9. from commonplace to world’s stupidest

Since the omurice had (unsurprisingly) gone bad overnight, and I hadn’t taken a bite since yesterday morning, I had no choice but to head to the dining room along with Hisui, Aoko, and Yukimura.

We had a traditional Japanese breakfast. In another world. While being attended by monster turtle rabbits. Halfway through our thirty-minute time slot to eat, a girl burst out crying a couple tables away. ‘I want to go back,’ she chanted. ‘I want to go back.’

She was breaking rule E.

Several Igasu hopped over to her. “Please don’t mind her,” spoke one of her companions. “She’s been like this since yesterday. S-she just misses her dog!”

She ended up calming down, but then some guy across the salon kicked the table hard enough to topple the meals of his companions. ‘I hate this place!’ He chanted. ‘It’s just like home! Then why be here?!’

Home, he called it.

Several Igasu hopped over to him.

I wondered if my version of this had been yesterday when I snapped at the group. Either way, where I half-expected a smart remark, there was none. Where idle chatter had warmed the salon, silence followed.

How many thought like the girl?

How many thought like the boy?

How many thought like both?

:–<> –:

Our second set of clothes were standardized–slacks, boots, a tunic and a cape–but we’d get personalized outfits once we got a better feel of our magic and roles. Apparently this outfit had been carefully curated based on outlander feedback. I was torn between worrying about transdimensional copyright infringement and the dreadful realization that so many fantasy outfits were the same.

“How do I look?” Hisui asked, twirling as soon as she’d exited our bathroom. Female outfits had a miniskirt and thigh-highs. Copyright infringement: 0. The best types of stockings, objectively speaking: 1.

“Better than me,” Aoko mumbled as she followed after her. “I’ll just ask if I can get pants.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Yukimura replied. His clothes were baggy on him. He still wore the scarf. “You look fine. I just wish either of you had something on your chest.”

While Aoko punted his shin and made him squeal something extremely indecorous, Hisui came to torment me. “Tits or ass?” She asked.

I was still trying to figure out how to tie the cape without it choking me or falling off. “...eh?”

“Which one do you prefer?”

I had to keep my eyes from straying I had to–

“Or thighs.”

“Thighs,” I said immediately.

Aoko opened her mouth, then must’ve remembered my outburst yesterday, because she quickly looked away.

“Thighs, huh…” Hisui went to torment the other two. “And you, Yukimura? Kawakami?”

Yukimura said, “I have zero reason to tell you.”

“Are you gay?”

“What the–no, but you make me hate women.”

“Behave,” Aoko told him.

“She started it!”

The pink Igasu from yesterday showed up to escort us out. “Were you able to dry your spacesuit?” She asked me. I shook my head. “That is too bad… no matter, it’ll be clean by the time you return.”

Aoko couldn’t help it. “Spacesuit…?”

But then Yukimura shoved her forward anyway. “Who cares. Keep walking.”

We did just that. With how many teenagers swarmed the hallway and how we all wore the same clothes… it really resembled a school trip, didn’t it? We even had to wait for our designated Igasu–or teacher–to pick us up. Connie showed up with a white bow tied to one of his ears. “I hope you’ve all rested well! Today marks our first day of training.”

Tissu followed after him. She waved at us, pointed at herself, then at the sky. It took her batting her arms for Hisui to say, “Oh!” and then, “You’re–are we flying? On you?”

As if on cue, a dragonkin nearby transformed into a dragon; it was almost instantaneous. Thrilled, giddy outlanders climbed on its back, and then it was off. “We’re heading to the training zone for your second round of tests,” Connie said. “Those afraid of heights can travel through a portal.”

But no one wanted to travel via a portal when they could ride a dragon. With a twirl, Tissu changed into her dragon form. She was almost double the size of her peers, probably triple as long with how flowy her tail was. She lay down a wing so we’d… they’d… climb on it.

Had it been anyone else and I would’ve obliged, personal space be damned, but the fact that she couldn’t speak yet…

“Ishidaseishin?”

I shook my head.

“Are you not traveling by dragon?”

No.

“I see.” Connie sent them off. Instead of opening the portal, he asked, “Are you guilty?”

Not ‘do you feel’ but ‘are’. “...will she speak again?”

“She will.”

I found myself fiddling with the cape. I didn’t stop.

“Will you?” Asked Connie. When I answered this with silence, he added, “I received reports about you fighting with your companions, wandering outside of authorized areas, and refusing treatment for the wound on your arm.”

