Imposter Syndrome

(Welp… that didn’t work.)

Last night, I confidently fell asleep thinking I would be back in my apartment. Unfortunately that was not the case.

Instead, I ended up having an eerie dream. I was in the middle of an ocean at night. Pitch black darkness surrounded me while the reflection of the moon was my only companion. The overwhelming feeling of being swallowed up made me feel faint. The darkness above me was  decorated with clusters of bright stars. An invisible coldness circled one of my ankles below.

That cold sensation started to freeze around me. With absolutely no warning, my legs were pulled from under me. Any breath I had, expelled at the pressure of the ocean swallowing me whole. Flailing, I kicked around until I was able to regain momentum back into my feet and arms. I was too afraid to open my eyes to the horror awaiting me as I steadied my head above water.

But my curiosity decided my fate for me. As I opened my eyes, above me where the moon was just before was a bright yellow eye. Shadowing me with an eerie orange illumination. As I blinked once, a sensation of ants crawled over my scalp down to my spine, taking hold of any courage left. A feeling of dread and fear took its place and eventually froze me on the spot.

The vastness of the black sea and sky along with the golden eye rocked into me an intense wave of nausea. Fear gripped me harder as I plunged into the freezing darkness, making me lose my breath with each inch I descended.

When my lungs were begging for air, the ocean roared around me followed by a gentle lull. The eerie thought that it would be coming from the dark abyss instilled in me an intense paranoia. Before I could manifest the pressure at the back of my throat, I heard it again. This time I was able to distinguish its words.

‘Reborn… not to be repented

My soul now yours

My justice in your hands

Can only hope

To find my true end’

Fear had begun to make its home in my stomach. I dared to look down inside that darkness, and found the same amber eyes that had illuminated the dark sky above.

Quickly they got closer until I felt hands grip my ankles again. The last of the air in my lungs left as I screamed out trying to get a grip of the water’s folds. My terror intensified as the fire entered my lungs. I was crushed against a cold body. Darkness once again filled my sight but my body had become my only sense, and in my right ear I heard more words in the form of water.

‘Happiness… take me

Hatred leave me

Please, while I’m stuck

Find me’

No longer could I resist my internal inferno and succumbed to the dizzy spell that enveloped my mind.

I woke up heaving for air and a pressure lodged inside my chest.

Each dream before that and after I arrived in this new reality of mine, had been with the same woman. And if I wasn’t seeing her silhouette I felt as if someone was watching me. I was always in some kind of mortal danger. Eventually I started to dread sleep. With each sleep I had begun to hope that out of one of them I would return to my world. I would even allow myself to succumb to the danger that each dream put me in.

But I remained, waking up with my heart caught in my throat.

“Darling, let us know if you would like us to stop to rest. The journey to House Secerdi can be long.” The voice of the equally dark-blue haired woman pulled me from my thoughts.

I immediately shook my head with a smile ready for her.

“No, no I am alright. I just like to view the scenery.”

“Really?”

“Y-Yes the road is beautiful.”

The blonde twins from a few days ago were also inside the beautiful antique carriage. All three women stared at me with curiosity and worry.

“I never would have thought you would enjoy the scenery this much, usually you sleep during long journeys like these.”

“O-Oh…”

I didn’t know what else to do but to chuckle. A short pause lingered and worried glances exchanged around me.

“W-Well, as long as you’re alright darling.”

The lady chuckled a little as well to alleviate the tension. She rested her cold hand on mine and squeezed gently.

“Sis, would you like my pillow?”

Pressure to accept the pillow amounted along with the slight embarrassment I felt as the women kept looking at me.

“Thank you.”

A few days had passed since I woke up from my living nightmare. The woman whose body I was possessing was indeed the woman they were screaming for. She was the daughter of the dark blue-haired woman who was by my side when I woke up. And the two blonde women were her twin sisters.

The day I woke up, I pretended to sleep for most of the day after the chaos. Maids would come in with food. And although it looked delicious, I wasn’t too sure about eating it. But after having my stomach grumble viciously at me, I caved and ate whatever was on the trays. The blonde twins would come in occasionally to see how I was doing but I would just cover myself with the covers and pretend to sleep.

I didn’t have much luck the second day though. The family doctor was adamant of checking in on me so he had no problem entering the room and taking my vitals as I tried to ‘sleep’. The family would take advantage of the situation and enter my room, trying to have a conversation with me. But as much as I tried to go along with it, it was clear my condition was hard to process for them.

