Welcome to Fodder

As we continue to press forward we enter a busy and lawless city called Fodder. I think the author P.L. Tokken called this place “Fodder” in reference to “canon fodder” because when Xaban was the Emperor he ruled over the land with an iron fist and he’d use these citizens to fight his unwinnable wars. Aah and now I get to see it with my own eyes. So cool!

Although, I realize now as we pull into the city that we probably seem like odd ducks. Two of us push the wagon from behind while Jet painstakingly tries to pull from the front. To the locals, we quite literally seem to have put the cart before the horse. We must look like idiots.

“Alright, so while we’re here our priority is to get some supplies and a cheap camel or horse. We don’t want to stay here for too long, the locals aren’t exactly the friendliest.”

“What makes you say that?” As soon as Jet asks that, a gentleman in a mask comes up from behind and steals the satchel he had carelessly dangling around his neck.

“HEY!! You stole my money!”

The criminal then has the audacity to call back. “Up yours meathead!”

Azuki clenches her teeth in a forced smile, “welcome to Fodder boys.”

“So what do we do now?” I ask.

Spector starts to count the coins he has in his bag. “Well… we may still have enough to get a pony… or maybe a donkey…”

Oh dang, they’re not going to be able to afford anything are they?

“How about you two go shopping for the food, water, and ammo. Jet and I will try to negotiate with someone if we can,” Spector says delegating wisely.

So, we split ways from the two boys. As they start walking away I hear Jet quietly apologize to Spector. I turn around to see him comforting him with an arm around his shoulder. He even said “it’s okay buddy” to him. My gosh, when he’s not being all broody, that elf is adorable. Anyways, while they try to negotiate with the locals to secure our transportation, Azuki and I go on a shopping trip in the market.

“Alright so we need…” I look behind me to find the cat girl distracted by a butterfly. “Azuki, are you even listening to me!?”

She claws at the fluttering creature just barely missing the catch. She scampers forward to catch up, so we’re now walking shoulder to shoulder.

“Yeah yeah, we need food. I got the gist of it.”

She’s so unserious. Just as I think this, a kid unexpectedly bumps into mine and Azuki’s backs. Ow that kinda hurt… Oh no. You better run for it kid or face her wrath!

“HEY! Watch where you’re going kid.” Azuki shouts towards the little guy as he pushes between us to run. As he sprints forward, the kid turns around to look at Azuki and winds up tripping over his feet. He falls to the ground clutching his knee in pain.

“Geez.” Azuki rolls her eyes and marches forward, towering over the small boy. But just as I’m about to scold her for starting a fight with a kid, she reaches for something in her pack. She grabs a small roll of bandages, gets down on a knee, and hands it over to the boy.

“Here.” Azuki turns her face away from the boy. Her cheeks are flushed red with embarrassment. Wow, she’s acting kind of sweet…? I wonder what’s wrong with her.

“Now scram!” Azuki shouts at the kid.

Oh nevermind she’s back. The boy runs forward and she stares intensely until he exits the marketplace. Regardless, I should probably tease her about this. It’s kinda funny seeing this side of her.

I lean on the bitter set of whiskers and give her a side hug. “Aww! I never knew you had a soft side Azuki! Would you ever want to be a mom?”

“Not gonna happen,” Azuki scoffs. “And even if I wanted one of those ‘things’, I couldn't have kids anyways.”

I wonder what she means by that. Is she saying like biologically? Oh God, do they spay and neuter cat people in this world!? I don’t know why my mind jumped to that, but if that’s the case, that's horrible. Although maybe I can salvage this conversation. Think positive!

“Well never say never,” I chime in. “If you really want kids you could adopt. Adoption is always an option.”

“Pssh no one adopts anymore… not really… and if they do, they kick to the curb the second you’re no longer cute…” Azuki pauses as if trying to take back something she just said. “...At least that’s how it works in Fodder. The stupid system is so broken anyways!”

“I don’t get it. You’re way too young to be this cynical.”

“Well cynicism has its perks.” As Azuki says this she pats down her pantlegs trying to find something. Her eyes widened. Whatever it was, I don’t think she found it. “Check your coin purse…”

“What the-” I feel around my waist to find that my satchel is gone! “That kid stole all our money!”

“Well again, welcome to Fodder.” Just as Azuki says this I start to run off in the direction I think the kid went. However, she catches my shoulders and tries to knock some sense into me against my better judgement. ”Whoa easy tiger we can’t just chase after that kid. He’s probably long gone by now.”

“Then what do you suggest we do? We can’t afford any of the supplies on our list. I don’t think these vendors take credit, debit, or IOUs.”

“Then why don’t we do things the ol’ Fodder way?” Azuki says with her trademark mischievous grin.

“We are NOT stealing if that’s what you mean.”

