Emma

Of course, I had to say that things would slow down a bit. Note to self: if you want something to happen, don’t jinx it by saying that it will happen. Two days before Peter’s 18th birthday, I got a visit from Father Paul. He was in a total panic and he wouldn’t explain what was happening.

“Do you have someone who can watch the children away from the house?” This immediately put me on-edge. My mind started racing, trying to figure out what might be happening. Were the children in danger? That couldn’t be it, or else he would’ve asked if I knew anyone who could defend the house. “I can’t explain much, but there is a very important person who is coming to visit you tomorrow. This person requested that you meet them alone.”

“What about Alice?”

“Alice would be the only person who could be there, but none of the children can be here when this person arrives. Not even Roy.”

This had me in a total meltdown. Alice and I had been planning a party for Peter in two days to celebrate his birthday. If we didn’t have tomorrow, we would be in a rush to finish our preparations. Father Paul could see the panic on my face, so he said, “I want you to trust me. Nothing bad is going to happen. If you need me to watch the children, I will do so, but I need you to trust me in this matter.”

The next day arrived. Peter went to Doug’s shop, Mina went to the Adventurer’s Guild, and the rest went to the cathedral. Alice decided to go with Roy and the others to take care of and watch over them. While I had the house to myself, I was left wondering who would be arriving. As my thoughts raced, I heard a soft knock at the door. If I hadn’t been in the living room, I wouldn’t have heard it, but as I opened the door, I could immediately tell why the knock was so soft.

There was a woman who looked barely older than me, probably in her early 20s, who was wearing rags and covered in dirt. Was this the very important person that Father Paul was talking about? She touched my wrist. Her hand was soft and dainty, like a princess’, but it was covered in dirt. I felt her hand heat up slightly, then it got hotter and hotter, until it was nearly burning my arm. When she finally let go, I expected to see a burn scar, but there was nothing there.

“Your name is Simon Westwind.” Her voice had a clear accent like someone from the empire. It was formal and well-spoken, but a bit archaic. “However, that is not your only name. You are cursed with the Hero’s Burden. You fell in love with your fiancée, Alice, when she first smiled at you. I have seen your past, present, and future. Surely, this is enough for you to understand my identity.” Someone who could see the future and give prophecies to the people. There was only one person in the world who could fit that identity.

“You’re the Saint of Prophecy. But why are you here? I thought you were in the empire.” I led her to the couch, closing the door behind me. When she sat down, she didn’t take off the ragged robe. Underneath the robe, I couldn’t tell what she looked like. I couldn’t tell if she was tall, short, skinny, muscular, pale, tan, or even what race she was. She was clearly hiding a large portion of her identity, even from me when we were alone in a room together.

“Officially, I came here to return the Holy Hero’s Sword, Ataraxia, to the empire. However, I am currently on the run from bandits.”

I jumped to my feet. “Do I need to protect you from the bandits? I could go get someone to protect the house while you hide here.”

“There is no need. I have engaged in a manner of falsehood. There are no bandits which intend to claim my life. I have engaged in this falsehood with the intent of meeting the one which I have seen in my visions.”

“You’ve seen me in visions?! Good visions or bad visions?”

“You have no need to fear these visions. The visions told me that you are a false hero. These visions also confirmed that I can trust you with my secret.”

“False hero?” Before I was concerned, but as the Saint kept explaining things, I was starting to get more confused than worried.

“All heroes that the empire chooses have memories of living two lives in two different worlds. When the empire chooses that hero, they are granted the powers of the hero, which comes with the responsibility of defeating the greatest evil of their era. The current hero has been missing for years, but the empire has been unable to choose a new hero, so the empire has assumed that the hero is still alive. However, any who bears the memories of two worlds without the title of hero is deemed a false hero by the empire. False heroes are driven out, forced to leave the empire, and banished, never to return. Despite being deemed ‘false’, these individuals are still forced to bear the Hero’s Burden.”

I was a false hero. I didn’t live in the empire to begin with, but I couldn’t ever go to the empire because I’d be chased out as a false hero. I’d struggled with whether having these memories of two lives would be worth it, but that worry and pain came back to the forefront of my mind. “Is there any way to break the curse of the Hero’s Burden?”

“Only the true hero can break the curse of the Hero’s Burden. It is spoken of in the Prophecy of the Hero. ‘When the dead rise, the walls shall crumble. Though the Queen of Death shall bring destruction to the world, the world shall refuse to burn. The true hero will claim the sword that will bring peace from the false hero for choosing humanity over duty. When that burdened hero raises that sword in battle, the armies of death will be put to rest and the world will be saved once more. When the world is at peace again, the hero’s burden shall be removed.’”

