Heart to heart and fist to fist

We could not get out of Nochightdad. After the veils appeared, the entire city went on alert and the security on the boarders increased. Instead, Lyra led us to an open field in an isolated part of the city, an empty lot that seemed to be used by no one.

Swerans took care of Caspio, who seemed to have been concussed. I tried to go and help, but I had nothing that I could do, even with the remainders of my first aid kit.

So, what could I do now? What should I do now?

I must do something, or my mind will keep going back to the sound of that man’s head being smashed against the wall.

I saw Lyra, taking guard, looking exceptionally tired. She was wounded, but told both Swerans and I that she didn’t need anything. The way she looked at me was… particularly heated. She looked at me strangely, but refused to say any words out loud.

And you know what? I’m actually tired of her doing that. She hid everything from me ever since I arrived, refusing to even let me know she could understand me, and now acts mad with me?

No, not anymore. I have to crack her open now, while I still feel confident enough to try. Besides, that may be the only thing I can do by this point.

I walked towards her, with my first aid kit, determined to actually get her to talk.

When I approached, she looked at me like she want to shoot daggers through her eyes. Any other day that may have been enough to dissuade me and make me walk back. But today is not any other day, and my pettiness became the strength that kept me from running away.

“Let me dress your wounds.” I said, raising the kit in my hand.

“Leave me alone or I’ll bend your spine backwards.” She said, turning around so she wouldn’t have to look at me.

I stayed there a moment, wondering what to do, fearing for the wellbeing of my spine, but decided that I would regret it if I stopped now. Besides, what were the chances she would actually try to bend my spine?

Better not to think of that.

“Look, I have ethyl alcohol and bandages. If you don’t let me dress them now, those cuts might get infected later and you won’t be able to fight.” I tried to reason with her.

She finally turned around, the daggers shooting from her eyes were still there.

“Leave that thing here and leave, I’ll manage.” she said, before turning around again.

“I don’t know much about this world, but if there’s something I know is that you all have not figured out how to use ethyl alcohol… and I have a bit of first aid experience too. Just let me do it this once.” I insisted.

She groaned, hit the ground with her fist and finally growled out: “Fine, suit yourself!”

Step one, success.

I went up to where she was, sat in front of her and opened the first aid kit. I prepared to clean all the dry blood over her first, but she still refused to look at me.

Then I noticed that there was a bigger problem in place. The cuts had been up in her chest, under her collarbone. She would have to at the very least, expose that part of her for any meaningful progress to be made. But to do so…

How to say it without getting my head smashed too?

“Lyra” I called her, softly, bracing myself for impact.

She still stared daggers at me.

“I don’t know how to tell you this but…” I said, pointing at her wounds, hoping she caught the meaning.

Her eyes widened. A deep frown appeared in her face.

“You can’t be serious.” She said, looking at me, now with doubt in her eyes.

“I know but, there’s no way around it. I had to do the same thing for mine.” I said, pointing to the bandages on my chest, for a wound that was basically identical to hers.

“Absolutely not.” She said, almost growling to me.

I took a deep breath, and prepared to enter the lion’s den.

“Lyra. There’s no way around it.” I sighed, hoping she would see reason.

“Of course, you would love that, wouldn’t you?” She said, looking at me extremely bitter. She was angry.

But again, she was angry even before I approached. Maybe I should…

“Do you have anything to say to me?” I said, looking at her in the eyes. her eyes did not waver at all.

“Or maybe something you want to ask?” I asked after she refused to respond, this time, she did look away.

Seeing that I hit the nail in the head, I decided to wait for a moment, allowing her to gather her thoughts. I decided not to look at her, letting silence set in.

I looked at the same place she was looking at. Then I felt a chill down my spine.

The strip of light of the sky was gone. It was now only a single point of light on top of the mountain, which was now on the border of the city. I felt as if my eyes were about to pop out of my orbits.

Lyra noticed my expression and hers soured even more. Finally, she spoke.

“Your name is Pole isn’t it?” She finally said, with a low voice that betrayed a certain anger below it.

I simply nodded, turning around to look at her, still surprised by the position of the light.

“How did you get captured by the nochians?” she finally asked.

