Brotherly Love

The first run of our professional shows came to a close—we survived, though it felt more like a miracle than a triumph. Stan outlined early 2012 for us—67 shows between March and May, Heavy Tulsa to end May, and for the thirteen weeks of summer we were playing 52 club headlining shows. We had the winter off—based on our recent history, I wasn’t sure if that was healthy.

When we got back home from Philly on the eleventh, no one spoke. We went our separate ways to enjoy our first Sunday alone since August. I went to Skye’s place.

The Largents were much friendlier to me at this point. I’d been in and out of their home since July, but it was clear to them that I was committed to their daughter.

“Oh, how are you, Wes? Skye isn’t back yet, but you can hang out with me if you want,” her father said.

“Thanks, that sounds good Mr. Largent.”

“So, how’s the major label band life?”

I paused, thinking it over, “It’s good—it’s a lot less glamorous than most people realize, but I enjoy most of it.”

“That sounds like doubt.”

I see where Skye got her bluntness.

“Yeah… I think the hard part about it is that the music itself is such a small part of the job. It’s mostly travel and waiting around—trying not to kill each other in the process.” I laughed, but there wasn’t much joy in it.

He laughed gently. “That sounds exhausting. Skye talks about you all the time when you’re gone. She’s always had trouble maintaining friendships, so I think she’s scared you’re not going to come back when you leave.”

I didn’t know Skye before high school, so this was new information—she rarely talked about her past.

“Oh, she never mentioned that.”

“I used to have a problem with drugs when she was younger. She learned a lot of less than ideal coping mechanisms to protect herself—When I got clean, we found someone for her to talk to, but she started being more reactive and having trouble in school… Julia was the only friend who stayed with her through it all.”

I didn’t know how to respond. It was interesting—more than Skye had ever told me.

“Excuse my rambling. All I was trying to say is that I’m glad my daughter has people she feels at home around.”

***

Skye got home a little while later. I told her what her dad had said. She didn’t deny any of it. At first, she pouted about how much he shared—but in the end, she admitted it was probably for the best.

“I’m always afraid that people are going to lash out at me when they’re disappointed with me.”

“I understand that.”

“But after the blow-up in August, I started letting go of that fear… just a little,” she said, biting her lip.

“That’s… probably a good thing.”

A familiar sense of unease was creeping in.

“When you snapped… I realized that in the right situation,” she smiled, pulling my face closer to hers. “It’s kind of hot.”

We ended up in her bed that night. We’d come so far, we were finally being our true and honest selves. Yet somehow, even at our most honest, we ended up the same: sweat, blood, and sex.

***

Christmas Eve was nostalgic.

Caleb had flown in from LA the day before and booked a hotel in the next town over. He’d sold most of his stuff when he left our parents’ place, so there wasn’t really a home to come back to. We were going to spend Christmas night at the Parris’ house with the EoT family, but we spent the day before at Kenny’s.

We talked a little bit about touring. He gave us a list of places to get food and people who he knew around the country that owed him if we had any emergencies. Aside from that, we just sat in Kenny’s garage playing music together while the afternoon sun poured through the windows—like we were kids again.

I recorded a few of the new ideas we’d been jamming—some of the structures could turn into something sick.

The last thing the three of us did was practice Electric Eye to death with the intention of playing it live together in May. We hopped on a Skype call with Jim that evening to show him what we’d been working on, since we wouldn’t see him until the 27th.

As day turned to night, Kenny went to spend the evening with Maggie’s family. I talked to Skye. Her parents were more than willing to accommodate Caleb and I into their plans.

“Merry Christmas, Wes,” her father said. “...and you must be Caleb. It’s a pleasure.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“The pleasure’s all mine… this is nice—it’s been years since we’ve had a proper Christmas party,” Caleb said, already sounding a little too sentimental.

“So, you’re the legendary Caleb,” Skye said, looking him up and down.

Embarrassed, he replied, “Legendary? That’s an exaggeration.”

“If you heard how Scott talked about you—” she cut off, her point conveyed.

