Chapter 3 - Have I always Lied

I awoke on a hill, the grass sways, tickling my body. I’m confounded by the lack of wind making the flora dance, feeling ghostly. Lights occupy the space around, floating in place as if they found their belonging.

The horizon is endless, no clouds even from a distance, but the hill is never ending.

I can’t recall my memories, but an itch feels familiar.

Glancing to the summit of this hill is a lone tree, my insight tells me to go.

Standing below the tree, my instincts tell me it is not unusual, but without memories to reference I am unsure.

“You have died.”

A feminine voice states from the other side of the trunk. I peak around to see a lone girl with long red hair sitting against its base, comfortable in her positioning.

“Am I here to be led to the afterlife?” I asked, knowing now my suspicion was correct.

“Yes.” She responds, uncaring to my monotone. She stands with enthusiasm. The itch makes itself know again. “I will guide you to where you will be reborn.”

“Reborn...” I mutter. I feel no sense of wonder to this word. “So, the afterlife is just a cycle of reincarnation?”

“That’s correct.” She smiled, as if patronizing my assessment. “There is no true death, you will always cycle through another life.”

“Really...” I look to the balls of light, they shine but so dimly, unable to blind me but unwilling to show their true self. “So, you have met me many times before?”

The girl is a bit taken aback but is not thrown off. “Correct, I have met many souls. Guiding them to their next passing.

“Then you are a Goddess.”

“Correct.” She does that smile again, the itch is growing stronger. “Do you know who you are?”

I freeze with her question. Facing this Goddess, I feel nothing more than boredom. Her demeanor tells me she’s excited, but her eyes don’t match.

“Yes.” I lie

The Goddess’s eyes shift only by a little, staring onto the balls of light in a quick fashion do they return to normal.

“Then we better find you a world to be reborn into.” Her excitement has an undertone. She glides around the grass, as if it were made of ice, gracefully making the flowers and grass dance with her movements.

I feel nothing.

“These orbs each will guide you to a life to be reborn in.” She grabs one of the orbs, stroking it as if it were a pet. She gestures to me to near, showing me something astronomical.

“These dots are the worlds within, watch as they revolve around their sun.” She prompts.

The system she shows me looks unique, a planet on its side making it appear like an eyeball in space, while there’s one big sun in the center and a small sun within its orbit.

“This... Is boring...”

“Huh?” She is conflicted but not surprised.

Throwing the orb back up she gives a clap of her hands.

“Let's see if we can find you another system.” She glides over to another orb. “This one-”

“No.” I state bluntly.

“I haven’t even shown it to you!” She argues, pouting to my rejection.

I glance to all the orbs. Each one tells me there's a story for every one of them.

“This is boring...” I state, those very words coming from my very soul.

“I- I’m sorry?” She’s taken aback now. “Reincarnation isn’t really fun. You’ll feel more at home once-”

“I mean this whole thing is boring!” I shout, my voice doesn’t carry through the hills, no echo or response from the dead air.

The Goddess stared blankly, unable to find a way to respond.

She brings out a sigh.

“Then... Would you want me to grant you true death?”

The itch grows rampant. The raising of the Goddess’s hand is telling every instinct of mine to run, my insight does the same.

I respond in kind.

“W... What are you doing?” She asks, as we both have are arms extended, pointing to one another.

“I can tell... There's something more... Something I’m missing. My story does not end like this.” I state, confident on words I do not understand.

“What!? Why do you always do this!? Is wanting a story hard wired into you or something!?”

Her statement intrigues me.

“You’ve met me many times before... Let me ask, have I always lied about remembering myself?”

The Goddess was shocked, she even took a step back in astonishment, keeping her hands outreached. Even with her bodily reaction, her eyes still unchanged.

“My name is Toshiro Kage! And I will not live a mundane existence!” I shouted, feeling a passion behind a name I do not remember.

The Goddess was in complete shock, staring at the orbs, meticulously studying each one as if they were lies.

“Y- Y- Y- You are not- You can’t- HOW DO YOU REMEMBER!?”

Her eyes do not lie. She is unable to process the moment, her very being shocked, my intrigue grows.

“I REFUSE TO BE CYCLED BACK AND LIVE A BORING LIFE!!!” I passionately shout. I clench my fist, gripping with emotion I did not understand, the Goddess’s eyes went to confusion.

I punched the nearest orb, breaking it on impact.

“YOU CAN’T JUST BREAK REALITIES LIKE THAT!”

In a moment, lightening shot from her hand, but its impact wasn’t painful. I felt a familiar jolt, one I hated. My vision went white.

###

I awoke, laying on a familiar hill of grass. Balls of light occupied the space around, and the grass danced to no wind.

A tree occupied the top of this hill, it looked familiar, but my memories couldn't recall, only that it wasn’t unusual.

Standing below the tree, my instincts tell me it is not unusual, but without memories to reference I am unsure.

“You have died.”

A feminine voice states from the other side of the trunk. I peak around to see a lone girl with long red hair sitting against its base, comfortable in her positioning.

“Am I here to be led to the afterlife?” I asked, knowing now my suspicion was correct.

“Correct.” She nods, standing up gleefully, her eyes lie.