After the doctor looked me over, he basically said I was suffering from a serious head trauma. That I was lucky I hadn’t hit my head directly on the concrete pavement and only suffered a loss of consciousness in the moment of impact.

When I heard this I couldn’t help but question the doctor. The doctor would simply look at the family surrounding us and then to me. The mother and twins looked at each other with worried glances while the older man in the room held a stern look.

The older man had previously talked with me and tried to ease me into finding out he was my ‘father’. The poor man was distraught. Despite his eye-catching features, his face held the evident sorrow he was experiencing. Now as he looked on at me, his hands clutched his wife’s hand as she stared back at me with tears in her eyes.

Apparently I, or Aleynah, fell from the bedroom balcony. That it was basically a freak accident and they believed I was sleepwalking. Although they explained this to me, something in me was fighting against that explanation. Almost as if I knew it wasn’t true.

For some reason it made me feel angry.

But I had nothing to prove otherwise. Nor to be angry about as far as I was concerned. I still couldn’t comprehend my situation let alone have knowledge of whatever was going on within the family.

Regardless, I took his answer and laid back in bed with that nagging sensation. I would be more open to talking to the family afterwards. If only because my curiosity was beginning to eat away at me.

The other people who were here that first day had stayed for the second day but would leave the next. They were also waiting to hear what the doctor had to say but just like Aleynah’s family, their disappointment was great. I’m sure no one wanted to believe that I lost my memories of them. But I couldn’t lie, the coincidence was a great cover for me.

Maksim had stayed reserved and no longer reached out to me. Even when he was visiting my room with his family, he didn’t really try to get any more information out of me. He simply stared at me as if trying to process everything that was going on. Almost as if we switched positions.

As for who I now know is his brother, Seryez, he was also just observing me. Not really trying to interact with me, not that it seemed he wanted to anyways. But something about him was too intense for me. Not to mention they were both extremely handsome.

Maksim had that princely look about him. His white hair contrasted beautifully with the red of his eyes. Eyelashes so white, he looked like he came out of a winter wonderland.

Seryez however had that moody appearance that contrasted completely with his brother. His dark layered hair showcased his light eyes in a way I never thought possible. It didn’t help that he would just stare at me. But given his demeanor, it seemed to confirm something within me.

My discomfort in his gaze validated that nagging feeling I had felt when the doctor told me what had happened to me. Something else was missing and no one wanted to really tell me what it was.

After that day, Aleynah’s mother would pop in to talk to me about my past. She would talk about the friends I had, what I liked to do, and what I wanted for my future. While she would fly off the handle on many of the topics she shared with me, there were times she would bite her lips as if to shut herself up. She would then look to the side and back at me almost to check if I caught her slipping up, and resumed recounting my history.

These little instances would end up poking my curiosity. For example, like when the twins joined us once and the one with pink eyes couldn’t help but mention her idolization of my and Maksim’s friendship.

Aleynah’s mother would kick her with her heels and the young girl just shut her mouth quickly. She did the same thing the mother did and looked to her side and then to me. But her bubbly nature didn’t stop her from continuing to add on to her admiration.

It seemed something happened between my person and Maksim. And if Seryez’s attitude towards me was anything to go by, I imagined I must have done something for there to be a kind of misunderstanding. Well, not me but rather, Aleynah.

A few days would go by where I was adapting to the family. The father would leave. Apparently he ran the ships of Maksim’s family. I would find out Maksim and his family were pretty important in this world or realm, whatever it was. They were also exceedingly rich from what it seemed.

Which led us to the current day. The mother, Natalya, had told me Maksim’s family wanted us to stay with them for some days. She said the lady of the house, Madame Rena, and apparently Godmother, wanted me to spend time with the family in hopes of triggering my memory. And while the twins seemed enthusiastic about it, that same nagging feeling sprouted up again. Especially when Natalya seemed more hesitant about the idea than the twins.

They weren’t telling me everything.

And as I looked on towards Natalya in the cramped carriage, it was evident by the chewing of her lips that she was nervous.

I rubbed my sweaty palms on the thick fabric of my gown.

(This is going to be a long journey.)

...

When we had finally arrived, my bottom was as sore as a day old bruise.

(Ugh, in all that is holy, that was horrible!)

I expected my legs to get fit after this. There was no way these people weren’t suffering from some mild form of scoliosis with the way the corset and rocky road thrashed you around.

I was trying so hard to take in chunks of air but with the way the strings were keeping me from it, there was no way I would win against that fight.

