Dog’s Leash of Guilt

The afternoon sun dropped below the horizon, slowly making room for evening. Strauss led the party with a steadfast march, followed by Kiche, Mars, who was lugging his weighted left side at a slow yet steady pace, and Agon; he was staring down at his feet as he dragged them across the dirt. Olagna’s torment was at the forefront of his mind, just when he thought he was finally standing up to him. A myriad of emotions washed over him all at once: from anger to fear, to even nausea. He wasn’t sure what he was thinking, taking on a dungeon of all things. He felt so feeble, so useless. And compared to the others, he basically was. Without his “magic”, he was just a scared little puppy in a pack of wolves. He wanted to turn back. With every step that he took forward, he wanted to twist his heel and run away, but the guilt would consume him. In the corner of his eye, he could swear he could see the corpse of Dinorah still chasing him. A hand touched his shoulder, shaking him a little. Agon yelped.

“What’s going on with you?” The voice asked. He looked up from the ground to see it was only Mars.

“J-just…excited-.” He murmured.

“Sure, sure. Try a different one, guy. I’m looking at you right now, and you look like you’re gonna piss your brand new pair of pants. I’m not good with the whole ‘comforting’ thing like Strauss, but we can’t have you acting like this once we get inside that dungeon. So out with it.” He insisted. Agon took a deep breath and tried to gather his thoughts in some kind of answer, but everything felt so scattered.

“I…I don’t wanna let you guys down.” He said softly. Mars squinted his eyes in confusion.

“...What the heck are you babbling about…?”

“I-I don’t really have as much experience as you guys, so…I dunno…I just wanna make sure that I can contribute, I guess. I feel like a burden already by just walking the same path as you guys.” Mars relaxed his gaze and sighed.

“Huh…that’s…probably the least crazy thing you’ve said since I’ve met you.”

“W-what do you mean…?” 

Mars looked ahead to see Kiche and Strauss walking up ahead, yet he still lowered his voice as he leaned in near Agon’s ear.

“He didn’t tell you anything about me, huh? My magic? What I did?”

“H-he said…you have two types of Natura magic. Life and Death.”

“That’s it…?”

Agon nodded slightly.

Mars smacked his teeth. “Heh…usually he’s more excited to drag my name in the mud. Guess he didn’t wanna scare his new buddy away…” He took in a deep breath and looked straight ahead. “Yeah, I have two types of Natura magic, and in this world that’s not really how things are supposed to work.”

“People only get one type of magic?”

“Usually. But I just had to be different. Cheat the system."

Agon was dumbfounded, but he continued to listen intently.

“I…I originally only started with one type of Natura magic: Life. Several years back, before I joined Verdict, I used to work with a holy priest as an apprentice, bringing the tools and holy texts she needed, all that stuff. I loved seeing her help people and make them feel better. One day, Strauss and his team burst through the doors of the cathedral, holding a girl in his arms.”

“Carine…?” Agon muttered.

“Yeah…while on a quest, she caught a spear to the throat from some nasty bandits. She was bleeding all over the place, dying fast. My teacher tried to heal her with all the magic she had, but she was too far gone. So…so I stepped in. I don’t know WHAT I was thinking. I didn’t have my magic at the time, but I just remember crying over her body and praying as hard as I could. I never practiced the prayers enough to use them on people; I was just there to fetch things and watch the master at work. But that day? I prayed until my tongue felt numb. The teacher kept pushing me away, but something in me kept running back to pray over that girl. Just when she was getting ready to take her last breath, this bright glow came from my hands, and the wound in her neck closed up. Right when it did, she started gasping for air, immediately.”

“You saved her…? What did she say?”

“Nothing. She actually socked me in my jaw because I still had my hands on her neck. When I tell you that girl has a mean hook? Maaaan…” He stroked his lower chin as he recalled the feeling. “But…the important thing was that she was okay.”

“I’m surprised she can sing so well after going through something like that.”

“That should let you know how strong my magic is. Or…was…”

“Was…?”

“Once I got my magic, Strauss was so impressed with me that he wanted me to join his party. I wasn’t sure at first, but when I saw that smile, I was pulled in. I wanted to see that smile for the rest of my life. From then on, I was the healer for team Verdict. We went on the wildest missions, day and night, travelling to all sorts of different cities and kingdoms. We made quite a name for ourselves. I honed my powers with every battle, every quest. It felt…good.” A smirk found its way upon Mars’ face.