“You’re such a prude Miss June…” snickers Azuki. “But seriously though, keep your voice down.” Her posture changes and it looks like she’s looking around for an easy target. Oh no she’s actually thinking about going through with this!

“No, I just don’t think we should steal from these vendors. Besides, what if we get caught?”

“Where’s your sense of adventure? Did you leave it back on Earth?” Azuki teases me while flicking her tail into my face. Just as she says this she skillfully nicks a papaya from a fruit vendor who isn’t looking. She’s got thievery down to an artform.

I stare in awe as I feel my moral compass slowly start to disintegrate. Oh God should I tell someone? No, NO! Snitches get stitches! Besides, we are hungry. We fought a sand wyrm for heaven’s sake! Damn it, what’s wrong with me?! I’m rationalizing like a criminal!!

“Hey June…”

“WHAT!?” I raise my voice and turn around frantically. Did we get caught already? Are the police after us?? I can’t go to jail! What about school?!

“Shh keep your voice down…” Azuki holds a claw to her lips. “And you may want to stop sweating. You look guilty as sin.”

Oh God, I am sweating profusely. It certainly doesn’t help that I’m wearing a velvet wizard cloak in the middle of the desert.

“I’ll try. I’m not cut out for stuff like this. I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

“-Sorry ain’t gonna cut it!”

Huh. Well that’s not Azuki’s voice…

I turn around and a big burly guard closes in behind us. Two more turn the corner and show up in the narrow alleyway right in front of us. Oh no. No! M-maybe I can talk our way out of this?

“Hey… guard people! What uh… brings you here in the neighborhood?"

The man behind us begins to speak in a low gruff voice. “Nothing really. We just heard there may be a couple papaya criminals around these parts. We don’t take kindly to fruit thieves.”

“What papaya?”

SPLAT.

Damn it. The papaya Azuki snuck under her shirt falls to the ground smashing itself into several juicy pieces. Great comedic timing papaya.

“I’m so sorry sir. I’ve learned my lesson, we’ll never do it again I swear!”

“Yeah you won’t be doing it again. Because you’ll be in prison! Get em’ lads!!”

Well damn. If this was a charisma roll in Jabberwocks and Jail Cells, that would be a critical failure. This is why I don’t play tabletop RPGs, I can’t roleplay to save my life!

The guards rush forward as Azuki and I scramble to jump onto a barrel beside us. Then we climb to the top of a nearby roof. Ugh, again with the roofs? The last time I jumped on one I fell through a nasty smelling stable.

Azuki takes the lead nimbly jumping from one rooftop to the other. She makes it look so easy. Now it’s my turn.

The guards start to scramble on top of the roof themselves. The pressure is on. I race along the shingled roof and take the leap of faith. I’m so close! But my feet. They don’t stick the landing. I reach up my hand which just barely misses the edge. I close my eyes, bracing for impact. Unless I didn’t miss?!

I grabbed onto something, I’m alive!

In case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t have my arms miraculously grow midfall, but I did have a certain feline friend reach down to grab my arm in the nick of time. When my momentum stopped, it hurt so much. The pain traveled to my shoulders that I felt pop. It took all my energy and all of Azuki’s strength to scramble up to that roof.

Once she pulled me up, she took off again ready to leap to the next roof and then the next to complete her escape. Try as I might, the distance looks too far for me to manage. If I miss the landing again, I won’t have the strength to pull my body up to recover. I clutch my arm and await arrest. I’m screwed.

It’s not long before the guards get to me as I have nowhere left to run. I’m caught. At least Azuki is getting away. I’m glad.

The guards put me in handcuffs as I watch Azuki run off to the edge of the city jumping from roof to roof. She looks behind her shoulder and then she stops dead in her tracks. What is she doing? 

The last thing I expected Azuki to do, is exactly what just happened. She came back to me, lifting her hands in the air to surrender.

Once we’re safely lowered to the ground, the guards start to take us to what I imagine is a pretty unpleasant penitentiary. People caught committing crimes in ye olden days usually dealt with some pretty horrible punishments and terrible cell accommodations. Not to mention, P.L. Tokken was a sadistic author who made sure Fodder was described as the most miserable low-life city one could ever have the misfortune of walking into. I bet they won’t even read us our Miranda Rights.

The guards that have Azuki and I in custody have a pretty tough grip on us. I admire that Azuki is really trying to break free, kicking and clawing from behind, but I’m afraid it’s of no use. We might have better luck hoping the boys bail us out instead.

“Oh hey June!”

Oh that’s Jet! He can help us!! Perfect timing. But just when I think this, I look down, seeing shackles around his hands and feet. Spector is following right behind in cuffs of his own. He tries to hide his face clearly embarrassed they got caught. I guess their negotiations for a horse did not pan out the way they expected. And that means they won’t be able to bail us out of prison either. Crap.