A Mirror in Steel

Sari dragged herself out of bed, her hair askew, shoved a veil on over it and staggered to her bedroom door. Her mother was there when she opened it. Irritated, Sari said, “What is it?”

Tasha slipped into her room, a small crystal glowing with topaz lumi in one hand. “We have guests.”

“Guests? At this time in the watch?”

"Warden Dart is here, along with Chestin and Trick.” Her mother moved into the room and sat down in the chair at Sari's dressing table. "I had hoped there would be a little more time before this was necessary but we're rarely so fortunate. Brossius has started making moves.”

Sari sat down on her bed, trying to shake the grogginess from her brain, not sure what it was her mother was getting at. “Sorry, what does Brossius have to do with this?”

“He's starting to pull strings, trying to convince Trick to stay in Harbek instead of braving the Steel again. Nel is already on his side. He'll probably work Raster over to his side soon enough.” Tasha picked up a brush and comb from the dressing table and moved over beside Sari, going to work on her hair. "That boy is the worst thing to have in a town like Harbek. He's too young, too smart and too different to fit in here, even if he wanted to. And I'm not sure he does. That doesn't mean the elders won't try to make him fit.”

"Why would they care?” Sari leaned away from her mother, pushing her hands away from her hair. “When Trick got here Brossius was suspicious of him.”

“Not without good reason,” Tasha replied, holding up a snarled length of tangled hair for Sari’s inspection. Her daughter rolled her eyes, relying on her veil to keep her mother from seeing, and let Tasha go back to brushing and combing. “The point is, he’s a man with a lot of potential and he’s brought in a weapon with powers never seen before. He saved a harvest party from starsight and he fought a bottomless shadow. It’s a very impressive list of accomplishments and any council of elders would want such a man in their town. The only one who might object is the warden, for fear of being replaced.”

“I take it that’s why Warden Dart is here? He wants Trick to leave?”

“Dart will not live forever and he’s already hand picked Chestin as his successor,” Tasha replied. “I don’t think he would want Chestin leaving if he could help it. I find it more likely he’s looking at it as a long term investment, hoping if he helps Trick now then he’ll return to Harbek later. I suppose it’s as good a strategy as any.”

“Did any of you bother to ask what Trick wants?”

“He’s said it many times.” Mother set aside the brush and started braiding her hair. “He wants to brave the perils once again, find his way to the second sphere and work out what happened to his friend.”

“That’s true.” She knew that, of course. She had just gotten the impression that maybe he’d started to want more from the way he’d acted on zenith watch. “I’m guessing Chestin still wants me to go with them on their expedition, which is why they’re here.”

“You’re the brightest for a reason.”

“Is there a reason?” For the hundredth time since Chestin showed her the painting of golden haired children she wondered what it meant being the brightest. “Did Chestin show the painting to you?”

“Yes. Once, years ago, when he brought it back with Franz. They thought I should know about it, since you were already the brightest in Harbek.”

“Do you know what it means?”

Tasha sighed and finished braiding Sari’s hair in silence. Once she was finished she took the brush and comb back to the dressing table, her head bowed in contemplation. “I suspected things, yes. Nothing certain, but any healer knows that more is passed down from parent to child than just the shape of their face and the colors of hair, eyes and skin. Health, talents, even intelligence seems to run in families. Why not some unique nature only apparent to the creatures of the Steel Perilous?”

“Do you… think I should go?”

Her mother came back and sat beside her on the bed, took both Sari’s hands in hers and held them tight. “Listen to me, Sari.” Tasha’s eyes sought hers behind her veil. “When I was a very young girl I met a dashing, brave and exciting man from a foreign land and followed him on the most thrilling and stupid adventure I have ever experienced. You know what it cost me.”

Sari nodded. “Three friends and an ear.”

“Yes. It was a wonderful thing at a terrible, terrible cost. I thought I was a great healer before I braved the Steel with Franz. I thought I would marry him, change him, make him a man of Harbek and the father of my children. That one trip destroyed all those illusions.” Tasha stopped, took a deep breath and wiped at the corners of her eyes. “Franz was a good man. I don’t know what happened to him in the end but I know he was always a good man. Yet I hated him after that. I hated that he took me there to see all the lies I believed about myself.”

Sari drew back from her mother, hardly believing what she was hearing. “You hated Franz?”

“Oh, I forgave him eventually,” Tasha said with a choked laugh. “Eventually. After I met your father and he helped me accept the woman I was and move past the woman I once wanted to be. That’s the real peril down there, I think. The Steel Perilous exists to show us what we really, truly are. For most of us, that means seeing how insignificant we are, the stunted scope of our dreams and ambitions, the illusory nature of all the stories we tell about ourselves. It makes all that clear to us, about ourselves and those that go with us. It’s a hard thing to bear with, Sari. Harder than anything else you’ll bear in your life.”

“So you don’t think I should go?”

Her mother lowered her hands to rest on the bed. “Do you think there’s a reason you’re the brightest?”

Sari hesitated. Really thought about that for a moment. “No. I don’t think so.”

“If you stay in Harbek you’ll always be the brightest, Sari. At least until you have a child who may take the position from you, if you can bear that. It’s a long time to bear the burden of being brightest for no reason. If you can deal with that, fine.” Tasha got to her feet. “If you can’t, then you should brave the Steel and discover whether it’s really true.”

In that light there was really only one thing for her to do. “Tell Trick and Chestin I’ll meet them once I collect my staff.”