Listen Here, Schmucks! | The Financial Advisor's Declaration!

"Can you shut up!?" Ziv yelled out, slamming his fist on the wooden table. He held his head afterwards; the consequences of drinking heavily gave him major migraines.

Garwood stepped from the kitchen. Despite heavily drinking, the dwarven warrior appeared to show no signs of a hangover. He held a large turkey leg in one hand, grinding his teeth on one side. "Why are you yelling?" Garwood asked with his mouth full.

"Are you seriously eating a turkey leg in the morning?" Ziv squinted his eyes, judging his fellow guildmate.

"It's just a snack after breakfast."

"So you've already eaten!?" Ziv said with disgust.

Garwood and Ziv both then instinctively turned to see Francisco at the table. The financial advisor appeared to be suffering from a midlife crisis. His hands were wrapped around his head, staring at several unopened envelopes. Papers were scattered over the table, falling onto the floor. There was a consistent humming noise coming from Francisco. The man was muttering quickly, so it sounded like nonsense to everyone.

"This is why I'm yelling. He hasn't stopped doing that for the past hour!" Ziv shouted.

"You sure he's okay?" Garwood asked in concern. The bulky dwarf calmly walked over to Francisco and laid his hand on his shoulder. "You doing good, mate?"

Francisco shuddered, snapping out of his stressed trance. "What, umm, yeah, I'm feeling peachy," he said unconvincingly. "I blacked out for a minute there." He put his finger on one of the bill statements and twisted it. "So tell me again, how do you guys plan on paying for this?"

"The guild hall?" Garwood stroked his beard.

"Ugh, I've already explained it to you a thousand times. Don't worry about it," Ziv groaned and massaged the stem of his nose.

"Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it too much, lad. We have... special arrangements with the Sactum of Unity," Gardwood assured, patting Francisco on the back.

"Umm, from what you told me, it doesn't seem like you guys are doing anything," Francisco widened his eyes as he coughed. "How am I not supposed to worry when you said that the guild house will be claimed and everyone in the guild will lose their adventuring licenses!?"

"Aww, c'mon, Ziv. You told him all that," Garwood shook his head in disapproval.

"Listen, he wouldn't stop mumbling and asking me questions! I've kept my lips sealed through hours of torture, but I couldn't handle it!" Ziv sucked air through his teeth as he finished yelling.

In the past hour, Francisco had bothered Ziv so much that he learned of the dire financial fate coming to the Crimson Crows. With so many unpaid fees from the guild headquarters, Sanctum of Unity, the Crows were bound to be evicted by the end of the month. The city's military will enact the eviction. Supposedly, because the debt is so high, every member of Crimson Crows will also lose their adventuring license. There is the possibility of prison.

There was a loud yawn coming from upstairs. Catherine rubbed her eyes as she approached the railing on the second floor. She looked down at the bumbling conversation. Even her pajamas looked extravagant, possibly tethered with luxurious satin. Her green top featured delicate embroidery in a floral pattern, extending to her flowing pants. "What is up with all the noise?"

"We got another eviction notice," Garwood notified.

"Oh? What's the problem? Just throw it in the supply closet," Catherine shrugged.

"The problem is that your eviction notices shouldn't be thrown in there!" Francisco yelled. He lightly tapped his forehead and sighed. "Okay, I'll just march down to the guild hall and try to situate this. I need to register my name anyway on the guild roster." Francisco proceeded to stand up before he was shoved back down to his seat. Garwood's heavy down pushed his shoulder down.

"Not so fast, mate. I don't reckon that's a good idea, and I highly suggest you refrain from doing so," Garwood advised.

"What? Why not? I'm just going to speak to someone at the guild hall," Francisco contested.

"It's not that. You probably shouldn't officially register with the guild," Catherine chimed in. She raised her eyebrows and shrugged.

"I don't understand. Am I not part of the guild?"

"Just because you're not part of the guild, doesn't mean you're not part of the guild," Garwood smiled while patting Francisco's back.

"Oh my god. Alright, listen here," Ziv leaned his body, annoyed that this conversation lasted as long as it did. "If you officially put your name on that roster, the guild hall will see you as an actual member of the guild. If that were to happen, when this guild is forced to disband and we lose the guild home," Ziv stopped and threw his head back. "And it is a matter of when because let's be real. We're losing our guild home by the end of the month." The rogue leaned closer back to Francisco. "When this guild is disbanded, the debt is going to be split between all members. We haven't really had anyone "officially" register for a while."

