Blue is Not a Color, It’s a Rebirth

Kade’s world had shrunk to just three people.

There was the chubby maid who never met his eyes when she brought his food.

The nurse who helped him wash and change; always in a rush, like he couldn’t get out of the gloomy room fast enough.

And then… there was her.

Mai.

The only person he ever looked forward to seeing.

The only color in his washed-out world.

-

Kade had always felt like a ghost.

Someone who’d already left this world, or maybe just stuck between two.

Faded. Easy to forget.

Fifteen years locked inside the same room, it was impossible not to wonder what he’d missed.

But once Mai stepped into his life…

All of that stopped mattering.

He might’ve been a ghost, but someone had seen him.

Believed in him.

And somehow, that made him feel real.

-

He’d never known the real sky.

Only in fleeting glimpses, stolen through the high window in his room.

He’d read about it endlessly… like he did with all the things he could never touch.

The blue.

The clouds drifting lazily.

The stars whispering in the dark.

The bright moon a silent queen.

To him, the sky was nothing more than a beautiful fantasy.

Something unreachable.

A vague longing… like trying to imagine what life might feel like without pain.

-

His body had always been weak.

Fragile, right from the beginning.

Illness had clung to him like a shadow, feeding on him slowly, hollowing him out from the inside.

Sometimes, Kade let his imagination run.

He’d picture how the sickness devoured him.

His muscles fading.

His bones growing thinner.

His life drifting away, like smoke between fingers that couldn’t hold on.

In those thoughts, he was just another forgotten object in the room.

Tucked behind heavy mahogany doors.

Gathering dust.

-

But worse than the pain…

Worse than being trapped…

Was the crushing silence of being ignored.

His parents barely spoke to him.

His brothers? Never visited. Not once.

He remembered, faintly, the early years.

Hospital after hospital.

Searching for a miracle that never came.

He knew his parents had tried…

They really had.

But when nothing worked…

They started pretending he didn’t exist.

Hiding him was easier than accepting him.

It was about the family name, after all.

-

His life became a loop of emptiness.

Pain.

And drifting without direction.

Until Mai.

-

He was eleven the day he met her.

Another hospital visit. Another dip in his health.

He hadn’t expected anything different.

She was just a girl his age, visiting a friend.

And then she spoke to him.

And suddenly… his world wasn’t just a room anymore.

-

Mai had brown eyes that danced when she talked.

And a voice that reminded him of spring birds, lively, fluttery, full of warmth.

She brought the outside world with her.

Blew open all the doors he thought were locked.

She told him about her school, her annoying little sister, how ice cream tasted under the heat of summer, and what fireworks looked like up close.

She laughed at his dry humor.

Played music he couldn’t dance to, so she danced for both of them.

-

One day, laughing at how obsessed he was with the color blue, (his notebook, his blanket, even his pajamas were the same color), she joked:

"Someday… I’m taking you to the ocean. You’ll soak in all the blue you could ever want."

And when she placed her warm hand over his pale one…

He believed her.

-

For three years, she was his world.

With her, he forgot he was just a ghost.

Forgot the pain.

The silence.

Everything.

-

Until the day she broke him.

-

Kade had noticed it. For weeks.

Something was different.

Something small at first, like a wall quietly rising between them.

She was still there… but colder.

Her warmth, her spark… it had started to dim.

Still, he held on to hope.

-

That evening, everything changed.

The clock crept toward six.

The sunlight slipping through his window faded, leaving behind shadows that felt far too familiar.

Kade gripped the book in his lap. His knuckles turned white.

She was late.

And she was never late.

A sick, heavy feeling settled in his chest.

Time pressed down on him. Squeezing. Warning.

If he could walk…

If he could... he would’ve gone to her.

He stared at his pale hands. His bony wrists.

He hated how useless they were.

And waited.

-

He finally set the book aside.

Couldn’t focus anymore. The light was too dim anyway.

Just as he was about to give up…

Knock knock.

A soft knock at the door.

Then it opened, without waiting.

And there she was.

With that smile.

That smile that could light up all the shadows inside him.

-

“Evening,” she said, breezing in and closing the door behind her.

Her short black hair bounced around her face as she scanned the room, bare as ever.

She blinked, then frowned.

“Why didn’t you turn the light on?”

Kade shrugged.

The switch was too far to reach, and honestly… what was the point?

Mai turned it on anyway.

Then flopped into the seat beside his bed, her usual spot.

She never just sits. She'd collapse, too dramatic and full of energy.

Like always.

So alive.

So… unlike him.

-

Just seeing her made the ache in his chest ease, if only a little.

He gave her a small smile.

“You’re late,” he said, half teasing.

She didn’t apologize.

Just smiled back.

And that was enough. Usually.

-

She picked up the book he’d been holding and started flipping through it, distracted.

Kade’s smile faded.