A dozen servants dressed in black and white attire lined up to welcome us. What I could only imagine as the head butler, escorted us inside in a courteous manner. Elegance radiated off his posture and mannerisms.

The entire scene was like a fairytale. Natalya and one of the twins held both of my hands as we were being escorted up the grand entrance to the mansion before me. That was before a handsome man stepped out of line from the rest of the servants and took the twin’s place politely.

Assenting with grace the twin stepped behind me while the man looked down at me with bowed eyebrows.

“My lady Aleynah, it is such a great relief to see you here with us!” Worry and excitement laced his words.

“O-Oh, thank you. Umm, I’m sorry I-”

Squeezing my hand, he shook his head softly at me.

“No, please, it's okay. You may not remember me but we used to be good friends. Everyone calls me Sebastian. I-It’s unfortunate that we have to reunite again under such circumstances but your beauty and smile more than make up for it.”

(Well then. I could get used to this. I know damn well he would have been a good friend in my real life too.)

“I’m sure with your kind words it is quite easy to be good friends with you.”

My poor imitation of their language tickled my subconscious.

“Oho! Aleynah’s wit and charm is still evident as ever. Like a sunflower within a sandstorm, that’s my Aleynah.”

It seemed everyone’s worry eased at the playful exchange. And for once my nerves weren’t on edge. Thank goodness for the man who is clearly more open than the rest.

As we entered the mansion, I couldn’t help but admire the contrast of the greying walls with black accents of the doors and windows. But greater still was how the inside stole my breath. A deeper shade of grey, bordering on blue, paled across the walls. A long black carpet guided us inside while marble vases of yellow roses peeked around in each corner.

(What beauty…)

Elegant maids lined the walls with bowed heads. At the end of the halls, the older man who escorted us inside earlier waited for us with a calm smile.

His monocle would have looked comical if not for the elegance he exuded. Here I was living a dream, dressed in an intricately designed cream colored gown and entering a fantastical mansion. And as a mirror reflected the same amber eyes from my dream, the feeling of suffocation resurfaced. This wasn’t me. I was someone else. A far away realization began to fester there as my gaze lingered.

“Madame Natalya and the ladies of House Hyacynth, Madame Natalya is awaiting your arrival in the main hall.”

As Natalya nodded her head down towards the older butler, he approached her and lowered his lips to her ear to whisper something. As their quiet exchange ended, the mother’s face shifted to one of rage. But she held back the words forming at her lips. Nodding curtly she glanced back at me and the twins. Immediately the air stilled.

Luckily once she looked at me again, she smiled. Taking the cue, we followed her and the older butler towards the left hall.

“We have all been too happy for your arrival, Lady Aleynah. I’m hoping your stay here over the weekend will be a welcome change for you.”

His hand had guided me gently. It seemed his words were true earlier about being good friends; the twins and the mother took a more casual approach towards him. That wasn’t to say the relationship between them and the maids and butlers were strained. They seemed to be casual and friendly enough. It was clear that Natalya had a good relationship with everyone. But there was an air of caution around her regardless.

“Aleynah is resilient. We were afraid it would take longer for her to regain her color. But as always, we underestimate her strength.”

Gwendolyn replied in her usual manner. Luckily they were able to keep the conversation going without needing an interjection from me.

“So don’t you try to test her Sebastian!”

“Gwendolyn! I take offense that you believe me capable of taking advantage of Aleynah with the state she currently finds herself in. I would never!”

“But you sure didn’t mind her condition when you arrived in her room without your under-”

“Gwendolyn!”

“Gwendolyn!”

“-shirt.”

Both Natalya and the friendly butler shouted Gwendolyn’s name in sync as terror struck both faces. I couldn’t help but laugh at the exchange.

“Well it is true mother, you know Sebastian can be incorrigible to a fault.”

This time the other twin chimed in, ending with both sisters snickering as they quickly hid behind me while Natalya walked back to me with determination. Tugging on my arm she looked at Sebastian.

“Honestly Sebastian, you show your greedy behavior even as my daughter relies on your guide.”

“Madame! I hold no fault if your cunning daughters turn against me. I did nothing to merit this sort of treatment!”

“Oh please, we know my daughters speak the truth.”

“Madame Natalya!”

“Come darling.”

Chuckling at their closeness I noticed how the mother smiled back at me with more ease as she pulled me forward. It was nice to be able to laugh at silliness when all I’ve been surrounded by was discomfort and unease.