“Well, based on the sassiness, you must be Skye.”

She wrapped her arms around me, smiling.

“Guilty.”

“Well, it’s nice to see that Wes is with someone who’s just as chaotic as he is,” he said with a loving laugh.

The rest of the night was sweet. Caleb left around eleven to get some sleep. Skye and I changed up our routine and fell asleep together on the couch, beside the crackling fire.

It wasn’t perfect, but it was the first time I’d felt happy in a long time.

***

I was anxious for Christmas dinner with the Parris family. I was excited to have Kenny, Maggie, and Caleb there as my support system, but I was still uneasy around Scott and Courtney.

Kenny decided he was going to drive all four of us there. He gave us some bullshit about ‘being a unit,’ but really, he just wanted to relive the joy of piling into a car like we used to. It was nice to see him and Caleb bantering back and forth again… their relationship was different from what I had with Kenny, but it was just as important.

When we walked through the front door, Mrs. Parris immediately wrapped herself around Caleb.

“Caleb, it’s so good to see you—”

“Thanks, I missed you too, Mrs. Parris.”

We exchanged pleasantries with Mr. and Mrs. Parris, then joined Scott and Courtney in the living room.

“It’s been a while Scott—sorry I didn’t respond to your texts, I meant to, but I got caught up in traveling from New York to Miami, and so much happened… by the time I realized I left you on read it was November.”

Scott wasn’t expecting that, “It’s all good—I understand.” That lie was obvious.

“Why didn’t you tell us you were in New York?” Courtney asked, immediately starting chaos.

“I didn’t want to make a scene… Stan invited me out, and I still had some time before my flight. He told me he’d text Wes to see if he was up—it happened quickly. I wasn’t trying to leave you guys out.”

Courtney wasn’t satisfied, but Caleb didn’t leave her much room to push back without sounding petty.

“Well, next time you’re at a local show, let us know… seeing you once a year is bullshit.”

“Alright… are you going to the Heavy Tulsa show before the tour, Courtney?” he asked.

“Stan’s flying us out for that before the guys go on tour… so that’s the only show I’ll be at this summer.”

“Well, I’ll be around for that. I’m playing with four different bands,” he laughed. “And as you know, I’m playing a song with Embers of Twilight.”

Scott and Courtney didn’t know about that yet.

“When did you guys figure that out?” Scott asked, annoyed.

“Wes brought it up with Stan in New York—we were going to bring it up tonight so we could rehearse before Caleb leaves on the 28th,” Kenny said.

Scott was pissed. He was trying to keep his anger under control.

“I wish you guys told me sooner. What song are we playing?”

“Electric Eye,” Caleb answered. “Don’t blame them for me being the one to tell you… they must have had their reasons for waiting. I was just excited to jam with you all again.”

He was trying to control the situation. With his experience in the music industry, it was obvious how unstable the band was.

“That’s cool. I’ve always wanted to do a Priest song. We were always a one-guitar band, so it was never really on the table.” Scott said, calming himself down.

“Courtney, you’ll finally see all five of us play together,” I said. “I know you used to talk about how cool that would be when we were in seventh grade.”

Hiding her embarrassment, she replied, “Yeah, I just can’t believe I have to go to Oklahoma to see it.”

We laughed.

“It could happen more often… who knows, by the time their second album is out, maybe we’ll end up on a tour together,” Caleb said through his laughter.

Second album. That was a nice dream. The first wasn’t even out yet—and the foundation was already crumbling.

“Well, Little Lies will be coming out on January 13th, so we’re getting closer to the first one coming out,” Kenny said.

“With the shit Wes and Kenny were jamming yesterday, you guys will probably have two years worth of singles before the second album,” Caleb added.

“You were jamming with them?” Courtney asked.

“Yeah, I haven’t had the chance to play outside of a live environment in over a year and asked them to play with me for a bit.”

You could tell he’d had practice fielding bullshit—he made it look easy.

“It’s okay Courtney, we never know how many more Christmas Eves we’ll have with our grandparents… Those are more important,” Scott said, reeling her in for a change.