There were three things that caught my attention: “The Queen of Death shall bring destruction to the world.” If the Queen of Death was the Lich Queen, would that mean that the world would be heading to war? “The true hero will claim the sword that will bring peace from the false hero.” Was I supposed to give the hero’s sword to the true hero? Would that be the thing that led to the hero’s victory? “When the world is at peace again, the hero’s burden shall be removed.” This must be what the Saint was talking about when she said it was possible to remove the true hero’s curse.

“Miss Saint, what is the Hero’s Burden?”

“The kind goddess of this world brought forward those who have the ability to do great things, granted them two lives of knowledge, the constitution to avoid sickness and disease, and the desire to do great things. However, the evil goddess cursed these heroes to lose their entire bloodline. Parents, siblings, children, anyone blood related to the hero will be killed by the Hero’s Burden.”

There was something in that explanation that caused my heart to sink. “Children? Does that mean that I can never have children?”

“Let me tell you your prophecy.”

“Can I have children or not?!”

The Saint stared into my eyes. Her eyes were nearly pitch black, but when she started staring, they began to glow with brilliant, multi-colored light. “‘When children cry and fear abandonment by the world, the other hero will come to stop their tears. When children need a place to stay warm through the cold, the other hero will open his house to them. When children have grown and need to spread their wings, the other hero will send them out into the world like dandelion fluff. The other hero will be a father to many, but not to his own.’”

The other hero will be a father to many, but not to his own. My heart felt like stone as it sank. From all of my time taking care of Roy, Mina, and all of the others, I knew what being a father was like. Even if they weren’t my own blood-related children, they were still my children in one way or another. However, when I thought about how this meant Alice and I would never be able to have children of our own, my head dropped into my hands and tears began to flow freely from my eyes.

“Though your future contains no children born from the marriage of the false hero and the angel, your future does contain a number of children who will live in happiness because of your actions. Your future also contains the happiness that you will create for yourself. However, this is not what I came here to discuss.”

As I looked at the Saint, my face a mess, I waited for her to say what she wanted.

“There is an event in your future that will determine the fate of the world.” I wanted to say that I knew about that already from when she said the Prophecy of the Hero. I’d give the Hero’s Sword to the True Hero. “The next hero will come here within a year. The old hero was killed in battle with the most powerful dragon in the world. You already met this dragon. This dragon entrusted you with its egg. Then, you came to raise this dragon’s child. The next hero will be entrusted with the duty of ending two bloodlines: the bloodline of the White Cloud and the bloodline of the Saint of Prophecy.”

My shock was enough to stop my tears. “Your bloodline? And Yroka’s bloodline?”

“I will be killed within a month after the new hero is chosen. I will be called ‘traitor to the empire’. My crime will never be disclosed. To the people, I will be forgotten like all traitors. To the few who choose to seek the truth, they will learn of my true crime: continuing my bloodline.” The Saint, for the first time since she arrived, removed her ragged robe. Clinging to her back was a small child, about 3 years old, that looked nearly identical to her. The Saint of Prophecy was a young human woman with long blonde hair that was braided down past her knees. Her pale skin was covered in dirt, but her clothes were white and gold robes that had no trace of dirt on them. As the clothes gleamed with a golden light surrounding her, she looked the very image of a saint. The child, however, was just a child. She had the same platinum blonde hair that the Saint did, but her clothes didn’t reject the dirt the way the Saint’s ceremonial robes did. She was sleeping, clinging onto the Saint’s back as if it meant her own survival, which it likely did. “Meet my daughter, Emma. This is my crime. Falling in love, bearing a child in secret, and wishing to see her live. For this, I will be killed. For this, my daughter will be hunted by a hero who does not know the truth of my crimes. For this, I must entrust my daughter to you, the false hero who will be father to many.”

I was stunned into silence. I’d just learned that this hero would be coming after Roy and now I’d learned that the Saint’s daughter would also be in danger. I wanted to protect the girl, but I also wanted to protect the Saint. “Why can’t you save yourself?”

“The future is not immutable, but the future is determined by the choices made in the present. My future had changed numerous times throughout my life, but the minute I gave birth to Emma, my future refused to change. When I gave birth to Emma, I saw my life ending before she lived to reach four years old. There was one moment of weakness. In a dark moment, when the horrors of my mind exposed themselves to me, I thought that I would survive if I abandoned my child. In that briefest of moments, I saw my future change. However, I refuse to let my child die if I choose to survive. If I run, my child dies and my heart dies with her. If I run with my child, we die together at the hero’s blade. If I die, my child survives. Thus, I will ensure that my daughter lives a life filled with happiness.”