I opened my mouth to answer, but then, I finally figured out why she looked so mad. For a brief moment I regretted trying to speak to her in the first place. There was no easy way to explain it, was it?

“I… got captured near the pond, the drinking water one.” I said, slowly, choosing each word.

She looked at me as if I had grown a second head.

“How the hell did you get there? No, scratch that, how the hell did you get out of the hut. It was on fire.” She said, her confusion growing by the second.

I looked at the light far away. For a moment I thought that I would prefer to be sacrificed in that light rather than be having this conversation right now.

“I… might have escaped the village… by myself.” I said, almost mumbling the last words.

Lyra looked at me completely puzzled, as if not a single word of mine made any sense. I could almost see the gears turning in her head while she understood what had happened.

“Then the fire…” She said, unbelieving of her own words.

“That was also my fault…” I said. rubbing my shoulder, looking away. I could not look at her in the eyes.

Even so, I decided to look at her with the corner of my eye, at least to know how she was taking it. I’ll be forever glad I did, as if I had not, her fist would have connected with my head, sinking my face in my skull.

I instantly ducked, her fist going right over my head when I did. I could hear her grinding her teeth and an ever time louder growl of anger.

“You absolute selfish piece of shit!” She screamed, winding her fist, but stopping herself at the last moment, this time hitting the ground instead. “I thought you had died! What the hell were you thinking you idiot!”

She grabbed me by my shirt, forcing me to look at her.

“We took you in, healed your wounds, gave you some of our precious food, and that’s how you thank us? I jumped in that fucking flaming hut to save your sorry ass, and you tell me that you did that yourself!?” She said, shaking me, in anger. I could almost feel her fingers making a hole through my shirt.

But those words… did not sit right with me. As she shook me, I also grew angrier.

I grabbed her wrists and tried to force her to let me go. When she did not, I pushed her by the shoulders, trying to get her away from me. She still refused to let me go, being pushed into the ground and taking me with her.

She finally let go one of her hands as she tried to punch my face again, but this time I grabbed her arm, as we started wrestling in the ground, still refusing to let me go. Looking back at it, I's quite lucky that she was tired and wounded, as she probably would have been able to make true his words about bending my spine apart.

“You want me to thank you!” I screamed at her as we wrestled. “You really want me to thank you sadistic assholes?”

I barely managed to dodge a headbutt of hers, thinking seriously of giving her one myself, but containing myself at the last second.

“Which part should I thank you for? The part where you all forced me into this world? or the part where you prepared me to be sacrificed in that mountain?!” I screamed at her, shaking her just as she shook me.

Finally, she stopped. She looked shocked.

“Do you think I want to be here? Do you think I want to eat that shitty food and wait for you all to kill me? What the hell is wrong with you all!” I screamed, I could feel tears starting to grow in my eyes.

She still looked at me, still angry, but her shock was damping it.

“That food was some of the best we had for anyone. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get meat? Did you see any animals when we explored the forest?” She growled at me, grabbing me again to force me to look her in the eyes.

I could only keep screaming back.

“Oh, so I must thank you. Sure, let me thank you for at least making my time as a death row immate to not be as miserable as it could have been.” I said, tears starting to fall out.

“Do you think we want this? Do you think we like this?” She said, pulling me away from her, finally separating us, as she pushed me away from her.

She stood up, looking at me.

“If we had any choice we would not have done any of that shit. Literally nobody was happy when we saw you appear in that ritual, because then it meant that we had to kill you.” She said, starting to cry herself.

“It’s miserable! Do you think Howard liked it? He did not, he should have absolutely loathed you but he took care of you. He nursed you, he teached you, and you still come here to complain?!” She said, screaming to me. Looking at me straight in the eyes.

“Howard lost his glasses because of you, he can’t see shit anymore. but he still took care of you. Can’t you take a clue and open your eyes for once!” She said. Her throat now going hoarse.

She collapsed in the ground, her exhaustion taking its toll again.

“I didn’t want to do this… Howard didn’t want to do this… I don’t think even my mom wanted to do this.” She said, crying again.

I looked at her, I wanted to grind my teeth, to scream, to throw myself at her while she was weak and wrestle again.

But I could not do so. I could only stay there, looking at her, bleeding again from the wounds that had reopened as we both cursed the hand we had been dealt.