Hydronausea (You can’t catch me if I imprison myself first!)

Bao was certain he had never been seasick before. Granted, it wasn’t like he actually took a boat in the old days, but if he could read a book while roadtripping without getting his eyes crossed, then certainly a big old piece of wood cutting through water couldn’t be any trouble at all.

Nonetheless, as the large passenger craft finally tied down the last of its moorings and let down its ramp, his whole chunky self gracelessly wobbled down the gangplank and across the dock until he wrapped his hands around a signpost and held on for dear life, fighting the rising nausea bubbling up from within.

“Is it solid ground? Is it dug into the bedrock? Is it finally over!?” He moaned.

He wisely kept his line of communication closed to his two compatriots lest he embarrass himself further. Certainly, Paul would sigh with practiced resignation, and just as certainly Trudy would patronize as only she could. After all, Bao was the goof of the three – always friendly, never quite as biting.

And currently bemoaning his lack of sea legs, even on dry land.

“What a pathetic sight,” a woman’s voice cackled. “Are you the same man I met outside Fortress Town? Or have you misplaced my bodyguard, perhaps?”

Bao turned to look back at a black-haired figure with an Easterner’s features. It was hard to ignore when this world did feel analogous to a fantasy world, perhaps a novel or game – despite being from another realm, Humei’s clothes still evoked Japan far too well, with the robes and sandals… and the various rope knots and sigils that suggested that Spiritual priesthood was more involved in the lands far removed from Forness.

It was a complete coincidence that Bao, on the lam, somehow fell in with a departing caravan of a noted Easterner with her entourage who were preparing to return home. A few half-truths found Bao hired on as extra security for the woman with seemingly only one expression – a knowing smirk, glued to her face.

He was no fool: he knew that she knew. What was more curious was how she took his situation as a challenge for a priestess to unpack.

For now, though, the bodyguard in question simply returned a sheepish smile as he hesitantly unpeeled himself from the post. “On the sea, hire a sailor. For the road, you got me.”

“Ha! A solid answer!” Humei cackled again, before slipping an arm under his and drag him along, like an excited child and a guardian.

Bao looked about, at the port. This part of the East looked like a chain of small islands, which were then all but tied together with a network of stilt houses, long walkways, and even small dinghies, houseboats, and berthed ships that were tied to each others as much as to other docks, turning the shore into a floating sea of hand-made habitations.

“Welcome back to the East, to Seaknot,” Humei dramatically announced. “The office scribblers will insist it’s not the capital, but my temple is here, and that’s what counts.”

“Is your temple a big deal?”

“Ha! I certainly hope so, with the way the bureaucrats came begging to us to use our space to host that big tournament that’s coming up.”

Having spent quite some time listening to Humei’s rambling up until now, Bao was more than familiar with the blazing forest of red flags peppered throughout her grandstanding, though he was also good at shutting things down simply by just not giving her an opportunity.

“I see,” he noncommittally answered, to Humei’s amusement.

Humei’s dragging somehow slowly coalesced into a small procession, attendants carrying the woman’s luggage behind her. It wasn’t a full on parade, but Bao knew that the priestess was drawing attention. Boatmen stood respectfully, and those with hats were removing them.

It was that way that Bao was able to see some of them a bit closer up: some of them had unceasing, blinking stares or bulging eyes. Others had scales lining their bare arms.

“First time seeing syhee from the… uh…”

“‘Sea’?” Humei finished for him. “A sad rhyme we all have to live with around here, though with us living by the water, the Spirits here don’t have to think twice when they choose to incarnate. Suffice to say, fishing is very easy around here. Net budgets certainly are down. Ah-ha! Home at last!”

The temple was built on a hillside, and the fact Bao could see the multi-levelled wooden structure even from here showed that Seaknot had money to spare, or just a lot of interest in making sure its priesthood was well-spoken for.

The journey came to a stop before two towering double doors that opened up and admitted the column of men and women, who were in turn greeted by many more dressed in Humei’s fashion, who bowed at the waist.

“Deputy priestess, thank you for undertaking your trip,” the closest demurred. “Missives from temples West remarked at how happy they were that you visited them.”

“Excellent!” Humei said, before casually jerking a thumb over at Bao. “He’s my meat shield, put him in a guest room, will you?”

“...We shall?”

Bao watched his cover story walk away, immediately chatting with more priests and priestesses that began updating her, before looking at the somewhat flummoxed fellow who remained by his side while others filed out elsewhere to work on the unpacking.

“She just likes ambushing people, huh?” Bao said, commiseratingly.

The priest fixed on his best smile. “Her surprises are never too disruptive. Shall we?”