No one looked at each other. It was like the room had gone still.

“Hey Scott, do you want to step out for a bit to have a one-on-one?” Caleb asked.

“Yeah… what brought this on?”

“You look like you want to say something to me without the rest of these guys around.”

Kenny had an uneasy look on his face.

He got up and said something to Caleb that none of us could hear. Caleb’s expression turned serious. That scared me.

The two of them stepped out.

About five minutes later, Kenny went out the back door.

“Well, that was strange,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah. I don’t like this,” Maggie said, her first contribution all night.

I had a bad feeling in my gut.

“So, Courtney… how are you feeling with things settled down a bit?” I asked.

“It’s nice. You guys are all acting more human lately… even though I’ve barely seen you.”

“Sorry, I’ve been trying to figure out who I am without the shows and crowds,” I paused. “I don’t feel like much of a person without them.”

“It’s weird—Kenny said something similar last night,” Maggie added. “About how he felt numb the first few days without shows.”

“How about you, Courtney?” I asked.

“I don’t know. You guys don’t seem any different.”

“Do you feel different?”

“I don’t know. I felt distant from all of you toward the end, but I feel farther away from you than ever.”

Yeah, we hadn’t really talked since Halloween.

“What can I do to help with that?” I asked.

“Well, I think you need to figure out where I fit with your relationship with Skye and EoT.”

Before I had a chance to say anything. The others were back.

They didn’t say a word.

Caleb’s veins were popping out of his arms, the serious look still on his face.

Kenny was carrying Scott.

Scott looked like shit.

He had a black eye forming and blood all over his face and shirt.

Kenny dropped him on the couch.

Caleb and Kenny didn’t look back. They just—left.

***

None of us knew exactly what had happened—but it was bad. The Parrises were stunned, fuming. They wanted answers we didn’t have.

We all had a general idea, but not enough to say anything with certainty. I just wanted out. I needed to get to someplace safe.

I texted Skye to see if Maggie and I could crash. Gave her a quick “shit went down” summary. She gave the greenlight—with a gentle reminder that maybe it was time I stopped coming here.

Before Scott could say anything, we slipped out, thanking Mr. and Mrs. Parris for their hospitality. Courtney seemed less shaken than I expected—like some part of her had always known it would come to this.

On the walk to Skye’s, I got a text from Kenny loosely explaining what happened.

Yesterday, when I left the room, things shifted. They’d been talking about Scott’s recent behavior the day before. When Caleb found out Scott hit me, he wasn’t going to let that slide. Kenny followed because he knew how that would go—and from the way he worded it, he took a few body blows himself to keep it from turning into something worse.

“Yeah, that sounds right,” Maggie said, reading over my shoulder. “I think we all knew Scott was going to pay for that eventually. We all agreed the first punch was fine—but the rest? Way too far.”

“I just didn’t expect it to happen like that.”

“Wes, your brother has always been protective of you,” she said, then paused. “He entrusted you to his best friend… I’m not surprised Kenny had to stop it from becoming a murder.”

She was right. Her perspective wasn’t as distorted as the rest of ours.

“Also,” she added, dryly, “I’m not Courtney. If you need to fuck Skye to blow off steam, I will not be watching, nor participating.”

I laughed, caught off guard. “Wait—who told you about that?”

“Courtney. Surprisingly.”

“That is surprising.”

“To be honest,” she continued, “Skye’s more guarded about your relationship than she lets on. She’s a private person. And she’s madly in love with you, flaws and all.”

“Do you think I’m good enough for her?”

“If you’d asked me in June, I would’ve said no,” she said plainly. “But you really do care about her. I see it in the way you try to protect her. In the way you look at her,” she added, then softened. “I know you guys are all spiraling, but if the only thing you manage to protect is her, then you’ve redeemed yourself in my eyes.”

“Thanks, Maggie. I needed to hear that—from someone who doesn’t bullshit.”

At Skye’s place, I shot Kenny a quick text to let him know Maggie was with us.

Those two stayed up talking all night.

I fell asleep by myself. That was alright.