Chapter 17

The heart of Asken is bright with lights even after dark. There are glass tubes of lighting, in the side walks and on the top of house roofs. There are street lamps with the same tubes, bright as a lightbulb. Due to this, the night life was active.

This city is pretty. I could stand here in the street for hours. For now, I resided leaning against a wall, patient.

“Oh my goodness, what a pink wolf you have there!” A young Dulling squealed as she left her family to run up to me. She was dressed in colorful fabrics, a sign of wealth in a world so dull.

Opal stayed by my legs, gemstone shiny under the nightlights. Their rosy-pink fur is a bouquet of galaxy star fire.

“Thank you,” I politely told the Dulling with twinkling interest. “They eat well, and thankfully they’ve stayed healthy.” Hunting down various deer, ducks and berries, of course. The berries were the easiest to find, Ivory’s initial teachings came in handy. Look at that shiny sheen! The result of a healthy diet.

“I heard they’re extremely rare to have,” The Dulling sighed in exasperation. “Can I pet her? It’s my first time seeing one! Pops is so poor, we could never afford it!” Her voice was too loud, my poor ears.

And yet…

I paused, glancing down at the wolf.

Opal doesn’t turn their head, watching the other Dullings passing by. The family of the nosy Dulling had stopped, fretting but unsure to step over and handle her.

Ah, parenting must be extremely difficult in every world.

“Oh, I’m sorry, him?” The young Dulling frowned, bending her knees to peer closer.

“Never really bothered to know,” My ear tufts under the hood twitched against the fabric. “Nonetheless, no. Opal isn’t the petting type. They bite, as most would when touched without permission.” Truth is, I would never let anyone pet my wards. They aren’t to be praised for domestication, they weren’t tamed and never will be.

“How do I get permission?” The Dulling lifted her head to peer at my eyes under the hood. She was fearless and confident, the result of a strong personality and loving parenting.

It was only acceptable to meet her challenge with a steady, disapproved hum.

“Prayers on your next birthday, perhaps.” Is what I reply with, the young Dulling nodding furiously.

Opal gave a light snort disguised as a sneeze. Sometimes, I forget how the Gem Wolves are equally tuned to my emotions, as I can sometimes read into theirs.

“I’m really sorry for my daughter!” Rushed the father of the wealthy family. He had approached in a rush, pulling the girl behind himself. “She’s a little spoiled but means no harm, I swear it!” He sweated, his stench of sour nervousness.

Stranger danger, I suppose. Adults happened to be far more wary, also most likely to call Beast!

“I am not angry,” Perhaps a tiny bit offended on Opal’s behalf. “Have a good day. Please teach your children the basics of empathy, kindness, and respect for wildlife.” Without further word, I turned heel and stalked down the road with purpose.

My ears caught the relieved exhale of the father.

Opal closely followed after me, easily jumping over a floor tube of light. Their claws clinged against the glass.

“Bye, Stranger!” The young Dulling had called out, loud and proud.

Indeed, I’m not angry at all. What will snapping at others do, when they don’t mean any harm? Their values may be skewed compared to mine, but it is not my job to scream and teach them what to do. This planet is set in its ways, and I am not going to be the one to start the movement of change. That begins with the parents, the old and new Dullings of today.

“Shepard!” Ebony called out, steps in quick paces of a skip. “I have found the location of it.” His smile was without teeth but Ebony’s dark eyes glittered with mischief and glee. “Fakir was quite honest in his words of location! We are ready anytime to retrieve the pages you desire.” Within a wind’s breeze, Ebony lowered himself to a respectful bow.

And for a brief second, I had stilled.

The air tasted off. My ears throbbed.

Dullings continued to walk without a care in the world.

Opal lifted their head by an inch, sensing my shift.

“Shepard?” Ebony gently prodded with a low tone. “Are you…Upset?” The smile had dropped, and while his own hood hid the ears, I can tell his mood dived.

“No,” I told him, squinting at the sky. “I just had an odd feeling, is all.”

It wasn’t a good feeling. I do not know how to voice it.

Like biting into an apple, and realizing you bit into half a worm. Perhaps, crossing an empty street, just for a speeding car to zoom in your direction. The discomfort crawled up my fur and claws. A frown pulled at my face but I managed to conceal it the second Opal turned to observe me closer.

Ebony opened his mouth, but the strong stench of honey dragged my attention to Ivory, who had appeared with three wooden skewers.

Candied strawberries, candied apples, and candied mango skewers were offered in Ivory’s quick extension of his hands.

Within seconds, I swiped the strawberry before Ebony could blink.

“Thank you for your hard work, Ivory,” I exhaled with grace, breathing in the sweet smell of honey over berries.

“You must be joking,” Ebony complained with a twitch to the eye. “All he did was get food–Is that why you wandered off when the two of us were meant to stay together?” Ebony seethed. “I did not know my brother was such a glutton. Despicable!”