The twins kept giggling behind me and it was easy enough to imagine the butler pouting behind us. When we finally arrived at the end of the hall, the older gentleman pushed both doors open. There in the middle of the large room sat Madame Rena with four men behind her.

The older woman who had visited me a couple of days ago quickly stood up, gliding across the dark blue floor in a dark grey gown accented with silver.

“Aleynah! How great it feels to see you here!”

Her arms wrapped around me, squeezing me with comfort. It was a funny feeling.

For the first time since I arrived I felt a comfort I didn’t know I missed. Maybe it was the icebreaker Sebastian provided since I arrived or a combination of that with the older woman’s hug but I felt like it would soon be okay. The skin that a few days ago felt too tight was now easy to move in. I was beginning to feel comfortable in this skin. Regardless of the languor I had begun to develop due to the dissociation, I felt myself being rescued from that dark abyss of depression. I was beginning to feel hopeless.

But as Madame Rena let go of me, staring back at me was a hope I myself mirrored. When my gaze crossed hers over to Maksim that had been fussing over me the first day, a familiar warmth spread throughout me. A sensation warmed my cheeks. Curiously, it felt as if the areas he had touched on me then were slightly warmer than the rest of me now.

(Wooow, don’t tell me I already set my sights on him… Already?)

Shaking those thoughts away I rested my gaze back on Madame Rena as she asked about my state.

“Aleynah how have you been darling?”

Her ruby eyes reminded me of the ones behind her, and a thrill shot up my spine. Once more I shook away the chills driving up my skin.

“Uh good, great! Yes, I’m better I can say.”

I wasn’t lying, I did feel better. Saving me from elaborating on my condition, another man walked up to me who was standing behind Maksim. Handsome as can be as well and from how red his eyes were as well, my intuition guessed he was one of Maksim’s brother.

“Aleynah, is it true you do not recall us?”

“Vicktor.”

Madame Rena tried to stop his line of questioning. For some reason, my eyes quickly shifted to Maksim. From my peripheral vision, my line of sight was caught by the other not so warm brother. Seryez.

His intimidating stare froze me momentarily before I broke the gaze. My eyes shifted towards the brother that asked me a question.

“Uh I-”

“Aleynah, please forgive Vicktor’s curiosity. I’ve made them all aware of your current predicament...”

“R-Right…”

“I would hope you wouldn’t intrude in areas that are still delicate, Vicktor. At the appropriate time we shall address them once Aleynah is ready to.”

At Natalya’s gentle scolding the brother’s lips twisted for a mere second before his head bowed down.

“I apologize Madame Natalya, Lady Aleynah… it’s just quite… hard to accept. But…”

Gently he laid his hands on either side of me as his eyes scanned my face. There it was again, the worry.

“... just know we still love you Aleynah... hopefully being with us, your memories can come back to you.”

As if to confirm his words he pulled me to him in a hug.

“Oh!”

His blatant attitude was curious with the way he didn’t hold back his emotions. They were clear for me to see. Not being able to hold back a chuckle I waved his concern away.

“No, I’m just… I’m happy that you all are really nice to me. I may not remember everyone but I have no doubt you were all good people.”

Everyone’s faces softened at my words. It was inevitable to keep seeing the worry in their face. There was no doubt they were good to me. Despite the lingering elephant in the room wherever I went, they seemed to genuinely care for me.

Or at least for the person I usurped.

(Aleynah… I’ll be taking over I guess. And all I ask is for your understanding. Give me patience…)

‘Please do me justice.’

I gasped. A voice so clear rang out somewhere around me. But it wasn’t from anyone I had heard from lately. It was like an echo from somewhere deep in my mind.

“Aleynah? Are you alright?”

The brother before me, Victor, leaned closer into me. But before he could scan me once more, Maksim quickly made his way towards me.

“Are you alright Aleynah?”

(What was that?!)

I shifted around to see if I could catch a form for the voice. There was no one but the same people. It was a woman’s voice. But within the small time frame of panic, I tried to play it off as easily as I could.

“I-I’m sorry, I got dizzy just now.”

No hesitation overrode his actions as Maksim quickly intertwined his arm with mine and guided me to the couches.

(Dear God am I also hallucinating?!)

As I was led to sit down at the couch, I saw in the corner of my eye Natalya on her way towards me, but not before Madame Rena stopped her to whisper something to her. Natalya nodded in understanding and continued towards me.

“Aleynah darling, are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m better. I think my body is just exhausted from the journey.”

Madame Rena was not too far from her.

