It's Just a Dream, But It Feels So Warm

My prediction, to my dismay, was correct. It was a late night. Even though I, a cat, can laze around in my sleep while Val works… I tried really hard to stay awake! Solidarity! I want to stay awake with Val. It’s… hard to. I stayed awake almost all day when I usually take a few cat naps throughout the day! But I don’t want my boy to feel alone.

Val sighs, leaning back into his chair as he puts down the documents he was looking at. He rubs his eyes, sleep threatening to take over. He quickly grabs a pen and signs whatever it was he was reading before calling over his aide.

”This will be all for today.” He says. “Take these and send them out in the morning.”

”Yes, your highness.”

His aide bows, collecting the documents and exiting the room. Val waits for the door to close before he groans, stretching in his chair and collecting my tiny cat body into his arms. But he doesn’t stand, instead rubbing my ears and squishing my cheeks. He chuckles a bit, smiling down at me as he uses me to lift the mood. Works for me!

“…I don’t know what to do, Princess.” Val murmurs, frowning. He continues to poke and squish my face. Finally he stands up, me in tow, and sighs. “Some sleep might clear my head.”

The doors creak open when Val leaves. He’s a bit sluggish, but he keeps walking in the… general direction of his room, I think. Actually, I’m not totally sure if Val’s going in the right direction, he just seems like he’s on autopilot. I don’t really blame him, though. Today was unusually stressful. What’s with everyone today? Everyone is being weird.

Just as I start to pray we don’t run into anyone else to make today worse, when Val reaches the top of the stairs, a door opens down the hallway. Val begins walking down the hall, only to suddenly pause when he sees that it was Yancy who just came out of the room. Yancy doesn’t appear to have noticed Val, though. It’s not until Val reaches out to stop her does she recognize anyone else is there.

“Oh, gosh!” She starts, snapping her head up to look at Val with those owlish eyes of hers. “I didn’t see you there… sorry.”

”It’s ok.” Val chuckles. “I mean… is everything okay? I’ve been hearing some… rumors around. I wanted to ask…”

”Rumors? No, I haven’t heard any.” Yancy shakes her head. “I’ve been busy. So I guess I haven’t had the luxury to chat.”

”Perhaps.” Val frowns. “Well… please don’t forget to take care of yourself too.”

”Um… yes, I will.” Yancy says, rubbing her eyes.

Now that I get a good look at her, she looks tired. Almost as tired as Leo did earlier. What’s going on? Is the palace doing something that’s making all the employees work overtime? Yancy yawns, shaking her head as if to shake away the sleep.

”I apologize, but…” Yancy begins. “I don’t really want to be around you right now. Uhm, not cause of anything bad, but I’m not feeling well. I think it would be bad if you got sick…”

”Oh. I… see.” Val frowns, but nods. “Then… take care. Want me to contact the head maid and Mage Lucas so you can rest?”

”No, that won’t be necessary, but thank you.” Yancy bows, scurrying off before Val can respond.

He doesn’t seem pleased with that interaction if the way he watches her go with a frown on his face is any indicator. Slowly, Val turns around, continuing his walk down the hall to his room. When he enters, he nearly slams the door. Back against it, Val slides down until he’s sitting on the floor and leaning against the door. It gives me some time to leave his hold, but I don’t leave his side. Val remains there for a minute, before he stands up on shaky legs and flees into his bathroom. I guess in the end he really just needs some time for himself, huh? That’s fine… I just hope he doesn’t push himself.

While he’s doing that, though, I should look for something to occupy my mind. That’s what I do when I’m stressed! Most of the time… it's to grab a book to read. We still have some of those new books that we’ve yet to actually fully read through. Maybe I’ll nab one of those. I slink over to where they’re being kept on the shelf, leaping up to get a good look.

Hm… there’s not many left. I’ve been able to clear through a lot of these before Val went into overdrive mode for his work. I stopped at one I forgot was even in there. Which was it again…? I don’t really remember, so it’s a good chance to find out! I push it off the shelf and leap down after it, dragging it over to the bed. I manage to throw it up onto the covers, so when I leap up to join it, I flip it over onto the back to read the summary.

