4. a beetle’s blessing on this wonderful world!

I said ‘dragon’, but she didn’t exactly match my idea of one. Her scales were iridescent white, with four feathery wings sprouting out of her back, a snout that resembled a turtle’s, and the same curly horns as she possessed in her human form. If I had to guess, I’d say she was about the size of an elephant.

Hisui unsubtly skidded behind me. I almost thought she’d go back into the stall. “I-Ishidaaa…”

Her original plan was for me to distract the dragon while she awakened. Since she’d done anything but, I’d presumed she’d opted out of it entirely, but no.

…dream?

This was too coherent to be one, but… I mean… surely we hadn’t actually…. unless…

The dragon roared. It looked very intimidating and all, but the thing was… it still sounded like her fake roar as a human. “Awaken! Now!” She… said? She wasn’t moving her mouth, but it was her voice. “Or I’ll eat whoever is weakest.”

Without thinking, my gaze traveled to Hisui, who was now hiding behind me. I had to be reassuring and smooth and stuff. I said, “Um, I’ll uh. Distract her.”

“Really?”

I nodded, then pointed at the stall.

“So you want me to hide there while I tap into my magic?”

I said yes with not my voice.

“What if she eats you?”

I shrugged.

“Oh. Then I won’t hide. Just buy me some time. I’ll tap into it. And you tap into it.”

I gave her a thumbs-up.

Since Hisui wouldn’t hide, my plan was to get the dragon to destroy the stall, then jam a piece of wood from the resulting debris into her eye or something. I didn’t mean to kill her, though. I was a gentleman. The dragon, whose tail passively-aggressively batted the ground like a cat’s, visibly perked up as I approached her. “Ready?”

…on second thought, she was substantially larger than an elephant. And she glowed, too. How she expected me to fight her was beyond me, but I nodded anyway. If she’d meant to kill us, she would’ve done so the moment she transformed.

As if to prove my theory, she pounced very, very slowly. I could’ve walked out of the area of attack.

Hisui crouched below a mushroom, tapping her head with both hands. She was far enough that I wouldn’t have to worry about her getting hit by accident.

Since I “dodged” the “attack”, the dragon’s jaws clamped on air, and she stayed there… waiting…

…yeah, no.

How was I supposed to harm her now if her moves were so painfully choreographed? And then there were those idiot fake onis. I ended up kicking the dragon’s throat. Of course, it didn’t even budge. “Attack me,” I told her. “Properly.”

“...you’d die.”

“Don’t care.”

The dragon turned to glance at me with a huge, golden eye. “You’re one of those, huh?”

I didn’t know if ‘those’ went against her pursuit of ‘good ones’, but I frankly didn’t care. I was being stupid and irrational and I knew it.

“Are you a god or a beetle?” She asked.

“Neither.”

“Pick one.”

“No.”

“So you weren’t the one to choose ‘god’.” The dragon’s slitted pupil narrowed. “Then I can eat you.”

It was too fast to dodge this time. I threw my weight to the side, but her fangs slashed my arm anyway–from my bicep to my shoulder. I couldn’t even clutch at the wound before she slammed a claw against the spot I’d landed on. I rolled away before it hit, just barely. When I stood up, I stumbled.

“You’re smiling,” the dragon said.

I wasn’t, though, not really. My arm was almost numb from pain. I had to calm down. Think. Be rational.

I broke out running. This time, it wasn’t a claw swipe or bite, but dragonbreath… with sparkling sound effects... but anyway, purple fire trailed behind me. Grass and mushrooms visibly writhed beneath it. The dragon didn’t stop until she seemingly ran out of breath, after which she panted. With each breath, little puffs of smoke blew out of her mouth.

Still, she trailed after me as I ran towards the stall. She moved like the lizard she was. Now, I just had to–

She lunged again.

–that. Barely, I leaped away from her fangs. Her jaws clamped onto the bathroom stall, crushing it instantly. The dragon trashed, spitting out the toilet paper roll and some wood. “Bah! Gross! GROSS!”

Apparently there was a plumping system in Korova; the torn toilet gushed out water. It wasn’t sparkling, sadly.

“Some of the WATER got into my MOUTH ahhh gross I hate you I hate you I hate you!”

