In the Wake

Yuji staggered to his feet. Delirious, heat emanating through his body. Stumbling forward he caught himself here and there with the help of surrounding trees. Mind in a haze, eyes cloudy with yellow and white splotches. His ears rang with white noise.

“No…” He pushed off the trunk supporting him, continuing toward the direction where the chaos had been. “No…”

Blood dripped from his wounds. His body screamed for relief he was unable to satisfy. There was no stopping. He could only go forward.

He had been coming. I saw him. I saw him running. He had to have made it.

Yuji quickened his pace, desperate. The pain in his body a quiet voice against the fear, against the tormenting agony that peeled up from his chest, screaming into his head.

“Mirk!”

No answer returned his call.

“Mirk!”

Stumbling forward he began to run and stumble. Eyes catching something in the distance he moved toward it, heart racing. When he reached him he stopped, falling to his knees, eyes examining the tiny body laying lifeless on the ground, fingers trembling afraid to touch him.

“Mirk.”

The body moved with no resistance. With a guttural cry he lifted the small frame to his chest pressing it to his heart weeping uncontrollably screaming from his diaphragm.

“You weren’t supposed to die. Why didn’t you just do as I said? Why didn’t you leave me? You stupid weasel. How am I supposed to survive without you?”

His heart burned, it ached, it hurt, every single beat felt like a knife.

“You were all I had…”

He looked down into the empty open eyes that had held a spark in them only seconds ago, but now were empty dark pupils swallowing most of the rich rust. Tears fell endlessly onto his dirty yellow fir rolling off into the disturbed foliage.

“Please,” his fingers stroked his face, “please come back. Come back. Please.”

A wall of flames surged around him as he cleaved to the tiny body inconsolably.

-*-

Yuji met the coming escort party, in a state of visible misery. Mirk’s body still in his arms a trail of ash and low flames following behind him, dragging after his feet. The forces stopped gray with surprise allowing the emissary to pass through, his usual composed state revealing visible shock.

“Lord Till what’s happened are you injured? Where are your men? And what of Lord Dain and the men he took with him?”

Yuji raised his eyes to the elf. The flames throbbed around his feet, pulsating. All perceiving this stepped back.

“Lord Dain is dead. As for what happened to his men, I’m sure you’d know more about that then anyone, your excellency.”

“What’s happened?”

“My lady you must return to the carriage at once.”

Yuji didn’t know why looking at her brought back that hurt, dug it out of his chest, anguish, sorrow. His body’s miseries, when had he forgotten about them, how had he? He felt weak, his limbs shook with effort, and his legs buckled.

“My lady!”

Arms caught him, warm and comforting, they went to the ground together.

Yuji felt suddenly delirious. He couldn’t tell what was happening. His body felt hot. Someone was crying. He could feel their tears falling on his face, every place they touched relieved for their contact and somehow that increased his internal misery. There was an attempt to move his arms, he wouldn’t let them. He couldn’t let them take him. Yuji remembered that he needed to hold on. If he held on there was still hope. If he didn’t let go then none of it had happened. He’d wake up and Mirk would be there. If he didn’t let go then the reality that he had lost the only thing keeping him alive wasn’t true.

A voice spoke to him. It was saying something he couldn’t understand, and he didn’t care to hear.

It hurts… this feeling, it hurts, it hurt so much…

Yuji wouldn’t take his eyes off of the cushion where Mirk’s body rested. Lady Menodora had insisted that he ride in the carriage with her the rest of the way to the capital, and he had refused to go inside without him. The envoy had protested but ultimately gave in when neither of them would bend. Lady Menodora had cleaned Mirk herself and had a chain put round his fine neck with a crystal that was meant to help preserve his body.

It's strange, it seemed as if he were only asleep, that at any moment he might wake up and everything would be alright again. Even the slight singeing of the hair on his tail and lower body couldn’t break the illusion.

