I Want To Kill The *BLEEP* Writer

I should consider a career in sports.

Right now I am bounding along a road

Damn, I think I’m going as fast as a horse!

And the stamina of one to boot! I’ve been sprinting full speed non-stop for well over five minutes.

Thanks again to the power system of this world, I seriously can't express it enough. My enhanced physique lets me thunder across the plains.

Despite going at such speeds, the fatigue I feel is minimal.

But I don’t feel euphoric in the slightest.

Why?

Hot on my heels in the broad afternoon daylight is a disgusting tentacled abomination with warty skin and countless blinking rolling eyes.

Sunlight glistens on the barbs covering its tentacles.

A large gaping maw takes up the majority of its body.

Now I see why the thing is called a Tanglemaw.

Despite its nonsensical anatomy, the monster moves incredibly quickly.

Each movement it takes sends a tiny tremor across the ground, reminiscent of a rock drummer, but on a whole other scale.

I only spare it the briefest of glances, it’s getting closer. Far too close, it’s gradually catching up to me.

I ain’t got the leeway to make commentary for the readers, my life is on the line here!

Shouldn’t tentacled creatures like Octopi do very poorly moving across land? Why is this thing so fast!?

Oh, wait, psychic powers and fantasy logic.

‘Sigh...’

Best not question it.

But just what did I even do to piss off an eldritch abomination!?

Shouldn’t we be on the same team!?

I’ll find my answers later. In the present, I’m channelling my former track spirit and making a mad dash to Tros.

I don’t know if it’s a trait unique to Otherworlders, but my specs are incredibly high, within a half hour or so I catch sight of the ‘village’ outer walls.

A few guards patrol the area, when they see me getting chased, they quickly open the gates to let me in.

As the gates open, guards rush out, their leader, Sergeant Colin yells, “Get in! Quick!”

With a burst of energy, I sprint behind the safety of the village militia.

The sergeant pulls me aside, “What the hell is that thing!?” he questions.

“It’s a monster called a Tanglemaw.”

“Like hell I want to know its name! Give me its weaknesses or strengths!”

“That thing is monstrously strong and can create illusions that mess with your spatial perception.”

“Shit! What about weaknesses!? Is it weak to any magic, or Holy power!?”

“I don’t know. It’s not a demon so I don’t think Holy magic will be of use.”

“Well what is it!?” He cries, desperate for any information of use.

“A creature from another world.”

“The heck!? I’m not paid enough to be hearing this bullshit.” He rubs his brow,

A roar is heard as the Tanglemaw approaches the guards in spear wall formation.

“Well, we’ll just have to make do. Go to the adventurer outpost and get anyone available. We need all hands on deck.”

“Aye aye, captain.”

I take off running leaving behind the Sergeant bewildered by my astonishing speed.

It took me two minutes to run to the outpost.

I burst through the saloon doors.

Finally making it to a safe place, the exhaustion I’ve accumulated suddenly hits and I stoop over panting.

My sudden entrance attracts the attention of several nearby adventurers.

While panting and being stared at, a familiar voice fills my ears.

“Hey Shin, did you miss me so much you ran all the way here?”

I look up to see Alin leaning against the wall. Her face is still covered by the mask and hood, but I can sense the faintest traces of mirth in her steely grey eyes.

Normally I’d be cheering in my heart at how our relationship has progressed to the point of being able to crack jokes with each other. Right now, it’s the worst moment possible to be doing such things.

“Now’s not the time to joke! There’s a goddamn monster chasing me!”

“Monster? Some dog with rabies?” A brawny baldheaded adventurer jokes.

Some of the patrons snicker.

“The guards are at the front dealing with it, they requested all available adventurers to help out.”

“Probably a stray wyvern, anyone up for some quick cash?”

The whole outpost roars in agreement, most of the adventurers grab their gear. Only the lowest ranking ones sit in their seats sighing at the missed opportunity drowning their sorrows with midday booze.

Alin is the only one who didn't share their enthusiasm.

“I have a feeling it’s not just a wyvern like Boris thinks, right?”

I frantically nod.

“What is it?”

“Something that I cannot put into words.”

Before she can press for a clearer answer, shouts and screams soon fill the village.

They were incredibly close.

“Shit! Frontliners get up here!” Boris yells. “Those who don’t have the confidence, fall back and provide support!”

The adventurers still left in the bar rush out, including Alin and myself.

Everyone has a look of shock and some with horror at the flailing abomination.

The Tanglemaw swatted adventurers left and right. The tankers and warriors who tried to stop it found themselves flying through the air and their flesh sliced to ribbons or torn by the hooks on its tentacles.

Rangers and scouts draw their bows and let loose. The arrows are rendered useless by its rubbery hide.

Mages and clerics cast their spells, an array of dazzling elements bombard the beast. Yet like the arrows before, the magical attacks

Incited, the Tanglemaw let loose a deafening roar that crushed the spirits of everyone who heard it.

Boris, the temp leader of this hastily assembled response force, yells at me, “Oi! What the hell did you do to piss this thing off!?”

“Nothing! I was working on the farm when this bastard jumped out! He killed an entire family right before my eyes!”

Seriously, why is this thing after only me?

I find it incredibly strange.

Even when there’s plenty of injured adventurers lying about, it's not going out of its way to finish them off.

