Margaret - Chapter 10

Dread filled my inner being as I left the office, without a moment's notice. My head began to pulse with each step I took, looking for the exit of the building. I couldn’t stand to be there for another second; I needed to collect myself. But how could I? I lost not only my opportunity, but my job…and what I thought was a friend all in one fell swoop. As I stepped outside the office building, the emotions that had swirled about finally came out. I let out an ear curdling scream of frustration as my glasses fell off my face, smashing into the ground. The tears continued to fall as passersby watched me from afar. I didn’t care about what they thought. A day I’d been looking forward to all of this time had turned into a living hell.

Everything I’d worked for up to this point had been taken away and ruined. I’m out of a job and opportunity, and now I have nothing. Will I have to move back and face the humiliation of things not working out…facing my grandparents would feel impossible. Having to tell them of this would gut them and only make them pity my stupid mistake more. I talked so much about a big game before this all, I was too confident, too arrogant…

A buzz came from my purse, and a message came in. I looked at it and read the name with my eyes filled to the brim with tears.

“Grandma”

Pressing on the message, there was an audio message. I hesitated before pressing on it. Holding it close to my ear. Hands trembling from the emotions coming through all at once.

“Hey sweetie…I hope things are going well with your meeting. Or was it a presentation…? Well, either way, I want you to know that we’re proud of you. You’ve worked so hard for this…no matter what happens, we’ll keep watch over you. It’s what we want, and I’m sure your parents would want…”.

With each pause in her words, my breath continued to pace. I couldn’t stand to be there in front of the office anymore. I had to leave. I began to run down the street, pushing quickly to find somewhere to be, anywhere but the office. My feet had begun to hurt from running in heels that Delilah offered. I flung them off angrily. Running in my bare feet down the street. Tears were streaming down my face with my sorrowful wails. I didn’t care how I looked to anyone else; I wanted it all to go away. The stupid pain, the betrayal, the people of the office that stood there. They just sat and watched as I was wronged. I hate this, I hate this!

I continued to run, fueled by emotions. I ran blindly, not knowing where I’d end up. Endlessly, as the night began to fall upon me, I found myself stopping suddenly. Catching my breath after my wild sprint, I couldn’t think as my mind had been filled with the constant replay of the events prior. The night sat in quiet, allowing me to take in the brisk night air. It’d been ages since I found myself in this place. I glanced around with each huff of breath, fully encapsulating myself in the scenery. It was quiet, the air felt still, and my shallow breaths interrupted what would have been a silent night.

“What am I doing…?” I said, looking down at the ground, sweat dripped from my forehead, and I tried my best to catch my breath before thinking any harder. The small ripples in the pond water near me caught my attention, causing me to look closer at the body of water.

“Big fish in a small pond they’d say…” I said, unknowingly of why. My purpose of working so hard was to move up and follow in the footsteps of my parents and their goals. Not to be sitting out at the park in the middle of the night. The water continued to sit, waving to the small gusts of wind that would show every few seconds. I felt a chill in my bones, knowing that it was getting colder. I huddled my arms closer, trying to shield myself from the chills. But my attention was placed on the pond, seeing my reflection in the water. My eyes tensed, seeing the sad expression that filled my face. I wanted things to work out, but that’s just not how things are.

My eyes began to burn once more, filling themselves with tears. The overwhelming emotion I’d felt all of this time was in full effect. I couldn’t stop crying. All I could ask myself was “why”? Why did things turn out like this? Why didn’t I just accept help from my grandparents? Why didn’t I try harder to make friends with good people? Why am I such a failure at the simplest things? The question of why continued, with each tear falling from my face into the water. The continuous drips fell upon the water’s surface, and ripples of water continued to spread, blurring the image of my face in the process. I stared at the water as it settled, revealing the same distraught face I had led on.

“You’re hopeless, Margaret,” I said, fully accepting that things will just be how they are. I’ll have to move in with my grandparents, find a new job, and move on from this stupid ideal I had, one that I placed on myself for my parents' sake. I can’t even go to them; they’re nowhere to be found anymore. Their hopes for me…will die when I give this up. I began to sniffle at the thought of giving up. I spent five years dealing with a lot for the company, just for the chance to move up. And it’s all gone now. I’m pretty sure I’ll be blacklisted, knowing Alice and her antics. Maybe it’d be best to give up.

Maybe I really am foolish.