I reached out for whichever piece of wooden plank looked sharpest.

“I don’t care anymore you guys are so mean so mean DIE!” The dragon spun, slamming her tail not on me, but Hisui.

Due to the flames, I couldn’t see–or hear–what happened, but I felt it.

If I moved fast enough, I’d save her. I thought that, and then I moved fast enough.

Right before I tackled Hisui away from the attack, a mushroom spontaneously burst from the grass, shielding us both. Thus, I awkwardly landed on top of her.

“Woo!” She raised her fists to the air. “There we GOOO!”

I scurried off, but she didn’t even seem to notice. Okay, very nice. Amazing. Hisui clasped her hands together, closing her eyes, and then more shrooms emerged all around us.

In the world outside the mushroom shield, the dragon asked, “Wait, which of you awakened? This is… nature magic, so probably the girl. Hey, this is between the pipsqueak and me now!”

“Nope.” Hisui laughed. “I win! I wiiin!”

The ground shook; more and more mushrooms emerged. I was too rattled by the failed tackle to tell her that it was moronic to throw out blind attacks like these… but that was assuming she did it on purpose.

Hisui had ‘tapped’ into her magic, at least. Very nice. Amazing. Had I? Yes, right? It would’ve been physically impossible to move that fast otherwise, but… I couldn’t feel it anymore.

Something crackled outside, and there were sparkling sound effects. I assumed that the dragon was breathing fire at the shield. “It’s futile,” Hisui said. “Your attacks can’t–”

And then the mushrooms began to writhe.

With the shield opening and closing, we had to leave lest the flames slip through and cook us alive. Before I could take Hisui and run, she clapped her hands again. A mushroom spawned right below us, shooting us straight into the sky, where…

…wait, the castle.

There it was.

The fire. The victims.

By the time I squinted, however, it was gone; there was nothing but a twilight sky left above us, slightly darker than before.

Right as the dragon opened her mouth to greet us with her teeth, Hisui pointed a finger gun at her, after which thorny vines burst from the air in front of her finger, encircling the dragon’s jaw and snapping it shut.

We landed on a mushroom top. We didn’t die, nor did we wake up.

Blood had soaked my sleeve at this point. It hurt. I just kind of stared at it while Hisui stood and the dragon shook her head. “Now, tell us what happened to the rest of our party,” Hisui said, “I might be nice, but Ishida here once bit a kid’s ear off during a fight.” (No I hadn’t.) “You lost. It’s over.”

The dragon clawed at her face, then slammed her tail against the ground hard enough for puffs of glitter to explode from the mushrooms around us. Frantically, she batted her wings. Glittery, visibly purple swirls evolved into gusts. I still held onto the makeshift spear. “Sakura,” I said, “Could you, um. Could you please um.” I pointed at a mushroom, then at the dragon, then at me, then made a launching motion with my good arm.

Hisui nodded, but her expression was blank.

“T-to the dragon.”

“Okay.”

“Throw.”

“Okay–oh!” She returned the thumbs-up, then aimed a finger gun at the dragon. A mushroom burst diagonally beneath me, propelling me towards the thrashing beast.

I knew it was a feint before the dragon snapped free of the vines and swallowed me. Something hurt, but I was too busy finding the palate to care. It was dark. Oh, whatever. I just jabbed the thing as far in as I could into her tongue.

To say she screeched was an understatement. That, at last, sounded like the roar of a beast her size. She spat me out, then thrashed, coughing out blood.

Hisui ran over to me. This place was a disaster, purple flames and glitter everywhere. “Ishida, holy shit!”

Yeah, holy shit. I hadn’t thought about how hard it’d be to breathe inside the mouth of a monster. No oxygen and stuff. Made sense. I was so dizzy.

I was about to confess my love before dying when something loomed above: a smaller, darker dragon. Very nice. Amazing. However, as Hisui noticed it and shriveled, something–someone–jumped off it.

Yukimura landed beside us. “Gross,” he said.

Aoko followed, covering her face with her hand so that she wouldn’t see the wounded animal. “Yeah… you shouldn’t have hurt it that much.”

And she was right–I shouldn’t have.

This, too, had been part of the tutorial…