Oh, it’s this one. I kind of remember it. It’s the one Yancy wanted from that author. Wasn’t there a reason? I remember the book was about dreams, I think. I nudge it open to the first page, looking over the contents and begin reading. I actually get pretty sucked into the book, because apparently I don’t even hear Val leave his bathroom. He picks up the book, having changed into a comfy looking hoodie and sweatpants, startling me out of my trance! Val chuckles as he flips the book around and examines it.

”Were you copying me? You looked like you were actually reading the book. Cute.” He says, reading the summary on the back as I had. “Hmm… I don’t know if I want to read anything tonight, Princess. It’s kinda…”

He frowns, still staring at the book. Well, if you’re not gonna read it, I will! Give it back! My complaints come out as annoyed meows and mews as I reach for the book he keeps just out of my grasp. Rude!! I was reading that! Still, it makes Val laugh.

”Well… I guess it is short. If you wanna read it that badly, maybe I can read it for a bit.”

Val chuckles to himself, sitting slowly onto the bed and getting comfy. He pats the spot next to him on the bed, as if to tell me to join him. Sure, that works too, I guess! We’ll have to start from the beginning again, which kinda sucks, but if it helps distract Val too then it’ll be worth it! I curl up next to him, resting my chin on his thigh as he opens the book and begins to read.

The story was about a girl with crippling social anxiety, unable to make any meaningful connections. At night, she escapes into her dreams. She had the ability to lucid dream, anything she can imagine will appear before her and her dreams bend at her will. She can go anywhere, do anything, be anything, as long as she can imagine it.

One night, a door appeared. Curious, she opens and steps through. Suddenly, she’s in the middle of a raging storm at sea! Things are terrifying, before she sees a person. When she approaches, she recognizes them as a coworker. The coworker cowers in fear, so the girl does the only thing she can think of and tries to calm them down. Soon, the sky clears, the sea calms, and her coworker stops trembling.

That dream ended as abruptly as she stumbled into it. She’s confused, she’s never lost control over a dream. When she goes into work that day, the same coworker approaches her with a drink from the vending machine. The coworker tells her about the dream and how, even though it was just a dream, they still feel grateful towards her.

The fact that the dream wasn’t hers at all shook the girl. However, the dream she has that night goes much the same. And so does the next night, and the next. Doors would appear, she would enter and be in someone else’s dream. Other coworkers, neighbors, even the bus driver from her morning commute. Sometimes, she would visit the dreams of someone she’s already seen.

Each time, the person in reality would approach her and try getting closer with her out of gratitude for a version of her they thought they made up. Before she realized it, she was surrounded by people who cared about her, inviting her to things she’s never been invited to. A part of her was excited at the prospect, while the other side was a bit intimidated.

However, there was one person who refused to acknowledge her at all. An older coworker, a sophisticated woman who had told her once she would never make it in this career. This woman seemed to have frequent nightmares. They were the only ones that the girl wasn’t able to fix. She wasn’t sure how to approach the woman in her dreams, so she made a bold decision. She will approach her in real life.

It was scary, and the girl knew she would make herself look like a fool, but she worked up the courage to be friendly with the woman. At first, the woman was resistant. But every time the girl would think she wasn’t able to handle the woman, the woman would give in a little, leaving the girl with a bit of hope. However, every night would remain the same, a nightmare she couldn’t chase away.

One day, the woman finally confides in the girl after work about her nightmares. How the girl would appear and try to help. But the woman knows it’s all a dream. She can’t control her dream, but she’s fully conscious of what happens. That thought only brings her more despair. Realizing that she only made things worse, the girl tells her secret to the woman. The woman became mad that the privacy of her own dreams were invaded. She leaves in a storm and refuses to speak with the girl at all—

Val shuts the book with force. It doesn’t seem malicious, but he’s trying to steady his breathing. What’s wrong…?

I peer up at him. Val makes eye contact after a second of calming himself down.

”Ah… sorry. I… I’m usually fine with these kinds of stories but… Not tonight, I guess.”

