Goodbye Earth Corporate Slavery

There it was. My past and my future, separated by a shimmering golden curtain. On one side, the dull, familiar buzz of fluorescent lights, the scent of industrial bleach, the soul-crushing grayness of my old life. A life of quiet desperation, cup noodles, and gambling away my dinner money. A life I knew. A life that was, in its own way, safe.

On the other side stood Marie. And behind her, a life of absolute, unrelenting chaos. A life with a zealous paladin for a roommate, a terrifying auditor for a shadow, and a Demon King for a potential co-worker. A life of constant, plot-driven annoyance that had, against my will, become my own.

Marie had just laid her heart bare, in her own reserved, regal way. She had even used my real name. Akina. It sounded strange in this world, a relic from a life I could barely remember.

The portal hummed, a gentle, insistent invitation to go back. To hit the reset button.

My mind, for once, was clear. I thought about the paperwork I’d have to file if I went back. The job applications. The change of address forms. The sheer, logistical nightmare of trying to explain a multi-year absence to the government. Then I thought about my life here. I had a room in a castle. I had a lifetime tax exemption. I had a team of people who, for some insane reason, did most of my work for me.

The choice wasn’t even a choice. It was a simple cost-benefit analysis.

I turned my back on the portal.

Goodbye Earth Corporate Slavery. 

I walked the few steps towards Marie, the golden glow of the gateway fading at my back. It flickered once, twice, and then vanished, the choice made permanent. The Grand Summoning Hall was once again just a dusty, quiet, pigeon-infested room.

She looked at me, her eyes wide with a thousand unasked questions. I just gave her a small, tired smile.

“Your kingdom’s paperwork is a nightmare,” I said, my voice a little rough. “I can’t just leave you all to deal with it alone. It would be irresponsible. Marie- Chan”

It was the best I could do. An admission of caring, wrapped in the guise of a complaint about work.

She understood. A slow, brilliant smile spread across her face, and for the first time, it held no trace of mischief or calculation. It was just… happy. “I see,” she whispered. “How very… diligent of you, Inspector.”

Word of the averted apocalypse, and my decision to stay, spread through the kingdom like wildfire. The story got more ridiculous with every retelling. By the time it reached the outer provinces, I had apparently single-handedly wrestled the Demon King into submission while simultaneously negotiating a peace treaty and composing a heroic ballad.

King Edward, never one to miss an opportunity for a party, called for a grand ceremony in the throne room to honor the heroes who had saved the world.

The hall was packed. All the nobles, ministers, and generals were there, including Marcus Grant, who looked at me with a new, grudging respect. Rumiri and Catarini stood awkwardly in a corner, looking deeply uncomfortable in the formal attire Marie had forced them into. My team—Justus, Eliza, and Edgar—stood with me, looking proud. It was, I had to admit, a deeply cheesy and heroic moment.

The King gave a booming speech, praising our courage, our wisdom, and our general awesomeness. He formally pardoned Rumiri Tempest, declaring them a friend and ally of the kingdom, a decision that gave a few of the older, more conservative nobles a minor stroke.

Then, he turned to me. The crowd fell silent.

“And for our great champion!” the King bellowed. “For his selfless heroism, for his world-altering power, and for his noble decision to remain and protect our kingdom, I hereby offer our hero, Okina Sukebe, a new title! He shall be the Grand Commander of all Royal Magical Defenses, with a permanent seat on the Royal Council and his own lands in the Western Province!”

The crowd erupted in cheers. It was the ultimate promotion. Power, land, authority. A lifetime of meetings, responsibilities, and people asking me to do things. It was my worst nightmare.

I stepped forward. The cheering died down, everyone expecting a humble speech of acceptance. I took a deep breath.

“Your Majesty,” I began, my voice ringing through the silent hall. “You honor me. You truly do. But I must, with the deepest respect, refuse.”

A collective gasp swept through the room. The King’s jaw dropped.

“I am not a commander,” I continued, my voice steady. “I am not a lord. I am a simple public servant.” I reached into my coat and pulled out my old, slightly dented, gold Hygiene Inspector badge. I held it up for all to see.

“My place is not in a council chamber, debating policy. It’s in the gutters, investigating strange magical mildews. My sacred duty is not to lead armies, but to ensure the kingdom’s drains and public latrines are free of curses and contamination. To accept this promotion would be to abandon my true calling.” I pinned the badge back on my chest. “I am the Kingdom Hygiene Inspector. And with your permission, Your Majesty, that is all I ever wish to be.”

The nobles were baffled. The generals looked at each other in confusion. But a ripple of applause started from the back of the hall, from the common soldiers and servants, growing into a roar of approval.

The King, utterly bewildered, just stared at me for a long moment before his face broke into a massive grin. “Profound humility!” he shouted, spinning my refusal into a positive PR moment. “A hero for the common man! So be it! To the Kingdom Hygiene Inspector!”

The crowd cheered again, louder this time. My team just shook their heads, completely unsurprised. I had done it. I had faced down the apocalypse, and then, in my greatest victory yet, I had faced down a promotion.

In the weeks that followed, a new normal settled over the kingdom. A new, chaotic, but comfortable peace.

Justus, having found a new cause to dedicate his life to, formally joined the Lysvalde Royal Guard. His discipline and combat prowess were undeniable, and he rose through the ranks with astonishing speed. I’d sometimes see him in the castle courtyard, now Captain of the Royal Guard, drilling his knights with a new sense of purpose, his faith now placed not in a corrupt institution, but in the simple act of protecting people.

Eliza, having presented a thousand-page report on the systemic failures of the Holy Kingdom’s intelligence apparatus, was given a new position by the King: Chief Of Kingdom Strategic Planning. She now had her own department, a massive budget, and was drowning in the most important paperwork in the kingdom. She had never looked happier.

Edgar, for his role in meticulously documenting our entire suicidal mission, had been promoted to Senior Inspector within the Sanitation Department. He was more confident now, though he was still utterly terrified of me.

And my team, the Royal Special Task Force for Arcane Anomalies were officially disbanded, but still it's former member regularly met in my office. The official crises were over, but my office had become the kingdom’s unofficial hub for all things weird. We had found our new, dysfunctional normal.

And I was finally back where I belonged. Feet on my desk, my favorite nap pillow perfectly positioned, a warm breeze drifting in through the window. I had saved the world, secure the waifu (probably), and successfully defended my sacred right to be lazy.

Okay, I thought, closing my eyes. The plot is over. The romance is... progressing. The job is secure, and the salary is great. Now, if nobody bothers me for the next fifty years, this might just be the perfect life.