Você não me ensinou a te esquecer

" […] E agooora? Que faço eu da vida sem você?"

Joy is humming a deeply sorrowful melody. 

It starts with a strumming from melodic guitar and alternates to with a sad timbre from a violin.

"Você não me ensinou a te esquecer! [...]"

Honestly, this chapter is too sad for me, do you mind taking over, Joy?

No problem. See you next time, mr. Narrador.

I guess I should start with the context. Yesterday a friend of mine, Sally, went to meet me for the second day in a row. She told me there was someone who needed my help and brought me here.

I could already feel from her voice and with the hesitation of every step while she guided me, but nothing could've made me ready for what was to come. The ashes of our dreams, our livelyhood stomped, and the blood of our companions. 

Sally doesn't seem to like me, so it is understandable she didn't want to mourn with us. 

The boy that has stolen my heart, but now he is brooding, I'm shaken myself. I sit right next to him, he is staring at a couple of barely visible mound of dirt. 

He is withdrawn, but I was sure he'd tell me when he is ready. I stand beside him, and with time he does.

"How aren't you angry, Joy? They took your brother and now Biel! I know you liked him too."

"I got angry, but that went away fast. Though, maybe it was a bit of pride, since I didn't want to concede to Sally."

"You've become so annoying, Joy."

"Yeah, maybe." I take the sword in my belt, and continue while looking at it's handle, "If Tarik dies, my brother won't come back. It is alright to feel the anger, we have to — Our feelings are our feelings and there is no way around it. But …"

I'm not really sure what I want to say. I don't want to say it is pointless. I don't want to make excuses for my neglect of the last week. But ...

"But … how can I say this … Wanting his death, blaming them and praying to the creator for a solution isn't honesty. It gets to a point it isn't even denial or bargaining. It is pure escapism. A way to not think about it, to not have time to actually feel what has to be felt."

I look at his face. No matter how much he says he is angry and wants revenge, that is not what I see. So I take his right hand and continue.

"When I confronted my feelings about it, something reminded me of when I got this sword. I was making so many 'what if' statements. I then I knew what I needed to do. I needed to give in into the feeling" I notice his eyes tearing up, but I continue, "I needed to give in to the tears." 

 A single tear runs down his face and to be honest it also moves me. Biel was like a second brother to me. I hug him tight and give in myself, his arms are enough bedrock for me to let everything else fall without fear of losing myself. I can also feel him quietly sobbing.

That night, he lied down in front of me and looks deep into my eyes. "I feel like he was what tethered me to reality. Anything I'd envision, he'd be the voice of reason. It is like there is a vacuum in my heart, and I'll just start floating because of it. Then I'll be lost in the void of space ..."

I really wish I knew what to answer, but it is his process. I just move my hand to his hair and smile. I can feel the little lizard is trying to chomp my toe, maybe she is jealous of him. Hahaha

Today nothing much happened. I fixed his new overcoat's sizing and cuts and he decided he would be hunting for good food, but he only brings the little animals from the traps. I cook it and suggest we move into town. I have an idea about how to walk around without getting caught, and it is probably safer there.

I didn't mention, but I also wanted us to be in another environment, try to start a new chapter and be present on the public assembly that'll happen in two days. 

Don might've failed to constitute a military, but there seems to be a new effort brewing from an entirely new faction. We need to check it out and maybe even join forces. That might even be acceptable for Sally, and maybe we could work together.

We move right after the first afternoon rain. I bring the lizard on top of my right hand. It is so funny how she feels in her element when the rain pours on her or when we pet her below her jaws. 

"Her name is Diana, she also lost her brothers. Bruce was crushed and Clark Burned. I guess I cannot complain, since I killed her mother."

He points to the overcoat after saying that.

Once again, I'm not sure what to say. So I just give my finger for Diana to chew on and involuntarily sing.

"[…] E agooora? Que faço eu da vida sem você?"

"What does that mean?"

Biel told me it is a break-up song, but that section in particular means something like

"[...] Nooooow, what will I do with my life without you?
You’ve never taught me to forget you [...] "