“But you said that the hero’s going to come here to try and kill Emma and Roy. I won’t be able to stop someone powerful enough to kill a dragon, even if it is a different person.”

“The blade, Ataraxia, is the true source of the hero’s power. You cannot wield it without the title of True Hero, but you will be able to stop the hero. I cannot explain the future further without the risk that I will change it, so I must implore that you trust in me.”

“If that’s what I need to do, I’ll do it.” The Saint had a placid look on her face throughout our entire conversation, but the moment I accepted her offer, she let out a sigh of relief that seemed to make her entire body relax. “However, I have one condition…”

As that day ended, all of the children were back in the house. Alice and Roy were in the master bedroom with me as we were about to sleep. Roy wasn’t sleeping in his bed tonight. Since he’d mostly been sleeping in human form and since he was still only less than a year old, we’d bought a crib for him to sleep in. We’d brought that crib into our bedroom for tonight because someone else was sleeping in his bedroom.

Earlier that night, when the children were returning, escorted by Father Paul, everyone was surprised to see this woman in the house. Thankfully, Alice didn’t think I was cheating on her. It’s very important that you have a relationship built on trust. A relationship built on trust is one that can survive every test that is thrown at it. Some of the children thought I was cheating. Hana burst into tears at the thought of me cheating on Alice. I didn’t know why she was more hurt by the Saint being here than Alice was, but the person who had the most extreme reaction to the Saint’s presence was Father Paul.

“YOUR HOLINESS! WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE!”

“Father Paul, calm yourself. I have been commanded to do one final thing before Count Westwind will accept my request.”

“Lord Simon, please let her leave here before she is targeted. Her life is extremely valuable, so she needs to return to her knights, quickly.” I looked over at the Saint, confused why Father Paul was so concerned. She gave me a look like she hadn’t explained anything to him about her future.

“Father Paul, I will fulfill this request, then I will return to my knights.”

“What request did Lord Simon make you do?”

“He commanded that I spend one more day with my daughter, so that our final memories together are memories of happiness, rather than of fear. I will spend the night here, with my daughter. We will live one full day like that of a normal family. It will be my final gift to her, and her final gift to me.”

That night, the Saint and Emma took a bath together, then went to Roy’s bedroom, where the bed would be big enough for the two of them. When the two came back out for dinner that night, the Saint was back in the ragged robe. Today, she intended to be a normal woman and live a single normal day with her daughter. Dinner tonight was a large batch of curry and rice. Finding the spices I needed was difficult, but I’d do anything I could to make the most normal meal I could. When I thought of a normal meal, I thought of nights coming back from school, walking in the door, seeing my mom making curry, seeing my dad get back from work, and us enjoying curry around the small kitchen table in our house. To the life I lived in Japan, that was the most normal thing that came to mind. I wanted to bring that to the Saint tonight. As we sat around the crowded dining room table, we all enjoyed a plate of curry and rice. As the children all talked over each other, as Alice helped feed Roy some mashed fruits and vegetables, who was finally starting to eat in human form, and as the Saint wiped curry from the corners of Emma’s mouth, this truly felt like a normal meal.

However, after the curry, we had one other thing to do. As Alice helped me bring out the cake, a near-screech of joy went up from the various children. It was a rather simple cake, just a basic chocolate cake, but there were eighteen candles on it, ready for Peter to blow them out. “Peter, make a wish, then blow out the candles.” As the room sat waiting, Peter silently made his wish, blew out the candles, and our dessert was ready to be served. It was the perfect end to a night that would live in the memories of the Saint, Emma, Peter, Alice, and me. Though the other children may not remember this night as a final meal between mother and daughter, or a final meal between Peter and the children he grew up with, it would always be the night that we had curry and chocolate cake.

As the next day dawned, I started waking the children. Roy was in the same room as me, so he was first. Next were the children on the top floor. Mina’s room was directly across the hall from mine and Alice’s, so she was the second to get woken up. Peter’s room was next to hers, so he was next. However, I didn’t need to wake him. Today, he was moving out of the house, so he was working on getting his things packed. He didn’t have much, but he also was going to be starting work today.

“Are you ready for your apprenticeship?”

“I think so. Master Brand didn’t tell me to bring anything specific, but I’m double checking to be sure I don’t forget anything.”

“If you do, you can always come back to get it. You may not be living here anymore, but you can always rely on Alice and me. I’m sure even the other children would be excited to see you again in the future.”

“I know, but I don’t want to rely on you too much, or else I won’t feel like I can stand on my own two feet.”

“I know that you’ll be able to do just fine. I’m going to finish waking everyone else up.”