From a cold fortress in the North, Bao somehow finally found himself in a fantastic alternate Asia, in a small but well-appointed room that seemed to fuse Western and Eastern influences: the bed was hilariously out of place and had to sit on a wood slate so that the legs wouldn’t dent the reed mats, for one.

Still, for whatever culture-shocked foreigner had to visit this temple, they would still have to marvel at the excellent ocean view, complete with the sight of the busy floating city below. Bao just hoped it would light up brilliantly at night.

“Ah! This place!” Humei’s ecstatic voice cried out, and Bao found himself sighing. The priestess had no dial, merely switches.

Turning around, Bao saw the woman inspecting the room approvingly. “This place was forgotten for years until my teachers found out where I kept hiding. I got punished, and this room got new life. There’s probably a lesson in there.”

“You need something?” The redheaded swordsman asked, and Humei folded her arms knowingly.

“Well, since it’s just the two of us, why not whip it out and let me see how my handiwork has fared so far?”

“Innuendo is so not you…” Bao huffed, then reached into that strange space he owned and withdrew the long sword hidden in its wooden sheathe, throwing it over to the priestess, who caught it with one hand and gave a few cursory glances along the length of the scabbard.

The old talismans that wrapped the weapon had been peeled off and replaced by fresh seals that completely rewrapped the rod, so that it’d take a true wilful act to loose the blade once more.

“Even in another space, it looks like the Oar’s been contained again.”

“Why does it have such a such a dumb name…?” Bao wondered, as the weapon was tossed back and promptly put back into its void space.

“Word of the wise,” Humei offered laconically, “when something is willing to make a joke of itself, be sure to run away. Might sound ridiculous, but the Oar was one of the first warning signs about how bad the Menace would be. The first Spirit corrupted by Malevolence, and the first object it blessed changed with it – or perhaps we should say “cursed”, now.”

Back then, the woman only needed to take a single glance at the fugitive to know what he was. Despite that…

“I don’t get why you aren’t worried,” Bao observed. “I mean, you’re basically representing the other side where this spiritual business is concerned.”

“Make no mistake, I’m keeping things quiet for now to avoid the panic I hear is happening elsewhere,” Humei cooly responded, passing her charge to look at the sea. “But you’re unlike any other monster we’ve met over the years. You’re not killing things left and right. I’m keeping you close until we figure you out, without the bureaucracy up in Idoy Heart biting your head off.”

“And you trying to browbeat me into a tournament is supposed to help?” Bao said, skepticism dripping off every word.

“You’ll never stop being perceived as a threat as long as you’re a bogeyman who can strike from the shadows,” Humei argued. “A so-called monster surrounded by warriors and spiritualists of all stripes and so is too polite to do anything but sing and dance will upend worries. Don’t worry about hurting people’s feelings, anyway - Easterners like pretending we’re the best duelists in the world, they won’t complain about getting spanked in a few exhibition matches.”

“I don’t know, this plan seems a bit much. What if the Oar gets loose and cuts someone…?”

Humei hummed, finger to her mouth as she dissected her bodyguard visually. “Do you doubt my work? Or do you doubt yourself?”

Bao was silent for a moment, before slowly moving over to sit heavily on the bed. “I don’t know how the others handled it, but at least they have, uh, spiritual powers. Back in Fortress Town, I remember blacking out… and then remembering how I took out a sword and began slicing people apart. I don’t think I killed anyone… but arms, legs… it’s like you say, Humei. I’m a monster, even if I can think.”

“And you’ve been in control ever since. More importantly, you have plenty of incentive in the coming days to stay in control,” Humei emphasised, as she walked past him to the door. “I’ll admit, there’s a lot of other reasons I want to see you in the square when the tourney begins, but for now, know this – you’re facing a lot of doubt, but my job is to talk to the Spirits of the world, and you know what I hear when I bring you up?”

Bao frowned in confusion. But also guessed. After all, wasn’t Malevolence the enemy of the world?

“What do they say?”

“They don’t say. They laugh. Without fear.”

Bao stared, dumbfounded at the answer.

Humei’s stern look broke into another toothy grin. “You regret the violence. That says far more than you think. So keep that big ol’ chin of yours up. I think you’ve got friends in high places, so don’t disappoint them when the Stormmaker Festival comes.”

Humei didn’t even bother saying goodbye as she shut the door behind her. That gave Bao the time to flop back on the bed, and regard the unfamiliar Eastern ceiling.

Spirits, foreign lands, cursed weapons, and self-doubt. Bao was facing multifarious issues, but in the end, he only had one dawning concern.

“I’ve just got shanghai’d into Lucha freakin’ Libre.”