27. Vivere Non Est Necesse

- "An unfamiliar ceiling" - Richard thought to himself as he woke up to a plain white ceiling. He could hear a periodic chime bothering him, not letting him rest. He blinked his eye and saw himself in a hospital bed. In front of him were his parents and a doctor. He tried, but could not move.
- "Is there really no hope, doctor Saul?" - his mother said, not holding back the tears.
- "Yes, we've reached the limit of our medical knowledge. Now, he can live for years in life support, but he will never wake up. It might be better to turn it off" - before Richard could do anything, his father shouted:
- "You are not killing my son!" - Richard tried but couldn't move or say anything - "You are keeping him alive as long as you can! I have faith in God and you will do as I say!" - the doctor had a reluctant face:
- "This is anti-scientific, but I will do as you say, if you insist."
- "I insist!" - his father hugged his mother and left the room. The doctor stood there, thinking. Richard felt ill. A few seconds later, he noticed one of the screens next to his bed was turned off. He looked at the doctor, and his heart skipped a bit seeing his eyes.
- "Don't... don't turn it off, Saul." - Richard said, but no sound left his mouth. The doctor went to the other side, to turn off another equipment. - "Saul, please, don't turn it off." - Richard felt his heartbeat rise, he tried to move, but his limbs did not respond.
- "Your father might be emotional, but I will do what I must. Soon, you will rest" - the doctor smiled to Richard.
- "No, I'm afraid Saul, I'm afraid." - he felt himself panting - "I feel my body going numb, Saul, please, don't turn it off" - the doctor watched Richard as he displayed no visual reaction.
- "If God existed, I don't think He would've let that happen" - Saul said as he turned off the final equipment.
- "No, I'm afraid, I feel I'm dying Saul, please" - the chime was less frequent - "I want my mother Saul, please, my mother, please bring her, I'm crying, I'm dying" - it was hard to breathe - "I want to live Saul, please" - chime - "please" - the sounds ceased and the doctor left the room.

As his strength was leaving him, a faint memory was lingering on his mind. Him, a baby, embraced by his mother, as she sang: "Daisy, Daisy, Give me your answer, do!" - he sang it together with her - "I'm ... crazy... the love.. you" - he slumbered.

Richard woke up drenched in sweat. His eyes were wide open and he was on his bed. His friends were on their beds, still asleep.

- "Fortunately, it was a dream" - he thought. He uncovered himself, got up, left the room and sat on a chair on the balcony.

Watching the glistening sea, listening to the waves and the crickets chirping, Richard let the night sink in. The sky was astounding, he saw nebula and stars strange to him and a even a planet sporting its rings, the size of his world's Moon. He had not let himself feel that relaxed since his fated night observing the Perseidas. Due to that he did not notice as Isabella sat down by his side:
- "Can't sleep?" - she said.
- "Yeah, bad dream." - he answered - "and you?"
- "I heard some sounds and woke up to take a look. I saw you there and thought to ask."
- "Well, just a bad dream really, sorry for worrying you."
- "No need to be sorry. It's just that" - she hesitated - "I really worry about you all." - she sighed.
- "This is not too hard to see." - he smiled and she blushed a little. - "It feels good to have someone worrying about me." - she took her time before replying:
- "Are you not used to that?" - he touched his chin and looked around.
- "Well, not a lot. I did have people that worried about me in the past. Specially my mom. But I always felt everything felt fake, artificial somehow. If I ever had something real, I would bet on my mom, the rest of the people I sadly don't believe."
- "That's rough." - she said as she got closer to him - "Didn't you have any friends, other relatives, a girlfriend?"
- "Well, I did" - he paused - "but it never felt authentic. It always felt like everyone including me just did their part, their act and closed the curtains. Nothing serious, nothing deep, nothing true." - she looked deep in his eyes - "And I guess I've always lived my life like that. Doing my part, adapting, getting by, getting one or other enjoyment. " - he sighed - "Honestly, I kind of feel like there is nothing real, and life is a waste, worthless, I don't know why I go on, I"
SLAP! Isabella slapped his face. He flinched and after he looked at her, she said:
- "You never say that again!" - she had a stern look - "life is a gift, how do you feel entitled to complain? You are healthy, young, and you are chasing your dream. How can you be so ungrateful?"
- "Well, maybe I am the issue." - he touched his hurting cheek. - "I don't know why I opened up now, but I think it's better to continue." - he breathed - "It's just that I've never felt 'love' for anyone and I've never felt any effort I made beyond survival was worth it. It seems we are all trapped in a spiral of life and death, a puzzle which I cannot make sense of. If we all will die in the end, how is any of that worth it?" - Isabella was still visibly annoyed:
- "I won't dig too deep into this, I will just tell you a short story" - she cleaned her throat - "A few years ago, I had to slay a humanoid monster that came from the sea. It had four completely different heads and was very aggressive. But what's funny, is that one head kept repeating two phrases which stuck to my heart 'everything is worth it if the soul is not small' and 'sailing is necessary, living is not necessary'. I don't know why such a wisdom came from a monster, but I accepted it and I live by those words. Reflect on them, open your eyes, see what you have and be grateful" - she closed her eyes for a moment - "and go to sleep, before it's too late" - with that Isabella stood up and went back to sleep.

Richard spent some minutes thinking, then lied down again and spent some more minutes with his mind trying to process all that, before his body surrendered to sleep.