“Vicktor and Nickolai, why don’t you escort Aleynah and the twins to their rooms?”

“I’ll walk with you.”

Again, Maksim held no hesitation as he offered to escort me. But I was beginning to pick up that every time he talked or spoke up, the room stilled for just a second.

“Maksim. You will come with Madame Natalya and I. Seryez, I trust you can make sure our guests are taken care of.”

“Yes mother.”

‘Maksim.’

“Maksim.”

The sudden sound of the voice triggered my own response to mimic it before it was able to leave my mind. In response, Maksim reacted immediately to me calling him by taking hold of my hand.

Everyone’s eyes zeroed in on us, creating an awkward and suffocating pause. Panic crept up from within. It was becoming hard to keep up with the tidal wave of emotions warring within me.

“Yes, Aleynah? What is it?”

His gentle voice kept me grounded. Yet, my heart began to beat fast at his proximity.

“I- um, was wondering if I could get some water.”

He was robbed of a reply as a familiar voice cut him off.

“Nickolai will take care of it Maksim. Mother needs you to escort Natalya with her.”

It was evident Maksim was not a fan of the interruption but a sense of caution lingered within the room. Almost as if any interaction between Maksim and I was cause for concern. An eerie sensation was beginning to fester inside me.

“Right. Aleynah… if you need anything you need only call.”

There seemed to be a double meaning in there just as his eyes burned into mine with warning while his hand squeezed mine.

His face was full of hope and willingness but as my eyes moved about, Madame Rena and Natalya held a look of displeasure in their features. The brothers kept looking between themselves with shared concern, this time including the distant brother.

Whatever happened to this person, I couldn’t help but want to connect the dots that had formed before me.

If I wanted answers, I had to talk to Maksim.

“Don’t worry, we can have you ladies escorted to your rooms so you can recover from the journey.”

One of the other brothers stepped in closer and took my other hand to lead me out of Maksim’s orbit.

“Thank you. Excuse me Aleynah...”

His gleaming eyes lingered with sadness.

(As if I could even stop you anyways.)

Watching his retreating back, it seemed he was carrying many secrets. For some reason, I wondered if I would be able to handle that baggage. If only to be able to mine it for information.

The brother who gently took my hand looked down at me with masked worry. A crown of white hair adorned his head as well, except he shared Seryez’s eyes. Looking up at him I half-expected to see a similar intimidation and indifference there. But instead I was met with kind eyes. A head taller than me, his bright eyes distinguished him from Maksim and yet his hair alienated him from the other two brothers who shared their mother’s hair.

An easy smile stretched his lips while he gently wrapped an arm around my figure. His aura was definitely otherworldly. But I didn’t linger on his beauty long enough to contemplate.

(Seryez.)

As I was being led away, I caught Seryez’s stare once more.

Everytime my eyes landed on him, he had me in a chokehold with his eyes. It was as if I was to blame for his own silent ire. If I won’t be able to get it out of Maksim, then he most definitely would be able to tell me something. It already seemed like he wanted to demand from me an explanation I did not own.

(Maybe if I was able to somehow invoke Aleynah… if only I could get a sign that the voice I was hearing was her. )

‘This is me.’

A gasp caught in my throat before I allowed it to escape my lips. My fingers instinctively put more pressure in my grasp, alerting the pale brother.

He smiled at me with eyebrows knitted in concern. I was only able to share a smile but my thoughts became occupied with focusing on manifesting the voice again.

(Are you Aleynah? Are you the woman whose body I’m in right now?’)

‘Yes.’

(Oh my god… I’m possessed! Or am I possessing? Holy mother- I reincarnated haven’t I?!)

‘You haven’t reincarnated.’

(But I’m inside your body, and you… you’re gone? Weren’t you the one who fell from the balcony?)

Then as if shutting off a radio, the voice stopped.

(Aleynah? Damn, I’m sorry that was insensitive of me but you have to understand this predicament of mine, or ours! Please don’t give me the silent treatment. I need to know what’s going on!)

Again my hand gripped onto the brother’s hand and he gripped back. The twins and one other brother had been talking while I was fighting my inner imposter, but the brother guiding me was being careful with me despite all that. Leaning in slightly he whispered into my ear.

“Aleynah, are you alright?”

His bright clear eyes shined at me.

(Ugh please don’t! Your face is too beautiful! I don’t know if what I’m living through is a gift or a curse!)

“Y-yes, sorry I think I was just doing it out of habit.”

