Just when you think you're down and defeated

Laila

My steps are light as I enter the room. But the sight before me freezes me in place. “Søren is, is, is—shirtless!” My face burns so hot I think I might explode. I’ve never seen him without it since he began training, and now it feels like my heart is about to burst from how loudly it’s pounding. Before, he had that slightly soft build, but now he looks like one of those unbelievably cool heroes from a video game!

As soon as he sees me, he acts normally, though maybe there’s the faintest hint of color on his cheeks. «Oh, hi Laila, welcome back.» he says with a smile.

I smile too, lowering my gaze. «Oh, uh, ahah, hi…» I reply, trying to hide my embarrassment, my breath still unsteady.

«Hi Søren!» Nadia exclaims, slipping past me while my hand is still clutching the door handle.

«Hello, little one!» He scoops her up, lifting her high above his head before holding her in his arms. «How did your exploration go today?»

«Great! We went to a farmhouse, we saw the raptemur, gathered their eggs, and then we ate one!» “He looks so cute holding Nadia like that… almost makes me wish I were in her place… No! What am I thinking?!”

«Really? That sounds wonderful, I’d love to see them too. Maybe next time I’ll come with you—what do you say?» he asks, turning toward me.

I release the handle, wrapping a lock of hair around my finger. «D-do as you please, it’s not like I’m your mother, you don’t need my permission…» but what comes out is little more than a murmur.

I hear the sound of heels approaching, closer and closer. «Renren, you’re back!» the princess exclaims, stopping at the doorway too. I can clearly feel something shift in Søren. The two of them exchange a smile unlike the ones they give anyone else. She enters with calm grace, walking toward him. «How did today’s training go?»

«Well, I discovered something incredible about that seed I told you about.»

«Akanke’s seed?» Nadia asks.

«Yes.»

«Really?! Then you have to tell me right now!» “Why… why do their faces shine so brightly when they’re together?”

«Can you wait until I take a bath first?» he asks with a slightly embarrassed smile.

«Aw, I would’ve liked to hear it now.» She puffs her cheeks, planting her fists on her hips. «Fine, I’ll wait until you’re finished.»

«Thank you.» he answers with another smile. I don’t need to be connected to him to feel what he feels for her—it presses down on me, it suffocates me, makes me feel out of place. The air tightens in my throat, and a wave of anxiety crushes me. Without a word, I turn and leave.

«Laila, where are you going?» Nadia calls, following me down the hall.

«I just want to take a walk,» I say, trying to sound detached, but my voice trembles. «Don’t follow me.»

But Nadia is like a shadow. She won’t leave my side. Once we reach the city, I find the pub I always go to, step inside, and sit at my usual table. Nadia sits across from me, her face more serious than usual. I order a mug of electrowale, then another, and another still. Her eyes never leave me for even a second.

«How much more do you drink?» she finally asks, breaking the silence.

«Mind your own bushiness, hic!» I blurt, sprawled across the table.

«You’re a terrible example.»

«No one’sh forcing you to shtay here!» I wave my arm in no direction at all.

«Laila, why are you doing this?» she asks.

«I don’t knooow,» I rasp back, my voice rough. I lift my head just long enough to see her tired expression, then let it fall again on my arm. «I don’t know, okay? I don’t know what’sh wrong with me, hic. When I’m near him, I feel… weird. I feel like I can’t breathe. My heart hammersh like mad. I don’t know how to act around him anymore.»

Nadia watches me with her chin resting on her hand, and now her eyes are no longer judging—they shine wide open. «Laila, you’re in love!»

«W-what are you shaying?» I stammer. «Don’t shay shomething sho shtupid! Aaaaaahhh…» I let out a long sigh. «I feel so stupid.»

«You’re not stupid. Love is beautiful!» She reaches out and places her hand on mine. «Are you scared?»

«Shince when are you shome kinda life exshpert, hic?»

«Lailaaa, answer me.» she says, giving me a playful smack on the head.

«Hey!» I protest, rubbing the spot.

«Søren has changed, you know it too. He’s found a purpose, and that makes him… attractive.»

«How?»

«Do you really not see it?» Her eyes pierce straight into my soul. «Why don’t you just talk to him? Søren is a good person.»

The weight of her words hits me, and all I can think of are the times I’ve seen Søren with the princess. I spring to my feet, resolved. «I… I have to go to him!» My gaze drops on her surprised face. «And by the way—you’ve really made huge progress in your speech, congratulations.»

«Go!» she exclaims, jumping to her feet and pointing toward the door.

With a confident smile, I rush out and fly as fast as I can. I look for them at Kenji’s house, but they aren’t there. I hurry to the castle, search every corner, but I still can’t find them. I scour the gardens, until finally I reach the edge of the pond…

Framed in the silver light of the moon, Søren and Liliane are there, kissing. He holds her close against him, while her hand caresses his face with tender affection.

I no longer feel my heart beating. It’s a sensation I’ve never known before. «It hurts…» The words slip out, trembling. «Why does it hurt so much?» I whisper, sobbing.