Chapter 23: The Snail Offensive

The battle began with the roar of a thousand orcs. The main army charged into the narrow pass, their steel meeting the crude iron of Gorgutz's forces in a chaotic clang. It was the perfect diversion. While the two armies clashed, we slipped away, following the hidden goat path up the side of the volcano.

The path was treacherous, but it led us right to a side entrance of the dragon's lair, which was guarded by a surprisingly small contingent of elite orc guards.

"They're not expecting an attack from here," Rina whispered, hefting her mace. "Let's make this quick."

"Wait," Kenta said, holding up a hand. "Let's not fight them. Let's… obstruct them."

Before we could ask what he meant, he summoned the Snail King. Our colossal, mountain-shelled companion materialized with a ground-shaking thud, appearing directly in the narrow pathway, completely blocking it. The orc guards, who had been lazily sharpening their axes, stared at the suddenly-appeared mountain of rock and slime, their jaws agape.

<GREETINGS,> the Snail King's voice boomed in our minds. <THE... SCENERY... IS... QUITE... NICE... FROM... THIS... ALTITUDE.>

"He's the ultimate barricade!" Kenta whispered excitedly. "They can't get past him, and they sure can't hurt him. Let's go!"

We slipped past the Snail King and into the tunnels of the volcano, leaving the bewildered orcs to fruitlessly smack their axes against an indestructible, continent-sized snail shell.

The tunnels were a labyrinth of hot, dark rock. We navigated using a map provided by the army, heading deeper into the heart of the mountain. We soon encountered our next problem: a massive cavern filled with hundreds of goblins, the main garrison protecting the dragon's inner sanctum.

"There's too many to fight," Rina muttered. "We'll be overwhelmed."

"Then we won't fight fair," Chloe said with a grin, pulling out one of her flasks. "Time for some tactical alchemy!"

She lobbed the flask of Tanglefoot Tar into the middle of the goblin horde. It burst in a shower of rainbow goo, spreading across the cavern floor. The goblins, confused, charged forward, only to get stuck fast. The more they struggled, the more entangled they became, until the entire cavern floor was a writhing mass of trapped, angry goblins.

We tiptoed carefully around the edges of the sticky trap, the sound of tiny, furious goblin curses following us as we went. Kenta looked back at the mess.

"You know," he said thoughtfully. "For a dysfunctional party of F-listers, we're actually pretty good at this whole 'infiltration' thing."

"Let's not get cocky," I warned. "We haven't even seen the dragon yet."

As if on cue, a deep, earth-shattering roar echoed from the tunnel ahead. The rock beneath our feet trembled, and the air grew thick with a heat that had nothing to do with the volcano. We had reached the dragon's lair.