Just as I was about to leave the room, Peter called out, “Thank you. You know, for everything. I wasn’t here for long, but I could tell that you tried. None of the other orphanages tried to actually make sure we were happy. They were all more focused on finding a place for us. It always seemed like they just wanted us to leave. That’s why the others and I ran away so much. If they just wanted us to leave, then we decided to do exactly that. I’ve never been told that I could come back, if I wanted to. Thank you.”

As I continued waking up the rest of the children, the final room I went to was Roy’s bedroom, where Emma and the Saint were sleeping. I quietly knocked on the door before opening it. I could see Emma still sleeping in the big bed, while the Saint sat on the bedside, stroking her daughter’s hair as she sat, ready to leave at any moment.

“Do you want to stay so she can say goodbye, or do you want to leave so her last memory of you is last night’s dinner?”

“For someone who is intended to be a figure that can provide wisdom to the masses of the empire, even I cannot determine which choice is the correct answer to the dilemma I am presented with.”

“Either way, she’ll miss you. She’ll cry when she knows that you aren’t here, then again when she learns that you aren’t coming back, then again when she learns you died.”

“I am the Saint of Prophecy, so it feels bizarre for another to read the future to me.” As she sat there, considering her course of action, she continued, “I also know that my daughter will be happy. When she cries, there will be others who will dry her tears. There will be others to wipe her mouth when she eats. There will be others who will be there to clean her wounds when she scrapes her knee. Despite this, I still wish it was me.” Tears fell down her face as she silently cried. “As the Saint, I am supposed to be impassive. My emotions are not meant to be seen, nor meant to be expressed over my own desires.”

“But you’re more than the Saint. You’re a mother. I’d be more concerned if you could leave her here without regrets or worries.”

“Regrets and worries are the feelings of someone who does not know what the future portends. I know that my daughter will be happy here, so it is not a regret or worry that I feel. I am simply trying to do everything I can to be a mother to her before I am unable to any longer. This is why I have a final set of tasks for you, false hero.”

The Saint pulled out a stack of letters. Each one was addressed to Emma, but also had an additional qualifier. To Emma, for your fourth birthday. To Emma, for your fifth birthday. To Emma, for your first day of school. To Emma, for your first love. To Emma, for when you cannot sleep. To Emma, for when you wish to tell me something. To Emma, for when you miss me. To Emma, for when you get married. To Emma, for when you have a child. To Emma, for when you lose a loved one. To Emma, for when you are about to die. There were letters for every birthday until she turned eighteen, then letters for every major life event that could happen to her, and also letters for when she missed her mother. When she handed them to me, I knew what she wanted.

“You can count on me, Lady Saint.” I paused, my brow furrowing. “I just realized that I never learned your name.”

“I have no name. The Saints are known from birth, so they are immediately given to the Grand Cathedral in the empire’s capital. As a symbol of the church, they are never given a name. However, I was once a girl like any other. For many years, I dreamed of having a name. If I ever was allowed to have a name, I knew what name that would be. There came a day when I knew I would never be allowed to have a name, when I would die before being given that gift. Instead, I gave that name to my daughter, Emma.”

The Saint left before Emma woke up. When Emma finally awakened, she cried for hours. Alice and I held her as she ran out of moisture in her body to cry any more tears. Still, she cried. There were no tears, but there was heaving and wailing. She cried and cried until she had no energy left to cry, so she sat in our arms, unable to move. I had one task left to do that day. I pulled out one of the letters and began to read it aloud.

“Dear Emma,

I wish I could be here with you. I would have done anything to be here with you. But I have seen my future. If I live, you will die. If I die, you will live. I wish I could be here to see you grow up, but I want you to live, even if it means that I die. I have seen your future. You will live a happy life, but I won’t be here to live it with you. When you miss me, there will be letters that I wrote for you of all the things I could not say to you while I was alive. Even if I die, my hope is that my words leave you with an unshakeable memory of me. I hope that, even if you feel alone, my words will be with you. Simon and Alice will be with you. The other children will be with you. Though I will die, I will live in your heart and in your memories.

In my final moments, I will see your future. I will see the happiness that I could not be beside you to experience. I will see the sadness that I could not comfort you through. I will see the pain that I could not heal. I will see the family that I could not live to meet. I will see the loss that I could not be there to grieve with you. I will see the life that I could not watch you live while I was still alive. In my final moments, I will only be thinking of you. This decision I made was the hardest choice I have ever needed to make. In any other life, I would have lived it with you. But your happiness matters more to me than my own life ever could. I have seen your future and it will be a happy life. You will come to see Simon and Alice as your parents, even if it is not through blood. But I will never leave the special place in your heart where your memories of me reside.

With love,

Your mother.”