I had no idea what I was saying anymore and quite frankly didn’t care if he didn’t either. Being alone was my goal now.

The brother nodded back at me with a silent smile. He had an air of friendliness and calm that soothed my anxiety. Out of the storm of emotions running through me, he stood out. Putting aside my focus on hearing the voice, I let myself be guided inside a room.

“This will be your resting quarters for the fortnight. It’s the room you always preferred when residing with us.”

Looking around the room, the overall theme was complementary to the mansion save for shy colors of a light violet adorning the bed and curtains. The yellow roses made an appearance in the room as well. The best part of the room however, was a whole wall dedicated to windows overlooking the garden outside.

(No wonder she preferred this room. It has a gorgeous view.)

‘Maksim’

Again the voice rang out, creating a pressure deep within.

(Aleynah… are you missing Maksim?)

‘Maksim’

Taking it as affirmation, I nodded my head along.

“Yes it is beautiful.”

“We are hoping it might provoke some of your memories while you’re here with us. But if you do not find it satisfactory please let our maids know. We will have Kyra attending to your needs on this stay.”

Behind him, a pretty maid bowed her head while curtsying slightly.

“It’s good to see you doing well my lady. It’s a pleasure to have you once more”

Her natural smile emitted peace. My own smile made its way to my lips as they mirrored hers.

(Thank goodness these people liked you a lot Aleynah… I’m not sure I could handle being hated when I’m possessing someone else.)

The brothers escorted the servants to bring in luggage and we walked to the quarters of both twins individually. The rooms were enormous and gorgeous as well.

“Wow…”

I couldn’t help but express my wonder, ignorant to the sympathetic smiles that were sneaking up on everyone’s face.

“It’s been a while hasn’t it?”

The younger twin, Gwendolyn, commented while looking up at the brother who had been guiding me.

“Yes. It’s no wonder it feels good to see you all again.”

“Awww Nickolai!”

The pair of siblings laughed.

“Sister, why don’t we go out into the garden and have some tea?”

The younger twin’s enthusiasm was almost too pure to deny but my exasperation to question the voice that was coming from thin air won me over.

“Actually if it’s okay with you all, I would like to rest for the day, my muscles are a bit sore.”

“Oh Aleynah, of course! I’m sorry we didn’t notice before!”

The older twin’s shiny eyes were almost too precious to look at.

“Oh no! Please, I just feel like I might pass out at any minute.”

“Pass out?”

(That’s right, these people might not recognize certain phrases…)

“Er- faint.”

“You feel like you’re going to faint?!”

Before I could deny it, the siblings quickly reached out to me. One holding an arm and the other dashing to my side.

“No! No, I just meant that I’m feeling a bit lightheaded.”

“Oh no, then let’s ask for the doctor!”

The brother with darker hair quickly made his way to a servant outside the room.

Overwhelmed with their panic, my body tensed.

“No! I just- hah… I just wanted to say that the journey was tiring so my body is feeling the need for some rest. But I’m not feeling anything bad! I would just like some sleep if it is quite alright with you? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare anyone. Bad choice… of words.”

“Oh Aleynah, we’re so sorry we didn’t notice anything!”

“No, no. It’s completely fine. Please don’t feel bad. You’ve all been very nice to me.”

“Well of course we will be. You have always been like a sister to us. When we heard of the accident, well we were beside ourselves with grief. We were anxiously hoping everyday to see you awake once more.”

“We would always visit to check up on you. Words cannot express the relief and happiness we felt when we heard you were awake.”

The dark-haired brother’s kind words were like a balm to my anxiety. Maybe this was truly a dream and maybe I was comatose somewhere.

(Hopefully not alone… or else I’m never leaving.)

But even then, I was starting to entertain the thought of enjoying this experience.

If I did fall and crack my head open somewhere, then wouldn’t this type of ending suit me?

All my life I wrote about fantasy. Why not accept that I was given this as a way to ease my way into death?

(As dark as that may sound…)

It was still a better way to look at things. Or at least that’s one way I could take this change of events.

But it still didn’t explain the voice I was hearing from within. Because even as it manifested, it was evident that no one else could hear it.

‘Love’

(Love?...)

‘I miss them all.’

As we were all looking at each other in a moment of reminiscence, I thought of something.

(Her soul hasn’t passed on. If this is a result of me possibly dying or moving on, she is also probably experiencing some kind of aftermath. It would explain why I took possession of her body. But why me? Who is she?... Who are you Aleynah?)