The world, as it had before, continued to go on. There was night and there was day. There was air to breathe and things to look at, but it all seemed empty now as Yuji beheld him. He couldn’t think about what he was planning to do once they reached the capital. A lot of it had been a way to avoid playing into others’ hands, and now where was he? He was in a carriage riding to Nocturn. Why? He remembered; it was for the safety of the escort party. An image of the elf rose in his thoughts, a burn rising in his gut.

“I told him to run.” Yuji’s voice was ragged. “But he didn’t. He chose to save me instead.”

It had disappointed Yuji that they had managed to heal his body so easily through another one of the Centauri Seren’s stored elixirs. When he had woken hours after it was administered and remembered what the mongoose had told him he had tried to convince them to try one on Mirk but was told he was beyond such miracles. Yuji was given these magic elixirs hand over fist, but when it was time to be given to another, someone he wanted to have it more than himself, it was too late. They had passed beyond even the magic of this world.

“I’m sorry Yuji, I wish there was something I could have done. I truly do.”

He didn’t doubt her sincerity, in fact, he could see it all over her. She had been crying. Her face was puffy, eyes stained with soft filament like red veins. She had apparently been inconsolable when he had returned as he had. She smiled, he turned away.

“Yuji, I know it’s not my place to say, but I have watched him with his master. I’ve seen him with you. I know that he cared for you very much, and if he risked his life to save you then your life was the one that mattered most to him. Not his. He would want you to live a full and good life. If you don’t Yuji, there would be no meaning to what he’s done for you.”

He could hardly breathe as he listened. His eyes fixed on the still body. Looking away he stared out the window, trying to get the reins on his emotions. The emissary was walking within eye shot. He was speaking with one of his elven subordinates. The fire within his chest flared, that pain. The elf noticed him and with a grin bowed his head in acknowledgement.

Anger tore at his chest, clawing at his heart and lungs with keen efficiency.

“What happens after we get to the capital?” Yuji’s tone was hollow. He didn’t turn from the window, mind stirring.

“Well, first we’ll pause outside the gates of the city, people will come from Nocturn to help prepare for my arrival ceremony. The following day it will happen, late in the evening. From what I understand it will be similar to what was done before we left the fortress, only instead of the emissary leading it will be the king. After that, we wait until the auspicious day and hour. At that point, I will go with the procession to the Celestial Terrace on Mount Lune where the final ceremony will be held.”

“Final ceremony?”

“Yes. That is the last one I know about at least.”

“And what were you told would be your purpose or position after the ceremony was finished?”

Thaddea’s brow furrowed gently. “They d-didn’t tell me. I was always told I would be informed after the final ceremony was concluded.”

“I don’t trust that elf, no creature can live that long, in such a place as this, without blood on their hands.” Yuji whispered Mirk’s opinion of the elves under his breath.

An anxious flutter disturbed his other emotions. They were almost to the capital. They would be there in a day or so. When that came what would he do? They were surrounded by devoted soldiers and elves with deadly magic. He had a power, he could feel it seething, pulsing inside of him, but he had no idea how to use it. What would they say or do if he tried to object? This was her destiny. They had prepared it for her beforehand. It’s all she had been trained for since she had been taken and forced to abandon her own name, her own identity. There was no point in fighting fate. But this feeling, this burning, aching, ripping in his chest.

I won’t let them get away with what they’ve done. And I won’t let them have her too.

“Thaddea,” her eyes flashed when he used her true name, “If I ask you to go away with me, if I find a way to take you away from here, will you come with me, even if it meant not completing the ceremony?”

Yuji didn’t want to tell her the reason for the question. It was all a pipe dream at this point anyway. To tell her now would just be to frighten her, and possibly get her hopes higher than he was yet capable to reach, which would only prove to make things more difficult. So, he wouldn’t tell her his reasons unless he absolutely had no other choice.

Looking to her hands she shifted her fingers through one another. “Yuji,” her gaze rose to meet his, “if you ask me to go with you, no matter when, no matter where, I will go.”

I won’t let them do whatever they’re planning to do with her. I won’t let them have her.

“I trust you, explicitly.” She smiled with tears on her lashes.