He didn’t want her attention on anything else. Not now.

Especially not when time with her felt like it was slipping through his fingers.

He frowned.

“…Mai?”

“Hmm?” she replied, eyes still on the book.

“…Aren’t you going to talk to me?”

-

This time, she looked up.

And in that single glance… something was wrong.

His chest tightened.

There it was.

A flicker of something he hadn’t seen in her before.

Was it… boredom?

She set the book aside with a sigh.

Then, grinning playfully:

“You’re like a kid, you know that? If you wanna talk, talk. What’s stopping you?”

Kade gripped the blanket over his lap, hard.

He forced his voice to stay calm.

“I’m sorry… I just…”

He swallowed.

“You used to tell me about your day. You don’t anymore.”

She smiled.

But her eyes stayed empty.

“I’m tired. I’ve got exams. I’m busy.”

-

No warmth. No softness.

Just words.

Heavy silence settled over them.

Kade’s chest ached.

He had to do something. Say something.

The thought that had haunted him for weeks, he couldn’t hold back anymore.

He had to tell her.

That he loved her.

That he needed her.

It was terrifying.

But even worse?

Being a ghost in love with a bird.

A ghost who knew, deep down, she might never love him back.

-

Still…

He had to try.

He had to say it.

Even if it broke him.

Because maybe… just maybe… it would bring back the old Mai.

The Mai who used to smile at him like he mattered.

-

The silence between them felt thick and pulsing.

Kade watched Mai as she leaned back in the chair, her eyes fixed on the ceiling as if it were more interesting than anything he might say.

He forced himself to speak.

“Mai,” he said softly, “did I… do something wrong?”

She blinked, then turned to him with a confused expression before letting out a laugh.

But it wasn’t her usual laugh, the one that used to warm the cold corners of his soul.

It was short. Dry.

“And why would you think that?”

“You’ve been… distant. You don’t visit as much. And when you do, you barely talk. So I thought… maybe something changed.”

She paused. Looked at the clock. Then back at him, her expression unreadable.

“Things just got complicated,” she said finally, running a hand through her hair. “School. Life. I’m not a kid anymore, Kade. I can’t stay in a room forever.”

His breath caught in his chest.

Her words weren’t cruel, but they hurt.

He turned his face toward the window, toward that narrow strip of sky he could never quite reach.

“But I thought…” he swallowed, “I thought we mattered to each other.”

Her chair creaked as she leaned forward, her voice dropping a pitch, soft, too soft.

“Kade, we do. You… you matter to me. You made me feel like I was doing something good. Like I had someone who listened. But… things are different now.”

That’s when he really looked at her.

She wasn’t wearing the necklace he gave her last year.

And her smile… it wasn’t the same.

There was something in her voice, rehearsed, like a decision already made.

That’s when Kade made his decision, too.

“I love you…”

She froze.

Shock and disbelief spread across her face.

Her body stiffened, struggling to find a gentle way to say what she wanted.

“…Kade,” she whispered.

But he continued.

“I know I shouldn’t say that. I don’t even know what love means, not really. But you…”

He blinked hard.

“You’re everything to me. You always have been.”

-

Her gaze dropped to the floor.

The silence was heavier than ever.

For a moment, Kade thought she might cry.

For a moment, he thought she understood.

But…

She let out a soft, helpless laugh, laced with pain.

-

“Kade…” Her voice was airy and light. “You’re sweet. Really. But you’re confused.”

He didn’t answer.

“I didn’t mean to mislead you. I never wanted you to think there was… more to this.”

More?

The word echoed in his mind like a cruel joke.

“You were lonely,” she continued, “and I felt sorry for you. I wanted to help.”

And there it was.

The knife slid between his ribs.

-

“But…” she added, fidgeting with her sleeves. “I have someone now. My boyfriend doesn’t like it when I spend too much time here. It’s not fair to him. Or to you.”

“I hope you understand,” she said gently. “I did care about you. I still do. But I can’t keep doing this.”

Her words faded into static in his mind.

Did.

That meant she was leaving.

For good.

She smiled again, that smile, soft and practiced.

The one he was growing to hate more than anything.

“I wish you all the best, Kade.”

She stood and walked to the door.

He watched her silently.

She paused a moment at the door, whispered,

“I’m sorry.”

Then she was gone.

-

The door clicked shut softly.

And yet something inside him burst wide open.

He stared at the space where she had stood, empty, breathless.

A scream clawed at his throat, but no sound came out.

His chest burned. His eyes stung.

The walls closed in.

He tried to breathe. He couldn’t.

The color of the blanket. The books on the shelf. The pill bottle on the tray.

Everything blurred together.

She was gone.

And he was still here.

Alone.

-

Kade sat motionless for a long time.

In the end, it wasn’t the pain in his joints or the fire under his skin that made him move.

It was the feeling that something inside him had rotted.

