thump my legs loudly to catch his attention. «Laila, stop that, you’ll hurt yourself.»

“Heh heh, what an idiot — you fell for it! It’s funny how you always forget I can’t get hurt.” «I’ll do what I please!» I snap. «There’s nothing to do here but watch you exhaust yourself for no reason.» He pushes himself to his feet, fists clenched, and moves toward a wall. “What’s that idiot planning now? Is he trying to punish himself?”

Suddenly he begins throwing punches at the wall. I leap up, «Stop!» I shout, but he seems not to hear me. On that wall I clearly see Goran’s face with every blow. Blow after blow, his body stiffens more and more. I watch blood stain the stone as his knuckles scrape and split. “I have to stop him!”

I grab his shoulder, trying to pull him back. «What are you doing?!» I cry, desperate.

«None of your business!» he shouts. This time he hears me, but keeps going regardless. His knuckles crack against the stone, chipping it, and blood drips down his fingers. He doesn’t seem to want to stop.

“Why can’t he hear me? Why won’t he listen? Doesn’t he understand I’m trying to help?” A tear tracks down my left cheek, and memories of the hut come rushing back. “I can’t keep shouting—not after what he’s been through… Maybe the only way to help is to pull him out of himself.” I wipe the tear away and force a smile. «I never thought you were such a masochist. Want me to make you a whip? Maybe you’d like that better.» He freezes and turns to look me in the eye. He stands there, face only a palm away; the expression is so furrowed it hardly looks like his own.

“Now that I have his attention, I need to press it — like I always do… Hope it works.” My smile twists into a grin and I squint my eyes fox-narrow. «What’s the matter? Now that you’re warmed up, do you want a different kind of exercise?» I ask, kissing the tip of his nose. Strangely… I feel a faint flutter in my chest.

«What are you doing?!» he blurts, recoiling immediately, his face flaming with embarrassment.

“Good, there he is again…” «I told you, I’m just killing time.» I answer, smiling with my hands behind my head.

«How can you be so calm knowing Nadia is alone? How can you be so shallow after what you saw?!» he asks, raising his voice. I notice his hands tremble from the pain, “Idiot…” I move closer, take his hands in mine. “Haven’t you suffered enough?” I conjure a bandage complete with disinfectant.

“He must be thirsty after all that movement.” As soon as I release his hands, I create a pitcher of water and hand it to him. «Here…» He takes it, trying to hide the pain in his knuckles, and drinks quickly, spilling a few drops on his uniform; a swallow goes down wrong and he starts to cough. I pat his back to help. «Drink slowly, idiot.» He wipes his mouth on his sleeve. “Finally, he seems calmer…” I sit with my back against the wall, hugging my knees. «Do you… really think I don’t think about those things?» I ask in a quietly sad tone.

He slides down the wall and sits beside me. «No… Sorry I said that.»

«You should apologize.» I say, giving him a light headbutt on the shoulder.

He looks at me out of the corner of his eye with a faint, melancholy smile. «What do you think he meant by ‘solving our problems’? What we saw was the past; such things can’t be fixed so easily.»

«Are you sure?»

«What do you mean?»

«Well, since we started traveling together, we’re not the same as before.»

«You think so? I don’t feel like I’ve changed much.»

«Oh, no?» I smirk with my eyes to the side, «The nerd I knew would have waited for someone to hold his hand before doing two push-ups. You’ve learned to wipe your own arse.»

Silence falls over us for a moment; our faces turn to the floor. «You’ve changed too…»

«Huh?» I say, confused, not looking at him.

«Now, I don’t know how to explain it…» I see his expression soften into something tender. «You don’t act like everything around you doesn’t concern you anymore. You seem… humbler, like you appreciate what’s around you.» I feel my face burn, “Don’t let him see me like this!” Without thinking, I lay my head heavily on his shoulder… My breathing deepens. «Couldn’t you at least have found us two cots before falling asleep?» he mutters. I feel his arm move, “N-no, what are you doing?” He slides his arm around my neck and rests my head against his chest. “Why does my heart feel like it’s hammering so hard and my face so hot?” My breath stutters slightly. «Did I wake you?» he asks.

«Sh-shut up…» I answer, my voice trembling.