"So you guys are just giving up?" Francisco asked, almost disgusted by how this powerful group of heroes was choosing to lose to financial status.

"Umm, there's not really much that can be done, Franky. It's better not to stress out the little things," Catherine smiled.

"Yeah, it's out of our hands," Garwood patted Francisco's back before taking a seat at the table.

"But there's got to be something! How about the money from the quests yesterday?" Francisco panicked.

"Spent it all on the food and booze yesterday, mate. Like I said earlier, don't worry about it."

"Glad we got that settled. My migraine is killing me," Ziv complained, laying his head back on the table. "Make sure to throw all those envelopes back in the closet. They're an eyesore."

Francisco became quiet as he reflected on the energy coming from his new 'guildmates.' His eyes scanned the envelopes. There was a sudden heaviness weighing on his shoulders. After a few months, he finally found himself comfort. Those few months were difficult. Although he used to challenge himself to live modestly and save money, the last few months were a means of survival. He just met these heroes and became part of their guild, and now it was going to be gone by the end of the month.

Francisco didn't want to lose his new friends or his new home. He smacked his lips with determination. The financial advisor thought back to how he had felt useless, standing and watching the Crimson Crows complete quests easily. He wished he could have been more dependable. Holding onto an envelope, he knew what he had to do. He helped so many schmucks in his past life; he even helped pull Richard out of some financial situations. He could do the same.

Francisco climbed onto the table. "No! I will not accept that!"

Ziv turned his head and groaned, "Aww, c'mon. Let it go!"

"No! I will not let it go! Listen here, shmucks! You guys invited me in, and last night was one of the most fun nights I've had in a long time! I'll be damn if I'm going to have financial debt ruin this guild!" Francisco put a hand over his chest. "My name is Francisco Lincoln Alvear! I may not know how to use a sword or cast magic, but I can balance a ledger! I'm a financial advisor and I'll pull you stubborn spendthrifts out of this financial mess!"

"Huh?" Ziv picked his head up.

"Did he call us schmucks?" Catherine asked wide-eyed.

Francisco panted as he stayed still on the tables. The rest of the guild were either listening to Francisco's panicked words or were now waking up to his speech. There was a soft silence followed by eruptive laughter. The financial advisor lost his footing, caught off guard by the sudden outburst of laughter. Members yelled at him to sit down, while others rolled their eyes.

'What's the new guy thinking?' was being said. There were a couple of 'this new guy is too serious.' The mixed reaction started discouraging the financial advisor. He clenched his teeth, hiding them behind his sealed lip. Francisco was beginning to think they might not even want his help.

"Okay, go ahead, sounds amazing!" A deep voice broke through the unionized laughter and mockery. Everyone turned to the eye-patched captain lying on the couch by the fireplace. Rolo had his neck resting on the arm end of the sofa as his foot shook rhymically.

"You can't be serious," Ziv groaned.

"Umm, Captain, you just woke up. I'm not sure you know what you're agreeing to," Catherine held her head up with her elbow propped on the railing.

"Oh, no. I've been listening this entire time. It's been a really funny conversation," Rolo admitted, chuckling under his breath. "But yeah, I think this would be great for the guild. I see no harm in the banker trying to help this guild. As we know, this guild will be gone by the end of the month. And I don't know about you guys, but I really don't want to see us disbanded." Rolo yawned and turned around, his back facing everyone. He pointed his finger behind him at Francisco. "Alright, Francisco. As the new member, it's your sole responsibility to clear the Crimson Crows' debt!" He let his finger drop. "As of now, everyone is expected to take your advice!"

Francisco's eyes widened, he clenched his fists, and nodded in aspiration. He regained his confidence and smiled with determination. "Thank you, Captain! I won't let you down!" Francisco sat back down in his chair, moving the papers around, and began rambling. "Okay, I just need to figure out the total debt. I'll have to quickly add up the total amount of fees, including any late fees, as well as-"

"It's almost a quarter million," Ziv spoke up, yawning and getting up from his seat. "It's too noisy here. I'm going to my bed."

Francisco looked up, confused. "Wait, what!? It's how much!?"

"Good luck, schmuck," Ziv waved, holding the stem of his nose as his migraine increased.