That everything tender in him had died the moment she walked out.

With trembling hands, he opened the drawer beside his bed.

There, beneath a pile of papers and notebooks, lay the small scalpel the nurse had forgotten weeks ago after changing a bandage.

He picked it up slowly, almost reverently.

His reflection shimmered on its silver edge.

That pale face… sunken cheeks, hollow eyes.

That fragile, fading thing.

He touched his left eye.

The useless one.

The one that saw only blurred shadows and ghosts.

The eye that always reminded him how broken he was.

And the rest happened in fragments.

Without thought. Like a dream.

His hand clenched around the scalpel.

Then moved with force.

-

Later, there were lights.

Sirens.

Hands pulling him from the bed, red blood soaking through gauze, voices shouting, then calming.

He felt nothing.

Didn’t fight any of it.

Everything was a haze.

His body, numb.

He barely heard the beeping machines as they wheeled him down the hall.

And when the sharpness of the world began to focus … when the noise dulled…

He heard them.

His parents.

Arguing outside the curtain next to his bed.

-

His mother’s accusing voice:

“I told you it was a bad idea…”

“You’re the one who said we needed to do something about his isolation…” his father retorted, prideful and stern.

“You hired a child to entertain him like he was a pet!” his mother hissed. “What did you expect?”

“She was being paid. It was supposed to be professional.” His father’s voice was sharp, defensive. “How was I supposed to know he’d get emotionally attached?”

“He gouged out his own eye! He was fine before that girl. She filled his head with…”

“He was never fine. That boy was never fine. Do you know what people will say if they find out what he did…?”

Their voices sliced through the curtain like whips.

But neither of them came in to see him.

And he didn’t care…

Not even about the new truth he had just learned.

-

He watched the shadows behind the curtain, how they shifted and swayed.

The heart monitor beside him beeped slowly.

Steady.

Steady.

Then slower.

Their voices faded.

Kade closed his remaining eye.

He thought he saw… a sky.

Vast and black, no stars,

And two huge moons watching him, one gold, one red.

They pulsed and faded… like his heartbeats.

And somewhere behind them, barely visible… a third shape.
A ghost of silver.

Something ancient stirred in that vastness.
Something patient. Watching.

He felt the pull…
Gentle.
Calling him…

His heartbeat slowed.

The machines wailed.

His lungs burned.

And when the darkness crept in, cold and final…

The words came.

Familiar words…

A prayer.

A promise of peace.

Maybe from a book.

Maybe from a dream.

He whispered it, barely moving his lips.

“The light of Mother Moon guids you… so go without fear…”

Then darkness filled everything.

And Kade...

was finally free.

****

There were no piping machines anymore. No cold hands pressing down on his chest.

Only silence.

Not the familiar silence of the room he had wasted fifteen years inside, this was bottomless, the silence of nothing at all.

Kade floated, weightless, with no body to ache and no lungs to burn.

For a moment, he thought this must be death.

But then he saw it.

Blue.

A single streak at first, faint and wavering. Then another. And another. They spread like cracks across the void, so many shades, spilling rivers of color into the darkness.

The blue of the blanket he clutched through lonely nights.
The blue of oceans he had never touched.
The blue of skies he had never breathed beneath.

Every fragment of longing, all the things he could never have, poured into him, bleeding through his hollow form until he was saturated with it.

Kade felt something shift.

The ghost-boy, the withered shell tied to his sickbed, the boy who had been ignored, unloved, forgotten, he could still feel him lingering in the edges of this place. A pale silhouette curling in on itself.

So fragile. So pitiful.

And he hated it.

He hated that weakness.
He hated that he had clung to Mai as though she were the only reason he deserved to exist.
He hated that all he had been… was pain.

I don’t want to be that anymore.

His voice didn’t echo; there was no air here. But the thought reverberated in him like thunder.

And the blue light answered.

It wrapped around him, burning away the broken husk piece by piece. His thin hands… gone. His hollow ribs… gone. His ruined eye… gone.

Each part crumbled like ash, scattering into the void, until all that remained was the blue flame.

He thought of Mai then… not the girl who pitied him, not the one who left, but the idea she had planted in him.

Mai the healer.
Mai the light.
Mai the laughter that carried summer in it.

Someone good. Someone whole. Someone worthy.

The boy who had been a ghost reached for her… and pulled her inside him.

No, not her.

Himself.

The truth struck sharp and absolute: he wasn’t trying to become Mai. She was a lie. He was becoming what she had awakened in him.

The blue flared bright when he reached for it.

Heat bloomed across his chest, his limbs, his voice. His reflection surfaced in the vast emptiness: smiling, confident, eyes bright like the sky he had dreamed of all his life.

This was who he was meant to be.

No more ghost.
No more broken boy.

He was real.
He was whole.

And when the light swallowed everything, he welcomed it.