It Isn't Easy

“So…” Teri approached Yayoi. “They’re having a strategy meeting right now. Taku’s bringing up the Trueshot Bow and whatnot. You’re also missing out on his speech and stuff. Wanna…”

Teri’s voice faded. Taku led Mr. Takeshi’s party toward the shrine room, saying that it was much safer there. To drive his point home, he looked back at him, gave him a thumbs up, and winked while he did. Bastard didn’t even hide it. Now, everyone knew that something was going on between him and Yayoi.

It was a sign of weakness, if anything. But remembering what Taku told and showed him, a part of him believed that this wouldn’t bite him back in the ass. He could only hope.

But right now, he and Yayoi were essentially alone.

The girl in question was nestled at a corner near the shrine door, hugging both her legs, her back pressed against the wall, and the dim pinkish light of the room reflecting on her deep, dead eyes. Teri sighed, begging himself not to laugh. In his approach, the sound of Taku and Mr. Takeshi’s party inside the shrine room grew weaker as he became more aware of how loud his footsteps were.

Yayoi turned her eyes to him. She seemed surprised at first, but her gaze intensified to a glare. Teri gingerly gave her a small wave as a reply. She brought her head back down and instead glanced at the pile of dolls in the opposite corner of the room.

It reminded him of their first meeting. Though less violent. Not knowing what to do, Teri sat beside her—at a considerable distance, about an arm’s width, so he wouldn’t get gutted.

“You should listen to it.”

“I am.” Yayoi sighed and hugged herself tighter. “Were you?”

“No.”

Teri kept his head facing forward. He smiled. He knew it was forced. His heart was pounding. He had so many questions. New feelings. He wanted to be angry. He wanted to ask why she started ignoring him. Like what was that for? He wanted to let her know what it led to. Taku got to slap him because of it. Worse, Taku let everyone know that something was wrong with him—with them. He relaxed his shoulders and breathed.

“Taku spent an awful amount of time praising Samantha-chan’s makeup,” she continued weakly. “Taku offered the Trueshot Bow to Yuyu; apparently, she’s the student council president and the top member of their school’s archery club. Then, he spoke about the rules and dynamics of a party, which led to him talking about how fucked up it is to be a healer. Something about how he doesn’t get enough cool moments and that they get targeted early… like by everyone and everytime… He’s still talking about it.”

“You…”

“It’s a bad habit of mine.” Yayoi glanced at him. “Listening to conversations I’m not even a part of.”

“You really have good ears.”

“I used magic. Still using it.” Yayoi glanced at him sideways, looking at his chest and combing the bit of her stray hair at the back of her ear. “So… yeah. I’m aware of everything. Why you’re here. That no one asked you to be here other than him.”

That saved them both a lot of time. Teri scratched the back of his neck. His stomach twisted, making him smile and want to breathe into a laugh. He was made aware of how unsettling and drowning a moment of silence could be.

“You’re relieved?”

“I guess so.”

Teri sighed, feeling the weight of the still air gripping his chest.

Yayoi looked straight at him. Her gaze was both yearning and vacant, her eyes now glistening under the pinkish light like unwanted gems. Her mouth was half-open. Like she was baring her fangs at him. But her dry lips trembled. She looked away once more.

“You…” Yayoi hugged herself tighter. “You drink?”

“Booze? Plenty.”

“You know when people… like… they can only open up when they’re drunk?”

“Yeah?”

Teri didn’t know that. Taro and Masato certainly had a bunch of fun getting drunk around him. They were happier too if he got drunk with them—well, among other things. None of them opened up to him. But he had heard stories of how his friends often cry to each other when they got drunk together and if he wasn’t around. Crying was a part of them opening up too, right?

“I think that’s bullshit,” Yayoi continued. “I think it’s just an excuse. Lack of inhibitions my ass. I’m painfully aware of what my thoughts are and what I am doing even when I’m like that. I… don’t understand. How can someone be merry, much more than share their life’s story to a total stranger after just a few drinks?”

“Yeah, it’s wild.”

Teri feigned a smile, his eyes rooted to the ceiling. He wouldn’t dare look at her right now. He wouldn’t dare to imagine her face, either. A certain memory came to mind. His friends.

It was New Year’s. Most of the bars they knew were closed. The ones that were open rejected them. They resorted to buying booze in nearby convenience stores to get a party going at his house. They sang together. They ate together. It was one of the rarest moments where no one seemed afraid of him—a moment that made him pause and ask if he truly reached his best place, his dream. That was the same place he got murdered by the same group of friends six months later.

