Prologue: — "My First Breakup in This Life"

I tugged my scarf tighter around my neck as I stepped into the small café, the bell above the door chiming softly. Outside, rain drizzled against the windowpanes, casting a silvery glow across the empty streets. I smiled faintly to myself, there was something comforting about the quiet hum of the city in the rain.

My eyes searched for him, and there he was: Haruto, sitting at our usual corner table, a gentle smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Even across the room, I noticed something different about him. His posture was slightly slouched, and the way his fingers traced the rim of his mug seemed hesitant, almost nervous.

“Hey,” I said softly, sliding into the booth across from him.

“Hey,” he replied, his voice quieter than usual, almost strained. He offered a small, distracted smile.

My stomach fluttered. Normally, he was full of energy and teasing remarks, but today, something in his expression felt… distant. I tried to shake the thought away. Maybe it’s just a rough day, I told myself. Everything will be fine.

The waiter came by, taking our orders, and I watched as Haruto nodded absently, barely glancing at the menu. I forced a small laugh. “You’ve been kind of quiet today. Everything okay?”

He shifted in his seat, his fingers drumming nervously on the table. I watched him, my unease growing. There was something… off. Something heavy weighing down his usually bright eyes.

“I… um,” he started, clearing his throat, “there’s… something I need to tell you.” His voice wavered, hesitant, and I felt my stomach tighten.

“What is it?” I asked, leaning forward slightly, trying to catch his gaze. “You can tell me anything, Haruto. What’s wrong?”

He swallowed hard, his eyes flicking to the window, then back to the table. “I… I think it’s better if we… end things.”

My heart lurched violently. “End… things? What do you mean?” I whispered, almost afraid to hear the answer.

“I-I mean… I think we should break up.” His words were careful, almost apologetic, but they still cut through me like a cold wind.

I blinked, searching his face. “W-what? B-but… why? Did I do something wrong? Please, tell me. I’ll… I’ll change if I have to. I just... please, don’t leave me without explaining.”

He flinched at my words, his hand tightening around the mug as if holding on to something. He looked so small, so fragile, and I realized, really realized, that this wasn’t about me. Something else was hurting him, something he wasn’t saying.

“I… I can’t explain it,” he murmured finally, his voice breaking just a little. “It’s… it’s not about you. It’s me. I… I just…”

He trailed off, and I felt a lump form in my throat. My hands clenched on the edge of the table. “Haruto… please, don’t do this. Don’t leave me like this without a reason. Just tell me why!”

He looked down, unable, or unwilling, to meet my eyes. The tension between us was thick, suffocating, and I realized that whatever he was hiding, it was bigger than anything I could fix.

I couldn’t stand it. My chest ached as I reached across the table, gripping his hand. “Haruto… please. Please just tell me. I’ll do anything... I’ll change, I’ll help, I’ll—”

He flinched at my touch, his fingers trembling under mine. I noticed then, the slight paleness of his skin, the dark circles under his eyes, the way his shoulders sagged as if every ounce of energy had been drained from him. His breathing was shallow and uneven, each exhale shaky, and I could see the faint tremor in his hands.

“I… I can’t,” he whispered, barely audible, his lips trembling. “I can’t give you anything. I… I’m… I’m worthless.”

“What do you mean, worthless?!” I snapped, my voice rising. Tears burned my eyes as I shook him gently but insistently. “Stop saying that! You’re not worthless, Haruto! You’re—”

“I am!” he cried back, almost breaking, his voice raw. “I have nothing to offer! I… I’m sick, Aria! I can’t… I can’t give you a future… I can’t give you a life… I just—”

“No!” I yelled, gripping both of his hands now. “Don’t you dare say that! Don’t even think about leaving me because you’re scared of your sickness! You’re my Haruto! I don’t care about your cancer, your sickness, your exhaustion, none of that matters! You’re not dragging me down. I’m not leaving you!”

He finally looked up, his eyes glossy, filled with pain and guilt, but he didn’t pull away. My heart ached, seeing how much he was struggling just to hold himself upright. “I… I can’t… I can’t give you what you deserve,” he murmured, voice cracking.

“I don’t care what you can or can’t give me!” I shouted, tears spilling down my face. “You’re everything to me! Don’t you dare leave me because of your illness! Please… just… let me be here for you!”

For a long moment, we just stared at each other, the rain outside tapping softly against the window, blurring the lights of the city. His exhaustion, the tremor in his hands, the way he was barely holding himself together, it all pressed into me. I wanted to fix this, to take his pain away, but I didn’t know how.

He looked at me then, finally meeting my eyes. For a fleeting second, I saw the boy I’d fallen in love with, the gentle, kind Haruto who had always made me feel safe. And then I saw the fear, the exhaustion, the guilt.

“I… I can’t,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “I… I have to go.”

“No! Haruto, please… don’t do this!” I cried, my voice cracking as tears streamed down my face. “I don’t care about your sickness, your exhaustion, I don’t care! Please, just stay with me!”

He shook his head slowly, his trembling hand lifting as if to push away the world, to protect me from the burden he believed he carried. “Goodbye, Aria. I’m sorry for wasting your life.”

The words hit me like ice through my chest. “No! Haruto, don’t—”

He turned, his footsteps slow but steady, moving away from me. I stumbled after him, my hands reaching out, grabbing his arm as he tried to pull away. “Please… please don’t leave me!” I begged, sobs shaking my body. “I don’t care what you think about yourself! Don’t leave me alone!”

But he didn’t look back. He kept walking, each step taking him further from me, further from everything we had shared. The rain blurred the world around me, the lights of the café fading as he disappeared into the drizzle.

I fell to my knees on the wet pavement, gripping the empty space where he had been. My chest ached, my vision blurred with tears, and my heart felt like it had been ripped in two. I was left alone, the silence of the world pressing down on me, broken only by the soft patter of the rain.

And in that silence, I realized something: no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t hold onto him, not now, not ever.

I walked home through the rain, my clothes soaked, my hands trembling, and my tears mixing with the drops on my cheeks. Every step felt heavier than the last, as if the world itself were pressing down on me. My chest ached, my stomach twisted, and my mind refused to stop replaying his words.

He left me. Haruto… my Haruto… left me because he thinks he’s worthless. All because of his sickness, his cancer, something he couldn’t control. And yet, somehow, he thought leaving me would protect me.

When I finally reached my room, I collapsed onto my bed without bothering to take off my shoes. I grabbed my pillow and buried my face into it, my sobs shaking my body as if I could cry the pain out of my chest. I didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to fix this, didn’t even know how to stop hurting.

Hours passed, or maybe only minutes, I couldn’t tell. The sound of rain against the window was the only thing keeping me company. Slowly, my cries quieted. My tears had soaked the pillow and my sheets, but my body finally began to relax, heavy with exhaustion.

Eventually, I drifted into a restless sleep, still clinging to the pillow, still haunted by his absence, still aching for someone who had already walked away.