Ivory rolled a shrug, I found myself swallowing laughter.

“I can eat yours if you don’t want it.” Ivory plainly revealed, and a smile of his own stretched as Ebony swiped the mango skewer with a low growl. “Here, Opal, I bought you seaweed wrapped meat.” Ivory knelt, and Opal was quick to bury their nose into his neck with approval.

For the next three minutes, we merely stayed next to one another on a building’s wall, observing Asken Dullings moving about their lives.

“Ebony, Ivory, what do you think a Dad is supposed to be like?” Hands clean, I sat on the ground, uncaring of the stares passing Dullings gave.

Opal sat next to me, laying on their paws. Their gem shone like a seashell in the sunlight, even if the light on them was from the artificial lighting of the nearby lampposts.

“I lack memory on it.” Ebony replied, blunt, and distant. “Is this a topic of matter to you?”

Nodding didn’t seem honest and shaking my head would be a clear lie. I raised two claws and flexed a ‘so-so’ gesture while Opal observed the movements.

“I don’t really care for what I could’ve had,” Ivory paused in brief stillness. “No, I do. What I don’t care about, are people I could’ve had, but never needed. I can tell I needed the ones I currently hold to heart,” Ivory twirled his empty wooden stick. “Are the ones I often think about even when my mind is empty. Like you, Shepard, Ebony, and even the memories of this ‘Okaasan’.” Ivory shut his eyes.

Opal leaned closer to me as my claws dug into the ground, feeling burned from homesickness.

Opal shifted abruptly, eyes on Ivory before they rolled and kicked him with a hind leg.

“Yes, you as well, Opal. I’ve come to truly value the Gem Wolves as…Cousins. Family. Sorry, Shepard. I cannot answer this question for you. I do not care for fathers, so I cannot think of what one is supposed to be.” Ivory wasn’t at all regretful, I can tell from the soft distance in his voice.

I valued the honesty regardless.

I tilted my head to Ebony, who seemed quiet, eyebrows furrowed.

“Shepard,” Ebony began, careful, as one could be handling thorny roses. “I do not think there is a clear answer. After all, the one who raised us carried both roles. What is the difference between a mother and father, when ‘Ma’ provided all she could?” Ebony eyed the clouds far above, not a star to be found.

Light pollution, how horrendous.

“I do not know why I’m asking the question myself,” I murmured. “But you’re right. In the end, it doesn’t matter. Mom did all she could, she was our protector and provider, even if I ended up dead the one time she was away.” Deep inhale, then long exhale. “I hope she’s doing okay. I hope your other selves got therapy and learned to move on.” The honey had long faded from my throat but it felt like there was something stuck there regardless, thick and suffocating. “I don’t enjoy the idea of sacrifice, with nothing to show for it.”

Both twins listened. Opal, had watched a moth fly to a nearby post.

I jumped to my feet, dusting myself off. “I still remember the day Mom packed me up on her back, and fled to another state. We had little money, hardly any clothes on our backs,” I wistfully reminisced. “It must’ve been hard, stepping into the unknown, knowing there were all kinds of monsters in the dark, yet the cruelest one lived in your precious home.” I counted the seconds, the time it will take to leave this grace period. “Mom was everything Father couldn’t be. A parent, a resolved decision maker, and the one to take the first step.”

Even if that meant being ‘cowardly’ in the eyes of fools who would never understand how it felt to cower every time Father strutted into the room. Eggshells, brittle and sharp, ready to cut into the foot should you overstep.

Forgive me, Mom had sobbed during a long walk on an empty road. The full moon had been pretty that night, too. Forgive me, for taking so long to wake up. Here, I know your feet hurt, that’s why I’m carrying you. Do you want crackers and cheese dip? Don’t cry. I’m here, we’ll be…Alright.

Oh, how my little brown hands had clenched onto her shoulders, occasionally playing with her curly hair. How I thought patting her head would make Mom cry less, to which she had wept more.

She had been right, however. Life had gotten better. Stability. Money. Two new brothers.

Happiness is not always meant for everyone at the same time.

“I suppose I’ll be following in her footsteps. Care to join me, Ebony? Ivory? And you as well, Opal.” An honor of memory, but also a test of conviction. This city looked peaceful, but like the shock when Father first came home to an empty house, this environment will have to experience an earthquake-worthy wake-up call.

Opal jumped to their paws, brushing my legs as they took a few steps in leadership.

“Always, Shepard,” Ebony promised, fixing up his cloak and holding a neutral smile.

“Always and forever,” Ivory vowed, sharper, as he tucked away the wooden stick, two fingers on the hilt of his concealed weapon just under his own robe-like cloak.

Asken will be missing a book and lacking in electricity by the end of tonight. Us wolves will be long gone, like the knowledge lost after burning the page. Forgotten and willfully absent.

As it should be.