Anticipation crawling on my tongue, I went ahead and spoke first to break the pause. Being alone and communicating with my internal friend was high on my list of priorities.

“How about we get together for some tea after I take a nap? I would love to be able to sit down with you all and pick your brains about who I am.”

It wasn’t hard to pick up on their shifty reactions. But it degraded from eagerness to suspicion. It didn’t linger too long before the shorter brother, who was the splitting image of his mother, took hold of my arm.

“That sounds like a great idea Aleynah, how about I escort you back while your sisters settle down.”

Grateful for the brother’s offer I smiled back.

“Thank you.”

We made our way to the previous room. Just like his brother who escorted me earlier, this brother was gentlemanly enough. Despite the similarity of hair color with Seryez, this one didn’t seem to bite. In fact, he was the most lively brother if their behavior was anything to go by.

“If you need anything let us know Aleynah. If you feel lightheaded, dizzy, bad stomach, fatigue-”

“I will let someone know, don’t worry.”

His energetic enthusiasm was contagious and I was thankful he was treating me just as well.

“In that case, I’ll ask Kyra to stand outside your door for anything that may come up. Please rest Aleynah.”

He squeezed my shoulder with affection in his dark eyes. He left promptly but not before sharing one last smile.

(Both brothers seem like such sweethearts. I wonder what crawled up the other ones’ ass.)

‘Seryez always seemed to take after his father.’

Upon hearing the bodiless declaration I whipped around with determination.

“Okay what is this? How is it that there’s a floating voice in my head? Am I going insane? Or are you who I think you are?”

A silent beat passed.

“Are you Aleynah?”

‘Yes. I’m Aleynah. You’re in my body.’

“How is that possible?”

‘I cannot explain it. But I was supposed to be dead.’

“What do you mean? So you’re stuck?”

‘I cannot say. I believed myself gone until you woke up.’

“Wait, wait hold on… What?”

Another silent beat passed before I was able to hear her voice again.

‘Balcony.’

“Balcony?”

That’s when it hit me.

“Did you really?”

‘Heartbroken’

The admission felt like it clicked, satisfying my curiosity. But the weight of it kept me grounded.

This isn't fun and games anymore. I was stuck inside something that wasn’t letting me leave. There was a mystery here I felt I needed to solve if only to hope that that was the way for me to escape this dream, fantasy, whatever it was.

“What do you mean by heartbroken Aleynah?”

Another pause of silence.

I was beginning to get fed up with her suspense. I needed answers and I needed them now.

“Look, I don’t know what happened to you but I need to be let in on the know! I don’t know what’s going on around me, I’m in some other dimension probably and if I want to leave, it seems I need to do something for me to wake up from this nightmare! If this is even a nightmare anymore. I’m afraid this is real now.”

A dull ache manifested in my head and I tried to smooth it away with my hand. Or her hand.

‘Maksim. We have been engaged since birth. But he broke it off and proposed to Nadya.’

“Nadya?”

‘Was once a friend of ours. Now she’s his fiancee.’

An image of dark rubies staring back at me flashed in my mind.

(Maksim. No wonder. It explains his behavior towards me.)

‘He feels guilty. We were in love. At least that’s what I thought. No warning or explanation. He left me.’

“That explains it. That explains why everyone is so…”

‘Cautious?’

“Yeah…”

“And why you did what you did.”

‘He was everything for me. I was ready to take on the responsibility of being his wife and mother to his children... I wanted him to be my first kiss, first lover, and forever husband. Everything was planned.’

“Do you have any idea why he… broke it off?”

‘No. He never explained why. He just came to me one afternoon and I thought we would get together for tea but he just asked for my ring back. I didn’t want to so he took it from me. He just told me it was over. Later on I would hear from the Social Brew that he was engaged to Nadya.’

“Social Brew?”

‘The paper.’

As she said that my eyes led my attention to a desk with a newspaper on top.

“Woah, did you just control my eyes?”

‘It seems so. It appears I can still control some things.’

“So we’re connected. If you’re still in your body, how are you dead?”

‘Because you are now the one in full control of my body.’

“Sure but… ugh… I don’t understand any of this.”

‘Neither do I. I can see what you see, feel what you feel and even think what you think.’

“Oh great and yet I have no free will.”

‘Yes you do.’

“BARELY, I BARELY have free will. I literally woke up and realized I took possession of your body! I’m also questioning whether you really are real or I’m just losing it!... which at this point I wouldn’t doubt…”

‘I am real.’

“Are you though?”

Another beat of silence. At her silence I bit my lip with guilt.