The book gets put to the side on the nightstand. I guess I can understand where Val is coming from. I’ve found it hard to read things when they hit a bit too close to home in the moment before… it hasn’t happened recently but I remember it in my past life. I watch him closely as he moves to lay down, tucking himself and by proxy me, into bed. A sad smile touches his lips as he looks at me before closing his eyes.

”Goodnight, Princess.”

…

…

The paved street feels familiar, foggy and hard to see what’s beyond aside from my destination.

A little corner, brick house, fenced in with a short iron gate. The numbers 567332 engraved on the side of the mailbox. I stare right at it, connections being made in my mind as I recognize my childhood home. Ah… oh, yeah… my parents still live here, that’s their car in the driveway. Reaching my hand out, the gate opens easily, and walking up the pathway to the front door is natural.

That same scene opens up when I step inside. The sounds of pots and plates ring from the kitchen, drawing me further in. Movement catches my attention out of the corner of my eye, and I pause to look to the left. I see… me. My face, from before. My hair, long and brown. Unlike the last memory of myself, my skin looks healthy and rested.

”Lana? Lana, is that you?”

Snapped out of my daze, I look over and meet the eyes of… my mother. Oh! Of course my mother would be here. She gives me a warm smile.

”Welcome home!” She smiles. “Hurry, come on in. Dinner is almost ready!”

She walks up to me, leading me further into the house, right into the kitchen. The space opens up, beyond the counter the living room appears. My mother returns to the stove, humming a tune as she does. I round the corner to cross the boundary into the living room. A child looks up with wide, sparkly eyes when she sees me.

”Auntie!” She squeals, getting up and running over to hug my legs.

”Ami! Hey, sweetie!”

I laugh, spinning around as she clings closer and giggles.

”I missed you, auntie! Are you gonna stay?”

”I’ll be here for dinner.”

Ami whines, pouting up at me as I pat her head. Ahh, I can’t believe I almost forgot this cute little face! Actually…

”Where’s your papa?” I ask, looking side to side.

”Out back.” She said, still pouting. “He’s with a stranger!”

”A stranger, you say?” I chuckle. “Don’t worry, they’re probably friends! Let me go see them.”

”Awww! No, stay and play with me!”

”I’ll be back to play in a minute!”

Ami didn’t seem too thrilled, but let go of my legs and sat back down with her toys. I can’t help but smile as I turn to go out on the back porch. When I open the back door, the first thing I see is my brother, sitting back in his chair. He looks up, grinning when he sees me.

”Hey! Would ya look at what the cat dragged in!” Ryu smirks, getting up out of his chair. I can’t help but smile, run up and hug him.

”Ryu!”

“…Lana?”

A different voice calls out, and when I pull back from Ryu, I see…

”Val? You’re here too?”

Val blinks, staring wide eyed up at me. He seems confused, but… I can’t help but reach out and pull him into a hug as well.

”You’re here! That’s wonderful, everyone’s together!” I can’t help but want to wag my tail (since when did I have that, again?) when I turn from Val to Ryu. “This is perfect!”

Ryu smiles in contrast to Val’s confused frown. Before anyone else can speak up, Ami rips open the door.

”Granny says dinner’s done! Get in here!!”

”Ami, use our polite words, please.”

Ami grumbles. “Please? Can we eat now?”

Ryu laughs, following his daughter inside. Without a second thought, I grab Val’s arm and pull him in with me. The table is set with lots, and lots of food! It makes my mouth water as soon as the smell hits. So amazing…! My father is already seated, grabbing his share first as my mother shakes her head with a smile on her face. Ami and Ryu sit together on one side of the table, while I bring Val around to sit on the other with me.

”There she is!” My father says, reaching out to pat me on my shoulder. “We’ve been waiting on ya.”

”Hehe.” I laugh. “Sorry for being late!”

As soon as my mother sat down, everyone immediately started grabbing their own servings and chowing down. While we ate, my father began telling benign stories of grandeur. From accomplishments at work to nights out with his buddies. My mother would chime in with her own hobbies. Ryu also tells me how his work is going and bragging about how Ami’s school is going. She’s taken up an ‘artist’ persona recently. Last week, she was a gardener. A little lady of many talents. Her eyes glimmer with pride when she gets to talk about it for herself.