“Maybe you’re right?” Teri smiled. “Maybe it’s all an excuse. Maybe it’s the only way for them to behave around the people they like and say the things they want, consequences be damned. Maybe it’s the only way for them to truly feel like you’re really with them, like you’re going through the same thing. Like their only hope to form a connection, to really know who you were… and if anything happens, you can blame it on the booze and let it go.”

Yayoi sighed and pressed her face against her knees. “That’s awfully convenient.”

Teri chuckled to let the silence pass. He was starting to understand why he got murdered too. Why everyone was afraid of him.

“Do you…” Teri’s mouth trembled. “Do you wanna be drunk right now?”

“This is so dumb.” Yayoi chuckled helplessly. “Yeah…”

“Alright.” Teri crossed his arms. He closed his eyes and rested his back against the wall. “As of this moment… both of us are drunk. None of what we do or say could be used against us.”

Teri wanted to giggle like a child. This was so fucking dumb. He thought about putting himself in a bar. How could he sell the idea that he was indeed drunk? Was it okay for him to talk normally? Did he have to lay on the floor? He had tried it before. Once. He was a kid and shared a pack of juice with his friends. They thought that being drunk was cool.

What was he supposed to do now?

Yayoi slowly pressed her weight at Teri’s side, resting her head on his shoulder. Strands of her short hair brushed against his neck. Oh lord. Teri didn’t dare move a muscle much less budge against her weight. He also didn’t even want to open his eyes. He’d be torn to pieces. Yayoi was also surprisingly light, almost fragile to the touch. She smelled faintly of roses too.

“I keep thinking about it.” Yayoi trembled, her voice as weak as ever. “Everything. What happened. What I could have done differently. What could I have done better. If things would be any different.” She hugged herself tighter. “I keep running into bad ends. Every. Single. Time. I was certain that all the choices I had made so far were good ever since I found myself in this shithole. But… why did she look at me like that? Why was she angry? Why… of all people… is she disappointed to see me there? Did I look like I was having fun? I wasn’t… I… I want to understand why she felt like it was okay for her to close the door… knowing that I would die.”

Teri grimaced.

“Then… I realized that the answer has been staring at my face all this time. This fucking dungeon… I…” She wiped her face. Tears, probably. “I didn’t know it was this bad. I didn’t even talk to her. I never did. I never looked at it like something was wrong. So, it just makes sense for her to want me dead, right? It didn’t sit right with me too… when I saw you getting hurt and all. I mean Taku healed you. But still. That’s all I ever do. Hurt people. And here I thought I was being helpful. AND BEFORE I COULD SORT THAT SHIT OUT… Apparently, my sister sold those guys out too. So now everything is my fault. I don’t know what to do. Everything. Bad ends. My thoughts. My plans. Nothing. They just break the moment I try to make them. It’s the same. My sister. Every single fucking time I think about it. She won’t take my hand. I—”

“Then, let’s go at it backwards.”

Teri could only muster a weak grin. His eyes were still closed. It would be embarrassing to open them now, so the second best option was to double down and keep it that way. And if it was true that she heard everything he and Taku talked about, then it would just be right to trust her with that question.

“What do you want to do about it?”

“You…” Yayoi gritted her teeth. She started sobbing. “You wouldn’t… How could you fucking understand. That’s what I’ve been fucking doing all this time. You… You know nothing about it. You… You…” She hugged her trembling self tighter. Her head still rested on his shoulders. “God fucking… damn it. Damn it all…”

“You’re right.” Consequences be damned. Teri opened his eyes, pulled himself back, and set his gaze to her tear-drenched smile. He placed his hands on her shoulders. “But that’s the nice thing about the question, no? I don’t know you. I don’t know what you’re thinking about. What you’ve been through. Who you are. But if there’s something I’ve learned over the past few hours… or day—I don’t even know anymore—it’s that I could care enough. I care enough now for you guys to be scared when you get hurt and be pissed when I get ignored. Like what the fuck? Right. Yeah. The question…”

Teri shook Yayoi the same way Taku shook him but gentler.

“The nice thing with that question is that I can show how I care about you and what’s happening without knowing anything at all. I don’t need your whole backstory just so that I can be qualified to care about you. That’s bullshit!”

Yayoi was staring into his eyes. Now, this look was familiar to him too. She didn’t know what to do. Now, he knew exactly what to say, the perfect words to calm her worries and earn her loyalty, to make sure she would follow him to the ends of the earth. But that wasn’t right. He remembered his home, what happened to it. That hardly mattered now. Not anymore.

Teri breathed.

He was no longer that person anymore. Taku did to him what he was doing to her now. He was sure of it.

“So…” Teri smiled, wishing like hell that he looked at least confident. “What the fuck do you want?”

Yayoi cracked a smile. “You really had to add ‘fuck’ to that huh? You trying to be more authoritative or something?”