She spouts various things, true death doesn’t exist, the orbs of light are of other worlds, prompting me to be reborn.

“Aren't you tired of this?” I ask, not knowing why.

“Huh?” She looks at me, a distrust reflects in her deep blue pupils.

“You’ve met me many times. You’ve met countless other souls many times. Don’t you think it’s been enough?” I ask.

Her eyes still lie, but her demeaner looks excited. “Guiding people is my passion, who else to take you to a life different from the ones you’ve already been through.”

I stare at her smile, clashing with her true self.

I stare onto the orbs, trying to picture what life is inside, but nothing resonates.

“Was I this bored with my other lives too?” I ask unprompted.

I feel the Goddess’s eyes stare, a gaze familiar to my own.

“Your new life will be exciting! I promise!”

She closed her eyes in her statement, giving me no chance to read them, but I still feel unmoved.

I extend my arm out softly, gracefully guiding the orb down.

The Goddess stares blankly, she stands motionless, unable to break from the sight before her.

“This world... I’ve lived here...”

“W... What?” She muttered, her mind void.

“I was betrayed... My own lover fell for another man, I was murdered by someone who I though had feelings for me...”

The Goddess stared at the orbs, I feel like I’ve seen her turn to them for answers many times before.

“H... How... How are you so determined to undermine your existence... To keep coming back seeking more... Isn’t the fact you can go on living time after time enough for you?”

The Goddess was broken. Her words were from her very self. If there was a time, I found that fact good enough, I would wish to go back to it.

I turn, facing the Goddess, stuck in the moment as she tried to process the moment.

“Is it enough for you?”

Silence filled the air. The Goddess was speechless.

She trembled in my presence, unable to look away in disbelief.

“I never gotten a chance to ask you, though our countless encounters... What do you truly want...?”

My eyes widen. A simple question now threw me off. I let the ball float off my hand, finding its place back above, content in its space.

“I... I want to live a life that excites me... To never feel this boredom ever again...”

I express my true wish. One I felt in the deepest parts of my soul.

The Goddess stared, a light reflecting in her eyes.

“Pftt.”

“Huh?”

“AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

She laughed uncontrollably. I could feel my face turn red in embarrassment.

“Y- Y- You caused me all this trouble!!! Just to not be bored!?!? AHAHAHA!!!”

She continued to laugh, I wanted to hit her.

She glided around as if on ice, I could feel the genuine emotion behind every twirl and movements of the grass.

I felt a wind. My hair caught in its breeze and warmth carried across my body.

She spun around my back to my front, her eyes sparkling as she met mine.

“Do you want to do something new?” She asked.

“N- New?” I was caught off guard by her question.

“Pfft!” She giggled, an irk grew in my chest. “Something new. You’ve been reborn many times over, losing memories and gaining new ones. Well... How about keeping your old ones?”

“H- Huh?” Even I felt bewildered. “I don’t even have memories.”

Opps

I felt like I have never said those words to this being before, and this was the first time I was honest.

“Pfft!” She giggled even more. “HAHAHA!”

My fists balled up, feeling patronized by laughs.

She wiped her teary eye. “There is a new orb. One unlike the others we use here.” She extended her arm our, as if calling to the horizon.

I watched in astonishment, nothing was happening, but an immense pressure built in my chest.

Something was flying fast. Unlike anything I could believe. Charging straight towards the Goddess, stopping dead in its tracks.

With a moment to register, a powerful wind blasted back, all the inertia from the orb being thrown back at dangerous winds, the grass and flowers were nearly ripped out of the ground, the tree I was concerned would fly away, while the usual balls of light flew very far away, swept up by the wind.

With the calming of the air, the sky was clear. I stared in amazement, no clouds occupied, but never once have I seen it without those balls of light.

I stared back down at the Goddess, in her hand was an orb unlike I’ve ever seen.

Being presented, I could feel such power emanating withing. My very core was afraid of it, even in my life, death has never gotten close to the fear this small object presented me.

It gave no light, rather it appeared to absorb it, purplish hues shifting around a dark center, encasing it with a shell. Little flickers of blue would jump around, like lightning in a storm.

The Goddess and I locked eyes, unsettled as our emotions tied, our hearts alive. I have never felt this emotion before, and it was clear the Goddess hasn’t either.

“For eons we have crossed but never once have I felt more confident in another soul, another version of yourself, better than the ones before you... Toshiro Kage... Will you defeat the demon king?”

“What?”

I realized I shouldn’t have zoned out during her explanation.

Being too intrigued by the orb, I instinctively touched it, my insight said this was probably a bad idea as the Goddess stared blankly at me.

“Huh?”

We stared at one another as we held onto the orb together. Lighting of blue shot from the orb, encircling us in its light.

AHHHH!!!

I felt my voice echo endlessly.

The sensation of falling boundlessly in all direction was disorienting. I could see multiple body parts, arms, legs torsos falling around me. I could see my eye staring back at itself, my being was in each and every part of these bodies around me.

One looked different from the rest. Golden shine like the orbs, its body was whole, a woman was falling with me.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

My manic laughter echoed as we fell into the endless void.