I’m fully engaged in listening to their stories, taking it all in, when I glance over to Val. He’s quietly picking at his food. …I can’t help but lose my smile as I watch the boy. Why is he making that face? This is supposed to be a happy moment. Val notices me watching and glances over to me, my smile quickly returning.

”What do you think of the food, Val?” I ask. He blinks, turning back to his plate.

”It’s… good.” He murmurs. “I’m just… I think I’m surprised. I don’t know how I got here.”

Hmm? What does that mean? It’s strange, I push a lock of white hair out of my face and let my chin rest on my hand.

”Why, you were invited, of course!” My father interrupts, laughing. “You’ve been taking care of Lana, haven’t you?”

Val’s eyes widen, looking at my father, but I smile wide.

”Yeah, of course!” I respond, looking back to Val. “He’s amazing. So wonderful.”

”I… really?” He asked, staring stunned.

”Really!”

Val remains quiet, staring intently at me, before slowly reaching out and placing a hand on top of my head. I can feel him reach for my cat ears.

…eh? When’d I have those too?

The conversation marches on before I can think too deeply about that. Val appears to open up a bit more, being easily guided through conversation. It feels like the next time I blink, dinner is done and we’re cleaning up after ourselves. My family migrates to the living room, but Val walks out back. Instead of lingering with my family, I follow him outside. Val seems to be surprised when I step outside, but still takes a seat.

”Everything ok?” I ask, pulling up a chair next to him. Val shrugs, staring out into the yard.

”This… feels strange. Alien, almost.” He says. “I haven’t seen neighborhoods quite like this. It’s similar enough, but I can feel the difference.”

”Yeah, everything in the other world feels a bit more rustic. I think that’s a good word for it.” I muse. “My childhood neighborhood was right next to busy city roads.”

”…This is another world?”

”Yup! My world doesn’t have any princes or kings that hold any real power. I’m just glad it’s you who’s in that role in our world.”

”I see.” Val trails off, so I lean a bit closer.

”You can tell me.” I told him. “I know something’s weighing on your mind.”

For a moment, he doesn’t say anything, so I start thinking he won’t. But he does eventually take a deep breath before speaking.

”I’m so confused.” Val admits. “I don’t understand anything that’s going on. Not just… here. This all is weird, yeah. But in my personal life.”

”You’re talking about the whole marriage thing, right?” He flinches, and I know I hit the nail on the head.

”Well— Yes, that. It’s not… that I don’t have anyone I want to marry. I just don’t want to hurt anyone in the process. I really like my friends… but my friends like me more than that. Now it feels like I’ve been cornered. I don’t know who to respond to, who to choose… What if I make a mistake?”

”Vallie…” I say, sighing and staring out into nothing. After a beat, I lean over to place my hand on his arm, squeezing it gently. “…It’s not easy, is it? You’re afraid of hurting people, but the longer you wait, the more you hurt them. I know you know this, it only stresses you more.”

”Yeah, I know.” Val grumbles. “I just- I can’t make myself… Hahh… I need to make a choice, but I don’t know how. I… lately, I’ve been wishing my mom was here. She might…”

”…I understand.” The smile that crosses my face isn’t full. “When I died, at first, I missed my family like crazy. But… I had you.”

When Val doesn’t respond immediately, I press on.

”I think… you already have a choice made in your heart. Didn’t you? There’s someone you love deeply. You’re scared to acknowledge it though. I’m not sure why.”

”…You think?”

”Yup.” I nod. “You like a lot of people. You’re a sucker for a pretty face. But there’s only one person you love.”

”What if the… weight of all that comes with an actual relationship with me ends up scaring them off? And I was wrong?”

”Vallie… you’ll never know unless you try. If you let the ‘what ifs’ control all your decisions, you might never experience anything amazing. Trust me… I know.”

When Val grows silent, I let him sit so he can sort his thoughts. He slowly nods, as he stands.

”I think I understand.” He glances over to me, rubbing the back of his neck. “…Do, uh, I call you…”

”Princess is fine!” I grin up at him, and for the first time, Val seems to relax and smile back.

”…That’s what I thought.”

The sun starts to rise, catching our attention. We quietly watch, comfortable, and I feel content.