Teri grumbled, pointing his gaze to everywhere but her. “I was trying to save my ass, yes—”

“Teri…” she said, keeping a faint smile as she pushed herself back. She nodded to herself. “I understand now.” She lowered her head, her eyes wandering until it found its way back to him—now with a bit of a resolve. “I want to save Sachi. I have to accept that something was wrong first, right? Then… we talk. But…” Her lips trembled. “But maybe, it shouldn’t be me. Maybe I’m not supposed to be her savior… I need help.”

“Yayoi…”

“Time is of the essence, yeah?” Yayoi continued, rushing her words. “You guys can go. I’ll take care of the key. I’ll find it in the boss room. I’ll… I’ll… I’ll do it. So… just… please…”

Teri scoffed, a bit too sweetly for his taste. He extended his right arm to her, offering a fist bump. Yayoi looked conflicted. He couldn’t blame her. Teri smiled to himself, thinking about the moment he asked Yayoi what she wanted. He probably grinned like an idiot.

The awkward feeling weighed on his heart. But it wasn’t as bad as leaving your fist hanging, waiting for the other person to finally take the damn fist bump.

Yayoi was right. He didn’t know her. They didn’t know her. No one would be able to understand her. But he could say the same for himself. What others could see was what he did, not his past. Taku didn’t know shit about him, but he tried his best to be his friend. Maybe he should start doing that. Maybe he could start with her.

“I’ll bring her back.” Teri broke the silence between them, feeling that he was smiling wide as he did. This was what Taku would do too. “So, you better be ready to say what you wanna say.”

Yayoi’s eyes glistened. For a second, it reflected his face with the dim pinkness of the room. He looked stupid. But that was okay. Taku looked stupid too. She snorted, her lips forming a smile once again.

Her face seemed a bit red when she faced him. Teri felt like he was going to get gutted if he ever pointed that out. So, still with his fist hanging in the air, he watched her as she debated back and forth whether to take his fist bump or not. In the end, she did. She extended her arm and firmly pressed her fist against his.

“Leave it to me.”

Teri chuckled. “Man, I’m looking forward to seeing you cry.”

“Bitch—”

Yayoi was interrupted by the sound of something breaking. The door leading to the shrine room splintered open, ushering three eavesdroppers to make a fantastic reveal to Teri and Yayoi.

The first one to fall forward was Mr. Takeshi who seemed to be bawling even more. Taku flopped onto his back, grinning as he gave both Teri and Yayoi a thumbs up. He was way too proud. The third one didn’t fall. She willingly walked in and waved her hand at Yayoi. It was Samantha-chan.

Mr. Takeshi roared, pushing Taku off his back and sobbing in between breaths. “LET’S DO IT. LET’S SAVE EVERYONE. LET’S SAVE SACHI. LET’S GET THEM BACK FROM THAT BASTARD, KISARAGI KAITOOOOOOOO!”

Taku elegantly followed the momentum, rolling to the side like an egg. He picked himself up from the floor, pretending that nothing happened, and raised his clenched fist in the air in pure hype. “YEAH. FUCK THAT GUY. LET’S KICK HIS ASS. I’LL BURN HIS HAREM DOWN TO THE GROUND!”

“It totes suck wat Sachi deed to us, buuuut… if dats the case den I’m all for bringing her bak here and making her tok.” Samantha said, stepping forward with one hand raised and the other shoved in her jacket pocket. “I’m witchu.”

“I f-feel the same.”

Yuyu followed Samantha, shifting her flushed gaze to Taku before lifting her arm to do what the others were doing. She screamed a moment later, her face brave and beet-red.

“If… Mr. Takeshi said so… and these two fine… ladies… aren’t finding it within themselves to refuse… then I shall be in it too and keep everyone safe.” Sebastian Benjamin Noir raised his fist in the air as well, his glasses shimmering with determination. “For that… is my way.”

“Don’t think you can nope out of this—nope out of everyone who’s with you in this dungeon.” Teri nudged Yayoi and got on his feet, a chuckle escaping from his lips. “We’re already friends.”

This was fun. It was the same feeling Teri had rarely felt with his friends back in the real world. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he was much closer to his dream, his best place. Yayoi was no longer alone, Teri could tell that much. And if she wasn’t alone, it meant he wasn’t either.

Teri offered his hand to Yayoi.

“Nah… I think it’s also about time for Stockholm syndrome to set in,” Yayoi replied with a bit of a laugh as she took his hand. Her face broke into possibly the purest smile she could ever give, cheerful and without a trace of sarcasm or the urge to cancel their life and turn them into victims. She set her glimmering eyes to everyone and then to Teri. “Let’s go save everyone and tear this no-good dungeon to the ground.”

Dame Da Dungeon Vol. 1, end.