That’d happened when we’d first arrived. There was a semi-long line, so I’d refused to go. It wasn’t that deep. I hated standing in line. I could’ve stayed home for that. Hoping this would annoy Connie, I shrugged.

But no, he ‘smiled’. “Let’s go, Ishidaseishin,” he said. “I look forward to seeing how this ‘self’ translates to magic.”

Me too, actually!

The matcha portal led to a gigantic snow-white arena brimming with outlanders. “Shit,” said Connie, which bamboozled me. He was quick to clear his throat. “Forgive me, I lost myself for a moment. I regret to inform you that, based on the training ground’s configuration, we might have mock battles against other parties today.”

…finally.

Finally some good luck! I, too, lost myself, for I couldn’t bite the grin back in time. With this, I might be able to hide the lack of magic for a bit longer. I’d just pretend to be using wind to propel myself or something. Or use dust to enhance my attacks. Something. “I’m glad to see you’re enthused,” Connie informed, and he ‘smiled’, so I chose to assume that he was genuine. “However, I will humbly ask for you to… hold back, if necessary.”

Me? Hold back against magic users? Sure. I nodded.

“I mean it. Do not cause any grave injuries.”

Why was he telling me this and not the people summoning rain or shooting vines from their fingers? But I nodded again. This wasn’t the first time I heard those words, nor would it be the last at this rate.

Tissu broke through the cloud layer above. Like the rest of the dragons, as soon as those riding her hopped down, she shifted back into a human form. They’d take up too much space otherwise. Made sense.

Around the time I wondered how wearing miniskirts while riding a dragon worked, I caught Aoko frantically smoothing hers down. Hisui either didn’t care or didn’t notice about the way hers had folded. I both cared and noticed. New world new clothes new day new Ishida.

Sadly, Aoko gasped and brushed it down. “Thanks,” Hisui said. “That. Was. GREAT!”

Yukimura collapsed.

“...well, not for him.”

Tissu crouched next to him, patting his back. “I knew he’d regret it,” Aoko said. “He’s not good with heights. But, you know, dragons.”

As Connie went to check on Yukimura, he informed the group about the possibility of PvP. For all her pacifist antics, Aoko sure lit up at the news. “All of us?”

“Perhaps.”

“Before or after the second test?” Asked Hisui.

“Good question, Sakurahisui. I would say after.”

…knew it.

“We might have to assemble a team strategy first. Let us go to our assigned corner.” Of course we had an assigned corner, of course. Of a CIRCULAR arena. A CORNER. Ours was #1408. “Now, see that dummy? That is a Prion. Your first test will be to attack it with magic. Any spell, any kind. Let’s just test your first instincts.”

It sure looked like a prion–misfolded proteins in the brain that caused mad cow… Korova… disease. Wait.

Hisui’s hand shot up. “Me first! Me me me!”

“Go ahead, Sakurahisui.”

She cleared her throat. She paced. She stood before the prion. Then: “SHROOMBEAM!”

A jet of shiitake mushrooms burst before her fingers in bursts as she ‘gunned’ them towards the prion.

“Pew pew pew pew!” She didn’t stop until she… until she ran out of them, I supposed. Now the prion was buried in shiitake.

A swarm of Igasu hopped over to us, lifted the shrooms, then left. Connie smiled. “Very fun, Sakurahisui. Very creative. Not destructive, but distracting.”

“Cool.” Yukimura lifted his hands to the sky, cracking his fingers. “Anyway, I’m next. Just watch.”

Was he going to snowsong the prions or what?

“A THOUSAND DANCING BLADES OF CALAMITOUS SILVER FROST!” A single snowflake floated out of his finger gun. “...ehh. I’m a healer. I dunno. Don’t care. Next?” Tissu clapped anyway.

“We’ll examine your healing abilities later,” Connie informed. It almost sounded comforting. Or coping.

Next up: Aoko. “I’m not screaming those things out loud,” she said. “But I also… I also… it’s just water? Um, but I’ll try my best.” She had a staring contest with the dummy until a cloud the size of a pillow formed above it, white and fluffy, then angry and gray. Rain poured down from it. “...yeah. It’s just water. Sorry.”

Connie scratched his chin–pantomimed the gesture, to be precise. He had no chin. Had he picked that from someone? “Hydromancy can be very powerful, but it also demands a lot from its wielder. From what I gathered, you mostly used it for defense during the trial. You might benefit more from a different kind of test. Interesting, and certainly promising, but that has left us without a main attacker…”

I was being perceived. By one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eyes.

My turn.