Chapter 10:
Reflections
I float upon the stagnant water; the only source of movement is the rise and fall of my chest with each breath. The sky was still devoid of all light, and the petals still floated down like elusive butterflies. The only difference now is that the beach that I once stood upon is now long out of sight.
Almost as if I no longer know where I stand in all of this, with no way of knowing if I was going forward, backwards, or sideways, what direction was left for me but the vague sense of somewhere.
As I float along the surface of the water, I start to think about all I’ve seen so far. A sense of melancholy washed over the world around me as if a blanket of grey was laid over my eyes. I no longer had any idea of how to get myself out of here or how to prepare myself for the next play.
As I began to wonder what the trial was going to show me, I began slowly sinking into the water that surrounded me. As I knew that it was only a matter of time before I was submerged in the ocean, I decided to just accept the fact that maybe this trial was going to be the end of me.
Before I could continue that thought, a familiar play was beginning; this time, the play seemed to be set in the near future as the characters that were previously shown looked younger.
The scene that was laid out before me was something that I’d never seen before. Rays of sunlight hit an oak table in the middle of the room; the walls were wooden with paintings hung up. There was a fireplace in the centre of the main wall, it wasn’t on and yet the room was full of warmth. Two people kneeled down at the table, each with a cup of coffee; they seemed to be having a good time from the smiles on their faces.
The one on the left looked quite lean, hair the same colour as the rays that gleam through the windows. He was wearing what looked like a warm jumper, with a bright and caring smile on his face. The other person sat at the table, wore a black jumper pulled as far up his hands as possible, he had a black skirt on with leg warmers on and a red spider lily earring dangling from one ear. Both of them looked happy. The one on the right was holding onto his coffee with both hands, almost as if to try to savour this moment forever.
They looked happy, they seemed to enjoy each other's company, and both seemed like they didn’t want this to end. The only sound that seemed to fill the room was the haze of their conversation and laughter.
“I want that…” I said to myself, I could feel my heart longing for something, longing for this or rather just a single moment of peace with someone while being myself.
Tears start to roll down my face as the play begins to fade.
“I want that…”
“I want to experience that level of warmth…”
Little did I know that this experience would remain in my mind for the rest of my life. Just the thought of wanting to experience this was enough to bring me to tears, but the reminder that I’m slowly sinking into the water that surrounded me made me question whether I was worth the effort.
As my mood began to worsen, so did the waves, with the play I had just watched, I had lost most if not all, my hope in ever getting back to the shore that once harboured me. I began to sink further and further into the water, wondering if I would ever experience something like what was in the play.
“When will it be my turn for happiness?” I questioned as I submerged, my tears mixing in with the ocean around me.
I always thought that there was something that I was missing, wondering if it was ever going to be my turn to be happy.
The water is all around me. I reach out my hand as if to grab any glimpse of hope.
You know, looking back on it now, I was always looking for someone to help me, but now I realise that that may have been my one biggest mistake.
No one is coming to save me.
Now I’ve led myself to the bottom of this ocean, I’m alone, cold, and longing for some type of warmth.
I begin to lose consciousness as my lungs begin to run out of oxygen.
What was this story even about?
What story was I trying to create for myself?
Maybe it was never about what others thought…
Maybe it was about what I…what my reflection thought.
As the dark hues of the water take over my vision, a final thought looms over my mind.
I guess it’s the battles we wage against ourselves that are the most painful and the most unseen…
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