Super Serious Wish to Climb

The stairs ahead of us ended at the base of a wall that loomed like a slab of judgment. It was a giant diving wall more pristine and more maintained than anything below it. Gates, gears, runes; it was the reminder of our place.

Beyond that wall were the Noble Layers, otherwise known as the “Upper Layers."

Elsbeth stood beside me in her dirty cloak, still hidden by the Burnmask, with her shaking hands pressed together. Her eyes flicked to mine, uncertain. “Why are we here?”

I looked back to the wall.

"I haven’t come here this year yet,” I said. “Thought I’d look at it with fresh eyes.”

She stood quietly, breathing in through her nose. I wondered if she was trying to work out why I’d dragged her all the way up here to stand in front of the city’s most unbreachable door.

The city moved around us, trudging forward under gray skies that one could barely see, and here we stood—two people with so much to say to the other, momentarily in a world of our own.

I kept my voice low. “Nobles don’t come out this way, do they? Through that gate at the top, I mean.”

Elsbeth shook her head. “No. They have lifts.”

I turned to look at her. “Elsbeth. How would someone like me… get in?”

That did it.

She took a step back. Just one. But it created so much distance.

“What?” she asked.

My eyes settled on the sight beyond this wall, to the tower at the top of the hill. I couldn’t see it from here, but the Lord’s mansion was at the base of that gray tower.

“How would someone like me get in there when I have no right to be there?”

“Why?” she asked. The delicateness of her voice had been replaced by uncomfortable sharpness. “Why would you want to do that?”

I didn’t answer her question at first. Just kept looking at the thing that obscured the path to the ideal future.

Then I said it.

“Because I would want to see you.”

Even with the Burnmask covering half her face, I saw the jolt go through her—like her breath caught in her chest. Her hands, still pressed together, gradually tremble. Then tightened. She looked away, out toward the haze-choked street. Anywhere but me.

She laughed once. A dry, brittle sound.

“You’re lying.”

“No,” I said. “I’m not. For the same reason you bumped into me at my shop, I would want to see you.”

“No,” she mumbled.

“Who knows. I might find myself there, taken away by my feet the moment I lose myself in thought.”

Her eyes met mine. So many emotions flared behind them; it felt like staring into the firebox of an engine. Rage. Hope. Pain. Fear. Regret. That last one hit me the hardest.

“Timaeus, stop,” she whispered. “Please, just abandon the thought. It made me happy, but please abandon it if it’s truly something you’re thinking.”

“I won’t.” I let the words come softly. “But I think… you wanted something from me today.”

“I did,” she replied, with renewed desperation. “I wanted to talk with the boy from my childhood. I wanted… to see how he was, after all these years.”

“Was it good then?” I asked. “Did you have a good day?”

Her voice broke. “It was an amazing day. I was happy to just be there.”

I nodded. “And that’s why… I’ll find a way beyond those walls.”

Her shoulders shook once. A tiny sound slipped out.

And as I looked at her, all I could be reminded of was how heavy her first three lines from the game were. Seeing her here now, fully realized like this—I could see that the depths of her heart ran too deep for me to fathom.

But, unlike with Meredi, I knew I could stand to be bold and not jeopardize anything. I could use the knowledge of this overwhelming emotion and bring her in closer. Of the three women, Elsbeth was the most critical to understanding Lord Reinhold.

I had to ensure her frequent visitations at least before the day was done. After that, understanding what she was doing, why she was doing it, and how she was doing it could come naturally.

She let out a breath. “Don’t say things like that to me. Don’t make me hope for something that can’t happen.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t—” Her breath hitched, and her voice dropped to a whisper. “Because I don’t want him to see what face I’d make if you ever appeared at my door.”

That blocked out the city’s noise.

She hadn’t said her husband’s name. She didn’t have to. He was a guillotine over my neck as much as he was hers—though I was now beginning to get a glimpse of how dire the situation was.

I looked at her, this woman in a ragged cloak and a burnmask, standing like a shattered statue trying to hold her pose.

Her hand over her heart, she clutched her cloak. “If you were to come, I know I wouldn’t be able to hide it, because I am a… stupid, loose woman.”

My heart stung hearing those words.

“And that kind of miracle isn’t something for my wretched self.” She raised her head and looked at me through teary eyes. “So please, Timmie. Let me just have this. Just me getting to pretend that I’m your assistant again.” She closed her eyes and smiled. “It was such a fun, unexpected day.” She sucked in air. “I just don’t want to get you in trouble. Please don’t ask me how to sneak past that wall.”

I wasn’t an idiot.

There was no questioning the affection she held toward me now. Holding onto what was a childhood crush, she sought out the person at the center of it and claimed for herself some moments of happiness. Timaeus was her escape.

But that meant that she had to escape from something. With how dramatic this moment had become, I was feeling confident enough to accept that Reinhold was becoming—or already had become—the man who would plunge this city into chaos and get the moms killed.

My next immediate move was clear.

Bringing her here and declaring my intention was like a shortcut that took Elsbeth to her emotional heights.

“Hey, Elsbeth…”

Now I had to do the work to catch her when she fell back down.

“If talking’s all you want to do… Would you like to come back to my shop with me?”

The weight on her shoulders seemed to lighten.

“I didn’t want to upset you… And just like you… Yeah, I can accept just talking if you can.”

She broke into a smile.

“We still have a few hours to sunset. That works, right?”

Elsbeth grinned and nodded. “Yes. I would much rather that than be here.”

“Sure. Follow me.”

I walked on down the street, with Elsbeth a step behind me. I wonder what face I managed to wear, because on the inside, I was livid. 

For the moms, I need to watch her suffer for just a little longer.