“I’m sorry… I’m sure this is real to some degree. I didn’t mean to demean your existence. I ju-”

‘You’re right though. I wonder if I’m even going through this at all. Or if this is just a consequence of taking my own life.’

I didn’t have any words of comfort to offer. Because after she said that, a weight settled at my throat and the knot tightened. A strong sense of loneliness filled me and for a second I wondered if that feeling was coming from her.

‘I regret it. I regret it horribly…’

Again, a wave of deep loneliness filled me and without warning my sinuses swelled up, pushing tears to my eyes.

I was feeling her pain. The tears fell freely from my eyes as if freed from my own conviction. And within them I found my own helplessness.

I wasn’t leaving.

“You must have loved Maksim with all your heart.”

‘We were sweethearts… at least I thought so…’

“He seems to miss you.”

After my words left my mouth, my cheeks tinged with sudden warmth.

‘He is only regretful because I wanted to die.’

An imaginary belt squeezed around my head.

‘He should have known how much I would have been hurt.’

My heart began to beat rapidly, thumping in my ears and almost blocking Aleynah’s voice.

‘Why?... What did I do?’

Her voice began to crack and as if imitating her, the random sensations that surfaced fell back into a calming sadness. The dull ache in my head was the only resident left.

“I can help you.”

‘Help me?’

“Yes- at least I can try. I am stuck here anyways. Whatever this is, it’s not letting me leave. If it’s somehow related, I can help you figure out why Maksim broke off the engagement. And maybe then, we can be freed of each other. I’ll go back to my world and you might have a chance to live again.”

‘You think I would still live afterwards?’

“It’s a possibility. Why else would you be stuck inside your own body?”

‘Sounds like a second chance.’

“It might as well be, and if it isn’t then I’ll make it your second chance.”

A sudden silence enveloped us. I could hear curtains shuffle slightly and the far away footsteps thud beneath. In that foreign room I felt small. Like if I was really Aleynah’s voice and I was intruding in her space and privacy. It felt odd and eerie.

But comfort seemed to cast sympathy on me because despite the alienation, I felt okay. Whether it was Aleynah’s voice being there, despite the possibility of me making her up, the revelation of not being entirely alone brought about a huge wave of cool relief.

My words held a strength now that I haven’t felt since I woke up in this strange new reality. I felt bolder and the truth was just what I promised.

(I will be giving her a second chance… if I’m to stay then I might as well make it comfortable for both of us.)

And while she might not have responded to my thoughts I knew that whatever feeling bloomed in my chest was one of gratitude and mutual understanding. Almost as if my relief was hers as well. And if the connection rang true then the feeling was more than welcomed.

‘Revenge.’

My mind stopped. I registered the word but it was as if my mind held it up with confusion in one hand, not knowing what to do with it.

“Revenge?”

‘I want to get revenge.’

“Revenge on Maksim?”

‘Yes. And Nadya. They need to know just how much I was hurting.’

“I don’t, I don’t think I would be able to help out with that.”

‘You said.’

“Yes but I meant more in the sense of helping you find closure.”

‘This will help me find it.’

“I can’t go through with that, I don’t even know them. Why would I want to get revenge on them? And wouldn’t that make them more cautious around us?”

That’s when she went quiet.

“Aleynah?”

It was clear she didn’t want to elaborate anymore, instead my sensations were beginning to warm up again. It seemed as if fate was beginning to clear the road for me.

Was Aleynah’s desire to get revenge so great that I manifested into her body?

But why me?

‘You were brought to me. This is my second chance.’

This time I stayed quiet. I didn’t exactly care for that explanation. Maybe I didn’t want it to be that explanation. But if it was, what other choice did I have? My hands were tied with her string of fate.

Whatever world this was, she and I were somehow linked. That was the only explanation I could come up with for why we were in this situation.

As I mindlessly walked in circles, the reflection of my inhabited body showed up in the mirror. At that moment a chill crossed my shoulders. Looking into the reflection I could see myself and Aleynah as one.

She talked of a second chance and in that moment I truly wondered if I was just that. There was nothing similar between us. Nothing at all. But we did have something in common. And I had to figure it out. Fear wedged its way in between us. Images of blood red eyes and a feeling of my chest being squeezed took my breath away. Panic settled in nicely within me. Even if I could offer all of the excuses I had every right to use, I knew deep down inside right along with Aleynah that it didn’t matter.

I sighed a long and shaky sigh.

(What am I going to do?… literally.)