Boris, struggling to fend off the rampaging monster with his battleaxe, hears me out, “Start talking, or we’ll all bite the dust!”

“I have a really bad plan.”

“I’m the one he wants, I’m going to run around and use myself as bait to tire it out. While the fucker’s chasing me, you guys deal as much as possible.

There’s no way that thing has infinite stamina.

Once it slows, we give it hell.”

Or does it? I’m not sure about the physiology of these eldritch creatures. Though considering it requires sustenance, it probably isn’t omnipotent or unkillable.

“You sure? You have the most dangerous role of us all.”

“Of course not, but it’s the only plan that’ll minimize casualties.”

“Your funeral then. Alright! Everyone heard what he just said! Give the man an opening!”

Alin places her hand on my shoulder and squeezes, “Be on your toes, plans rarely work out the way you want them to.”

The warriors regroup and box the monster in whilst the ranged combatants peppered the beast with as much fire as possible.

The beast roars and shakes off the attacks, the attacks serve as nothing but distractions, but distractions are precisely what I want.

In the moments it reels back from the concentrated fire.

I take this opportunity and make a mad dash, not looking back.

After it recovers from the momentary distractions, it growls in annoyance and gives chase.

Unfortunately for it, this is no longer a one-sided hunt across an open field.

The moment it whips out an attack, fighters knock it down.

When it tries to leap, harpoons come flying and drag it back to the ground.

It dares to charge? The mages and rangers will pull out all the tricks in the book, earthwalls, snares, smoke bombs, ice encasement, you name it.

Yet somehow it shrugs off all of these attacks and keeps right on chasing.

This is both good and bad.

Good, because at least I know the beast can be stopped.

Bad because the moment I drop, it’ll pick off everyone else.

The chase goes on for a good ten minutes around Tros and the monster has yet to show any signs of fatigue.

I threw an Eldritch mote at the still-rampaging Tanglemaw.

I highly doubt my attack will amount to anything, but it's worth a shot.

My tiny ball of green energy zips through the air and nails it in one of its beady yellow eyes.

The eyeball erupts and the beast shrieks, recoiling from the sudden pain and loss of an eye.

Holdup, that actually worked?

To test if it's not a fluke, I blast it a few more times in different places.

The results are the same, pieces of otherworldly octopus flesh fly left and right.

The monster screams and halts its attacks on the adventurers as it tries to recover.

As expected of adventurers, sensing an opportunity, they all rush forward to attack.

Boris and his warriors hacked away at the exposed and vulnerable flesh.

Alin and the marksmen focus their arrows on its eyes.

The mages used every spell in their arsenal to restrain the Tanglemaw.

Not wanting to friendly fire my compatriots, I simply cheered on from the sidelines with some of the residents peering out the windows.

“Yeah! Give him hell!”

Whether it’d be my yell or the pain it’s suffering, it lets loose a ghastly wail that knocks everyone off their feet.

Next thing I know, I find myself lying on my back.

Remembering the situation I’m in, I hastily get up and take stock of my surroundings.

Every single adventurer is on the ground clutching their heads like the guy from the ‘leave me alone!’ meme.

It's apparent to me what happened.

A psychic attack.

Of course, I should’ve expected something like this, but the panic and the situation at the time prevented me from doing so.

Some have more mental resistance than others, but even they suffered greatly from the psychic attack.

Even the strong-willed Alin was against a wall, holding her head in one hand just like Akira.

With all the adventurers incapacitated, there was nothing standing in between the Tanglemaw and me.

It glares at me with what remaining eyes it has. It lets out a battlecry and rushes forward like a raging bull.

I repeatedly cast Eldritch Bullet at the bastard, my shots blew off more chunks of flesh, but it ignored the pain and sped up its charge.

Within moments, it is in front of me.

Next thing I know, a barbed tentacle appears in front of me.

‘Crash!’

Wooden splinters erupt as I get slammed into the walls of one of the wooden residence buildings.

Thank god it’s not brick, otherwise I’d be a bloody smear.

Though in all honesty, instant death is a much more preferable fate to what’s about to come.

‘Thud!’ ‘Thud!’

The beast takes its time to stride up to my body.

I lift my head up to look at it.

Big mistake.

My eyeballs are glued to the drooling, gaping mouth full of dagger teeth a few feet from my face.

Well, guess this is where the adventure ends.

I wait for the blow to come, resigning myself to a bloody death.

That is, until I spot the familiar green screen displaying an unusual message.

[Blessing of The Black Goat is now in effect.]

“Oh yeah, now we’re talking.”

Is it a bit late to say that my plot armor is thicker than the Alin's hips?

Actually, bad comparison, she’s slim as hell. Not to say she isn’t attractive, I mean, I never really observed her body but I’d imagine she’s very attractive beneath her hooded cloak and pull-up mask, right?

Hmm, guess there is the Goat Priestess. Only response I have is GYAAAAATT!!!

Okay pretend I didn’t mess it up and let’s redo the whole thing.

Three, two, one.

Is it a bit late to say that my plot armor is thicker than your momma’s hips?

Goddamnit!

Why!

A ‘yo momma’ joke!? Unbelievable! That wasn’t what I was going to say at all!

Dangit!

Who put that line in my head!?

That was the cringiest way anyone could end this bloody chapter!

Fuck it, just go on to the next one already.

I hate the author so much.