“What about…your other magic?” Agon inquired. That smirk faded, and Mars glanced at his left side.

“I…I messed up. One night, we were camping out in a forest before setting out for another mission. I decided to gather some more wood for the fire, but when I did…I heard Carine. She was giggling.”

“Giggling…?”

“Yeah. So I went to check it out. And I saw her…kissing Strauss.” He said, clenching his fist. “I ran away before they saw me, but when I returned to the campsite, I didn’t feel the same. My magic didn't feel the same, either...it felt...weaker. I was frustrated out of my mind, so jealous, I couldn’t stand it. That smile she gave him looked so pretty, and the fact that I knew I would never get to feel that same warmth from her bothered me.”

“Mars…”

“He was the stronger one out of the two of us, more charismatic, too. I tried to accept the fact that they were an item, but my heart wasn’t on the same page as my head. When we continued on that mission, we came across some twisted evil force; some kind of wicked demon. We fought it off for a long time, but we managed to wear it down. And when Strauss went in for the final blow, I pushed him out of the way to try and steal the glory. I…I thought for some reason I had to be like him, I thought I could change her mind; all I did was make things worse. I was so blinded by jealousy, though, that I forgot that I'm a healer, not a fighter. The monster caught us off guard and got its second wind. We were all wiped out in seconds. Then…”

“Then…?”

“It headed straight for Caldivere. When we got back, the place was a mess. Several people were badly injured, and some were dead…The team fought off the monster again, and that time, Strauss landed the final blow.”

“Y-you were there with them though, right?” 

“Heck no…Before I could even use my magic, Strauss said I was going to mess everything up again and knocked me out.” Mars put a hand right across his stomach. He scrunched his face as he reminisced about the pain. “When I came to, I was in Carine’s cage; I had all the Caldies glaring at us. I put team Verdict’s good name in jeopardy. Not my best day, I’ll tell you that much. Strauss was taking accountability and a nasty scolding from the king of Caldivere, and Kiche was trying to find survivors and move them to a shelter.”

“And Carine…?” Agon asked. Mars scrunched his face and exhaled deeply.

“She was grieving over her mom’s dead body…”

Agon’s jaw hung open. “N-no…”

“I tried to be there for her, but she wanted me gone. And for good reason. I don't even wanna be near me. I watched her try to wrap her mother’s limp arms around her for one more hug; I was the real monster that day, man.”

“So…why…sorry...how...are you still here?” He didn’t know how else to ask that question; it would be blunt no matter how he phrased it.

“King’s orders. Putting me in jail would be taking the easy way out, and so would banishing me from Caldivere. Even though I’m not a part of the team anymore, I gotta stay with them since his majesty thinks they’re the only ones who can keep me in check. And as a bonus, the team still gets to use both parts of my magic.”

“...Your second magic…”

Mars gestured to his left side. “Oh yeah, I should explain that, huh? I guess after my stupid stunt, that monster saw all the death I caused and took a liking to me. It filled me with some of its dark power. The catch is, the only way I can use it is if I say or do anything bad or hurtful; when I do, though, my left side gets affected, and I get wrapped in all of this heavy junk. The magic is a strong offensive, but half my body practically becomes stone, and doesn’t reset until the next day. It’s a freakin’ hassle.”

“Wait…Mars, I remember half of your tongue being weighted, but you’re talking just fine now. What happened?”

“Ah, if I do a really good thing, then the last part of my left side that was affected will return to normal. But it only works once per day,” he explained.

“So what did you do…?”

Mars thought back to when he was let out of his cage and followed Strauss to the clothing store. He heard someone crying in a nearby alley and broke away to check it out. There was a small boy who was bruised all over, a victim of a mugging. Mars broke away from Strauss and quickly checked his surroundings. When he saw that the coast was clear, he healed the boy and guided him out of the alleyway. As the memory faded, he looked over at Agon with a soft smile.

“Just helped someone out real quick.”

Agon felt a little more at ease talking with Mars. Even though he said he wasn’t necessarily good with comforting others, in his opinion, he did a pretty good job. Still, something was eating away at Agon. He opened his mouth to ask one last question.

"Hey Mars...?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

“Are you...happy here…?” 

Mars lost all expression on his face as Agon asked him that. He spoke, his voice wavering a bit.

“Yeah. I’m fine.”