Chapter 7: The Worst Adventurer's Guild Application Ever

The Adventurer's Guild in Beginner's ville smelled like stale beer, sweat, and shattered dreams. A few grizzled-looking adventurers were scattered around rough-hewn tables, and every single one of them looked up as we walked in. I immediately became self-conscious of my mud-stained, frilly white dress. I looked less like a divine being and more like someone who had lost a fight with a wedding cake.

We shuffled awkwardly to the reception desk, a slab of wood that had seen better days. Behind it sat a half-elf woman with tired eyes, pointed ears, and a bored expression that suggested she'd seen it all. A small nameplate on the desk read 'Elara.'

"Newcomers?" she asked without looking up from the form she was stamping. "Want to register?"

Kenta, ever the optimist, puffed out his chest. "That's right! Two future legends, here to sign up!"

Elara finally looked up, her gaze sweeping over Kenta's anime shirt and then lingering on my disastrous dress. She sighed, a sound heavy with the weight of a thousand useless newbies. "Right. Legends. Fill these out." She slid two registration forms across the counter.

We filled them out in silence. Name, age, previous occupation. I hesitated on that last one. What was I supposed to put? "Ex-Goddess"? "Fired-slash-Kidnapped Celestial Bureaucrat"? I just left it blank.

"Alright," Elara said, taking the forms. "Now for the important part. Class and skills. The registration orb will read your status. Place your hand on it."

She gestured to a floating crystal ball on the counter. Kenta went first, placing his hand on it eagerly. The orb glowed a faint, sickly yellow.

"Okay," Elara drawled, reading the results that appeared in the air above the orb. "Class… 'Synthesist'? Never heard of it. And your only skill is… 'Skill Synthesis.' What's that do?"

"It holds the key to unlimited power!" Kenta declared proudly. "I can combine skills to create anything I can imagine!"

"And how many skills do you have to combine right now?"

"One," Kenta admitted, his voice much smaller.

A burly adventurer with a giant axe sitting nearby overheard and let out a loud, barking laugh. "He's got a skill for combining skills, but only one skill! That's rich!"

Kenta's face turned beet red. Elara just shook her head. "Right. Next."

It was my turn. My hand trembled as I placed it on the orb. I was dreading this. What would it even show? The orb glowed, this time a soft, pearly white.

Elara squinted at the results. "Okay… you have no class. And no skills. At all. Your stats are all rock bottom. Except… huh. Your LUCK stat is maxed out. Off the charts, actually. Never seen that before."

My heart sank. No class, no skills. I was officially useless. The laughter in the guild hall got louder.

"So what can you do, little missy?" the axe-wielding man called out. "You gonna get lucky and trip the goblin king to death?"

I felt my cheeks burn with humiliation. I had to say something. I couldn't just stand here and be labeled "Lucky Useless Girl." My pride, the last remnant of my divine authority, kicked in. I straightened my back and, in a fit of tsundere desperation, blurted out the most impressive-sounding thing I could think of.

"I'm an Arch Priest!" I declared, my voice a little too loud. "I serve a powerful and benevolent goddess from a distant realm! I can channel her divine power to perform miracles!"

The lie felt flimsy even as it left my lips. The goddess was me, the miracles were currently offline, and the 'distant realm' was a paperwork-filled office I was desperate to get back to.

Elara raised a skeptical eyebrow. "An Arch Priest? At Level 1? That's a new one. And this powerful goddess, she have a name?"

"Akane!" I said automatically, then froze in horror. "I mean! The Great and Powerful Goddess… Akane! Yes! She is… very shy! And doesn't like to be talked about!"

The entire guild erupted in howls of laughter. My lie was so transparent it was practically invisible.

"So we got Mr. Can't-Use-His-Skill and Ms. Serves-Herself-the-Shy-Goddess!" the axe-man roared, slapping his knee. "This is the best batch of newbies we've had all year!"

Elara just sighed again and pushed two flimsy-looking bronze adventurer cards across the counter. "Congratulations. You're now registered adventurers. Rank F-minus. The only quests available to you are on the board over there. Try not to die."

We took our cards of shame and scurried over to the quest board, our faces burning. Most of the quests involved things like 'Slay the Orc Warband' or 'Exterminate the Wyvern Nest.' Way out of our league. Tacked to the very bottom of the board, on a stained and crumpled piece of paper, was a single quest.

Job: Pest Extermination

Task: Defeat five (5) Giant Forest Snails in the nearby woods.

Reward: 10 silver coins.

Giant Snails. Not slimes. Not even goblins. Snails. Our grand adventure was starting with glorified gardening.